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Thought about this whilst playing the Seppuku game. One poster describes three things about where they're dead, and the next poster fills in the blanks. Remember: NOTHING IS TOO FAR FETCHED OR RIDICULOUS
Poster 1: "The smell of cheese fills the air, dead rats scurry nearby and the pockets of the body are eaten."
Poster 2: "The victim was a man with a list of undercover FBI agents, so they lured him in an alley, put cheese in the pockets and let the rats get him."
The victim is bound with ropes made of liqourice, in the middle of a forest. A keyboard is found next to him, showing the last word typed as OLIVER
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Victim was a Daily Show intern who discovered the show's Senior British Correspondent is in fact a powerful witch when he invited the victim to his candy-house hidden deep in the woods - when the victim threatened him with exposure, he animated some of the house's rebar to constrict the victim to death, but not before demanding he finish ghostwriting a bit he was scheduled to do with Jon Stewart, after which he rather foolishly teleported himself along with the rest of his candy-house somewhere else, leaving the victim alone in the forest to type his discovey with his remaining breaths.
The victim was discovered by a passenger aboard an Air France plane preparing to land at JFK International Airport - the victim was floating 500 feet in the air, ringed by 8 floating Swiss cuckoo clocks, each showing a different time. An autopsy revealed the victim's body to be completely normal and unharmed, save that there was a mahogany cigar box where his heart ought to have been. Contained in the box were 9 military medals dated from the World War I-era Austro-Hungarian Empire.
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The victim was a time traveler who enjoyed winning medals, joining Austria-Hungary in WWI to get a bunch of them in his cigar box. His arch-rival, the powerful Chronomancer Marvin, learned of this con, and decided to get him to "shove it" once and for all. The victim is inside an invisible time machine, with the clocks showing his home time, 2099, and several other periods in history which he visited frequently.
The victim is completely encased in ice on a Hawaiin beach, staring towards the sun. Autopsy shows he was bludgeoned to death by what appears to be someone else's dead body.
This was one of the first man, who lived shortly before the first ice age. There was a zombie invasion during that time and he has been beaten to death by some of them, the zombies froze to peaces during the ice age. Hid body was found frozen on mount everest. The climber how found him took it home and has somehow learned about the zombies. After the goverment didn't acknowledge his accomplishments on the mountain he has set it out in the to start a new zombie invasion, starting on hawai.
The victim is a large man, found in a library, he appears to be suffocated. He doesn't have any wounds but is wearing a tutu.
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The victim is the janitor-guy from Weird Al Yankovic's "Smells Like Nirvana" music video. He was cleaning up the library when the Spaceballs invaded and vacuumed all the air out of the building in order to provide President Skroob with the "dusty, musty, intellectual-smelling air" he'd ordered so he could have it pumped into his private study.
The victim is found alone, wearing only the bottom half of a tuxedo, in mostly pristine condition and including dress shoes and spats, in a vast dirt plane somewhere inland on the Kerguelen Islands. Her body is full of large, swiss cheese-like holes that go all the way through her in every case, yet no gore or organs are revealed - the sides of the interior of the holes appear to be normal epidermal flesh. Her major arteries are visible through her skin, and are the color of fool's gold.
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RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16
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Victim was an android terrorist. The holes were for transporting explosives and were normally covered by synthetic skin flaps. While she was traveling on a luxury dirigible, she became the recipient of a static electricity discharge caused by a flight attendant's shoes on carpet. The current caused several things to occur. The synthetic skin flaps all fell open, revealing the explosives. Her subdermal circuitry also shorted out, causing it to appear like pyrite-colored arteries, and also disabling her. The air crew removed her tuxedo top to pry out the explosives, which they promptly threw overboard. Fearing that they might have missed some, they touched down briefly on the nearest landmass, in the Kerguelen Islands, to offload the android's defunct chassis before heading on to their final destination.
Victim is a short, heavily muscled man wearing war gear consistent with ca. 1000 BC Sparta. He is found completely preserved, in a cylindrical glass casket, in a crater on the Mare Tranquillitatis. Cause of death appears to have been three large-caliber, low-velocity gunshot wounds: two in the sternum, one in the frontal cranium. No bullets are recovered.
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Victim is a short, heavily muscled man wearing war gear consistent with ca. 1000 BC Sparta. He is found completely preserved, in a cylindrical glass casket, in a crater on the Mare Tranquillitatis. Cause of death appears to have been three large-caliber, low-velocity gunshot wounds: two in the sternum, one in the frontal cranium. No bullets are recovered.
The glass casket is a dead giveaway: The man is not dead, technically, merely a victim of a poisoned apple, which has rendered him permanently comatose until such time as he should receive true love's first kiss. The "gunshot wounds" are in fact the result of primitive, but expertly-performed trepanning surgery he happened to have undergone a day or two before he bit into the apple. The casket was discovered in early 1943 by Third Reich archaeologists, who were baffled by the find. After Greece was liberated by the Allies, the artifact was gifted to the USSR as somebody's strange idea of a gift of friendship. His location on the Moon is most likely due to having been launched there by an above-top-secret Soviet space program operation undertaken in 1965 and only recently revealed to the public since the files were declassified in 1995 but went unnoticed in Russian archives for several years due to the general chaos of the Yeltsin Administration. The program consisted of launching a a small unmanned capsule containing the casket, its occupant, and little else to the moon (the intent of the project was simply to see if the moon could be reached from Earth at all, and the casket was intended to be something both expendable to the Soviet government and the same time sturdy and noteworthy enough to serve as a marker). The space capsule made a messy crash-landing and exploded somewhere within 100 miles of the resilient artifact, which miraculously bounced out of the wreckage and landed where it was found.
A tall, athletically-built androgynous hermaphrodite of either Basque or Mesoamerican ethnicity, estimated age 57 upon death, whose head and neck are utterly without exterior flesh or organs save for the eyes, brain, spinal cord, and inner sinuses. Some evidence of scraping and marks of carbon, almost as if with a #2 pencil. The rest of the body appears unharmed save for the soles of its feet, which appear to have been gruesomely crushed with the tip of a heavy blunt-tipped instrument, akin to a medieval jousting lance. The toes and heels are almost entirely unmarred. Cause of death is unclear - it may have been from injuries, but there is also evidence of having endured prolonged exposure to great heat, as well as ample evidence in the blood of the poison found in the spinal cords of lampreys, either of which merely border on what is normally considered sufficient to kill. The body was found on October 31st on a bench outside a McDonald's in one of the more remote suburbs of Seoul, South Korea, with its head cradled in the lap of the concrete painted Ronald McDonald statue that's fixed to the bench. The body is wearing the saffron robes typical of a Buddhist monk, but with the veves of several Vodou deities embroidered on it. The robe includes pocket in which are found currencies of several nationalities totaling US$300.90, a ballpoint pen with the logo of Doctors Without Borders on it, and a Snicker's Bar wrapper autographed (in Arabic) by King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia. Clutched in the victim's arms is a mint-condition 1995 Sega Saturn system. Found in the system's CD-ROM is a burned (in the sense that CDs are burned)) copy of disc 2 of the 1999 PC game Might & Magic VII: For Blood and Honor - the CD is physically in useable condition, while still more well-worn than the Sega Saturn, and written in sweet-smelling pink ink on the otherwise blank CD's surface are the words "Lesser-Known Works of Van Halen".
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RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16
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"Well, that escalated quickly."
Victim died as the result of a series of wishes that, while they initially appeared to work as intended, created a buildup of negative karma that was released in a catastrophic backlash. Corrupt a Wish thread gone horribly, horribly wrong.
Victim is completely gone. Several of victim's personal effects are found in a small pile. The pile contains several buttons of various sizes, a zipper that is zipped but not attached to anything else, a gold Rolex wristwatch, a gold wedding band, four credit/debit cards in the victim's name, a belt buckle, an elastic waistband bearing a "CK" logo, a keyring with three door keys and a set of car keys, $.79 in loose change, and two ceramic dental fillings.
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Victim was killed by the neutron disintegrate spell, sometimes referred to as the "capitalist disintegrate spell" due to its ability and tendency to kill living beings while preserving their valuables.
Victim is a 31-year old Iroquois male found in the restroom of a Japanese radio observatory. In life, victim was a polymath with a reputation as something of a Nietzschean ubermensch. Where his head ought to be is instead a giant tap-dancing shoe (left), the heel fused seamlessly with the top of his neck. In the cavity of the shoe can be found a video-cassette of several taped episodes of Mr. Bean.
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RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16
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[IMO these things might be more fun if the lead-in's writer has in mind what happened, and we try to guess. Also might be fun if we name them.]
"Pile of buttons" was disintegration that only affects organic matter. Victim was wearing a wool suit and socks, leather shoes and belt, cotton underwear, and silk tie--all organic, except for the underwear's elastic waistband, the trouser fly zipper, and the buttons. Cash is mostly linen fiber too. I should have left in his driver's license though.
"Molon Labe" was a Spartan warrior killed by a time traveling super soldier. Mozambique techniqued by super soldier's suppressed .45. He enshrined him on the moon as a memorial to a historic super soldier/worthy adversary.
"Iroquois ubermensch" was killed by experimental accident while conducting interplanetary matter/energy-conversion teleportation research at radio observatory. Teleport was successful: made it from the lab to the bathroom--would even have made it in time to go if not for unfortunate side effects. Side effects of experiment were transmutation of television broadcast signals into matter. Tap shoe became transposed with victim's head because one of the staff was watching Astaire and Rogers in The Gay Divorcee at the time of the accident. As for the tape, scientists hypothesize that a) 18 Scorpii has a habitable planet, b) that planet is inhabited with intelligent life capable of receiving and interpreting electromagnetic signals, and c) they like Mr. Bean.
"Removed a Post." A description of the victim is found in a messageboard forum. You can't sample the orange substance because it's just a forum post. The victim's physical body is nowhere to be found.
"Removed a Post" is subject to a highly advanced computer virus. The virus owns its existence to a messageboard forum post, the orange substance is proof of that. After the victum got infected he was sucked into the forum so the virus could feed on his energy. The original virus post was deleted, after wich the virus didn't supported the male any more, and he died.
The victim is a forty year old male. There are traces of blood that run from his eyes, but they are form some time before he died. He has bedsores and it looks as if he didn't move in the weeks before he died. His brain is undamaged and there are no traces of chemicals in his blood.
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RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16
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Little Skylark: nice theory to a very meta murder!
"OMG I CAN SEE FOREVER" went insane from having seen a Great Old One. Men in white coats took him away to the insane asylum, where he was kept for weeks. He managed to escape and clawed out his eyes shortly before he died of pure cosmic terror.
Leaving the office... I'll post the next one when I get home in a few min.
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RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16
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"Very Unlucky Day." Deceased is found underneath a set of power lines, in which remnants of his parachute are still entangled. Deceased's parachute harness is not attached to the parachute. Body bears marks consistent with electrical burns of approximately 3 million volts. Internal organs are pulverized, bones broken, skin ruptured as if the body was smashed by a giant sledgehammer. Small, irregular pieces of aluminum are embedded in the corpse. Chemical composition of ashes found in the area reveal that his parachute and clothing were incinerated with a petroleum accelerant. Exact cause of death is uncertain.
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Victim was an aluminum based lifeform taking control of a human body. After a skydiving accident in which the body was severely electrocuted (moreso by the aluminum inside), he let himself out of the harness, left the body, and burned his clothes, at which point he left.
Victim was found in a barrel at Niagara falls, the remains of a feather boa being the only clothing he wears. Underpants have been spray-painted on him, with arms being taped to a Rainbow Brite alarm clock.
The victim was a male stripper. He was supposed to be a present for a mob bose. The mob bos however, tought he was a spy that was trying to bribe him because the victim said "I know everything you want" and the birthdaycake was his sneaky way of getting in. The Rainbow Brite alarm clock was the mob's signature, normaly the use other clocks but this was the only one they had left.
The victim was found on a lookout point near a city. He has no wounds or bruises. There is a umbrella lying next to him and his body is dry. There are foodsteps leading from the plaze to a parking lot. The foodsteps are washed away. It rained last night.
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Victim is not in fact the victim- he is a mannequin used to smuggle "Food Machines" Away from US government labs. Real victim was dropping off the mannequin when he was killed and tossed into the sea.
Victim was found with his skull removed from his head in an apartment once owned by Demi Lovato, Iggy Pop, and Mic Jagger, with one hand inside a Magic Bullet Blender and one foot tied to the ceiling.
Victim was not really human but the biomech for an alien anthropologist studying Earth music. Victim had set up a rope snare to catch a mouse in the apartment. While making a smoothie the victim stepped in the noose trap, catapulting toward the ceiling. While attempting to extricate itself victim stuck hand in the blender it was using to make the smoothie. Rather than face embarrassment at the predicament it was in victim ejected through the emergency skull ejection pod and fled the scene.
Victim was found on a bar stool in the middle of a field of potatoes in Idaho, wearing a top hat, sweater vest, clown pants, and cowboy boots. Three exit wounds from high velocity bullets were located in the victim's chest but there are no signs of entry wounds. Thumbs of victim's hands were found stuck together in a Chinese finger trap.
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Victim was an informant for Idaho police who was kidnapped by the Ghost Mafia, put in Chinese Finger handcuffs (cuz no one can get out of those.) while at the potluck equivalent of a costume party (everyone gives a bit of a costume, then you wear them), dragged to the potato field where the head of the Mafia bought his potatoes, then they shot him, turned themselves (and the bullets) incorporeal, bought their potatoes, and left.
Victim was found stabbed repeated times with a grapefruit spoon, with two live beehives jammed on his hands and lobsters taped to his feet. His body is outlined with multiple d20s, all showing the number 7 rolled.
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RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16
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"Unlucky Number 7" was a PFS player who was caught cheating when he claimed to have rolled a 17, but the dice actually showed a 7. The local Venture-Lieutenant supervised the punishment for cheaters prescribed in the Guide to Pathfinder Society Organized Play v5.91 Appendix C, due for release at Paizocon 20XX. Don't cheat, kids.
Victim is found sitting at his desk in his bedroom. Victim's head is missing from the neck up; his right hand is resting on the mouse of a computer that is on the desk. Walls are covered in brain matter, blood, and skull fragments. Computer screen displays a CGI picture of an adult holding the hand of a child, standing in a field with some nearby trees, looking at a night sky.
Victim was a troll who specialized in coding advertising spambots. When they failed to incite a flame war involving the picture victim's head exploded.
Victim was found feet-first in a 5-gallon barrel full of strawberry jello. A copy of "The Cat in The Hat" was found in the victim's left hand. A calico cat with a peg leg was scene wandering nearby.
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RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16
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The Piratical Cat's plan for vengeance was born
When the book showed a top-hat, not a stylish tricorne.
If you examine the victim, I think you will find
That he could not handle the strawberry kind.
He swelled and turned red and struggled for breath!
Allergic reaction was this cause of death!
Victims are a roomful of mid-level managers at a manufacturing division of a multinational corporation. Victims are found sitting around a table in a division headquarters conference room. Empty plastic water bottles and thick, printed paper handouts are scattered around the tabletop. Another victim is found lying on the floor behind a podium, on which rests a notebook computer; nearby on the floor is a laser pointer. There is a slight scent of burnt paper in the air, though no ashes are evident. Sitting by the head of the table is a live male Elephas maximus indicus, whose face is wet.
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RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16
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As usual, nobody paid attention to the elephant in the room. He survived, but since elephants never forget, he's been using the water bottles to try to wash the slideshow out of his eyes.
I got nothing. Anybody?
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Victim is a simulacrum of a strange alien species seeing humanity for the first time. When his origins were found out, he panicked and committed suicide. That also explains that weird star from last night, eh, Jim?
Victim is Canadian male, thug for the local mob. Last known location in the wilderness. Appears to have been mauled by a 3 Clawed predator.
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RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16
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"Alien Abductee" was abducted by little gray men in a flying saucer, Close Encounters-style. They immobilized him with mind control rays and cut away his clothes for anatomical research. They took his eyes out for closer study of the optic nerves, but needed to keep him alive, so they bandaged those up. After they got done with the [redacted] probe, they teleported him back down to the planet in a random location.
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"Dr. Deadstone, I presume?" was a cyborg ambassador from a friendly, peaceful, and dangerously naive advanced civilization, whose attempt to make contact with a xenophobic Medieval civilization over a smoothie-social went tragically, predictably, horribly wrong.
Victim is a lean-bodied male of French-Canadian extraction, whose age could be anywhere from mid-20s to early-60s, dressed in a tattered Big Bird costume except all-black. It was found in a dumpster made of bismuth behind a Jollibee in Aviero, Portugal, alongside a huge jar containing small change totalling US$1.72 in value, dead bees, and a human heart other than the victim's (whose heart is still in its chest). The body bears several small but deep acid-burns, shows signs of radiation poisoning, and its nose has been removed and replaced with a walrus-tusk by someone with a rudimentary level of surgical skill.
Ran out of life.