I wanted to wait a few days to let the top 4 bask in the spotlight. Now that they are busily writing their pitches, I just wanted to take this time during the lull to offer my thanks to everyone. First, thank you to the judges and guest judges for taking the time to offer your critiques. I don't know how Neil does it, with a family, and a job, and a freelance career, but not only did he give each contest long, detailed critiques, I see he's still doing it in tthe "Critique my Item" thread. Mark,Ryan, and Sean, it was a pleasure interacting with you and getting your feedback. Second, a big thank you to the Paizo community. Being an introvert, I'm not always comfortable putting myself out there but you have all made me feel very comfortable. Thank you for all your comments on my entries. Also, thank you for voting me into the semi-finals. I very much appreciate that I got to participate in the 4 mechanical/rules/design rounds and all their Machiavellian twists. Finally, thank you to Paizo for putting this contest on. It was a great way to pass what otherwise would have been a very boring winter for me. I truly was an amateur game designer. Even though I've played RPGs for 23 years since I was 8, I never really tried my hand at the game design aspect. So, for this contest, I had to rely on that experience I had playing the game. But, having participated in this contest, I've learned so much. I consider myself a storyteller, and now I can add game design, along with fiction writing, script writing, and filmmaking to my "storytelling" arsenal. But don't cry for me that I'm out of the contest. I have no regrets, only lessons learned.
So, for the John Bennett fans out there- what does the future hold for me? Well, I'm very busy with grad school for the next two years, so that's a priority. However, one of my players is designing an awesome new RPG that we've been playtesting. He's the brains behind it and I'll be the money, so maybe you'll see that here in the Paizo store in a couple of years. I still need to finish my novel, the first draft being done. And besides checking out the PFS open call and Kobold Quarterly, I have ideas of my own for PFRGP compatible setting. So, hopefully, you'll see my name again sometime in the future.
And finally, I promised a present! Since I can no longer compete anymore, I'm offering up the original cocoon cloak. It's still a little rough, in fact, it has no price or cost. I literally rewrote it at the last minute into the Cocoon Cloak I submitted but I always thought this one was cooler. So use/modify it at your own pleasure. Thanks, everyone!
Ghlaunder’s Cocoon Cloak
Aura moderate necromancy and transmutation; CL10th
Slot shoulders; Price ZZ gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This cloak made from the whitish-brown silk of giant moths is particularly favored by servants of Ghlaunder. When the command word is spoken, the fibrous cloak encases the wearer in a strong, thick cocoon (hardness 20 and 10 hp). Weapons striking the cocoon must make a DC 20 Reflex save or become stuck to the cocoon. Stuck weapons are freed with a combat maneuver check against a DC 20. As a movement action, the wearer can exit the cocoon. Upon exiting the cocoon, for every consecutive round spent in the cocoon up to ten rounds per day, the wearer is granted a bite attack at her highest attack bonus in the form of a set of grotesque insectoid mandibles sprouting from her face. This is an extra attack in addition to any other attacks the wearer makes and does not provoke an attack of opportunity. On a successful hit, the mandibles do 1d6 points of damage. In addition to the bite damage, the metamorphosis that the wearer underwent in the cloak allows her to infect the creature struck by her attack with any disease she is afflicted by. The creature makes a Fortitude save as normal to avoid contracting the disease. The disease is still communicable even if the wearer is not yet experiencing the onset of the disease. If the wearer is infected by multiple diseases, she chooses which disease she transmits. If the wearer is not currently harboring any diseases, the bite attack inflicts red ache disease. There is no onset period for the disease.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, contagion, web; Cost ZZ gp
Neat!!
For my money, emerging from a cocoon bigger and with wings is a way cooler and more appropriate image, and I'm glad that's the one you submitted. But this is still pretty cool, and in particular I love the idea of using both 'cloaks' in a game, one being a sort of dark reflection or corruption of the other. I also like that this has game effects even when worn as a regular cloak..
The "for every consecutive round' wording isn't very clear; I assume it means that the transformation lasts for ten rounds, as long as you spent ten rounds wearing the cloak. But wearing it for 1 minute isn't much of a limitation (it's still easy to just put it on right before the right), so I would have probably just made that a 1/day power.
It's interesting that you've associated moths (or biting, disease-ridden moth larva?) with Ghlaunder; has that been done before in canon? It's a fun contrast to Desna and makes me think of the two gods more in relation to each other. In my own game, I associated moths with desna moreso than butterflies (she's a god of the night, after all!); IMC when humans use a butterfly as her symbol they're just morphing her imagery to suit their (diurnal) culture.
Anyway, thanks for sharing, it's fun to see this and think about how the other one evolved from it (I think it's customary to put this kind of thing in the first item's thread, but I'm sure it's no big deal).
It's interesting that you've associated moths (or biting, disease-ridden moth larva?) with Ghlaunder; has that been done before in canon?
Derp.
I just realized I was totally thinking of Urgathoa above; I'd forgotten that Golarion has another church of insects and diseases, which is explicitly associated with cocoons (and, even better, with posing as priests of other faiths. Heheh).
Yeah, I never perfected it. I had a lot of trouble doing the cost and then I thought it was more something you'd see on an NPC. You're right on the duration. Every round you spend in the cocoon you get an equal round with the bite attack. Snorter, I hadn't even thought of that, but I agree with you, I'd probably increase the damage by a die type and add +2 to the Fort save. I was thinking it would be cool to walk into some weird cavern and seeing a bunch of those hanging from the ceiling or walls and then all of a sudden they open up and bunch of Ghlaunder cultists pop out of them. If I went back and redid this, I might add flight from the other Desna cloak. And I thought it was appropriate to tie them together since I think it was Desna who accidently freed Ghlaunder (I don't know much canon, but I know that!).