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In what is now Friday group, we started with a Curse of the Crimson Throne campaign. Eventually everyone decided to get themselves a horse, since we were going places outside Korvosa. Places where it'd be advantageous not to carry our own stuff all the time. Places where it would be faster to travel if one used horses.
I swear my character was cursed or something when it came to horses.
Horse I: Died in a nasty random encounter in the dead of night. None of us work up in time. Horse I dead. Nym feels terrible about not defending Horse.
Horse II: Victim of a nasty combination of Cinderlands vapor fumes and party sorceror's fireball. Horse II dead. Nym wants to slap sorceror but realizes Horse II didn't have Evasion, but still feels guilty about bringing Horse II into a bad situation.
Horse III: Nasty storm in the Cinderlands. Rocks and sand are sharp, tearing and rending Horse III! It's then that Nym shrugs and first utters, "Horse dead. Moving on."
I never did buy another horse during the CotCT campaign...
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Was there by any chance a goblin in the party? :P
At least you're wise enough not to name the damned things.
'Extra Rations' is as close as we get.
So long as you don't beat them.
Was there by any chance a goblin in the party? :P
You racist fool.
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Was there by any chance a goblin in the party? :PYou racist fool.
What're you gonna do about it, set my house on fire? I live underground.
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*Sigh*
This thread reminds me of a player I had who insisted on having a camel.
Conversation, paraphrased, was a follows.
Me(GM): Ok, you are new and the Campaign is at about level 4 so lets start you there if that's ok?
Player: Sure.
Me: *Long explanation of material and back story for the campaign* *Provides written version of same*
Me: So your first session will be next week and while I know its a lot to take in please read the material I gave you and create a character within the guide lines.
Player: No problem.
*One Week Later, 2 hours prior to game*
Me: Ok lets see your character. :-)
Player: Here you go.
Me: *Reading* Ok, a few comments...
First,you have a camel listed on your character sheet. We are on a small isolated island in a temperate zone with no desert areas, are you going for some sort of Arabian theme?
Player: No I want a camel for her humps!
Me:...
Player: You know her lovely lady bumps...
*Conversation degenerates from there*
Long story short, player was warned about setting, power level, and type of play.
I am usually permissive so made room for a mount, and race that did not exist in the setting, along with allowing multiple rebuilds to try and help said player.
Yet this player chose to bring a character that was hideously unoptimized, which I warned him about but he played anyway and then complained about. Insisted on a camel instead of a horse or pony.
Insisted on halfling as a race even though was informed there were no halflings.
Played played unoptimized halfling Bard as a cheap *BLEEP* and sold herself for copper. This is literal...
Was either asleep, making comments that all of my female players eventually came to me one at a time about how uncomfortable and offensive they were, or texting me complaints about how OP the party witch was.
Player: Ok, I guess I want to summon it.
Me: Sure, any particular thing you want to do? *I had provided this things True Name earlier, written on his sheet*
Player: Yeah! I rip off my top and rub my *Female bits name removed* while screaming its name and saying come do me baby!
*Stunned silence at the table*
As an aside it was after this session that the first player came to me and asked if they could kill that character. Over the next few sessions I was approached independently by every player and asked the same.
What was funny was that all of these players did not know about each others plans and so the whole party was independently planning on how to apply a final solution to the "Halfling Problem" and also trying to hide it from each other.
We all had a good laugh later when the plans came out.
Was angry that said witch used a pony as a familiar to, and rode it due to being a gnome.
Then was surprised when emulating the witch her camel got toasted by a fireball at level 6. "But what about the pony!!!"....
Would not accept that a familiar with defensive buffs and gear was going to be more durable than a stock camel...
But on the bright side the party Magus was always happy, as due to the fact that the player insisted on replacing his camel every time it died, the Magus was always full. In the words of the Magus "Camel is good eats!"
Yeah I think we went through about 6 camels...
In what is now Friday group, we started with a Curse of the Crimson Throne campaign. Eventually everyone decided to get themselves a horse, since we were going places outside Korvosa. Places where it'd be advantageous not to carry our own stuff all the time. Places where it would be faster to travel if one used horses.
I swear my character was cursed or something when it came to horses.
Horse I: Died in a nasty random encounter in the dead of night. None of us work up in time. Horse I dead. Nym feels terrible about not defending Horse.
Horse II: Victim of a nasty combination of Cinderlands vapor fumes and party sorceror's fireball. Horse II dead. Nym wants to slap sorceror but realizes Horse II didn't have Evasion, but still feels guilty about bringing Horse II into a bad situation.
Horse III: Nasty storm in the Cinderlands. Rocks and sand are sharp, tearing and rending Horse III! It's then that Nym shrugs and first utters, "Horse dead. Moving on."
I never did buy another horse during the CotCT campaign...
Rise of the Runelords, a new guy lost his char, and we lost him from the table when his char died while trying to ride off and return the mayor. The battle was over, he just kept rolling 1s, the dm said he died in a riding accident as he crashed it and it fell on him, and almost killed the fat mayor too.
Sigh.
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Playing 2E Oriental Adventures. I rolled a very wealthy Korbukuru Samurai. I asked the GM what equipment I could purchase, he said I could get anything out of OA book. I saw that I had enough money to buy an Elephant at 1st level. So I bought an Eliphant with a howda.
The game starts with us riding into town disguised as Ronin so as to look inconspicuous (I wasn't told during character creation we were doing a secret mission).
You should have seen the GMs face when the party were tying their mounts to a hitching post.
I said something like "I roll the rope ladder down from my eliphants shoulder climb down and tie him to the most secure looking post I can find."
The GM says you f%~@ing what. You are riding a f*+!ing what, the table bursts into laughter but the GM was mad. This is supposed to be a serious political game and you are a f**$ing elephant riding hairy dwarf, you have turned this game into a circus.
I said he didn't tell me that when I was making the character and I did ask him about playing a dwarf (Korbukuru) and I did ask about equipment ( I didn't think I needed to mention my mount).
Ok he says (I was happy to change things to suit his game but because he had been so rude I thought I would let him ask me to instead of offering).
We go and talk to the village headman to get our clue to the bandits hideout. 5 mins later we get back to our mounts.
The GM says all you can see of your elephant is its expertly butchered remains.
My turn to say what the f@+%. So I say in 5 mins a bunch of peasants slaughter and carve up an elephant for food without making a sound.
He says there were a 100 or so peasants and they were very hungry.
The rest of the table is laughing so hard I am sure one or two of them wet themselves
My turn to be a dick and ruin the game. I kind of guessed the village headman was the lynch pin of the campaign.
I say I go and see the village headman. I tell him his village has insulted a samurai and committed a crime, as the representative of the village he is responsible and he must have himself hanged (hanging being a very shameful way to die for the Japanese) The table starts to back me up talking about duty honour and the Samurais word is law. It was this or we would have to kill every body in town.
The GM walked away from the table. We had a chat afterwards and sorted it out. He said the he probably should have given me rough idea of what he was looking for... Rather then just saying we are playing oriental adventures and that instead of overreacting he could have just asked and I would have changed my character.
SO, I had this necromancer.
No, really, this whole thing came about because my necromancer, with no ranks in Handle Animal and a burning need to cart around all the supplies he could POSSIBLY need (full kitchen including spices, coffee, tea, etc., tent and hammock and blankets and mosquito netting) was tired of dealing with his recalcitrant mule.
After our first big haul (around sixth level... we'd been doing OK with getting gear, but no real disposable income 'til then) I blew my share of the loot on a Permanent Image scroll.
Dragged mule a few miles out of town, killed it, had my party cleric animate it as a zombie, and then used the scroll to give the zombie the appearance, smell, feel of a living mule.
Never shied away from blood/smoke/loud noises again, and I could use my Command Undead class feature in place of Handle Animal checks.
Everybody was happy, other than a few soreheads who thought my having an undead mule was gross. (Not that they seemed to mind humanoid zombies... some people are silly.)
At least you're wise enough not to name the damned things.
'Extra Rations' is as close as we get.
We had someone name their horse Lunchmeat, years and years ago.
Another time a paladin got an alicorn, unicorn/pegasus combo. He named it Halvsies, due to its parentage. That mount met a fitting end, if you can guess.
Dwarf that was the best story I've heard in weeks.
RPG Superstar 2015 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16
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I had a 2d Ed elf M/T who named his mount Fast-As-Hell. Got me out of some tight scrapes of the random encounter variety on several occasions. That was back in the days when encounters weren't necessarily balanced to your level. /oldguyvoice
My current Carrion Crown group is now 4th level and is so cheap they bought donkeys instead of horses.
In my campaign, a ranger had a mule for a while. The mule was combat-trained, and fairly effective in a fight, so the ranger (and his player) tended to boast about it. A lot. It was getting on everyone's nerves, of course, but the ranger was the toughest guy in the party and nobody wanted to give him flak.
Later on, they're talking to a captured worg. The worg and his buddies attacked because they were starving. Somebody theorizes that perhaps, if the worg is fed, it will help them through the forest.
I inform them that it will want fresh meat. Their rations will not do.
There's a moment of silence. The mule is lying nearby, knocked unconscious by mistake (the alchemist doesn't seem to really care who he hits).
Rogue: "Hey, [ranger]. Let's go scouting!"
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Oooh! Oooh! The camel story reminds me of another issue we had with mounts.
Legacy of Fire campaign. The party is looking to actually get camels to cross...I forget what. We find "Crazy Ahkmed's Fine Camel E-porium". Really, the sign said that. We negotiate with Ahkmed; some of us roll amazingly low in negotiating. The fighter fumbles the Bluff check he's trying to make to get a fine camel at a good price.
Eventually negotiations end. We each lead our mounts from Crazy Ahkmed's stables.
The fighter's camel bleats in a surprisingly familiar but un-camel-like way. The camel has two cute little horns, a beard, and will eat almost anything. It also uses up more of the party's water than a normal camel. :)
So, it drinks and eats a lot, has a beard, speaks incomprehensibly...
Sounds like the fighter purchased his very own viking dwarf. Did it come with an easily-butchered elephant?