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I run a game with some of my friends and have managed to get my boyfriend interested in playing, but recently realized he may be feeling uncomfortable about gaming alone with so many women. That got me thinking.
Do males play RPG's? Sure, I see a lot of boys... er, males... er, men (What is politically correct? I don't want to be offensive) at Gamestop and the other video game stores, but it seems to be strictly ladies' night at the gaming table and VTT.
So, do males enjoy role play? You know, beyond hitting stuff and blowing it up? I want to make my game fun for everyone, not just for women. How do I get them engaged in the game when we're not killing things?
Is there anything special we should do at the table to make males feel comfortable? Obviously, the talk about 'Aunt Flo' needs to stop when men are present. Do the scantily-clad, sexy pictures of the characters we girls identify with make men feel uncomfortable? Maybe we should cover our gaming books?
And what about male characters? I realized that my male NPC's tend to be stereotypically aggressive, smelly jerks. What should I do to make them more human... you know, more like a woman?
I appreciate any advice. I want the games I run to be welcoming to the other 49% of the population.
But do you allow them to GM? Or is it too much for their pretty little minds to comprehend?
I'm certain they are capable of GMing, but you raise another point. Guys are pretty. If I try to get some at my table, will I be looked at as some sort of lecherous femme fatale? Because I really am only interested in their minds.
But if you use the floris mod for mount and blade warband you can create an all female mercenary army and destroy the male bad guys.
I think males should be okay at the gaming table as long as you respect them like you'd respect any regular gal gamer. Try not to stare at their manly parts and try not to talk over them. In fact, the game I'm playing in has a few males in it and even has a male GM and it's been going pretty alright.
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Oh dear no, doctor wu. I don't want to make the game anti-male. I want it to be like the real world, where everyone is treated like an individual, with respect and consideration and appreciation for their own unique qualities.
Oh, hey...
Humphrey: It's so exciting to hear from someone who has gamed extensively with males! Thank you for the feedback. Do they need special snacks or anything? I've seen a lot of talk of Mountain Dew.
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This may be my favorite thread evah... and I'm a boy.
I got the parts and everything, fur realz.
Finally, someone considering our needs!
Really? In the year 2013 it is still considered fertile comedy ground that the gaming hobby attracts folks who run towards the socially awkward side of things?
If this is the case...I heard a great one about a chicken crossing the road the other day that you are just going to love.
I can't speak to Treppa's motivations but I think you are missing the point. To me, she is injecting humor into what is a very clever attempt to shake-up people's mindset regarding the whole 'girl gamer' subject sweeping the boards.
A lot of men find table top RPGS to be off putting since the female characters start with the same starting gold as male characters. You might want to pay the males players more (give them more loot, higher starting gold) so it's more in-line with their expectations here in the real world.
Also men usually don't like to be interrupted or corrected so you should all try to be as meek and wall-flowery as possible. If they interrupt you you should just nod quietly and stop whatever point you were trying to make and listen. I'm sure what they have to say is not only right, but whats best for you as well.
As for snacks, YES! But if you can please make them yourselves and don't expect a thank you that would be best! If possible cut up any food for your male players and dab at the corners of their mouths with a napkin, lord knows they aren't going to do it themselves!
Hope that helps! With any luck you'll have have the honor of a man's presence at your table on a regular basis!
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Yeah, Treppa, that's neat. Good going. You decided you need some males in your gaming group, so now you approach them as if they are another bloody species! How many times do we need to have this discussion? Males are humans too, just treat them as you'd like to be treated, and remember to show respect for the things that males are sensitive about. Don't joke about alimony, how hard can it be?
Thanks so much for the advice. I've crocheted antimacassars for the armchairs so the gents don't have to worry about their pomade marring the upholstery, but knew there had to be so much more than that. I am a bit of an idiot.
@stormraven: Yes, you as a man are important to me as a person and not just another gorgeous slab of meat.
@stormraven: Yes, you as a man are important to me as a person and not just another gorgeous slab of meat.
Buh... buh... but what if I want to be objectified?
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@Studpuffin: Well, what do you expect dressed like that?
You gentlemen can be objectified after the game session. At the table, it'll be all business. And snacks, apparently.
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The woman in our gaming group have graciously allowed a few of us men into their circle and I think it's been successful. Of course, the only men playing are husbands of other gamers, so I'm not sure if we could even be considered true gamers. Probably just coming along to support our spouses.
They have even let me GM for several years now, but I'm sure that's just some equal opportunity quota they're trying to fill. I see no other reason why they'd put up with me in such a role.
I don't mind being objectified but I hate it when the en-bosomed player next to me asks if I need help figuring out all the modifiers on my To HIT roll... Yeah, adding in that +1 for Bless is sooo difficult.
Did they assume you'd want to play a cleric or druid... you know because of your delicate male sensibilities?
Why is it alright for women to wear tuxedos, but when I do it I'm suddenly objectified!?
Sadly, you aren't being objectified - you're being stereotyped.
Groomed + Well-dressed + Male + Gamer = Gaymer
My eyes are really being opened. I haven't let the puffin play a primary caster because it might be too complicated for him, and having a Tier 1 puffin was a frightening prospect. I was wrong. Mea culpa.
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I'm so glad you started this thread, Treppa. I am thinking of running a game, actually, but I am concerned that the ladies at the table won't be able to keep their eyes off of my manly physique. Since they're probably not used to a man in the GM chair, should I make sure I wear high collars, long sleeves, and long pants so they don't get distracted? I have a turtleneck that might work, but it's a bit tight, so I can wear a sweater over it to hide the outline of my torso.
Yeah, but the male in our group actually can be as blood-thirsty as the girls!
I'm so glad you started this thread, Treppa. I am thinking of running a game, actually, but I am concerned that the ladies at the table won't be able to keep their eyes off of my manly physique. Since they're probably not used to a man in the GM chair, should I make sure I wear high collars, long sleeves, and long pants so they don't get distracted? I have a turtleneck that might work, but it's a bit tight, so I can wear a sweater over it to hide the outline of my torso.
Personally I don't wear sweaters except when I'm doing my Dr Huxtable cosplay. Too many women make a bunch of comments, sometimes even asking me to make out with other male players at the table, asking me what my shirt size is, etc. Really ruins the Cons for me these days.
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I'm so glad you started this thread, Treppa. I am thinking of running a game, actually, but I am concerned that the ladies at the table won't be able to keep their eyes off of my manly physique. Since they're probably not used to a man in the GM chair, should I make sure I wear high collars, long sleeves, and long pants so they don't get distracted? I have a turtleneck that might work, but it's a bit tight, so I can wear a sweater over it to hide the outline of my torso.
:nods in agreement: And try to avoid DMing in a 'sexy' manner. I tried DMing once and apparently something in the way I threw the dice was a little too sultry.
@Celestial Healer: It might not hurt to cover up, because guys can be awfully distracting. I don't know the ladies in your area, but don't fall for any low female tricks, like them dropping something on the floor and asking you to be a gentleman and get it for them. You also may have to lay down the law right at the beginning so they realize you are the authority figure at the table. Don't let them walk all over you! We can be like that sometimes.
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Maybe we need to form all male RPG groups to avoid these problems.
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@Lochmonster: Where, um, might one find the venue for the Dr. Huxtable cosplay?
Just asking. No reason.
They... they made me play a bard.
One time they literally walked on me. I still have high heel scuffs. ಠ_ಠ
:Wraps a conciliatory wing around the other avian:
There, there... Let it out. They can't hurt you here.
run a game with some of my friends and have managed to get my boyfriend interested in playing, but recently realized he may be feeling uncomfortable about gaming alone with so many women. That got me thinking.
Well, the first thing which strikes me here is---you think he may be feeling uncomfortable. Does that mean he has told you he is feeling uncomfortable? Or are you making assumptions?
If he has actually told you he is feeling uncomfortable, then the most important thing is to absolutely do your best to make sure that he feels like his concerns are heard and that they are valid.
After all, what is unforgiveable is when an individual takes the initiative and the courage to speak out about how they are feeling uncomfortable, and they are only mocked or told that their concerns aren't real. If he's had experiences where he starts to talk about his discomfort or difficulties, and people (both men and women) respond to him by telling him he is being hysterical or overreacting, then that only makes the situation much worse.
After all, to use his particular circumstances, I'm sure you could point at many gaming groups where men feel perfectly comfortable in their group. And it's great that they do. But for you, for your immediate situation, the truly important thing is that he as an individual feels comfortable in your specific group. The way to resolve that is through good listening, good communication, and being willing, where reasonable, to change the game based on his concerns. The same goes for your other players of course, regardless of gender.
NOW, THAT SAID:
If you are simply ASSUMING he is uncomfortable, then that is a different issue. I know I really hate it when people assume how I feel without checking in with me; and I'd all the moreso feel both embarrassed and mortified to know that my SO was posting about me and my gaming issues behind my back without talking to me about it first. I wouldn't be surprised if he felt similarly. So the first thing you really need to do is check in with him and see how he feels, without jumping to conclusions.
Again, either way, the key is good communication and making sure he feels respected and reassure him that his feelings are valid.
Also, as an aside, I really have a huge pet peeve when gamers here speak for their spouses and significant others (and sometimes doubt they really exist), especially when they use their "SO's voice" to express an opinion about gender in gaming. While I commend you for trying to make your boyfriend feel comfortable at your table, the best thing for visibility is for him to come here and speak up for himself. It would also help him see that indeed, there are many happy and productive male gamers and even male GMs.
Visibility and representation is after all essential to make people feel welcome and like they belong in the community. And that speaks to the broader issue of making sure both men and women feel comfortable in the gaming community, by making sure they are both represented and shown as welcome, valid members of the community equally.
So, do males enjoy role play? You know, beyond hitting stuff and blowing it up? I want to make my game fun for everyone, not just for women. How do I get them engaged in the game when we're not killing things?
I think you are unfairly stereotyping both women and men. Certainly you must be familiar with female gamers who prefer lots of roleplay and female gamers who prefer a violent, kick in the door, take the loot approach, as well as having a variety of play styles in between. It is only fair to accept that men also run the gamut of play styles and play preferences.
Again, the big mistake you appear to be making is making assumptions about him rather than asking him directly what he wants to see in the game.
And yes, while it is true, many psychological studies show that very generally women prefer story-based cooperative play and very generally men prefer more combative and competitive play as well as more mechanically complex play, of course the human brain is infinite in its diversity. All you can do is provide for your players. And the cool thing about RPGs is it incorporates both "typically masculine play" elements and "typically feminine play" elements, so that really by design it should appeal to a broad range of players regardless of anatomy or perceived gender. Where a gamer feels uncomfortable because of gender issues, therefore, it is likely rooted in social/cultural institutions rather than a psychological issue, so I think your aim at broad psychological preferences based on gender is a little off, personally.
I'd also suggest to your boyfriend directly that if his play style does not match the rest of your groups, and the members of the group continually treat him differently or even harass him because of his gender to leave your group and find one that is more friendly and welcoming.
No gamer should ever feel ashamed or underrepresented because of his or her gender, and I hope your boyfriend, just like any and all gamers, finds a group that treats him with kindness and respect and takes his concerns seriously, whether it is in your group or another's.
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Perhaps I should run a 'Males Only' table at GenCon so there's a place that men can get introduced to RPG's without feeling threatened. It would also give those poor spouses that were dragged there by their wives something to do.
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@Lochmonster: Where, um, might one find the venue for the Dr. Huxtable cosplay?
Just asking. No reason.
Why at Cosby Con of course...