The LGBT Gamer Community Thread.

[GentleGiant]

Jeff Erwin wrote:

I saw this neat gallery of transitions at jezebel.

I actually posted the first of those videos a couple of pages back. But with 90 pages these things can easily get buried. :-)

Obviously everybody is different, so results may vary, but I hope they are a great inspiration to anyone starting HRT or thinking about taking that step.

[Lissa Guillet]

Rysky wrote:

Sorry if this isn't the right place to ask but I have a character who is a shapeshifter who can shift between male and female anatomy but usually adopts a non gendered body and atm I'm quite unsure of how to refer to this person other than using plurals such as them, and I don't want to refer to them as "it". Any help or information on this subject would be greatly appreciated.

When one refers to ones self in character conversation, there are a lot of ways to avoid talking about your gender at any point in the conversation. Instead of things like when I was just a boy/girl, you can use child or little or when I was young. There are a ton of ways to talk about your past without giving away gender and transpersons often use that method to not technically lie about their past. If you talk about them in the third person, you can always just use the proper name, like: Lissa doesn't believe that at all. It's Lissa's opinion that everyone in this melee isn't doing it right. However other people will refer to you in their experience and generally, it would be realistic, if not proper, to refer to you in one of the binary pronouns that they felt matched you best or they'd drop the pronoun altogether if they weren't comfortable making a declaration.

[Paladin of Baha-who?]

Hi folks! I've been reading this thread and I'm very glad that there's a place like this on Paizo's fora.

I'm a bisexual cis-man, married to a heteroflexible cis-woman, so I don't have the same experience as many of the other LGBTQ people here. However, you all have my love and support!

[Ruggs]

Well, this ticked me off.

I don't like the things they implied about LGBTQ, but it also made me wonder if there was a tomboy's support group anywhere for young girls.

I myself am/was one, and the messages surrounding it can be pretty negative, accusatory, and fearful.

[Paladin of Baha-who?]

It's so wrong in so many ways.

There's nothing wrong with being non-gender-conforming. There's nothing wrong with being gay or transgender or genderqueer, and while it's entirely possible for an eight year old to be gay, transgender or genderqueer, it's very unlikely that she's committing any acts of sexual immorality in the school -- unless you think existing while gay is an act of sexual immorality.

[thejeff]

Paladin of Baha-who? wrote:

It's so wrong in so many ways.

There's nothing wrong with being non-gender-conforming. There's nothing wrong with being gay or transgender or genderqueer, and while it's entirely possible for an eight year old to be gay, transgender or genderqueer, it's very unlikely that she's committing any acts of sexual immorality in the school -- unless you think existing while gay is an act of sexual immorality.

Of course she's committing acts of sexual immorality. Just by existing and not conforming to gender stereotypes she's challenging the divine order laid down by God. If you can't tell the girls from the boys how are you supposed to teach them to be properly subservient to their future husbands?

It all makes perfect sense in the proper twisted context. It's all about who's in charge. That's the big problem with same-sex marriage. If they're both men or both women, how do you tell who's supposed to be in charge?

[feytharn]

From what I have learned (major in educational science, heavy interest in psychology, sociology and es since late college, working nightshift at the only open shop in town for ten years, knowing a whole lot of parents, teachers et al.) many people are pretty rattled whith childrens sexuality, so they chose the 'safest' route, the assume children don't have a sexualtity (beats mixing it up with adults sexuality, I suppose but leads to bad stuff, too).

As soon as a kid steps out of the border of the adults area of experience (more often then not the most common form of sexuality aka cis gendered, aka heterosexual with physical gender and gender identity matching*), it becomes impossible to ignore that the child in question has a sexuality. Since that sexuality still not matches the adults area of experience, it is easier to consider not only the sexual identity in question as 'aberrant' but also but also the very existence of sexuality in the child. Mixing both together (whateversexuality is abnormal and sexuality is abnormal for a child, so both must be related)then raises the fear of sexual immorality (hey it is easy, the other kids don't have a sexuality, do they).

And yeah, it is wrong in so many ways...

*if I have hurt somebodys feelings right now, sorry, I did not mean to, please correct me if I have chosen wrong or loaded words, I am more then willing to learn

[thejeff]

feytharn wrote:

From what I have learned (major in educational science, heavy interest in psychology, sociology and es since late college, working nightshift at the only open shop in town for ten years, knowing a whole lot of parents, teachers et al.) many people are pretty rattled whith childrens sexuality, so they chose the 'safest' route, the assume children don't have a sexualtity (beats mixing it up with adults sexuality, I suppose but leads to bad stuff, too).

As soon as a kid steps out of the border of the adults area of experience (more often then not the most common form of sexuality aka cis gendered, aka heterosexual with physical gender and gender identity matching*), it becomes impossible to ignore that the child in question has a sexuality. Since that sexuality still not matches the adults area of experience, it is easier to consider not only the sexual identity in question as 'aberrant' but also but also the very existence of sexuality in the child. Mixing both together (whateversexuality is abnormal and sexuality is abnormal for a child, so both must be related)then raises the fear of sexual immorality (hey it is easy, the other kids don't have a sexuality, do they).

And yeah, it is wrong in so many ways...

Of course with an 8 year old tomboy, it's quite possible, in fact most likely, that questions of sexuality or gender identity aren't the issue. Tomboys aren't uncommon and the vast majority of them aren't trans*. They're just not matching gender roles, which is an entirely different concept.

But just as threatening to a culture based on gender roles.

[feytharn]

I didn't meant to imply otherwise - but with gender roles becoming a hot topic in more or less all areas (a fact that makes me hopeful that we might be living through a change here) it is easy to get drawn into the turmoil.

[Romaq]

I just popped in. This is a HUGE thread, lots to read. I'm glad to see it is here, and I am glad to see Paizo staff positively involved.

[Set]

Lissa Guillet wrote:

If you talk about them in the third person, you can always just use the proper name, like: Lissa doesn't believe that at all.

Having misread that, Set was picturing Lissa speaking in third person. "Lissa smash!" "Lissa agrees." "Lissa was wondering..."

[Freehold DM]

Freehold kinda maudlin right now.

[DeathQuaker]

Good news from Maryland.

One of the delegates who really pushed for this is Heather Mizeur, who is running in the primary for governor, and she's got my vote.

[Odraude]

Yay!

[Haladir]

Well, I thought I should share this here...

My daughter is a freshman in high school, and one of her close friends is named Natalie. We're not terribly close with Natalie's family, but we're friendly enough. Anyway, my daughter casually mentioned Natalie's sister Ivy in conversation last night. I knew that Natalie had an older brother Aaron that was a senior in high school, but I didn't remember hearing about a sister. So I asked if Ivy was older (i.e still in or out of college) and had moved back in with the family. My daughter said, "No, she's always been there. Natalie only has one sibling, Ivy, who's a senior." I paused, slowly getting it. "So... Aaron transitioned?" "Yup. She's Ivy now. Could you pass the salad dressing?"

I loved the nonchalance in her explanation, and that, while I'm sure it's a big deal for Ivy, it doesn't seem to be so at school.

[Jessica Price]

That's awesome, Haladir -- you've got a great daughter. :-)

The best gift we can give future generations is a world where we've fought and won the big battles, where acceptance of people who are different from them (whether that difference is skin color, gender presentation, orientation, or whatever) is so normal and everyday to them that they can look at us and be all, "What the heck, old people? Why did you guys make such a big deal out of this stuff?"

[Tirisfal]

Jessica Price wrote:

That's awesome, Haladir -- you've got a great daughter. :-)

The best gift we can give future generations is a world where we've fought and won the big battles, where acceptance of people who are different from them (whether that difference is skin color, gender presentation, orientation, or whatever) is so normal and everyday to them that they can look at us and be all, "What the heck, old people? Why did you guys make such a big deal out of this stuff?"

I really think that we're headed in that direction with this newer generation. My sister is 6 years younger than me, and her generation is certainly a lot more open about this stuff then my generation was, that's for sure. My five year old niece understands that sometimes boys love boys and girls love girls the way that her mom and dad love each other, and she doesn't seem confused by it at all. Then again, this is also the same five year old that is being raised by her father to love Michio Kaku, Bill Nye, Neil deGrasse Tyson, and Carl Sagan. She can work their PS3, and she pulls Cosmos up on Hulu almost as often as pulls up ponies and Thor.

[Celestial Healer]

Tirisfal wrote:

Jessica Price wrote:

That's awesome, Haladir -- you've got a great daughter. :-)

The best gift we can give future generations is a world where we've fought and won the big battles, where acceptance of people who are different from them (whether that difference is skin color, gender presentation, orientation, or whatever) is so normal and everyday to them that they can look at us and be all, "What the heck, old people? Why did you guys make such a big deal out of this stuff?"

I really think that we're headed in that direction with this newer generation. My sister is 6 years younger than me, and her generation is certainly a lot more open about this stuff then my generation was, that's for sure. My five year old niece understands that sometimes boys love boys and girls love girls the way that her mom and dad love each other, and she doesn't seem confused by it at all. Then again, this is also the same five year old that is being raised by her father to love Michio Kaku, Bill Nye, Neil deGrasse Tyson, and Carl Sagan. She can work their PS3, and she pulls Cosmos up on Hulu almost as often as pulls up ponies and Thor.

My sister said that she might have to make sure her kids get to go to an opposite-sex wedding sometime. Every wedding she has had the opportunity to take them to has been same-sex. (They obviously have the example of her and her husband as an opposite-sex married couple; they just haven't had an opportunity to attend any opposite-sex weddings as a family.)

Clearly those are kids who will have a lot less hang-ups as they grow up :)

[Lissa Guillet]

Haladir wrote:

I loved the nonchalance in her explanation, and that, while I'm sure it's a big deal for Ivy, it doesn't seem to be so at school.

That gives me all the feels. ^_^

[Crystal Frasier]

Haladir wrote:

Well, I thought I should share this here...

My daughter is a freshman in high school, and one of her close friends is named Natalie. We're not terribly close with Natalie's family, but we're friendly enough. Anyway, my daughter casually mentioned Natalie's sister Ivy in conversation last night. I knew that Natalie had an older brother Aaron that was a senior in high school, but I didn't remember hearing about a sister. So I asked if Ivy was older (i.e still in or out of college) and had moved back in with the family. My daughter said, "No, she's always been there. Natalie only has one sibling, Ivy, who's a senior." I paused, slowly getting it. "So... Aaron transitioned?" "Yup. She's Ivy now. Could you pass the salad dressing?"

I loved the nonchalance in her explanation, and that, while I'm sure it's a big deal for Ivy, it doesn't seem to be so at school.

I'm so happy I'm almost crying :D

[feytharn]

Thank you for bringing a smile to my lips this day, Haladir.

[Haladir]

The public school system in my city has a nondiscrimination policy that covers LGBT students, staff, and faculty. I know there is at least one teacher in the high school who kept teaching after transitioning a few years ago (with pretty much zero public outcry). The principal of the high school is an out gay man, and the athletics director is an out lesbian. The Gay-Straight Alliance student organization at the high school has at least 40 members, and there are chapters in the middle schools as well.

I love this town.

[EldonG]

Nice thread.

As an old hippie, I'm a nominally straight man...who is familiar with his capability to enjoy himself in most any consentual sexual encounter...and regrets how rare they are. :p

I know it may be strange...on a gaming site...but a real interest of mine is...as a GM, how do you present...and use...sexuality in your games?

Most of my games have been PG, and rarely more than french vanilla...but with the right group I've done NC17...choose your own flavor banana split!

[EldonG]

Incidentally, regarding children and their sexuality...western society is a bunch of morons with no memory. I was an exceptionally horny 8 year-old...not that it started then. :p

[DeathQuaker]

EldonG wrote:

Nice thread.

As an old hippie, I'm a nominally straight man...who is familiar with his capability to enjoy himself in most any consentual sexual encounter...and regrets how rare they are. :p

I know it may be strange...on a gaming site...but a real interest of mine is...as a GM, how do you present...and use...sexuality in your games?

Most of my games have been PG, and rarely more than french vanilla...but with the right group I've done NC17...choose your own flavor banana split!

In terms of sexual identity, the homebrew world I live in is sort of post-post apocalyptic where a lot of heterosexism would have been done away with in their ancestral advanced society... so NPCs and PCs alike can be whatever sexuality they want without fearing being called out or made uncomfortable, ic or ooc. The god of community and family asks married same-sex couples to adopt since they cannot naturally procreate together, though that's background flavor text, I don't think it's ever come up in game. It's plausible that some tensions could come up over sexuality (a local lord wants his son to marry a woman and have a blood-heritage heir, and is disappointed his son shows no interest in women even out of familial duty, for example).

In terms of sexual content... I don't ban the idea of sexual encounters and PCs having relationships, but I prefer to "fade to black" when such situations arise. As a GM am frankly normally uncomfortable roleplaying flirtation with my players beyond a certain point--although I have in some cases and it's been fine. It's kind of case by case, and may depend upon how comfortable I am with the player and the situation. I did play a Cultist of Ecstasy (Mage: the Ascension) in college, after all (didn't we all ;) ). I am very uncomfortable with GMs I don't know well personally--and admittedly male GMs at that--to have NPCs flirt with my characters, when neither I nor my character have expressed an interest in in-game romance (it feels very predatory to me). That may well make me a prude, but that's just how I feel.

[Freehold DM]

COX WOOOOOOO!!! TIME SPHERE!!!

[Crystal Frasier]

Happy Trangender Day of Visibility, everyone!

[Freehold DM]

Yay! (am I supposed to be cheering? Or is this more somber?)

[Haladir]

Crystal Frasier wrote:

Happy Transgender Day of Visibility, everyone!

Honestly, I didn't know it was a thing. Have a great day, everyone!

[Crystal Frasier]

Freehold DM wrote:

Yay! (am I supposed to be cheering? Or is this more somber?)

Yes, it's a good thing. It's basically the opposite of the Day of Remembrance.

[TanithT]

Yay! I didn't know we had a holiday, so this is very cool. I should do a thing. Except first, I have to butcher a goat.* Maybe later I will make some educational posts in various places about the holiday. And bake cookies, if the kitchen gets cleaned up while I still have sufficient energy.

* For food, not Satan. It's a farm thing. If you don't understand why, then you've probably never tasted farm raised goat chops. Noms.

[Lamontius]

Just ran midnight mauler this past Saturday weekend at a games day
thought it was awesome that not one person at my table batted an eye at the (if this even really needs to be spoiler'd)

Spoiler:

past romantic relationship between Vilk and Rutowski

[Crystal Frasier]

Lamontius wrote:

Just ran midnight mauler this past Saturday weekend at a games day

thought it was awesome that not one person at my table batted an eye at the (if this even really needs to be spoiler'd)

Spoiler:

Vilk and Rutowski

[Mikaze]

Crystal Frasier wrote:

Lamontius wrote:

Just ran midnight mauler this past Saturday weekend at a games day

thought it was awesome that not one person at my table batted an eye at the (if this even really needs to be spoiler'd)

** spoiler omitted **

"I feel this distance that has grown between us and I find myself at a loss as to how it can ever be bridg-"

"CAN'T YOU READ MY MIND, CHARLES?"

[Lamontius]

Crystal Frasier wrote:

Lamontius wrote:

Just ran midnight mauler this past Saturday weekend at a games day

thought it was awesome that not one person at my table batted an eye at the (if this even really needs to be spoiler'd)

** spoiler omitted **

Spoiler:

"Sorry about not joining you in exile due to my fear of leaving my familiar and important life behind."

"It's okay. Sorry for almost tearing you apart in a geriatric lycanthropic murder rage."

"It's okay...friends?"

"Friends."

[Jack Assery]

Is it ok for a hetero to comment on here? I game and am friends with a transsexual player. We have a large group with many games but he only shows up for mine, because I do RP mainly but am also totally ok and don't let people mess with him also. Don't get me wrong, dude don't need protecting, I saw him blow up on someone who said something out of line; but I won't tolerate people out-grouping my friends either.
He actually wasn't (or didn't realize he was Idk) he was trans when we first met, but I honestly think RP made him comfortable enough to just go for it. He is one of my favorite players as a GM, he always does over-the-top action stuff in fights and RP's like a champ; he knows all the rules (a big thing in my games) and is one of the better personalities at the table. I just wanted to share my experiences at my game table when I saw the post as my table can relate to some of the stuff that pops up.

[Hrothdane]

I ran another Midnight Mauler table at the same gameday as Lamontius, and my table was completely un-phased as well.

<3 our PFS community

[Cori Marie]

Speaking of Transgender Day of Visibility, I'm proud to have been a part of it, as Lambda Legal asked me for a quote for a blog post. You can find it here: Blog post

[Kajehase]

Jack Assery wrote:

Is it ok for a hetero to comment on here?.

I've not been chased out so far, so I'd say you're fine as long as you behave. ;-)

[The 8th Dwarf]

Kajehase wrote:

Jack Assery wrote:

Is it ok for a hetero to comment on here?.

I've not been chased out so far, so I'd say you're fine as long as you behave. ;-)

They haven't chased me away either... I am amazed and thankful at how tolerant and inclusive people can be, especially when they are often the targets of exclusion and hate.

[Tirisfal]

So, I rented Dark Souls II from the Redbox on the way home from work today. I never played the first one, but I've watched a lot of Let's Play videos on it, so I figured that I'd enjoy trying this one out.

Anyway, during the character creation phase, not only do you get to choose common options like gender, facial hair, and eye color, you also get to adjust your gender under the option for "Hormones". Its a sliding scale, adjusting your character's appearance and letting you decide how feminine or masculine your character looks! I've never seen anything like that before in a game, and I was pleasantly surprised by its inclusion!

[Rysky]

There's also an item a very short ways in that let's you change your gender if you so decide, all in all a very beautiful game :3

[Tirisfal]

Rysky wrote:

There's also an item a very short ways in that let's you change your gender if you so decide, all in all a very beautiful game :3

Really? I didn't see that! I'll have to go back and look for it :)

[Rysky]

Spoiler:

Its the coffin/box/boat thing on the beach in the first area past the two ogres.

[Tirisfal]

Rysky wrote:

** spoiler omitted **

Spoiler:

Haha, see, I saw the ogres, but I purposely avoided them because I'm a coward D:

[Rysky]

It's not cowardly if you live!

[Tirisfal]

Rysky wrote:

It's not cowardly if you live!

Let's be honest; no amount of cowardice is going to keep you alive in Dark Souls ;)

[TanithT]

Planning the Transgender Day of Visibility right before April Fool's was maybe not brilliant. Partner came out to someone as trans and got a "ha ha, tell me that again next week, very funny, nice prank there" response. He was much nicer about it and less peeved than I would have been. But still, yeah, there's clearly some risk to celebrating this one on April 31. :/

[Ruggs]

Great message for a Friday.

[Rysky]

Also in the news, The CEO of Firefox was forced to step down after OKCupid asked its visitors not to use Firefox while on the site due to his anti-equality views. Mozilla got hit hard by angry backlash so out he went... Now if the same could just happen with Chik-Fil-A.