"What's the point in playing X"
A couple of years ago, (ok, more than a couple...like...five or six - 3.5 era) we had a guy come play with us that we had all previously MUDded with - he was with us on the immortal staff and I had known him for about eight years online, so I figured it couldn't be all bad.
He arrived and we discussed the way things normally go in our games. He indicated he had no problems with high lethality, one-hit kills, etc., and proceeded to write up a level 5 wizard.
You see where this is going, right?
So, the party has a couple of encounters, and everything's going fine. They go underground, and I have them all make Spot checks, because there are several ninjas in the shadows. They all fail. The ninjas jump out to attack. I assigned the attacks to the people the ninjas were closest to. The one against the guy with the wizard hit, critted, and rolled close to max damage. On both hands (two-weapon fighting).
I rattled off the damage to him, and it slowly dawned on him that he was dead. He gaped at me for a second, screamed, "WHAT'S THE POINT IN PLAYING A CASTER?!" And stormed off to another room to sulk. And cry. Over an imaginary ninja in a game of make-believe killing his sheet of paper.
We still laugh about that one to this day.
We were playing Mayfair's DC Heroes game back when I was in High School, and my character's name was The God Damned American Icon, to this day one of my gaming buddies always tries to insert the line, "I'm a God Damned *insert name of nation here* Icon.
"You see three entrances in the hillside ahead..." Anyone who's played through the Tomb of Horrors in any incarnation knows this one all too well. Our group has done this dungeon run twice, under the same GM, with the same characters - first the tomb as presented by WotC for 3.5, then a PFRPG-adapted version of Bruce Cordell's "Return". If things are getting slow, or we comment that that last encounter was a little too easy, the above-mentioned GM says, "Oh, I'm sorry, did you want something more challenging? Okay, so you see three entrances..."
Just Apply the Half Fiend Template! We've made some broken-ass monsters with the half-fiend template - try laying it on a pair of inferno spiders from the 3.5 MM4 sometime and see how it goes for a party of 9th level PCs if you don't believe me. Any time an encounter is too easy, or one of us GMs is seeking to beef up an encounter to make it appropriately challenging, this suggestion pops up. Sometimes people throw things. It gets ugly.
Burny-Burny, Cut-Cut?! Our party's lovable half-orc fighter, Gnarl, who is actually quite intelligent but pretends to be an utter idiot to anyone outside the party, coined this as our motto early during the current campaign - apparently, it's a favorite pastime among males in his tribe. Whenever interrogations aren't going well, we ask Gnarl if he wants to play his favorite game, to which he gleefully responds, "BURNY-BURNY, CUT-CUT?!?!?!! YAAAAAY!" It's practically become our battle cry.
Sepia Snake Sigil OotS is to blame for this one with the perennial favorite that is "I prepared Explosive Runes today", but we've taken it a step further. During a session last month, I received this note from a player, accompanied by an epic Bluff and Knowledge (local) check to make an NPC wizard think it was a message from his master. Believing that one good turn deserves another, I've since started making a backstock of these for my own future use.
You're Ruining My Immersion! The immediate reaction from one of our players whenever we GMs retcon the least little thing or even so much as misdraw a room on the battle grid (meant in good fun, of course).
The Dreaded Bear Mage I once played a PHB2 Knight named Sir Landon with an Intelligence and Wisdom of 8 and 9, respectively. In this particular game, the party kept getting information about dead travelers being found in the woods looking like they'd been mauled by an animal and magically injured. While plenty of logical explanations abounded for these occurrences, Landon would have none of it - the obvious explanation was some sort of dreaded bear mage, a grizzly who had somehow learned to cast spells and was no doubt intent upon imposing his eldritch, ursine dominion over all goodly folks of the land. This joke went on for so long that the story arc actually ended with us fighting a werebear sorcerer. Landon, of course, has never let the others forget that he was right about the dreaded Bear Mage all along.
"WHORES?! Where?!" In our Rise of the Runelords game, we have a very old human alchemist who is almost completely deaf from advancing age and being inside one too many blast radii. He's also fond of prostitutes (and very well liked by the staff of the Pixie's Kitten in Sandpoint). Boars, swords, lore, door... basically anything that rhymes with "whore" elicits this response from him.
Hey, Hey, Hey - It's About The Power! Without going into too much graphic detail, I run a monthly game for four players who run evil characters. Two of the characters are serial rapists. This is their response every time someone else in the party makes a condescending remark about their sexual deviancy.
Hey, Hey, Hey - It's About The Power! Without going into too much graphic detail, I run a monthly game for four players who run evil characters. Two of the characters are serial rapists. This is their response every time someone else in the party makes a condescending remark about their sexual deviancy.
That's not a joke. That's an obscenity.
Hey, Hey, Hey - It's About The Power! Without going into too much graphic detail, I run a monthly game for four players who run evil characters. Two of the characters are serial rapists. This is their response every time someone else in the party makes a condescending remark about their sexual deviancy.That's not a joke. That's an obscenity.
Perhaps, but the humor in that game trends toward the dark side of things. I think the characters are actually well-played, and there's no lingering over the details of those deeds. These PCs are a representation of a very monstrous side of humanity, and, at least in one character's case, a worshiper of a deity which requires such obscenities to prove the character's loyalty. They are simply playing a role.
3.5's Book of Vile Darkness introduced necrophilia as a prerequisite for some prestige classes, and I'm sure there's more than one "putting the romance back in necromancer/crack open a cold one" joke going around tables that used those rules. But I doubt that every player who wanted to run a disciple of Orcus using those rules was an actual necrophiliac.
One other important thing to note, lest you think too badly of us, is that these players are actually establishing villains that they will later fight as good-aligned heroes. It makes for good storytelling.
I am sorry, though, if such black humor offended anyone, and should perhaps have exercised more discretion in posting it so flippantly. If I still had the ability to edit it out, I probably would, but the window for doing so has expired.
From the grou I'm playing with we have the "DM's Happy Discount Store" It started in charcter creation when the DM decided we were spending to much time buying equipment so he decided that each player could just spend 20gp and have the "Happy Adventurers Kit" with ration, torches, rope and whatever other mundane equipment we could need. It became a joke because between our rogue's high bluff and diplomacy, my barbarians high intimidate, and the sorcerers player always rolling high on his bluff checks, everything we buy ends up with huge discounts. Every single time.
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DMing the Shackled City, my party was exploring the enemy lair and began to run low on spells. Being some new players, along with a few older ones who hadn't played in awhile, they retreated to a cleared room. The rogue then said he'd keep watch while the cleric and wizard rested to regain spells.
So here I am, thinking 'what will the bad guys do for these eight hours?' Answer? Scout the intruder's location, gather their men, and strike back.
So a rude awakening comes with the doors to the room being battered down and the mob assaulting the party. It was only due to leniecy on the rolls from me and some creative use of wands of control water that they managed to flee the scene. Then they had to determine where the enemy fled to after their lair had been discovered.
Now the running joke is 'Hey I have an idea, I'll keep watch while you rest to regain spells!'
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Going through ... tunnel
Years ago I was running a Dark Matter game for a small group of players. The party was trying to infiltrate a company that they thought (correctly) was a front for something more sinister. They came up with this plan to have one of the group apply for a job with the company in some menial position. Well, they came up with a bit of a cover story and then one of the group called the company to speak with the HR manager. A receptionist answered the phone.
“Certainly I can transfer you to Mister Andrews,” she said. “Can I ask who’s calling?”
At this point the player realised that they hadn’t come up with a fake name, and panicked. In character he said, “Can’t talk ... Ksshhh ... Going through ... tunnel ... Ksshhh” (complete with fake static sound effects) and hung up the phone.
To this day, whenever someone is taken by surprise by a question or stuck for an answer (in or out of game) we use that line.