Here's the story...
My dwarf just recently joined group of adventureres (new campaign but my character is new) who have just started working for the Pathfinder Society. My dwarf's family were exiles and the father died a disgrace. So my motivation for exploration is to bring honor back to the family and regain our rightful place among our dwarven acenstors. I'm doing this by gathering information on lost dwarven artifacts and relics. I plan on becoming a Pathfinder Chronicler. Right now we are all level three. I'm a lvl 1 Archeaologist, lvl 1 Lore Oracle, lvl 1 Mindchemist. (I know, it's all over the place, but it's beena ton of fun.)
However, the Barbarian in the group seems to view all short races as gnomes and useless. So he constantly goes off on the smaller races (calling them all gnomes). Out of character, it's funny as hell listening to his rants, in character I just view him as a half wit, uneducated barbarian. However, recently we've infiltrated a temple of a false god in order to obtain information on our first mission for the Pathfinder Society.
We managed to get initiated and had a celebration party. My dwarf i doing the best he can but so far isn't liking having to be stealthy and lie about the worhip of this false god. During the part one of the priests drinking in the room insulted dwarves. At which my dwarf junped up on the table and charged him. At the last moment, I though better about attack him and instead I dropped my pants and started pissing on him (I had been drinking for quite a while and was slightly inebriated). At this point, the barbarian decided it was a good idea to support the priests and punch me in the nuts. Ouch! So.... as any good dwarf would do, I adjusted stream onto the barbarian! (Touch attacks rock! It's what the DM ruled that attack roll to be, ranged touch attack. Oy vey, the entire table of us was laughing at this point, except the barbarian's player.) Initiative was cycled through again and I got the first move. I returned to my seat and continued drinking before the other two could act again. This sort of ended the fight, and everyone laughed and finshed the party eventually all turning in to their beds. That night the barbarian snuck to my sleeping area and stuck me with his axe (in revenge for me pissing on him....). At this point, to my dwarf, that is now a reason to get serious revenge. However, my dwarf knows that he is no match for the barbarian in combat. I could mix up some nasty point to screw with him, but I don't see my dwarf stooping to that level. Revenge needs to be had, but how to do so in a manor that isn't dishonorable to a dwarf trying to reclaim honor, not let a heathen barbarian get away with striking him while he's sleeping, yet not get killed in the act? I feel that the betrayal of a party memeber needs to be avenged but I'm trying to find a way to do it that isn't evil, dishonorable, or fatal to myself.
The best idea that I've come up with so far is to hire mercenaries and put a price on the barbarian's head. (or maybe ear, since I don't actually want him dead)
Opinions? Ideas?
tl;dr
Barbarian pissed off honorable dwarf, dwarf wants revenge but isn't stong enough to fight barbarian, what to do?
Mix up a potion of Reduce Person if that's possible.
Make him understand what it's like to be a leetle leetle man.
It may be "dishonorable" but it's got a kind of karmic justice vibe to it that should make it okay.
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He insists on being better than. And he escalates any exchange.
And he's waiting for return fire.
So make sure everyone dwarf you meet knows how much you think of him, how he's daring, and he's strong, and he's smart. Be sure to say this in dwarvish, so all he sees is that they look at him and nod.
Tell all you've told us, but be complementary to the barb.
Let him wait for it.
Buy a tray of drinks, bring it to the table (not on a path he can trip you). Set it down, and when someone reaches for one, say, "No, THAT one is for (barbarian)."
"Carry your stuff for you?", ask him.
"Sharpen that axe for you?"
"Here, you can have my apple..."
Pass a note to the GM, you've shined his boots. Flocked his hat. Oiled his gloves. Let the GM say, "Your gloves are especially supple today."
If he's mean to you without you playing along by returning fire, chuckle and keep score. "That's three..."
When he's gotten lazy about his vigilance, STILL do nothing.
Buy a ball of string. A big ball of string. Just carry it for a while. Pass a note to the GM. Roll a die. Frown. Say, "Well, I guess he'll see me. Holding the ball of string to my ear, and tapping on it. But that won't tell him anything..."
He WILL steal and unroll the ball of string. He won't bother re-rolling it. When you find out, or the string is missing, tell the GM, "See, I KNEW they were after it(them), that's why I moved it(them)* to the little silver box." Refuse to elaborate.
*'them' if you really hate him still.
Oh yes, you have a little silver box. And in it, one(or two) shriveled dried avocado heart(s). And a scrap of paper with dwarven runes. That read, "GONAD(S) OF VECNA".
He insists on being better than. And he escalates any exchange.
And he's waiting for return fire.
So make sure everyone dwarf you meet knows how much you think of him, how he's daring, and he's strong, and he's smart. Be sure to say this in dwarvish, so all he sees is that they look at him and nod.
Tell all you've told us, but be complementary to the barb.
Let him wait for it.
Buy a tray of drinks, bring it to the table (not on a path he can trip you). Set it down, and when someone reaches for one, say, "No, THAT one is for (barbarian)."
"Carry your stuff for you?", ask him.
"Sharpen that axe for you?"
"Here, you can have my apple..."
Pass a note to the GM, you've shined his boots. Flocked his hat. Oiled his gloves. Let the GM say, "Your gloves are especially supple today."
If he's mean to you without you playing along by returning fire, chuckle and keep score. "That's three..."
When he's gotten lazy about his vigilance, STILL do nothing.
Buy a ball of string. A big ball of string. Just carry it for a while. Pass a note to the GM. Roll a die. Frown. Say, "Well, I guess he'll see me. Holding the ball of string to my ear, and tapping on it. But that won't tell him anything..."
He WILL steal and unroll the ball of string. He won't bother re-rolling it. When you find out, or the string is missing, tell the GM, "See, I KNEW they were after it(them), that's why I moved it(them)* to the little silver box." Refuse to elaborate.
*'them' if you really hate him still.
Oh yes, you have a little silver box. And in it, one(or two) shriveled dried avocado heart(s). And a scrap of paper with dwarven runes. That read, "GONAD(S) OF VECNA".
You are brilliant and hilarious and just a bit scary...
No, you know what? Challenge the Barbarian to a straight-up fight. So what if you can't take him in a fight - there's always a chance you'll win, right?
And even if you lose, maybe you'll earn the guy's respect. And if you win, or at least land a solid blow or two before going down swinging, maybe you'll bring some honor to your family.
Show the Barbarian how real men solve their disputes - and it's certainly not by sneaking around in the darkness backstabbing people like cowardly thieves.
You can try to establish some ground rules to keep the fight from getting too lethal - maybe a fistfight, or something of the like.
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I like the Reduce Person Potion myself. Chris P Bacon's idea of a fight with careful ground rules preventing fatalities is also not a bad idea if an honourable loss is acceptable.
Just one question - what does the Barbarian's player think of this OOC? I'd hesitate to escalate party drama unless the other player also thinks that this is all in good fun.
If you can control when the fight is, you can have taken certain potions, had spells cast on you, etc.
As an alchemist, see if your ref will let you mix up and alchemical substance you can sneal into the barbarians food that will mellow him out, a depressant, that will disable his ability to rage. Or maybe make him burn through two rounds of rage for every round he rages trying to work against the drug.
Work with your referee on it. Though anyone who tries to kill me in my sleep would be dead the next night if he did not succeed if you ask me.
You are brilliant and hilarious and just a bit scary...
Thank you. I think. I do think the flat-out confrontation of a physical challenge is probably saner. But after that, if he remains troublesome, flatter and fawn over him, and tell him, "I'm not half the man you are, but I'm working on it..."
Seriously, if he's going to insist on (metaphorically) stepping on you, wear a spiked helmet. If he's going to root through your belongings like a rat, lay a trap. A subtle trap, worthy of a dwarf. There's a reason your race has a reputation. You've a duty to them, to see to it he regrets his trespasses. And apologizes in a squeaky voice. :)
But I do suspect the issues are larger than the characters. So watch out for that.
Any dude who can keep on rocking his stream after getting gonched in the sack is instantly the toughest hombre in the party.
That being said, this is pretty terrible.
Any dude who can keep on rocking his stream after getting gonched in the sack is instantly the toughest hombre in the party.That being said, this is pretty terrible.
I had to make a con roll to keep it going. ;)