*drinks potion*
I'm feeling better... has anyone seen my cat?
I ate it.
FAWK?
Mmmmm....poisonberry pie.
Hey, you look.......familiarMaybe a nice game of Pin the Dagger in the Duergar?*claps hands excitedly*
Yes, please... I haven't played that since my sorority days, honestly.
You mean, like a raven or cat?
How would you like it if i made you full Drow??
Well, precious, I suppose you'd have to buy me dinner first, hmm?.
*smiles wickedly*
He would. The amateur.
Me, I'd just put something into your drink to make you pass out, drag you to some place where we are... undisturbed.
And then I'd go at you with my shiny black permanent marker. One full drow right up.
Oh, and bleach for your hair. Lots of it.
Dinner, eh?? have i mentioned i run and own a tavern??
Is that that "Crazed Cannibal" I'm hearing so much about? They say they serve everyone there!
Damnit. It's good to be a drow gangsta.
Oh yeah. Much better than human gangsta. I mean, they're black, too, but not black enough. It's just very tan. And I hear it comes from being out in the sun too much. That's just disgusting. Why would anyone go out under the sun on purpose for so long? Sicko surfacers.
Plus, they don't know their sign language. I saw some of their bards once. They couldn't even sing, they'd just talk to some repetitive piece of music. Something about big butts or something. And on the same time they're talking with their hands like crazy.
Stuff like "My hippo is blue like a shark is old" or "I fish you crab super-nail-housings".
I think that they're all mental. Or it's some code. But I think it's mental.
Spam, spam, spam, spam.
Mmmmm......SPAM!!!
Wow! No spam love....
Wow! No spam love....
I love spam! I have over 40 varieties!
I could make something . . . interesting with that.
I could make something . . . interesting with that.
Is it a salad?
Because your name sounds like lettuce.
Did someone ask for a slaad? I came running as fast as I could!
Did someone ask for a slaad? I came running as fast as I could!
*backstab*
Ow.
Ooooo.
A little lower next time please.
Hi, is this the drow party? I'm the delivery guy. Did you order... Let's see the notes: "a dozen female elf virgins, two half dragon/half troll gladiators, a very tall dwarf, one medusa, half a dozen succubi and incubbi, a crate of jalapeños, a stepladder, enough chains to secure a giant, svmurf poison and one feather duster"? Payment in gold only, please. *Mumbling* A feather duster? Crazy elves.
You forgot my jar of pickles! I ORDERED KOSHER DILL PICKLES DAMNIT!!!!
Yeah, a . . . salad.
*Searches the notes* Ah yes, here we go a jar of kosher dill pickles. As an apology, if you want, we can send the guy who makes the notes for a week of torture. Our own technicians can do it if you don't want to do it yourself.
*backstabs delivery guy with a poisoned blade*
I don't like paying for stuff.
*Backhands Backstabber across the room*Hypothetically, if you were going inside a drow party and had the resources, would you come without Blindsense, Blindvision, Poison and Disease Imunnity, all as extraordinary abilities? More importantly wouldn't you know the secret password to release the slaves, including the gladiators that are equipped with Holy Drowbane weapons? Just a question...
As an aside how many high level fighters are here, carrying an item capable of making a mobile anti-magic sphere centered on him?*Raises hand*Oh! Right! Now, can we keep this civil? I just want my money.
And if you think that's a lot, imagine what I have to do when making businesses with customers from the outer planes... Them angels are locos!
Mmmmm......kosher dills.
Master, are you all right.
*Rushes to Backstbber's aid*
We should complain to his manager. Very rude.
Shall I pay him a visit?
Shall I pay him a visit?
I was just going to place an irate phone call, but whatever floats your boat.
I was just going to place an irate phone call, but whatever floats your boat.
Schism is afraid of water. But if master orders, Schism will get on boat.
Yeah... feel free to talk to my manager:) He is named Sckhar and can be found in the world of Arton, in the kingdom of Sckharshantallas, he is an ancient red dragon/ruler of the kingdom/god-king of red dragons. Want me to make a portal for you or are you going to pay?
Yeah... feel free to talk to my manager:) He is named Sckhar and can be found in the world of Arton, in the kingdom of Sckharshantallas, he is an ancient red dragon/ruler of the kingdom/god-king of red dragons. Want me to make a portal for you or are you going to pay?
*Disjoins your Anti-Magic Field, sends his undead army after your slaves, Polar Rays you into oblivion, then animates your corpse* I think your now happy to allow us this stuff for free
One: The AM field was not active in the first place. Two: [i]*kills the undead*[/i}I hadn't told the slaves to attack and you still haven't paid, so zombies off the merchandise, please. Trhee: I'm an epic level DMPC that was just supposed to make a cameo, you can't kill me. Are you guys going to pay or do I have to get nasty? Cause I have lawyers you know... Drow lawyers at that. Feeling very miffed cause they didn't get invitations to this party.
Drow lawyers at that. Feeling very miffed cause they didn't get invitations to this party.
You lie. Schism delivered all invitations.
Master? Where is everyone? Schism all alone.
sneaks through the thread looking for someone to backstab
Master? Where is everyone? Schism all alone.
Sorry, I was just slinking about in the shadows. I do that sometimes.
Can I touch as many Dark Elves as I want on this thread. I promise not to bite.
Can I touch as many Dark Elves as I want on this thread. I promise not to bite.
Monster!! Protect Master!
I'm here to deliver three pounds of mithril, thirteen 60gp rubies, five slaad embryos, *blinks* Really? *goes back to reading order* Five PCs, bound, gagged, and with their legs chopped off? *confused expression* a hobo named Gidge, 50 feet of rope, an angry beaver? and an owlbear. Here, here, here. *hands over crates* Who ordered this?
I ordered the beaver.
Now Beave, what have I told you about ordering things online? They need you back at the lab for more experiments. Don't lolligag!
*drinks a box of wine*
**ERROR 404** Does>Not>Compute. **Logical fallacy** **Rebooting**
I'm gonna say... false. Wait... yeah, false.