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Other than the Gamer Connection area of the forums here, how do you find other groups to play with?
I've got these challenges:
1. my ex worked at our FLGS
2. ex has 3/4 of the old group still with him, I guess; I don't feel like poaching players
3. ex also got a local listing for the gamer connection area
4. a lot of the old places online that I used to look for groups are gone...
The connection one gets by playing F2F with others is a big draw for me. I miss it, and I miss my old group too. What advice do my fellow gamers have for finding new groups?
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I've successfully used penandpapergames.com to find a group.
1. my ex worked at our FLGS
Seeing as you use the past tense twice, what's to stop you from recruiting at your FLGS?
As for suggestions, I second penandpapergames.com; I used it to start a group in the gaming desert of upstate NY, so you can probably make it work for you too. Also ENworld's gamer map, wotc's gamer classifieds forum, and rpg.net's gaming gatherings forum.
Also, local colleges always have gamers.
He is your EX... feel free to poach his players. Running away from old contacts you shared seems too timid. You don't HAVE to make them choose between you both either. Just set up a time you know doesn't conflict with his. Don't be afraid of running into him either. Stand your ground and be polite. It just might frustrate him to see you confident and happy.
Although I have had a similar problem recently my group broke up (long story). I was down at the FLGS and asked some guys who were hanging out looking at gaming books if they had any room in their game. They... acted like I was some sort of space alien. Jaws hanging open, staring, and stammering. So much so that I really felt self conscious all of a sudden and left the place. This worked for me without fail in the past. Why did it fail now? Am I too old to be gaming now? Is this just a kids hobby? I might be in for a rough time finding a new group if this is how I am going to be treated.
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Not so much timidity as exhaustion. He still plays there and helps with till at the gaming store. I prefer to play at home anyway. :)
And I figure anyone who still wants to play in a group with me will let me know. I have one who said sure. But a fresher start is welcome. I'm grateful for the suggestions of different sites to try.
Although I have had a similar problem recently my group broke up (long story). I was down at the FLGS and asked some guys who were hanging out looking at gaming books if they had any room in their game. They... acted like I was some sort of space alien. Jaws hanging open, staring, and stammering. So much so that I really felt self conscious all of a sudden and left the place. This worked for me without fail in the past. Why did it fail now? Am I too old to be gaming now? Is this just a kids hobby? I might be in for a rough time finding a new group if this is how I am going to be treated.
If your avatar reflects your RL gender, they were probably just exceptionally socially awkward. You know, the kind of guys that keep the gamer stereotype going.
If it makes you feel any better, they were probably kicking themselves and blaming each other for scaring you off as soon as you were out of earshot.
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I once pretended to date a guy to find a group.
...Well, don't keep us waiting! Did it work? And did it eventually blow up in your face?
Inquiring minds want to know. :)
I found a group via Meetup.com, so it might be worth a try.
Although I have had a similar problem recently my group broke up (long story). I was down at the FLGS and asked some guys who were hanging out looking at gaming books if they had any room in their game. They... acted like I was some sort of space alien. Jaws hanging open, staring, and stammering. So much so that I really felt self conscious all of a sudden and left the place. This worked for me without fail in the past. Why did it fail now? Am I too old to be gaming now? Is this just a kids hobby? I might be in for a rough time finding a new group if this is how I am going to be treated.If your avatar reflects your RL gender, they were probably just exceptionally socially awkward. You know, the kind of guys that keep the gamer stereotype going.
If it makes you feel any better, they were probably kicking themselves and blaming each other for scaring you off as soon as you were out of earshot.
Well my gender has caused a lot of stares when I walk into a comic shop or gaming shop. But usually people actually talk to me in coherent sentences when I talk to them... I have found games by talking to guys just like these when I was still college age. I figured this trouble was more because I looked old enough to be their teacher.
You really think they were kicking themselves?
...Well, don't keep us waiting! Did it work? And did it eventually blow up in your face?
Inquiring minds want to know. :)
The very short version is that this guy was trying and failing to pick me up at a bar. I was basically ignoring him, but giving polite responses to his question. Don't ask me how , but D&D came up and as I ha just moved and started college I didn't know any players. So I agreed to meet up with him and his friends. Those are still some of my best friends from college. Though I never dated the guy.
The long version is more entertaining, but you get the gist.
You really think they were kicking themselves?
Unless you have green skin and a long warty nose, I can pretty much guarantee so, yeah!
The long version is more entertaining, but you get the gist.
Ah, gotcha. I was imagining a more involved form of pretending, but still a good story. :)
You really think they were kicking themselves?Unless you have green skin and a long warty nose, I can pretty much guarantee so, yeah!
Ah, gotcha. I was imagining a more involved form of pretending, but still a good story. :)
The long version is more entertaining, but you get the gist.
Well, I had less than no interest, but agreed to a "date" in order to meet his D&D group. It was never a date for me, but I think he thought we were dating for about a week.
My friendship with the group was solidified that first day when we were all drinking and Mark (not his real name) kept pestering me to go to New Orleans. He wanted someone to keep him awake on the drive. I tried to be polite at first, but he kept bothering me. So, in a belligerent drunken way I told him in no uncertain terms that it wasn't going to be me. Everyone but Mark thought it was hysterical. We (Mark and the rest) were fast friends ever since.
I also found some players and a group at local convntions. Here is Los Angeles there are regional cons several times a year. Go and play at a local con and meet folks.
One last idea, just let the folks that you know that you are starting a group. If they chose to join your group it is not poaching. It is like listing a job opening. Anyone can apply, you did not ask them to do so.
Although I have had a similar problem recently my group broke up (long story). I was down at the FLGS and asked some guys who were hanging out looking at gaming books if they had any room in their game. They... acted like I was some sort of space alien. Jaws hanging open, staring, and stammering. So much so that I really felt self conscious all of a sudden and left the place. This worked for me without fail in the past. Why did it fail now? Am I too old to be gaming now? Is this just a kids hobby? I might be in for a rough time finding a new group if this is how I am going to be treated.
Alternatively a random person wandering up and asking if they can be part of their group may have put them off.
We have added two new people from the boards to our group... Adding them required group consensus, and several meetings at a neutral place before we let them join.
Those two guys may not have had the authority to say yes, the space in the group to say yes or maybe were questioning your motives as they don't know you. You may have threatened them you are an older person approaching younger people if you can join them.
They may not have learned to let a person down easy and were struggling with how to say, sorry we are not interested politely.
Have you considered that you just may have been a creeper?
Although I have had a similar problem recently my group broke up (long story). I was down at the FLGS and asked some guys who were hanging out looking at gaming books if they had any room in their game. They... acted like I was some sort of space alien. Jaws hanging open, staring, and stammering. So much so that I really felt self conscious all of a sudden and left the place. This worked for me without fail in the past. Why did it fail now? Am I too old to be gaming now? Is this just a kids hobby? I might be in for a rough time finding a new group if this is how I am going to be treated.
Alternatively a random person wandering up and asking if they can be part of their group may have put them off.
We have added two new people from the boards to our group... Adding them required group consensus, and several meetings at a neutral place before we let them join.
Those two guys may not have had the authority to say yes, the space in the group to say yes or maybe were questioning your motives as they don't know you. You may have threatened them you are an older person approaching younger people if you can join them.
They may not have learned to let a person down easy and were struggling with how to say, sorry we are not interested politely.
Have you considered that you just may have been a creeper?
Please tell me you are joking... a creeper?! For asking if they had room in their game?
Why would a random person asking something reasonable put people off?
I did figure it was the older thing... it might be awkward at that age playing a game with an older person.
If they didn't have the authority they could have simply given me their number or asked for mine so that I could be contacted if the group was ok with it. No need to get tongue tied. They could have asked me about my play style and experience, that's what I would have asked if the situation were reversed.
Yes, a creeper.... Unintentional it may be, but you made them uncomfortable then blamed them for their discomfort.
They don't know you...
So every young person should speak with confidence when approached by an older person.
Why should they give you their phone number.
If a random person walked up to me and asked if they could join our home game, I would say I am really sorry but our table is full even if it wasn't ....
When I was younger I would do what these guys did and mutter incohently and hope my friend next to me would say something nice to make you go away.
I am happy to game with strangers at Cons, and Store games... Where there is a chance I can get to know you, and I feel safe . Inviting you into my home game ,no chance, not without getting to know you first.
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They could have just said they didn't have room or whatnot. Gaping isn't polite. Personally I figure asking politely if one might be able to join wouldn't count as "creeper" behaviour. (Just if someone did it again, and again...)
I've seen girls get the jaw-drop treatment before from all-male groups, simply because they were girls and interested in playing the same game. I assume this was a female person asking a male group if they had room.
Admittedly too I'd rather not play with total strangers if I can help it, except maybe at cons, perhaps once a year. That's just something personal on my end; I don't always have the social tolerance for random strangers. To me, the people I game with should be friends. (If you're my friend? I will take a *bullet* for you. I take friendship seriously and I value my friends.)
But it also makes finding a new group a bit harder. If one wants to play with friends, one has to meet strangers and get to to know them well enough to consider being shot on their behalf.
Sorry Nymian,
I will be constructive... Are you willing to GM? If so why not start off with the Begginer Box and talk some non playing friends into giving it a try.
They could have just said they didn't have room or whatnot. Gaping isn't polite. Personally I figure asking politely if one might be able to join wouldn't count as "creeper" behaviour. (Just if someone did it again, and again...)
I've seen girls get the jaw-drop treatment before from all-male groups, simply because they were girls and interested in playing the same game. I assume this was a female person asking a male group if they had room.
Admittedly too I'd rather not play with total strangers if I can help it, except maybe at cons, perhaps once a year. That's just something personal on my end; I don't always have the social tolerance for random strangers. To me, the people I game with should be friends. (If you're my friend? I will take a *bullet* for you. I take friendship seriously and I value my friends.)
But it also makes finding a new group a bit harder. If one wants to play with friends, one has to meet strangers and get to to know them well enough to consider being shot on their behalf.
I disagree.... Random approaching and upfront asking is rude where I come from... Cultural differences, Americans can be very forward, you just don't do that no matter your gender... It is creepy.
In the '90's, I was working at a department store and a friend there clued me in at a group at a local college. They were called The Order of Liebowitz. They ran a convention at the Oakland University (Rochester, Mi) called Nova. Anyway, that is where I met the group I have been gaming with on and off over the past several years.
A university is a great place to find people for games, even if you are not a college student. I'd graduated years before.
Many years later when the Order had a TPK and was replaced by "The Guild", there was still a room for people to be found for a game. Of coarse by then we were a more close knit group by then and gaming at one guy's house.
I disagree.... Random approaching and upfront asking is rude where I come from... Cultural differences, Americans can be very forward, you just don't do that no matter your gender... It is creepy.
I'm far from gregarious, but I admit I find this idea baffling. Where are you from, if you don't mind me asking, and aren't there times when you just want to ask something of a stranger out of the blue? ("Hey, nice T-shirt, I like Bob Marley too.") Isn't this a primary method of making friends?
I'm far from gregarious, but I admit I find this idea baffling. Where are you from, if you don't mind me asking, and aren't there times when you just want to ask something of a stranger out of the blue? ("Hey, nice T-shirt, I like Bob Marley too.") Isn't this a primary method of making friends?I disagree.... Random approaching and upfront asking is rude where I come from... Cultural differences, Americans can be very forward, you just don't do that no matter your gender... It is creepy.
Australia... Games run in the shop are fine to front up to, it's expected, con games as well that's what they are for...
If you want to be part of somebodies home game you need to get to know one another.
You are in a shop and you are looking at a RPG and a random stranger walks up and says hey I see you like RPGs can I come to your house and play in your game.
It's very strange...
If I was looking for a game I would look on the store message board to see if there were other people/groups looking for players/games and contact them.
It wouldn't stop me from talking to people, just to presume that somebody should game with you just because you like the same things is rude, presumptuous, and creepy. This compounded by the fact that the person you are wanting to let you game with them now is in the uncomfortable position of speaking for the group and having to think of a nice way to say I don't know you from a bar of soap and I don't see why I should let you game with us.
Good grief I didn't assume anything. That's why I ASKED. I have used this tactic numerous times when I was younger. I would either get invited over on a trial basis or told sorry we don't have space. Once a man approached me while I was browsing RPGs and asked if I was interested in joining his game. I certainly didn't think it was creepy. It is a social game. You need to play with others. And yes I am female.
And to think I almost ended up being Australian... That would have been some serious culture shock.
Don't worry Aranna. You are perfectly sane. Presuming you do not present yourself as a socially inept weirdo killer person, the Normal Human reaction should have been, "Oh! Let me see if we have room in our game, I'll talk to my group!"
The beauty of the response is that it's nice and friendly, but also noncommittal. There may be room, there may be not. But at least it makes the person not a jerk who scowls and makes the sign of the cross at people who ask to join games, and may even lead to a conversation(?!)
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Don't worry Aranna. You are perfectly sane. Presuming you do not present yourself as a socially inept weirdo killer person, the Normal Human reaction should have been, "Oh! Let me see if we have room in our game, I'll talk to my group!"
The beauty of the response is that it's nice and friendly, but also noncommittal. There may be room, there may be not. But at least it makes the person not a jerk who scowls and makes the sign of the cross at people who ask to join games, and may even lead to a conversation(?!)
Are you insinuating I am a jerk.
First of all if I am running a table at a games shop or a con all flavours (black, white, male, female, GLTBI and so on) of human are welcome at my table, if I dont know you then it's an opportunity to get to know you and if your style meshes with my home groups style and we have room I with consultation with my group will invite you to play.
If you as a random stranger walked up to me in a shop and asked if you could join my group the first thing I would say is I am sorry we are full and point you to the GMs looking for players notice board.
We have young families and we don't know you from a bar of soap.
I don't know if you are racist, sexist, homophobic, bad mannered, swear a lot, do drugs or are a thief.
So why should I be obliged to let you into my home because you asked me nicely.
The same goes for the guys from the example, they don't know you and you putting them on the spot and forcing them into a position where they have to try and explain why they don't want a stranger comming to their home is rude. They probably weren't ready for that kind of question from an older person...
We have invited to people from the boards into our group, we met in cafes and pubs a few times to get a sense of the people we were inviting to join us and to make sure everybody was happy. The guys we invited are excellent additions to our game.
I think you can turn someone away and not be a jerk. As 8th Dwarf said, it is as easy as saying you don't have room for another player and refer the person to the "gamers wanted" ads on the board.
I will say that I have had two people see me looking at game books at the book store and come up to ask about games in the area. I am lucky enough here in Los Angeles to have several conventions over the year. This allows me to suggest they attend one of those to help locate games.
Are you insinuating I am a jerk.
Not as long as you actually respond to people who ask questions in a nice way. I was more referring to the part up thread where she said that the guys stared at her blankly, basically. Forgive me for being glib in my first response.
If you as a random stranger walked up to me in a shop and asked if you could join my group the first thing I would say is I am sorry we are full and point you to the GMs looking for players notice board.
And that's perfectly reasonable. But earlier you said she was "creepy" for even asking.
So why should I be obliged to let you into my home because you asked me nicely.
The same goes for the guys from the example, they don't know you and you putting them on the spot and forcing them into a position where they have to try and explain why they don't want a stranger comming to their home is rude. They probably weren't ready for that kind of question from an older person...
You aren't obliged, and I don't think anyone is saying you are. You are obliged (in my opinion) to be a nice person though and make some effort to help the person in some way (by pointing to a gamers wanted ad or something, basically anything other than "No" and looking away).
What I said goes for the guys in the example too. They don't have to launch into an explanation for why, but they should have been able to help Avanna in some way other than looking at her blankly and saying "No...". It's basic social skills in my opinion. It's not like she's walking into their living room and sitting down at the gaming table before asking. She's in a game store, and is asking about playing a game. And I don't know what to say about "not being ready for that kind of question from an older person."
Are you insinuating I am a jerk.Not as long as you actually respond to people who ask questions in a nice way. I was more referring to the part up thread where she said that the guys stared at her blankly, basically. Forgive me for being glib in my first response.
If you as a random stranger walked up to me in a shop and asked if you could join my group the first thing I would say is I am sorry we are full and point you to the GMs looking for players notice board.And that's perfectly reasonable. But earlier you said she was "creepy" for even asking.
So why should I be obliged to let you into my home because you asked me nicely.
The same goes for the guys from the example, they don't know you and you putting them on the spot and forcing them into a position where they have to try and explain why they don't want a stranger comming to their home is rude. They probably weren't ready for that kind of question from an older person...
You aren't obliged, and I don't think anyone is saying you are. You are obliged (in my opinion) to be a nice person though and make some effort to help the person in some way (by pointing to a gamers wanted ad or something, basically anything other than "No" and looking away).
What I said goes for the guys in the example too. They don't have to launch into an explanation for why, but they should have been able to help Avanna in some way other than looking at her blankly and saying "No...". It's basic social skills in my opinion. It's not like she's walking into their living room and sitting down at the gaming table before asking. She's in a game store, and is asking about playing a game. And I don't know what to say about "not being ready for that kind of question from an older person."
Yes creeper behaviour, it was unintended but it was creeper behaviour, (from Aranna's posts she appears to be an excellent person that I would happily game with, I think in this case she was not sensitive to others feelings).
Leaving gender issues asside two young people in their late teens or early twenties are approached by an older person asking if s/he can participate in their small social event.
The older person is in a significant position of power....
We are all taught to respect our elders, to say no to this request while not an earth shattering social faux pas is uncomfortable.
These young people are at a disadvantage in life experience, they probably have not had an older person approach them before and have not developed the skills to find a way of politely refusing because it was such a surprise.
Authority, perception of power and fear.... When I was a teen I was shy to the point where I wouldn't have replied I would have nodded to my friend who was older then gone to another section of the bookshop. I would then be thinking if my mate says yes I don't think my mum would approve and then start to worry about the hard time mum would give this person.
I was much better better in my 20's - and I probably would have been brutaly honest and said "we do not know you so no.. there is an RPG club up at UNI you could give them a try...but they are a bunch of wankers"
The thing I found problematic is that Aranna blamed them for their reactions and made assumptions based on gender rather then her own position of power. When it was probably mutual awkwardness all round.
I grew up in the time of the 60 minutes reports of, murdering, suicidal, satanist D&D players. Stuff like that gave a&+$~!$s both male and female more ammunition and justification for the ostracism and and everyday violence I had to deal with because I was a Nerd, so I am very wary of strangers.
http://www.obsidianportal.com/
Sign up there (free) and you can search for games by your location. It has a map, Googlemap style, showing games and whatever synopsis the DM put up for it (if any).
You can drop the DM a line and ask if they have room for that or whatever game, etc.
-S
Yes creeper behaviour, it was unintended but it was creeper behaviour, (from Aranna's posts she appears to be an excellent person that I would happily game with, I think in this case she was not sensitive to others feelings).
Leaving gender issues asside two young people in their late teens or early twenties are approached by an older person asking if s/he can participate in their small social event.
The older person is in a significant position of power....
We are all taught to respect our elders, to say no to this request while not an earth shattering social faux pas is uncomfortable.
These young people are at a disadvantage in life experience, they probably have not had an older person approach them before and have not developed the skills to find a way of politely refusing because it was such a surprise.
Authority, perception of power and fear.... When I was a teen I was shy to the point where I wouldn't have replied I would have nodded to my friend who was older then gone to another section of the bookshop. I would then be thinking if my mate says yes I don't think my mum would approve and then start to worry about the hard time mum would give this person.
I was much better better in my 20's - and I probably would have been brutaly honest and said "we do not know you so no.. there is an RPG club up at UNI you could give them a try...but they are a bunch of wankers"
The thing I found problematic is that Aranna blamed them for their reactions and made assumptions based on gender rather then her own position of power. When it was probably mutual awkwardness all round.
I grew up in the time of the 60 minutes reports of, murdering, suicidal, satanist D&D players. Stuff like that gave a@$!+$%s both male and female more ammunition and justification for the ostracism and and everyday violence I had to deal with because I was a Nerd, so I am very wary of strangers.
Um... I never blamed their reactions on gender I actually blamed it on age, which is similar BUT not the same as your response. I was blaming?/confused by their reaction to me that much is true. But being asked a simple question shouldn't be an earth shattering experience.
I... have had that awkward moment where I had to politely explain I was showing up at a high school boys house to play a role playing game. It was very very awkward. I was in my late twenties at the time and it still felt really weird. Fortunately most of the group was in their twenties and the high school boy was the youngest member so I didn't face the awkward moment alone. Still after that one moment everything was just fine with his mother. This is probably why I assumed age and not gender was the situation this time.
No creeper behavior was involved... certainly not from me.
Old and young sports fans can have fun together... why is it different in RPGs?
I figured this trouble was more because I looked old enough to be their teacher.
I suspect very much that this was the case.
And yes, that could be considered to be a bit weird (even "creeper" behavior), regardless of what certain people on this thread would have you believe.
Complete strangers who you approach for some type of 'lengthy social interaction' (especially a social interaction that can take place in a stranger's private home) (e.g. gaming) should normally be close to your own age.
Here are a few of the sources I used - when I was recruiting for a new group. Our previous group split when the host moved from the UK to Australia. I managed to recruit one extra player - but we are fussy. We are all older players, much more into RP than crunch. We also have three or four different game groups within about 30 minutes drive.
*shrug*
Good luck :)
http://forums.obsidianportal.com/comments.php?DiscussionID=1527&page=1# Item_0
http://rpggeek.com/thread/811578/belgium-looking-for-tips-andor-fora-player -search
http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?372312-A-List-of-Player-Finders
Meetup.com is how my wife and I first got involved in Pathfinder. That being said, our LGS was a big help as well. Since then, we have become much more active in PFS events and at Conventions.
The folks we have met through all that have also led us to having a great home gaming group, as well.
I'm not really sure what to say. Neither my wife or I are at all shy, we talk to people at PFS, conventions, etc and have no lack of folks to game with.
It doesn't happen fast, but it does happen.
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Play online - talk to us, starting here. We've got chat, voice and mapping covered, and we've been doing it with lots of people for a little over a decade.
Always want new players who like talking Pathfinder. The regulars never leave the room.