Text message blows up suicide bomber by accident
Spam saved lives. Huh.
Wow.
Boy is her face red.
Allah calling.
Allah calling.
I hear the SMS read: "Dear fanatic, you make me and my religion look bad, so I'm killing you. Love, (deity of her choice, I haven't read the article far enough to get her religious orientation)"
She was Amish.
Amish extremists can't make use of text messaging technology to set off their explosives. It's why they seldom pull off terror attacks. You have any idea how hard it is to discreetly string a fuse all the way to your target?
She was Amish.Allah calling.I hear the SMS read: "Dear fanatic, you make me and my religion look bad, so I'm killing you. Love, (deity of her choice, I haven't read the article far enough to get her religious orientation)"
Now that's just odd.
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Now that's just odd.She was Amish.Allah calling.I hear the SMS read: "Dear fanatic, you make me and my religion look bad, so I'm killing you. Love, (deity of her choice, I haven't read the article far enough to get her religious orientation)"
I know right? Why would an Amish suicide bomber have a cell phone?
Now that's just odd.
Probably because Kortz was kidding. She's suspected of being a part of a radical Islamist terror group.
I can not see how any significantly powerful deity would want its followers killing others. Get off your lazy duff and do it yourself. I guarantee it would increase recruits into your religion.
Letting your minions handle your dirty work just leaves too many questions about their true motives.
I know right? Why would an Amish suicide bomber have a cell phone?Now that's just odd.She was Amish.Allah calling.I hear the SMS read: "Dear fanatic, you make me and my religion look bad, so I'm killing you. Love, (deity of her choice, I haven't read the article far enough to get her religious orientation)"
Reports that she was Amish are exaggerated. She was a Mennonite.
Reports that she was Amish are exaggerated. She was a Mennonite.I know right? Why would an Amish suicide bomber have a cell phone?She was Amish.Now that's just odd.
Apparently, my ConspiracySense is unable to cope. Time to triple-ply the foil hat!
It'd be great if it was a text message ad for life insurance.
I think the "Happy New Year" text message was sufficiently ironic.
Security sources believe a message from her mobile phone operator wishing her a happy new year received just hours before the planned attack triggered her suicide belt, killing her at a safe house.
"Happy New Year!"
"Well not now!"
Also…does Allah still let you into paradise if you botch your attempted jihad?
Also…if Allah does let her into paradise, does she get male virgins?
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Also…does Allah still let you into paradise if you botch your attempted jihad?
Also…if Allah does let her into paradise, does she get male virgins?
No, she is stuck with her Earth husband in the afterlife. Plus she has to put up with all the beautiful virgin girls hanging around.
So that should be fun.
Also…if Allah does let her into paradise, does she get male virgins?
Since the various translation of the Koran usually describes the pleasing nature of the aforementioned virgins' breasts, I'd hazard to say 'no'.
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Since the various translation of the Koran usually describes the pleasing nature of the aforementioned virgins' breasts, I'd hazard to say 'no'.Also…if Allah does let her into paradise, does she get male virgins?
I used to have a professor who was a Muslim from Palestine and he used to tell us that the Koran actually said you got 77 raisins. He was very anti-martyrdom if you can't tell.
I used to have a professor who was a Muslim from Palestine and he used to tell us that the Koran actually said you got 77 raisins.
Well, in that case I'm telling Islamic Jihad that I quit.
The Koran doesn't itself specify an exact number of virgins/companions; that bit comes from an apocryphal source as I understand it. A bit of marketing spin perhaps?
I used to have a professor who was a Muslim from Palestine and he used to tell us that the Koran actually said you got 77 raisins.Well, in that case I'm telling Islamic Jihad that I quit.
Aha! I knew that Sunmaid Raisin Girl and California Raisins were somehow behind this!!!
{adds another layer of foil to hat} We're through the magnifying glass here, people!
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I used to have a professor who was a Muslim from Palestine and he used to tell us that the Koran actually said you got 77 raisins.Well, in that case I'm telling Islamic Jihad that I quit.Aha! I knew that Sunmaid Raisin Girl and California Raisins were somehow behind this!!!
I wonder if they're virgins. ducks to avoid flying fruit
:)
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Houri: Splendid companions of subtable age;Lovely eyed of modest gaze, voluptuous pure companions of paradise.
hadith 2687 , 'The smallest reward for the people of Heaven is an abode where there are eighty thousand servants and seventy-two houri, over which stands a dome decorated with pearls, aquamarine and ruby, as wide as the distance from al-Jabiyyah to San'a.'
"mainstream Muslims regard this belief about 72 virgins in the same way that mainstream Christians regard the belief that after death they will be issued with wings and a harp, and walk on clouds."
Allah calling.I hear the SMS read: "Dear fanatic, you make me and my religion look bad, so I'm killing you. Love, (deity of her choice, I haven't read the article far enough to get her religious orientation)"
I didn't know Calistra made collect calls. :)
So, if this is the case, why doesn't the NSA send a text to every cellphone number in regions where terrorists are active? It certainly wouldn't get even 1%, but it'd be pretty cheap, relatively.
I didn't know Calistra made collect calls. :)Allah calling.I hear the SMS read: "Dear fanatic, you make me and my religion look bad, so I'm killing you. Love, (deity of her choice, I haven't read the article far enough to get her religious orientation)"
All gods make collect calls. It's called "death" and they collect your soul.
So, if this is the case, why doesn't the NSA send a text to every cellphone number in regions where terrorists are active? It certainly wouldn't get even 1%, but it'd be pretty cheap, relatively.
Now that's hilarious. "This is the NSA with a Bomb Call. If you're a suicide bomber, you've just exploded. If you can read this, you're clean."
I guess the non-lethal option for stopping people is too popular for something like that, though, especially because whenever something does explode, there might be collateral damage. I don't think they can issue a PSA urging terrorists to work in isolated places.
Actually the part of the Old Testament which concerns the conquest of Canaan, has quite a few exhortations for the Hebrews to smite their enemies, leaving none alive.
If the shoe fits...
This made me smile, and chuckle
Those are all phone sex hotlines you're dialing. I don't think they're the problem.
Are you sure? Something goes off when you call them.
Those are all phone sex hotlines you're dialing. I don't think they're the problem.~Begins dialing random cell numbers.~
What? I'm just trying to do my part to keep America safe....
Hello? Yes, you don't know me, but by any chance did you just blow the f@!# up? No.... ok then, have a nice day.
How do we know that the phone sex operator isn't a suicide bomber? ;)
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Those are all phone sex hotlines you're dialing. I don't think they're the problem.~Begins dialing random cell numbers.~
What? I'm just trying to do my part to keep America safe....
Hello? Yes, you don't know me, but by any chance did you just blow the f@!# up? No.... ok then, have a nice day.
Well they all have a "Middle East accent".... or so I've heard... er... been told.
Clean up on isle 10, bring a mop, Courtfool just "exploded" on the Barbie dolls.
Again.
[Removed for questionable content]
Also…does Allah still let you into paradise if you botch your attempted jihad?
Also…if Allah does let her into paradise, does she get male virgins?
No, just a room with 70 Helen Thomas's hanging around. Waiting for a man...
waiting...
So, if this is the case, why doesn't the NSA send a text to every cellphone number in regions where terrorists are active? It certainly wouldn't get even 1%, but it'd be pretty cheap, relatively.Now that's hilarious. "This is the NSA with a Bomb Call. If you're a suicide bomber, you've just exploded. If you can read this, you're clean."
I guess the non-lethal option for stopping people is too popular for something like that, though, especially because whenever something does explode, there might be collateral damage. I don't think they can issue a PSA urging terrorists to work in isolated places.
Nah, a NSA agent could just post the idea on 4chan. I'm sure a bunch of /b/tards would do it just for laughs.
Nah, a NSA agent could just post the idea on 4chan. I'm sure a bunch of /b/tards would do it just for laughs.So, if this is the case, why doesn't the NSA send a text to every cellphone number in regions where terrorists are active? It certainly wouldn't get even 1%, but it'd be pretty cheap, relatively.Now that's hilarious. "This is the NSA with a Bomb Call. If you're a suicide bomber, you've just exploded. If you can read this, you're clean."
I guess the non-lethal option for stopping people is too popular for something like that, though, especially because whenever something does explode, there might be collateral damage. I don't think they can issue a PSA urging terrorists to work in isolated places.
This makes my brain itch.
Well they all have a "Middle East accent".... or so I've heard... er... been told.Those are all phone sex hotlines you're dialing. I don't think they're the problem.~Begins dialing random cell numbers.~
What? I'm just trying to do my part to keep America safe....
Hello? Yes, you don't know me, but by any chance did you just blow the f@!# up? No.... ok then, have a nice day.
Swedish accents are way hotter.