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#1: Not allowed to use Craft: Alchemy to make Meth.
#2: My Alchemist is to keep other players appraised of experiments he is performing on other players.
#3: The Witches familiar is not the "Emergency Food Supply"
#4: The following alignments are banned for any character I play: Chaotic Neutral, Chaotic Evil, Lawful good.
#5: Not allowed to use sending spells to Rick Roll People.
#6: Stop calling the dwarven paladin's mount "Mr Baconater".
#7: Gnomes are not "good eating".
#8: There is no spell called "Bigby's middle finger".
#9: The primary purpose of the Alchemist class is not to create "natural male enhancement", that is not where the real gold is.
#10: Not allowed to celebrate the vanquishing of the Big Bad by getting a grill that says "PC life" on it.
#11: Throwing alchemist's fire down a one meter exhaust port will not cause a chain reaction that will destroy the dungeon.
#12: Craft: Alchemy is a privilege, not a right.
#13: Seoni was never a member of a Sorority.
#14: Its Anti Paladin, not bizzaro paladin.
#15: I am not allowed to grow a goatee, commit (more) evil acts, shave the beard and blame it on my evil twin from an alternate dimension.
#16: There is no such thing as magic duct tape.
#17: Paladins do not organize bum fights.
#18: Not allowed to do anything that causes me to giggle for more than five seconds.
#19: The party has no doppelganger Code.
#20: I have to tell the party I am instituting a doppelganger code before instituting one.
#21: Do not taunt the unspeakable ancient evil.
#22: Ewoks are not Chelax's one weakness.
#23: The exterminator will not spray for gnomes.
#24: There is now a two drink limit for gaming.
#25: Two drink limit does not mean first and last.
#26: Drinks must be normal sized.
#27: Using the leadership feat as a source of catapult ammunition is both inefficient and destructive to your leadership score.
#28: Dice roll results are not open to interpretation.
#29: Delivering touch spells is no excuse to grope other player characters.
#30: Asmodeus does not have a really effeminate southern accent.
#31: No converting Rainbow Bright to Pathfinder rules.
#32: Victory dances after killing the big bad guy with a lucky crit are in poor taste.
#33: I do not have to wait for the results of the congressional subcommittee on dice before I roll a skill check.
#34: Summon AM BARBARIAN is not a spell.
#35: Gay Marriage did not cause the Worldwound.
#36: While you are allowed to take the Skill Craft: Role Playing games in game, you are not allowed to run role playing games inside the role playing game you are playing.
#37: Suggesting to Shop owners that if they do not pay a "protection fee" there might be a Paladin/anti-paladin battle in their neighborhood is not proper paladiny conduct.
#38: I do not get extra experience for especially witty "your momma" jokes.
#39: Being out of the box is a privilege, not a right.
#40: Not all problems can be solved with fire.
#41: There is no such thing as a magic pogo stick.
#42: There is no such thing as a magic potato gun.
#43: There is no way to tell if you are wearing a thong in full plate armor, so it does not provide a bonus to seduction checks.
#44: Gnomes are not to be referred to as "Golarian mine detectors".
#45: The lower planes are not known for its generous return policy.
#46: A funky cold Medena has no challenge rating.
#47: Wearing a speedo to game will not attract female gamers to our table.
#48: There is no such thing as a magic segway.
#49: Have to get fellow heroes permission before marketing stuffed animals, dolls or biographies in their image.
#50: I do not have a theme song that plays in the background when its my turn.
#51: I cannot trade girl scout cookies for experience.
#52: "Cleanse it with fire" is not a universal all purpose solution.
#53: Not allowed to put a red racing stripe on the group's Wagon and travel around the country as mercenaries righting wrongs.
#54: Like McDonalds, a shirt, shoes and pants are required to game at our table.
#55: It puts the soap on its skin or else it does not game with us again.
#56: There is no feat called Weapon Proficiency: familiar
#57: When Buying Gear for the party I am not allowed to use their funds to buy two things for three times the price.
#58: I do not decide the color scheme for the party.
#59: Paladins do not hold the city hostage or go on strike.
#60: There is no Paladin's Union.
#61: I will wait until I and an independent party have verified that all food stores have been lost or consumed before resorting to cannibalism.
#62: Casting Shatter on the Alchemist is not quickest way to light the campfire.
#63: Catapults are not a means of travel.
#64: Not allowed to make a monkey my familiar just so I can teach it to smoke.
#65: I am only allowed to handle my own rations.
#66: Nobody wants to buy a magic snuggie.
#67: The important NPC is not the one with the big golden exclamation point over his head.
#68: You are not the Bard's agent and you are not entitled to 10% of his WBL.
#69: The spell "fireball" is not also known as "Evoker's Knock".
#70: Potions are not delivered in colonic form.
This is funny. I chuckled quite a bit
this is too amazing of a list, I want to add too it, but nothing I could add would be worth it
#71: Whispering, talking, yelling, or making any attempts at verbal communication whatsoever.
EDIT: My Gm REALLY hates the sound of my voice I think.
#72: The decent from Paladin to Anti-Paladin is a meaningful, horrific character development and should not be triggered by the ice cream parlor being out of cake batter ice cream.
#73: Hellknights are not known for their super secret cream puff recipe.
#74: Never allowed to have a bag of everlasting dung ever again.
#75: Dwarves do not enjoy being rubbed for luck.
#76: You are not allowed to use your gaseous digestion byproducts to roleplay the effects of a stinking cloud
#77: Using mage hand to inappropriately fondle a Hobgoblins junk does not give him a negative to hit. If anything he gets a moral bonus.
#78: A diplomacy roll of over 46 never convinces the BBEG to kill himself or give up his life of wickedness.
#79: The Bear Trap Hammer does not exist.
#80: For all intensive purposes bear traps are entirely unavailable for purchase with any character I play. Anyone else may purchase bear traps at their discretion.
#77: Using mage hand to inappropriately fondle a Hobgoblins junk does not give him a negative to hit. If anything he gets a moral bonus.
I checked, that never counts as an unattended object. :P
I checked, that never counts as an unattended object. :P#77: Using mage hand to inappropriately fondle a Hobgoblins junk does not give him a negative to hit. If anything he gets a moral bonus.
Of course not, that's why you always use a layer of protection. A scarf/handkerchief works well. :)
#78: you can't hand a note to the dm then tell the dm that he dose not know what it says but his pc dose (this happened that was the last time that player was was at my table)
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Makes me think of - Skippy’s List: The 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army
Linkified.
#79 Under no circumstance are you allowed to play a bard whose songs all rhyme with Prolapsed Anus.
(Yes this is a real limitation I put on one of my players)
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Makes me think of http://skippyslist.com/list/ - Skippy’s List: The 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army
really? This reminds me of Mr Welch
these made me laugh
33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.
34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.