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(please mark any spoilers after this post. My players wanted to read.)
MY PLAYERS, YOU CAN READ.
I KNOW YOU CAN BECAUSE I'VE SEEN EACH OF YOU DO IT. BUT BESIDE THAT, YOU CAN ALSO READ THIS THREAD. JUST TREAD CAREFULLY ON ANY POSTS PAST THIS ONE PLEASE.
Because the players wanted what they did to be known...
So.
The PCs:
Bogs - NG human Chelish fighter, former street rat and current leader of the Korvosa's Finest mercenary group, with his cohort Kirielle, LG half-orc paladin of Iomedae. Has dealt with some surprising parentage issues recently.
Dorinvil - NG half-elf Varisian rogue, registered thief and Blackjack candidate. Pragmatically idealistic.
Voharius - NG elven cleric of Sarenrae, currently saddled with troubling visions from the time he got deaded. Sometimes the Only Sane Man.
Sarzlekek Garingracklepup - CG gnome(if that wasn't obvious from the name). Fire-blooded sorcerer. A gnome, with everything that entails. Created what was possibly Golarion's first rave club.
Sashka- - CG half-elf Shoanti(Hawk clan) alchemist. Flyan, bomban, death from abovan. Biologically and psychologically a teenager. With everything that entails. Recently discovered that she and Dorinvil are cousins, and the Cinderlander was their uncle.
Tarouk - N human Shoanti(Sun clan) druid/barbarian. Former self-exile. His tragic backstory is no excuse for what is to come.
Skeletons of Scarwall. The group has been bouncing around Castle Scarwall for a while now, after having allied with Laori Vaus and Shadowcount Sial(the former moreso than the latter).
Quite a few days into the Scarwall expedition, with Laori tagging along and Sial staying back in the tower for support and sulking, and they've got quite a bit of the castle mapped out.
They kick off the morning intending to check out a wing of the castle they had yet to explore, one that Sial mentioned as having a powerful malevolent presence, even moreso than the rest of the castle. After a detour around the continuing antics of Pegg and Loute, who they had no desire to tangle with again, they cut through the courtyard where they left Belshallam's now toothless corpse(hey, the party has Shoanti and Zon-Kuthonites in it. It's what they do.) and head down the guest wing of the castle. After noting the conspicuous lack of spirit activity in the walls as they continued down the hall, as well as the cheerful bedroom + private torture chamber aesthetics of the place, they pass Kazavan's headbagged statue to enter the Danse Macabre's ballroom.
After that fun-filled experience, which cost Bogs every single Harrow Point he had and left him, Sashka, and Laori slowdancing with the dead for a good portion of the fight, they unearthed the body of an Ustulavic man they couldn't identify, but was evidently somewhat disliked by the castle's previous inhabitants on account of having been nailed into the stone coffin hidden under the floorboards.
After once again noting the cheerfully whimsicical and deeply humane nature of Scarwall's history, they wrapped up the remains to see to their proper burial beyond its walls, believing it to be the source of the Danse Macabre manifestation in the room. Then they stepped back out of the room so that Bogs could chop off yet another statue head to keep in his company's trophy room. After noting that it may be cursed, they kept it bagged up, possibly intending to use it on someone. Sarz, Dorinvil, and Laori support the idea of giving it to Sial.
Bogs was considering delivering it to Rolth. They have some bad blood between them at the moment.
Anyway, they see the trapdoor behind the statue with the ragged rope ladder. Sashka goes up, notes the mummified dwarf remains, takes stock of the scene, and coninues up to that tower's roof. She catches a glimpse of batwinged imps flying into the castle's central tower. Noting Zellara's song and its mention of one of the castle guardians residing in a tower, she gathers the others.
The party gets together at the tower, gauging the range from their tower to the central one. Sarz is able to see two bone devils floating just above the tower top, invisible to everyone else until he and Sashka grant them all the ability to see them for the time being.
They know that's their next destination.
They really don't want to have to fight their way back through Scarwall to get over there.
They take stock of their options. Sashka has wings of flying, and Bogs picked up Mandraivus' celestial armor, so that was two options taken care of there. Unfortunately that's it.
Except for Laori's air walk.
Bogs suggests they use Tiny, the elephant woundrous figure they rescued from the Arkona rakshasas, have air walk cast upon him. And then the nonfliers can ride him all the way over.
The party goes through a sort of rapid fire 5 stages of acceptance with the idea. It seems viable. But ridiculous. Even moreso when Sarz suggests that he cast haste to get there faster, which does nothing to make the visual less embarassing.
Then the players realize that this is a bad idea, since Tiny is untrained. Tarouk recommends that he turn into an animal large enough to carry everyone across.
He then realizes that he has only seen one Huge animal suitable for riding.
Brief moment of silence, and the preparations begin. Some grousing here and there about how they hope no one hears about this, some cheerful noting that they're just glad to be part of this operation.
Tarouk turns into an elephant. The non-flyers mount up, with Laori Vaus bringing some ruined bedding from the guestrooms below so that she can ride without slicing up Tarouk's back. Sarz is spider-climbing on Tarouk's side.
Laori casts air walk, Sarz casts haste, the elephant takes off, plodding through the skies with Benny Hill Yakity Sax legs and flanked by the flying Bogs and Sashka(possibly with Yakity Sax wings).
They note that Belshallam's corpse has disappeared in the courtyard below, but it seems irrelephant to their current situation.
Tarouk sounds his trunk trumpet of war.
Halfway between the towers, Sarz opens up with a fireball. Enough people see through the resulting illusions to realize that devils are immune to fire. Cue the "oh crap" from the fire-loaded gnome. Voharius' holy smites have more luck. The two bone devils move apart, realizing that their ploy didn't work as intended, and start tearing at the pachydermic invasion. Bogs is tied up with one, another races towards Sarz.
Even denied his specialty, Sarz still has teeth, and one well timed dispel magic interrupts his aggro'd bone devil's flight enough to send it plummeting out of sight. Elephant express arrives at the central tower rooftop, Dorinvil flips off while the others use the FAA-approved exits. The rogue gets a good look through the busted skylight at all the Hell lurking within the tower, crawling or flying up att hem. Two barbed devils, four imps, and the ashmede Nihil the Ashbringer.
Nihil had known about them for a while now, and she had marshalled her forces to fend off any invaders. Even so, the damned denizens of Hell did not expect to see an airborne elephant bearing down upon their abode.
Everyone but Kirielle manages to dismount, Bogs is still scrapping with his osyluth, Sashka is precision bombing it with force bombs, and the rest of the party is looking down into the skylight to greet the barbed devils coming up through the skylight. After getting a nasty taste of the barbies' natural defences, with one hellbent on inching towards Sarz like Fat Bastard pursuing Mini-Me and Voharius running interference, Nihil comes up as far as she can. Bound in the tower as she is, she can only come up to just below the lip of the opening. Even from there she can see all of those upon her rooftop. She's absolutely enraged that these intruders would tread upon the only thing she has now. Absolutely enraged that they would bring an elephant.
The scrap with the remaining osyluth and hamatulas is heating up. Bogs is wearing his opponent down, Voharius, Sarz, and Laori are trying to keep one barbie tied up, Sashka is spreading her bombs out on everything with horns, while Dorinvil is flanking and sneak-attacking another one with the aid of Kirielle and Elephant-Tarouk, noting so that no one forgets, "I'm flanking with an elephant!" The osyluth goes down, Dorinvil shanks his barbed devil for good, and the imps finally fly out to harry the party.
Nihil has had enough of this nonsense. After her initial curses and spells, she makes some unfortunate, uncalled for, disparaging commments about the gods of her guests and slams down blasphemy.
Everyone is caught in its range except Bogs and Tarouk. Laori is immune. Everyone else is hit, but makes their saves.
Everyone freaks out when they realize that even with the saves, they're paralyzed for one round.
The remaining barbed devil and the imps who moved into position prepare to make their coup-de-grace attacks.
Cue "oh @#$%" from the entire party. Everyone realizes that they're staring down a very likely TPK.
Many of the paralyzed are shouting out for those that are free to be prepared to run for it. Those that are free are in a panic, trying to figure out how to interrupt the incoming coup-de-graces on Voharius, Sarz, Sashka, Dorinvil, and Kirielle. Bogs makes his difficult decision: save the cleric. Laori is stuck close to three PCs she really likes at risk of dying, Sashka, Voharius, and Sarz. After some shouted words from Bogs, she makes her decision. Elephant-Tarouk is evaluating the potential disaster with wise, knowing, elephant eyes, and knows what he has to do.
The devils are certain that they're going to be bathing in mortal blood tonight. Then Bogs charges down onto the tower, drawing numerous attacks of opportunity all to bumrush the hamatula bearing down on Voharius. Laori rushes forward and taps Sashka on the forehead with freedom of movement, simultaneously placing herself right next to the imp on Sarz so that it can't coup-de-grace. Tarouk lumbers forward on the air itself, tusking the imp on Dorinvil but good.
Only one devil is capable of making a coup-de-grace now, the imp on Kirielle.
He gets a 1 on the damage roll. Kirielle has paladin saves. Expected result plays out.
The tide turns entirely. The party picks off the imps, skewering or blowing them to bits. Bogs and Voharius have their hands full of that last prickly hamatula when Nihil forcecages them all. At this point she's had it, and has gone good and crazy. She's resorted to attacking with her scythe, throwing her all at Tarouk and Kirielle.
Unable to reach her from the edge of the skylight, Dorinvil briefly courts the idea of leaping out and grabbing her to force her down. A quick reevaluation of the tower chamber's height and Nihil's size and semi-metallic build encourages an alternate avenue: he quickly climbs onto Tarouk and attacks from his perch upon the elephant.
Sarz and Voharius manage to dispel the cage while Bogs finishes off the barbie. Everyone else has gathered around the skylight to face off against the frothing, cursing, insane Nihil, who is slashing away at the Shoanti elephant. Holy weapons, smites, bombs, tusks and long noses keep falling upon the ashmede, who is now wailing about how they can never have the tower, how it is all she has left. She swears to have vengeance, even as she can barely stay aloft upon her torn wings. She informs them that devils never forget, and curses the names of their ancestors, swearing to visit suffering upon all their descendants.
Tarouk notes that devils are not the only creatures that never forget.
One last impaling tusk, and Voharius calls down the holy thunder in a Hammer of Dawn-esque attack centered on the skylight. The mad ashmede is burned to dust, her spirit now bound even more tightly to Scarwall, the remnants of her sanity and pride shattered entirely by her defeat at the tusks of the druid/BABARian.
And the battle is done. Only the sound of their labored breath and the mournful wind over Scarwall remains.
But mostly the loud breathing of an elephant. Standing on top of a tower.
After that, drama ensued that even airborne pachyderms couldn't obscure. But the damage is done. The image of random Belkzen orcs watching this from a distance and re-enacting the crows' song from Dumbo has forever been burned into our memories of this campaign.
Tarouk's player has requested that he see a roc at least once, soon, so that this never happens again.
It's being taken under serious consideration.
Seriously though, good times.
In the words of Voharius' player:
Sarenrae: There there...
Zon-Kuthon:
Sarenrae: It's all right..........ow.......
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You waived your right to accurate nomenclature spelling the moment you wrote that name on the sheet and you damn well know it. >:(
;)
Gnomes...
But if you don't spell my name right, people might think that it was really my second cousin once removed, thrice arrested (really only three times?!?!?!?!) and killed by a badger one and 3/4 times, who did these feats of pure awesome!
I am at least 12.4735% the gnome he is!
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You waived your right to accurate nomenclature spelling the moment you wrote that name on the sheet and you damn well know it. >:(
;)
Gnomes...
But if you don't spell my name right, people might think that it was really my second cousin once removed, thrice arrested (really only three times?!?!?!?!) and killed by a badger one and 3/4 times, who did these feats of pure awesome!
I am at least 12.4735% the gnome he is!
I mean 12.4735 times the gnome he is...you got me all flustered with the mere thought that I could be mistaken for him!
Unreliable bards and their shoddy note taking....
/grumble
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HE'S LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME
Just wait until you guys find the garden with all the fire-resistant undead badgers. Totally in the book as written, not inserted by me at all.
Seriously though, I've got my hands full with what you guys are wanting to pull next session! Why do I get the feeling I'm going to have to improvise most of it anyway?
Oh right, you guys. ;)
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HE'S LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME
Just wait until you guys find the garden with all the fire-resistant undead badgers. Totally in the book as written, not inserted by me at all.
Seriously though, I've got my hands full with what you guys are wanting to pull next session! Why do I get the feeling I'm going to have to improvise most of it anyway?
Oh right, you guys. ;)
Only fire resistant? No problem! We can capture one, and then take it outside, and then teleport it to cuz Sarzlekek. He will love it, I swear! It will be awesome!
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Lets see, to capture a fire breathing, fire resistance, undead badger, I will need the following materials:
1) a muzzle (Side Note: metal, leather would probably not offer proper badger to fire containment ratio)
2) 10 sticks of butter
3) 4 5 foot boards
4) chalk
5) 3 buckets
6) 1 grappling hook
7) 50ft rope (silk)
8) 1 bell
9) 1 smokestick
10) bait (Side Note: Bogs will probably do)
11) a control undead scroll (Side Note: charm monster maybe work? (Side Side Note: Need to research the effects of charm monster on undead, perhaps badger characteristics could offer some measure of control (Correction Note to Side Side Note: definitely need control undead (Side Note to Correction Note of Side Side Note: No more independent testing))))
12) possibly a force cage scroll once we get back outside (Side Note: maybe just store in Sial's tower)
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Huh? What??? Did you say something?
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Lets see, to capture a fire breathing, fire resistance, undead badger, I will need the following materials:
1) a muzzle (Side Note: metal, leather would probably not offer proper badger to fire containment ratio)
2) 10 sticks of butter
3) 4 5 foot boards
4) chalk
5) 3 buckets
6) 1 grappling hook
7) 50ft rope (silk)
8) 1 bell
9) 1 smokestick
10) bait (Side Note: Bogs will probably do)
11) a control undead scroll (Side Note: charm monster maybe work? (Side Side Note: Need to research the effects of charm monster on undead, perhaps badger characteristics could offer some measure of control (Correction Note to Side Side Note: definitely need control undead (Side Note to Correction Note of Side Side Note: No more independent testing))))
12) possibly a force cage scroll once we get back outside (Side Note: maybe just store in Sial's tower)
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Huh? What??? Did you say something?
No, I'm just getting my Rolaids.
This is gonna be a long weekend.
Nothing can be wrong when hilarity ensues.
I think my days on the internet might prove that to be wrong :)
I felt dirty for doing something like this. But Tarouk, if anything is a pragmatic man when it comes to winning a fight. You don't always have to look cool while doing it!
That said..... I really wanted to grab that feather out of the dead dwarf's beard and hold it in my trunk before I moved.
This was an awesome write-up. Many thanks for the great read! :)
BTW, Mikaze, are you from Germany? I got the impression in some post somewhere on the board.