Land of the Everboor

[SnowJade]

While I was having my tonsils out. Some rocs have all the luck.

[Old Man Henderson]

lucky7 wrote:

LB: They already surrendered.

OMH: The Orc looks at you and says "I shall tell you nothing!" with steel in her eyes.

A'ight.

Blow 'er 'ead off.

Reload.

Move on t' th' next one. "Yer turn. Kin talk, 'er kin be chunky salsa."

[Lobriathus Berwell]

lucky7 wrote:

LB: They already surrendered.

So what? They're still flammable, right?

[lucky7]

LB: Yes, but you get XP AND save bombs for not burning them.

OMH: This one tries to bite your nose off

1d20 + 4 ⇒ (5) + 4 = 91d4 + 0 ⇒ (2) + 0 = 2

And, seeing they have no way of escape, they attack with renewed vigor.

[Darling Prettymonk]

I knew we couldn't trust them! Jumping dread swordcane banana kick on some orc groins!

Attack 1: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (20) + 3 = 23 Damage 1: 1d6 + 5 ⇒ (4) + 5 = 9
Attack 2: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (16) + 3 = 19 Damage 2: 1d6 + 5 ⇒ (5) + 5 = 10

[Lobriathus Berwell]

Eh, I get more bombs tomorrow, and a wasted bomb is a wasted opportunity to BURN SOMETHING!

Ooh, they're attacking again! I lob a...

Scald it, I'm out of bombs.

Oooh, I cast produce flame! (I'm THAT kind of gnome. 8^)

Toss: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (18) + 3 = 21, ranged touch attack
Burn: 1d6 + 1 ⇒ (5) + 1 = 6 fire

[lucky7]

Even more die.

[Darling Prettymonk]

"MMMMMMMMMMMG!!!"

[Chaotic Stupid Loonie]

Unstirred even when used as a cushion by The Roc, I continue to have no choice but to be unsconscious, mooning the entire room with my steatopygous backside!

[lucky7]

Could someone turn him over?

[Darling Prettymonk]

*grabs loonie (chaotic stupid one) with a hand, then makes a forward flip to land on his other side, with loonie flat on his back instead*

"Mmmg."

[Lobriathus Berwell]

Can I use prestidigitation to pull up his drawers? Because, DAMN. And I ain't touching it by hand!

Edit: Correct punctuation, more emphasis, etc.

[lucky7]

Absolutely. I'll let you do that as an immediate action.

[SnowJade]

After first checking to see that The Roc is in no danger of landing on me, I see whether I can get to where the excavating has been happening.

[Chaotic Stupid Loonie]

My lower regions are now hidden from sight!

And can I make my CON check to become conscious yet? Or would someone like to put their hands on me and get some healin' on?

[Old Man Henderson]

All 'e gits is a mouthful o' buckshot.

Welp, ain't gonner cooperate, ain't gonner spare 'em. Fill th' rest of 'em wit' lead.

Kill: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (17) + 5 = 22
'em All: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (5) + 5 = 10

let the Gods: 1d8 + 2 ⇒ (1) + 2 = 3
sort 'em out: 1d8 + 2 ⇒ (4) + 2 = 6

[Darling Prettymonk]

Plus, they was probably cultists.

"Mmmmmg."

[lucky7]

CSL: You can maek your check.

OMH: That was the last of em.

DP: They were not.

SJ: You can. Would you like to go there?

[Old Man Henderson]

Reload.

[The Roc]

THE ROC IS HERE TO REPRESENT THE PEOPLE
BECAUSE THE ROC IS THE PEOPLE'S CHAMPION
BUT THE PEOPLE DO NOT EVER
AND THE ROC MEANS EVER
INCLUDE CULTISTS

[lucky7]

But...you know what! Nuts to it! Sure! Let's doa kill-the cultist campaign! Not the epic "Of Orcs and Men, Savior" dealy, because that's BORING!!! WHADDYA SAY!!! *storms off for a moment*

[Chaotic Stupid Loonie]

CON 10: 1d20 ⇒ 8

I remain unconscious and fully clothed! Clearly the work of eldritch cultist magicks.

[SnowJade]

Yes. Do I see any evidence at all to support a theory of cultist activities?

[lucky7]

You do now.

[Lobriathus Berwell]

I search the bodies and take their stuff. Especially, y'know, any Alchemist's Fire or the like they're carrying. They have lots of that, right??

Perception: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (7) + 5 = 12

[Darling Prettymonk]

I knew it! They WERE cultists!!!

"Mmmmg."

[lucky7]

LB: The...*sighs*cultists had daggers, books, and a few torches and candles.

[Lobriathus Berwell]

Daggers: crap. *tosses over shoulder*
Books: flammable, but unwieldy. *toss*

I'll take the torches and candles. Then I'm gonna go over to the cat and see if I can see what they were excavating. Knowledge (engineering): 1d20 + 9 ⇒ (4) + 9 = 13

[lucky7]

looks like a gate. The door is still closed. The door is covered in cultistish symbols.

[Lobriathus Berwell]

"Hey, everybody, there's a door here!"

Is the meat-shie... er, Paladin still around to see if it's evil? Can anybody see if it's enchanted?

[lucky7]

You can try to see if it's enchanted. I think LSP ran off.

[The Roc]

WELL THE ROC IS GLAD TO SEE OUR GM HAD A GOOD CRY AND GOT IT ALL OUT OF THEIR SYSTEM

[lucky7]

I just need to lower my expectations.

[SnowJade]

There, there. purr. Headbump. (Um, you do know about cat headbumps, right?)

I'll take a look at the door and see if I can tell whether or not it's enchanted.

[lucky7]

It does not appear to be.

[Chaotic Stupid Loonie]

I roll over, snoring, and cuddle the nearest available object which appears to be the dead body of an orc cultist.

[Lobriathus Berwell]

Can we rest? I'm outta bombs. </whine>

[Old Man Henderson]

Kick th' fat lout awake. "On yer feet, numbnuts."

[lucky7]

OMH: Roll for damage.

CSL: The corpse vanishes.

Lob: Why not?

Oh, my head. *pours out a crap ton of aspirin.*

[SnowJade]

Reminds me of any number of times we ran away with one of Mr SnowJade's adventures, back when he was GMing on a regular basis.

What kind of symbols? Do I recognize any of them?

[Darling Prettymonk]

*is picking through the cultistish loot to see if she can find anything that tells us what they were up to*

"Mmmmmg."

[lucky7]

SJ: What kind of languages would you recognize.

DP: Lob already looted them.

[Lobriathus Berwell]

Oh, hey, good point. What's in the books I found? Any new alchemist formulas? (hint, hint)

I'll page through them, and any that don't have new formulas, I'll hand to stitchmouth.

[Darling Prettymonk]

"Mmmmg."

[lucky7]

You find ONE: The ability to get the story back on track.

[Lobriathus Berwell]

"Transmute Cultist to Orc"? When would I ever use that? *toss*

[lucky7]

GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

*breathes deeply*. You guys. Are. HEROES. You do not NEED to loot.

[Darling Prettymonk]

I need to check if any of the cultist scum have hidden compartments in their underwear. Time to undress them!

[Old Man Henderson]

1d2 ⇒ 2 nonlethal

[lucky7]

CSL: I think you're dead.

DP: NO!