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(and lots more questions on grappling)
So grappling is confusing, let me see what happens (numbering these an afterthought to clearly see what answers what question)
1. So I'm standing outside a door with a readied attack, something moves up to grapple me--I get to swing at it, right? (unless maybe it has a feat that bypasses that?)
2. In PF, grapplers don't move into the same space?
3. No penalty for meleeing into a grapple and no random 50/50 hit chance for ranged?
4. -4 dex goes to both in the grapple?
5. AC has to drop because of that -4 dex, right? (I mean, you lose 2 dex bonus so that effects dex bonus everywhere including AC, right?) (except in some case with, idk, someone with 20 dex in plate mail where their dex bonus to AC is already capped)
6. What happens when one of the people gets pinned?
7. No one that is grappled is considered threatening, correct?
8. Are those being grappled automatically susceptible to sneak attacks, or only if they're pinned? (because that's when they specifically lose their dex bonus to AC?)
9. This depends on the answer to 8, but if a rogue is grappled, can they take their attack and still get a sneak attack?
10. not related at all... but I figured I'd go ahead and ask it now that I'm thinking... The 5' movement rule is that you can move 5' for free if you do no other moving that round and not be susceptible to AOs? So if I'm engaged in melee and fighting with a bow I can back up 5' not get an AO, and fire off an arrow still without an AO because now I'm out of reach--and the downside to this is that I'm still close enough that my opponent can just step up and swing at me on their turn?
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1. So I'm standing outside a door with a readied attack, something moves up to grapple me--I get to swing at it, right? (unless maybe it has a feat that bypasses that?)
If readied action is "If (creature) comes into range, I attack it," then you get attack regardless of creature's actions. Separate from that, if creature try to grapple you and does not have Improved Grapple, you would get AOO.
2. In PF, grapplers don't move into the same space?
No, they do not. Sidenote: If grappler has reach, then puny victim is moved into adjacent square.
3. No penalty for meleeing into a grapple and no random 50/50 hit chance for ranged?
No penalty. No random hit chance for ranged.
4. -4 dex goes to both in the grapple?
Both creatures gain the grappled condition (and its penalties).
5. AC has to drop because of that -4 dex, right? (I mean, you lose 2 dex bonus so that effects dex bonus everywhere including AC, right?) (except in some case with, idk, someone with 20 dex in plate mail where their dex bonus to AC is already capped)
Yes, AC would drop. As would CMD.
6. What happens when one of the people gets pinned?
Pinned creature gets pinned condition. Controlling grappler keeps grappled condition. Sidenote: "pinned" =/= "prone"
7. No one that is grappled is considered threatening, correct?
A) You are still threatening as you can attack any creature within range (you do not have to attack grappler when grappled)...but you must have a weapon in hand that you can normally use while grappled (i.e. light, one-handed or natural).
B) However, you can not make AOOs.
8. Are those being grappled automatically susceptible to sneak attacks, or only if they're pinned? (because that's when they specifically lose their dex bonus to AC?)
Only when they are pinned because they are denied their DEX bonus.
9. This depends on the answer to 8, but if a rogue is grappled, can they take their attack and still get a sneak attack?
If the rogue is grappled, he does not automatically get SA damage. However, if the grappler is flanked, the rogue would get SA as normal.
10. not related at all... but I figured I'd go ahead and ask it now that I'm thinking... The 5' movement rule is that you can move 5' for free if you do no other moving that round and not be susceptible to AOs? So if I'm engaged in melee and fighting with a bow I can back up 5' not get an AO, and fire off an arrow still without an AO because now I'm out of reach--and the downside to this is that I'm still close enough that my opponent can just step up and swing at me on their turn?
Yes, you could 5' step back and shoot them in the face. Then Bruno steps up and grapples you.
Bruno is correct in all things. Huzzaah!