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I wouldn't mind seeing my score and feedback for "Banners of Belkzen." You can either e-mail it to me or post it here. Thanks. :)
Score 67
Interesting story, yes the names are a bit Warcraft or Warhammer, but they are the only examples we have mostly of orc characters.
I haven’t read Orcs gf Golarion but this format of orc tribes doesn’t sound so strange, nor their names (if we accept dwarven defining names I can’t see why orc can have more brutish names)Good story, but not excellent.
besides that its nice to see the animal companion to have its own personality, the villain was decent but a bit too black hat, its interesting to see an orc with some sort of honor, its an interesting way to see their side.
as most stories an edit pass would have helped it improve, which is what I can see from the judge's scores.
Besides that, I think some saw a bit too much of wow or warcraft in it... and yes we need to make it feel more Golarionlike... which in my case is hard to check without the mentioned book... as many other races I am sure orcs have their own uniqueness.
anyway I hope this serves you :)
I would like some feedback for my story An Unexpected Detour, all though reading this thread gave me a
pretty good idea on what I need to improve on.
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I would like some feedback for my story An Unexpected Detour, all though reading this thread gave me a
pretty good idea on what I need to improve on.
I would love this story to pass because its wonderfully told, but it has some confusing parts and it does require some good editing.. besides that, the use of characters and the relationship between them is wonderfully done…
And personally I feel in Irlandra… she simply is everything an elf should be, and then more… you wouldn’t confuse her with an human or anything else, not by a mile.
basically is that, you need it a better editing, some other judges complained a bit about it beginning with a random teleport (not me, it works like that) or the creature at the end (which I must admit, I don't know much about such creatures to know how off it is... still chocolate beast beating a dragon sounds a bit too powerful for a kid, but in fiction I go for it
I loved Irlandra, but she suffers from something a few other characters of novels do, she can do everything... she is a female Drizz or Elminster who by herself can beat the orc horde and can do a bit everything, she actually don't require the rest of her group which end as spectators to her battle. She can fight like the best and use powerful magic (which is very Basic Dungeons and Dragons' elves)
not bad, but you should give the rest of the party something useful to look for, while the relationship is reach their society looks a bit superfluous if the elf ca do it all.
hope this helps :)
Btw, being a feedback whore, I might be willing to trade feedback on my story for feedback on other folks stories. ;)
Btw, being a feedback whore, I might be willing to trade feedback on my story for feedback on other folks stories. ;)
I'd love more feedback on mine, but it is rather dark and a tad bit depressing. If you're not opposed to grim fiction, I can post a link for you.
Is it true that there are no posts at all in the section dedicated to this contest on the Pathfinder Chronicler Forums? Or is it restricted to editors?
Interesting story, yes the names are a bit Warcraft or Warhammer, but they are the only examples we have mostly of orc characters.
I haven’t read Orcs gf Golarion but this format of orc tribes doesn’t sound so strange, nor their names (if we accept dwarven defining names I can’t see why orc can have more brutish names)Good story, but not excellent.
besides that its nice to see the animal companion to have its own personality, the villain was decent but a bit too black hat, its interesting to see an orc with some sort of honor, its an interesting way to see their side.
as most stories an edit pass would have helped it improve, which is what I can see from the judge's scores.
Besides that, I think some saw a bit too much of wow or warcraft in it... and yes we need to make it feel more Golarionlike... which in my case is hard to check without the mentioned book... as many other races I am sure orcs have their own uniqueness.
anyway I hope this serves you :)
Yes, thanks for the comments. I will be the first to admit that I was a bit rushed in my submission, and there a couple errors that could have been corrected with a few more editing passes. I actually referred to Orcs of Golarion quite a bit while writing the story. I had hoped to do the orcs of this world justice, though I'm sure influences from too much Warhammer and Warcraft crept in regardless as I struggled to find a unique voice for Torgran. My idea for Torgran was "orc cavalier," and I hoped that image came out in the writing in his bond with his mount, his honor and his oaths.
All in all, I had fun writing the story, which is the most important thing. Thanks for putting on the contest and giving me an opportunity to flex my creativity a bit. :)
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Is it true that there are no posts at all in the section dedicated to this contest on the Pathfinder Chronicler Forums? Or is it restricted to editors?
Ted created it so we could plan the contest and maybe use it to post the stories we would judge, but at the end we voted for a different approach, there is no post there.
we created a google group for the five judges, each piece sent to the group arrived to each author if one was sent specifically to Ted or was in a format difficult to read we uploaded it correctly in that group. The group was mostly used for communication and to upload the final results for everyone.
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Yes, thanks for the comments. I will be the first to admit that I was a bit rushed in my submission, and there a couple errors that could have been corrected with a few more editing passes. I actually referred to Orcs of Golarion quite a bit while writing the story. I had hoped to do the orcs of this world justice, though I'm sure influences from too much Warhammer and Warcraft crept in regardless as I struggled to find a unique voice for Torgran. My idea for Torgran was "orc cavalier," and I hoped that image came out in the writing in his bond with his mount, his honor and his oaths.
All in all, I had fun writing the story, which is the most important thing. Thanks for putting on the contest and giving me an opportunity to flex my creativity a bit. :)
yes, though so about Togran being an orc cavalier, you did justice to him certainly in that aspect.
and thanks to you for participating, we would like for you to continue doing it :) there is always need for those to exalt areas others have not though of working on :)
even if I am more akin killing than writing about orcs :D
Btw, being a feedback whore, I might be willing to trade feedback on my story for feedback on other folks stories. ;)
I'm down with that. Want me to shoot you an email?
I would like some feedback for my story An Unexpected Detour, all though reading this thread gave me a
pretty good idea on what I need to improve on.
I would love this story to pass because its wonderfully told, but it has some confusing parts and it does require some good editing.. besides that, the use of characters and the relationship between them is wonderfully done…
And personally I feel in Irlandra… she simply is everything an elf should be, and then more… you wouldn’t confuse her with an human or anything else, not by a mile.
basically is that, you need it a better editing, some other judges complained a bit about it beginning with a random teleport (not me, it works like that) or the creature at the end (which I must admit, I don't know much about such creatures to know how off it is... still chocolate beast beating a dragon sounds a bit too powerful for a kid, but in fiction I go for it
I loved Irlandra, but she suffers from something a few other characters of novels do, she can do everything... she is a female Drizz or Elminster who by herself can beat the orc horde and can do a bit everything, she actually don't require the rest of her group which end as spectators to her battle. She can fight like the best and use powerful magic (which is very Basic Dungeons and Dragons' elves)
not bad, but you should give the rest of the party something useful to look for, while the relationship is reach their society looks a bit superfluous if the elf ca do it all.
hope this helps :)
Thanks for the feedback.
Let me know if you put yours up somewhere, because I'd like to read it.
Hey Andrew, would you be willing to shoot me your email so I could send you the story? I think my email is listed under my profile.
Btw, being a feedback whore, I might be willing to trade feedback on my story for feedback on other folks stories. ;)I'm down with that. Want me to shoot you an email?
Sure thing :)
Hey Andrew, would you be willing to shoot me your email so I could send you the story? I think my email is listed under my profile.
I couldn't find it... the "Email this user profile" button doesn't fill in an address.
I guess there's no private message system on this board?
Anyway, you can send it to me at: andrewcrossett (at) earthlink (dot) net.
I wonder if any more thought has been given to making some sort of anthology of the contest entries?
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Btw, being a feedback whore, I might be willing to trade feedback on my story for feedback on other folks stories. ;)
Todd, if you can, I'd suggest joining Pathfinder Chronicler and becoming one of the editors.
That way you can participate in the circular process of writing and editing, and the comments, critiques and discussions of the works flow very freely.
Actually, this really isn't just for Todd, ANYONE else who's interested--especially if you entered the Contest this year, or want to for next year--should stop by PFC and participate as a writer/editor.
It's challenging to be sure, but it can also be fun, and your writing will definitely improve.
Hey Andrew, would you be willing to shoot me your email so I could send you the story? I think my email is listed under my profile.I couldn't find it... the "Email this user profile" button doesn't fill in an address.
I guess there's no private message system on this board?
Anyway, you can send it to me at: andrewcrossett (at) earthlink (dot) net.
I wonder if any more thought has been given to making some sort of anthology of the contest entries?
Weird. Okay, sending away.
Sure thing :)Btw, being a feedback whore, I might be willing to trade feedback on my story for feedback on other folks stories. ;)I'm down with that. Want me to shoot you an email?
huh. And it turns out Andrew is right. There is no email in there. Weird.
Just send it to Surrational (at) spekaeasy (dot) net.
Sure thing :)Btw, being a feedback whore, I might be willing to trade feedback on my story for feedback on other folks stories. ;)I'm down with that. Want me to shoot you an email?huh. And it turns out Andrew is right. There is no email in there. Weird.
Just send it to Surrational (at) spekaeasy (dot) net.
Likewise crossdressingarcanaloth (at) gmail (dot) com
That's a secondary email address for me, but it works. :)
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I wonder if any more thought has been given to making some sort of anthology of the contest entries?
yes :)
I just need time... and actually decide how is better to mix them...ok.. why not ask.
what would people prefer:
a) An Anthology with only the best
b) An Anthology based in one of the different aspects seen in the stories (like regions, faiths, etc)
A
A collection of the best would probably be.... best.
What would really rock is if there could be an illustration or two with each story. :-) But that might be too much of a pain.
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A collection of the best would probably be.... best.
What would really rock is if there could be an illustration or two with each story. :-) But that might be too much of a pain.
more like expensive, unless we can get someone to donate them.
if such would be the case i (as in myself) would prefer just the line art showing the character or an scene.. just like some of Conan stories or the art in Planet Stories (I loved the art coming with "The Ship of Ishtar")I myself got a piece of Art for my Life in Korvosa's character: Natalia Crow
Art is not one of my superpowers. So yes, I can't promise anything about art.
PS: And yes I have no problem asking Art to Brazil... Brazil has been good with me this days :)
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If it's not too much trouble, could I see the feedback for "A Bride in Korvosa?" I'm mighty curious to see what faults denied me the 3 points that kept me out of the top five.
But hey, TOP TEN, BABY!after the first stories my notes began dwindling considering how heavy the workload become.
** spoiler omitted **
besides my very spoiler comment above: the story has some roughness that can be polished, the movement in the alley make it feel a lot bigger than it should. and the ending... while i love the scene exactly previous the the ending, the true ending (the character leaving) while i like where its headed it could be wrapped a bit better. A tad shorter and focused ending would keep the climax of the story without dilutting. as it is right now, the ending dilutes a bit the drama of the end, not enough to ruin it, but just enough that the climax is far behind. Remember... the feeling in the climax (the rescue) its what must be felt in the end.
** spoiler omitted **
Exellent- I'll keep this in mind for when I get a chance for revision work in the near future. Thanks for the input. Oh, and I choose option A on the anthology choice. On another note, when I go to post "Bride", should I do it in the forums? Or another area (I'm still learning to navigate the 'Chronicler site)?
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Exellent- I'll keep this in mind for when I get a chance for revision work in the near future. Thanks for the input. Oh, and I choose option A on the anthology choice. On another note, when I go to post "Bride", should I do it in the forums? Or another area (I'm still learning to navigate the 'Chronicler site)?
My pleasure :)
Do it in the forums under short story, please just open the thread with the name and post the story as an attachment, .doc is better.
I will take the first edit and help you upload it in the site
more like expensive, unless we can get someone to donate them.
I was thinking there might be amateur artists around who would like the opportunity to illustrate a story. That's how it's done with the Wayfinder illustrations, isn't it?
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more like expensive, unless we can get someone to donate them.I was thinking there might be amateur artists around who would like the opportunity to illustrate a story. That's how it's done with the Wayfinder illustrations, isn't it?
That also enters in the donation area :P
I would put some though on that. besides... after checking the Threads "we will draw your characters" I have seen the community artist a bit busy these days, so they would be also with the coming Wayfinder #4.
We still need to chose the texts... since the Best is asked for I think only the Best will serve, then some stories will need at least an edit pass and rewrite (which some had already began in Pathfinder Chronicler).
When that is done, we might think about illustrations, which will let people free themselves a bit.
and I think I still need to ask something yo Vic...
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I have a question.
As a finalist, my story will be displayed indefinitely on the website, and will presumably used in the hypothetical anthology. Does this mean that the version of the story I submitted must be used? Or could I revise the story based on James Sutter's feedback and have the improved version used in place of the submitted version (with a link back to the original draft, if needed for posterity)?
no, we love revisions, we believe the story to be posted/published should be the best it can be. Please send me any revisions you want to make on the story or Join the Pathfinder Chronicler so we can help you with that or simply to discuss your story.
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Trying to get my head above water.
are there any questions Montalve failed to answer? I am here to throw my own hat in. I do see that some of my comments were thrown in but I actually have a lot more to say now that I have a little time to say it.
actually there is a lot of people who would like a second opinion... specially those I scored high and I don't know exactly what to criticize :P
sorry my friend you now have some leg work to do, unless of course they ask again :)
RPG Superstar 2009 Top 8
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Trying to get my head above water.
are there any questions Montalve failed to answer? I am here to throw my own hat in. I do see that some of my comments were thrown in but I actually have a lot more to say now that I have a little time to say it.
actually there is a lot of people who would like a second opinion... specially those I scored high and I don't know exactly what to criticize :P
sorry my friend you now have some leg work to do, unless of course they ask again :)
Hey Zux,
I'd love some feedback. I'd like to get my "Wandering Kingdom" into the anthology if it can get in.
Cheers,
Yeah, I'd be curious to hear the other judges feedback on my "Dusk of the Dawnflower Dervish" story as well.
Is there a way we can see all the judges' responses to our stories?
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Is there a way we can see all the judges' responses to our stories?
my apologies, but I don't have this... because we were short in time we had not much actual written reviews... most judges followed the score and we mostly discussed the final merits of some of the top 5 and more about the merit mentions in general (which individually we thought they were worthy enough of being in the top 5)
I took my notes directly on the file I was working on, so each time I am asked I search for my quick (and sometimes not so quick) notes and I try to elaborate on them.
So no, we have no such thing as all the judges responses.
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And of course, there's the question of where's the cutoff for "the best". I didn't exactly make the top 10, but I wasn't that far off, and I would certainly like to see my story in said anthology.
I have submitted a list of those I am inclined to add as part of the Anthology in the Pathfinder Chronicler. I noted them on my tastes and what I thing they would bring as new and vibrant to the world... and the better written. Still most need some work... and the first in consideration are the ones being already reworked on the Pathfinder Chronicler.
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I have a question.
As a finalist, my story will be displayed indefinitely on the website, and will presumably used in the hypothetical anthology. Does this mean that the version of the story I submitted must be used? Or could I revise the story based on James Sutter's feedback and have the improved version used in place of the submitted version (with a link back to the original draft, if needed for posterity)?
Montalve hit this one on the head. I fully approve of edits to improve your piece. That is the beauty of what Pathfinder Chronicler does, what writers do and just about anyone that has the time to do it, rewritten stories only get better with each rewrite.
I was told by a book author once that the best way to get your writing up to illustrious super awesome level is to keep rewritting until you literally puke at the sight of it.
We are discussing the idea of moving forward with the Anthology. I am glad the weighty decisions rest in Montalve's hands. Since it will be the "Best of" Pathfinder Chronicler, stories on the site itself are considered higher priority as this is Pathfinder Chronicler, but in no way will the stories come remotely close to filling the Anthology.
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Hey Zux,I'd love some feedback. I'd like to get my "Wandering Kingdom" into the anthology if it can get in.
Cheers,
This was a lofty piece. There were quite a few characters to talk about in a short space of time. I felt your writing was fairly strong and solid. You handled that hurdle quite nicely.
The part that hurt this piece was a solid ending. This would have been an excellent start to a great novel but for me the ending of these short stories had to blow my socks off. I was looking for that in every entry. Montalve didn't agree with me on that but that was what I wanted to see.
Did the characters jump through a rite of passage?
Did the story change me as a reader after the moment I read the last word?
Did all the elements that the author put in their first act get resolved in the conclusion?
Was there even a conclusion at all?
This was very important to me and why I gave your story a hit on "Overall Excellence". Though there was some resolution with killing the mutant slayer, I did not see something that got to the core of the characters in a meaningful way. It seemed their story was ready to begin in full on a greater epic (and I really could see that).
I got a real sense of fellowship from your story too. The leader of the group was very uplifting and positive that I got the sense that this was truly an inspiring leader. I have met a few people like that in my lifetime and I think their stories are very important to tell.
Unfortunately, this may have not been the right time to tell it. My overall score was a 15 (there was one lower than that). Had the end been something that brought this whole great theme to a conclusion (which I do not believe was possible), your score would have been more like a 16 to 17. Getting you in "tie country" with Todd. I don't think this story could pull off a "super conclusion" without feeling rushed or panicked to do so. The rest of the judges felt differently. I just happen to look for the ending of a Short Story as the "epic end." I was very impressed by the book "Robots Have No Tails" and I recommend giving it a read to see how to create "elements" and have them "resolved" by stories end.
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Yeah, I'd be curious to hear the other judges feedback on my "Dusk of the Dawnflower Dervish" story as well.
Ho Man!
I gotta be careful less you skewer me in a future edit.
Nah, just kidding.
I liked your story a lot. My comments weren't much, but the overall feeling I got reading it was Sin City. This guy was a badass among bad people. He also has a bit of chauvenism (but that ain't all bad given he is a character).
With the score I gave you which was a 17, this story could have risen to greatness or leveled off at just below the mark. I honestly think that some may have took offense to such a hero reaching the top.
Something I realized back when I wrote my "first draft" for Pathfinders of Qadira. The story has to be twice as good to support a smug character. If for some reason the main character is offensive or plain mean, that means you have lost some of your audience of readers.
Case in point:
I look across the dead. “You Ardocs and your rules. She was the Crafter, but women don’t build. They’re just useful for babies.
Now, within the character this makes sense. It is part of his persona and a flaw that he carries (which I am completely down with), however there were two other judges that were of the opposite sex. Reading this, I can see how one of them gave your piece the abyssmal score that sunk it. It is things like that which makes it hard to be a start-up writer. Pleasing everyone should not be your first thought but in fact it is something that will affect scoring!
Your story did an admireable job of building such a line like that in, but for a woman that most likely can never have chidlren (be it physical or by choice) to read such a thing...
Now, let me be straight by saying I have never asked any of the judges as to why they scored as they did. I am just speculating. My advice is to be mindful of such pitfalls. They add a level of grittiness but at the exclusion of those that may have advocated your work.
IMHO, screw them. Write what you wish but when everyone comes to the same opinion about one of your stories...such as the comments that happen on Pathfinder Chronicler Edits (from time to time), take heed in considering what kind of piece you wish to create. Mass appeal or a focused type or readership.
Overall, your story brought all the elements together tightly in the conclusion and the grittiness of the story was unparalleled. It was a fine example of Kaer Maga. It really wove the ugliness of the city well. On the rating of Topic Creativity I gave you a "5." Overall Excellence suffered a "4" despite the fact you fulfilled my criteria for a "5." Reason being was the fact that the end felt like it came out of nowhere. This isn't ideal when a short story does not give the reader some clue as to where it is going. We like to be teased that we know what is going on and might be able to guess at it. In this case I was in the back of the cop car enjoying the ride. Think training day and you might get my drift. There are several "returning to" a point that made you feel like, "Aah, I should have saw that coming."
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And of course, there's the question of where's the cutoff for "the best". I didn't exactly make the top 10, but I wasn't that far off, and I would certainly like to see my story in said anthology.
Dane, I liked your story ok but it suffered some major torpedos from others. My advice is that we get to work on it right away.
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One thing I know was an issue was the lack of a real resolution, though honestly it wasn't the point of the story. It was mostly meant to explore the motivations of the characters in it. Still, I would like to get to work editing and revising it. And the phrase "major torpedoes" kinda makes me cringe, lol.
Anyone else have questions?
I'll happily take any deeper commentary and score breakdowns if they're available on mine.
First of all, thanks Zux.
I liked your story a lot. My comments weren't much, but the overall feeling I got reading it was Sin City. This guy was a badass among bad people. He also has a bit of chauvenism, (but that ain't all bad given he is a character).
*blink*
Holy crap. That was absolutely not at all what I intended. He's not chauvinist at all. The ARDOCS are. He's quoting their own absurd rules back at them. Granted, our narrator *ahem* prefers the company of men, but that certainly doesn't mean he hates women. Now he does put women on a pedestal given his issues with his mother and the like but...
Wow. That is honestly the last thing I wanted to imply. Eeek. Thanks for that alone.
I look across the dead. “You Ardocs and your rules. She was the Crafter, but women don’t build. They’re just useful for babies.
Now, within the character this makes sense. It is part of his persona and a flaw that he carries (which I am completely down with), however there were two other judges that were of the opposite sex. Reading this, I can see how one of them gave your piece the abyssmal score that sunk it. It is things like that which makes it hard to be a start-up writer. Pleasing everyone should not be your first thought but in fact it is something that will affect scoring!
Your story did an admireable job of building such a line like that in, but for a woman that most likely can never have chidlren (be it physical or by choice) to read such a thing...
Now, let me be straight by saying I have never asked any of the judges as to why they scored as they did. I am just speculating. My advice is to be mindful of such pitfalls. They add a level of grittiness but at the exclusion of those that may have advocated your work.
...
Okay, so right there, I'll have to edit it as "You Ardocs and your rules. She was the Crafter, but your clan doesn't let women build. You all just think they're useful for babies."
Hopefully that would clear things up. And sincere apologies. I don't have a problem necessarily offending readers (Heck, the narrator is a gay ex-paladin after all...) but I want them to be offended for the right reasons...
I realize you're just speculating, but I would love to hear from the judge in question, if they were willing. I have no problem with someone not liking the story. I just don't want them not liking it because of that.
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One thing I know was an issue was the lack of a real resolution, though honestly it wasn't the point of the story. It was mostly meant to explore the motivations of the characters in it.
I feel that is precisely why I gave it a 16. Overall Excellence suffered for that particular reason.
I stated this for Overall Excellence
Overall Excellence: The story is a worthy candidate to share with an editor of a publishing company. The story is a short story with a beginning, middle and end. The writer demonstrates the ability to weave engaging fiction. Stories that suffer in the above categories will also suffer here as well. If the judge has some bias or liking for the story, this would be the place to award points.
Some judges did not look particularly for a conclusive end but I did. That was my serious pet peeve. If there wasn't a solid resolution with most the elements put forth (if not all), I lopped off two points right there.
For me (and I do not speak for all the Judges, to be sure), a short story has to find a resolution and not leave the reader with too many unresolved questions. To me, that isn't a short story but a novel excerpt. Albeit, the beginning of a novel. At Pathfinder Chronicler we had a lot of writers join up and think, "I am not going to start by writing some big huge novel. Instead I will just write a Short Story. Well, their short story didn't end with anything resolved. Where is the rest of this short story? All I am left with is, "What next?" Pretty quick I realized that a lot of people were starting a Serial Novel/Novella but stuffing it into Short Story because it seemed less like a commitment. I had to clamp down on that because it was just plain nonsense. This also turned me into a judge of "Short Stories" right then and there.
I must admit, I am not a big fan of small short stories. I like epic beowulf kills the dragon and rules the kingdom type of novels. Plenty of room to develop your characters there.
However, the Short Stories that were being pumped into our site, started off with all these ideas and characters and villians and... WTF? I have read Short Stories in college and they didn't start off like that. After reading Manly Wade's "Who Fears the Devil?" and "Robots Have No Tails" by Henry Kuttner I suddenly built a recognition of what I feel constitutes a Short Story. I remember reading the Lottery in high school too. They introduce elements, have some middle ground of "Oh Crap!" and come to some shattering end that leaves you walking away being blown away. To me, that is a short story. It is entertainment that a reader can get into for a short period of time and walk away feeling they digested a complete story. Good Short Stories are very addictive if they smartly deliver one mindblowing event after another. It takes a bit of craft to deliver that in 4500 words. You can't set up too many elements because each one requires space to be resolved. Too many elements (to add to the atmoshpere) can't be put in if they don't get resolved in the overall crescendo. The ending has to blow the reader away. Something like tying a cable to your back and saying to the film crew, "Hit it!" "Wham! Off your feet you go!" A reader needs to feel something significant at the end of the Short Story because it leaves an impression. The kind of impression that astonishes. "Whoa, this is mindblowing the way this all comes together. This is amazing. Who wrote this? Dane Pitchford. What an awesome read!"
Clearly, I am a minority in my own group. There are a lot of people who think stories resolve in many different ways.
The hankerchief dropped and he smiled.
I am not saying that all questions have to be answered by stories end but I believe in my gut that Short Stories need a conclusion that is at least equal to a novel's conclusion. If you fail at that, what you are left with is a story that must be engaging enough to dazzle the reader with pure "live for the moment." And I think that is great, but it still shows a lack of true storytelling power. There were so many entries I read that were, "Oh my God I wish I could write like that." But it did absolutely nothing when it came to the actual story. There were quite a few like that which had excellent prose and wonderful use of the english language but...story please?
This was one of the really "hard to believe" parts of the contest. Really!
Some contestants had excellent command of vocabulary and put together sentences I could only dream of coming up with. Quite literally, poetry to the eyes, but...no idea how to contruct a story. It ran together smooth but where was it going? Nowhere!
On the opposite spectrum we had incredible stories but clunky wording. Bad sentences. It seemed almost every story could be divided right there down the middle. As we got to our top winners, it seemed even they were suffering from one or the other but they somehow found a way to get around those obstacles.
If I have to say it Dane, you are a better writer of words than a storyteller (at least in this story and for this specific criteria). You have a greater grasp of word prose than I do. I concede that for sure! Your story was also very engaging but was it really a short story in my eyes? No, it wasn't. Not a 4500 word short story at least.
Montalve on the otherhand would say completely different. He gave you a very high score and he thinks what I consider a short story isn't actually the case. We completely disagree on this even today. However, that does not change the fact that two other judges really hammered your story into the floor. I even have to scratch my head at those numbers...brutal.
I want to see your story in the anthology but if I were to get my editing hands on this I would expect you to say this story is a Serial Novel/Novella about a hunter and a huntress. I would expect these two to have a merry chase spanning for quite a few 1000 words before entering into a mindblowing end. I would say about 10k to pull this off. The Anthology will also allow Serial Novel/Novella excerpts in addition to Short Stories. I know we have a few already planned. So, don't feel pigeonholed into thinking you have to make major alterations to come up with a "Short Story" with a conclusive ending. That is just not the case.