Tables Not Appearing in the GMG


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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

Excerpts from tables you won't be seeing in the Gamemastery Guide:

Pimp My Warhorse
01-04: Racing stripes painted on saddle
05-08: Fuzzy dice hanging around neck
09-12: Lime green horsey Mohawk
13-16: Hums "Lowrider" when fed sugar cubes
17-20: Permanent new car scent

Lame Endings for Quests
01-04: Abruptly cut to black
05-08: It was all just a dream
09-12: The characters are already dead
13-16: They go back in time and fix it
17-20: They live happily ever after as hunter-gatherers

Random Punchlines
01-04: "That's not my camel."
05-08: "To which the baker said, 'pie.' "
09-12: "About as much as your mother."
13-16: "Schooled him? I damn near killed him."
17-20: "That's the last time I go drinking in Absalom."

Dangerous Fruits
01-04: Sickly brown orange
05-08: Thorn-skinned kiwi
09-12: Exploding mango
13-16: Honey-don't melon
17-20: Lascivious banana


Well, that is why the Advanced Gamemastery Guide is coming out in 2014.


Random Trick or Treat
01-04: A Rock
05-08: Gelatinous Cubicals
09-12: Catgut Floss
13-16: Sugary Snack
17-20: 1d4 Gold


Strange Food Vendor

1-6 Mystery Meat Kabobs (cow, chicken, beef? Oh no)
7-8 Caramel Fruits From Far Off Places (fresh from the jungle, or desert)
9-13 Chocolate Covered Something or Others (are those antlion legs?)
14-17 Fried Body Parts of Unidentified Animals (yep, antlion legs)
18-20 Snake Oil (literally)

Shadow Lodge

Meals found in a Goblin kitchen
1-2 Assorted ear and mushroom stew
3-4 Fried foot with toe jam
5-8 Handburger on toast
9-11 Halfling on a spit
12-16 Struggling Stroganaf
17-20 Mystery meat

Liberty's Edge

Missing body parts of beggars
01-04: Arms
05-08: Legs
09-12: Eyes
13-16: Tongue
17-20: Head

Type of corrosion on weapons and armour used by undead
01-04: Rusty
05-08: Patina
09-12: Tarnished
13-16: Mold infested
17-20: Skungy


Time of Day
01-04: Morning
05-08: Afternoon
09-12: Night Time
13-16: None. Causality has been shattered. Existence is a nightmare without beginning or end.
17-20: Indeterminate.

Silver Crusade

2 people marked this as a favorite.

Toilets

01-04 Wooden Outhouse
05-08 Jewel-Encrusted Privy
09-12 Hole in the ground
13-16 Friendly otyugh
17-20 Outhouse Mimic

Scarab Sages

Random Bard Songs
01-04: No Goblin No Cry
05-08: The Lion Sleeps Tonight
09-12: Undead is Undead
13-16: Taldorian Rhapsody
17-20: The Tale of Brave Sir Robin


Random Gruesome NPC Deaths

01-04: Explosive Rectal prolapse
05-08: Head Splitting Fungus
09-12: Accidentally brutally cuts own head off while shaving.
13-16: A swarm of Mawangi flesh borer wasps decides to turn NPC into a Nest
17-20: Forced to listen to country music


Mikaze wrote:

Toilets

17-20 Outhouse Mimic

Totally using that one!

Contents of Mysterious Barrel
1-5 Water
6-9 Sovereign Glue
10-14 Alchemist's Fire
15-18 Blood
19-20 Half-Dragon Girallons.

Sovereign Court

Talynonyx wrote:
19-20 Half-Dragon Girallons.

I see Milton Bradley decided to make the Monkeys in a Barrel game a little more risky.

RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32

Random Table Result Generator
01-04: 12
05-08: 7
09-12: 19
13-16: 4
17-20: 37

Sovereign Court RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8

Random lost items table.
1-4 Sean Reynolds' hair.
5-8 Sebastian's ethics
9-12 My ex-wives (if found do not return!)
13-16 Megan Fox's Acting lessons
17-19 West end Games' Rogue Squadron Sourcebook.
20 Savage Coast Campaign setting.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 16

Talynonyx wrote:
Mikaze wrote:

Toilets

17-20 Outhouse Mimic

Totally using that one!

It's a baby house hunter! :)


Joe Wells wrote:

Random Table Result Generator

01-04: 12
05-08: 7
09-12: 19
13-16: 4
17-20: 37

Brilliant.

Random Rules Lawyer Response Table
01-04: "It doesn't say that I _can't_..."
05-08: "It's in the errata."
09-12: Flips through the book idly searching for answers hours after you made what you believed to be a fair ruling.
13-16: Thirty minutes after the issue, "Okay, the guys on paizo.com's forums are telling me..."
17-20: "Well, that's how they did it in 4e/3.5e/3e/2e/1e/Chainmail."

Grand Lodge

Trees:
1) The Larch
2) The Larch
3) The Larch
4) The Dire Larch


Talynonyx wrote:
Mikaze wrote:

Toilets

17-20 Outhouse Mimic
Totally using that one!

I used that one, only it was in d20 Modern so it was a urinal in a public bathroom.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

Joe Wells wrote:
Random Table Result Generator

Ooo. Clever. Now I am inspired to add...

Table 0: Random Tables
01-04) Table 2-3: MacGuffins and Quest Items
05-08) Table 2-4: Cultural Titles
09-12) Table 7-34: Menu Items
13-16) Table 7-39: Shop Names
17-20) Table 7-53: Sailors and Boatmen


Random Dice Table
01-10: d4
11-20: d6
21-30: d8
31-40: d10
41-45: d12
46-60: d20
61-65: d30
66-80: d100
81-90: Roll twice on this table. Roll the given dice and add the results.
91-100: Roll any dice you own that aren't listed here. If you own no other types of dice, roll again on this table three times and add the results of the indicated dice.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

_
Edition Wars
01-04: 4e vs. PF
05-08: PF vs. 3.5
09-12: 3.5 vs. 2e
13-16: 2e vs. 1e
17-20: 1e vs. BECMI


Epic Meepo wrote:

_

Edition Wars
01-04: 4e vs. PF
05-08: PF vs. 3.5
09-12: 3.5 vs. 2e
13-16: 2e vs. 1e
17-20: 1e vs. BECMI

BECMI?

Edit: Ah- Basic - Expert - Companion - Master - Immortal

Or just AD&D vs D&D (Which is what they were called back then).

And you forgot:

D&D vs. Religeous Conservatives

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

gigglestick wrote:
BECMI?

Basic, Expert, Champion, Master, and Immortal (D&D) boxed sets.

Or, in a format more appropriate for this thread...

Random Boxed Sets
01-04: Basic
05-08: Expert
09-12: Champion
13-16: Master
17-20: Immortal

RPG Superstar 2015 Top 8

I have nothing to add to this, but you all are wonderful people, and I will subscribe to your Book o' Awesome Tables as soon as Paizo is ready to publish it in 2021. ;p :)

Silver Crusade

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Numbers
01: 1
02: 2
03: 3
04: 4
05: 5
06: 6
07: 7
08: 8
09: 9
10: 10
11: 11
12: 12
13: 13
14: 14
15: 15
16: 16
17: 17
18: 18
19: 19
20: 20

Shadow Lodge

Who to Blame
1: The GM
2-7: James Jacobs
8-9: Erik Mona
10-15: Jason Bullman
16-17: Wesley Schneider
18-19: Josh Frost (PFS Problems Only)
20: Your Players

1d20 ⇒ 15

Jason, I blame you for not including this table in the APG.


MisterSlanky wrote:

Who to Blame

1: The GM
2-7: James Jacobs
8-9: Erik Mona
10-15: Jason Bullman
16-17: Wesley Schneider
18-19: Josh Frost (PFS Problems Only)
20: Your Players

1d20

Jason, I blame you for not including this table in the APG.

You forgot entries for Logue and Pett;) Oh, and Sebastian, Sharoth, and Heathanson if it's on the boards.

Grand Lodge

MisterSlanky wrote:

Who to Blame

1: The GM
2-7: James Jacobs
8-9: Erik Mona
10-15: Jason Bullman
16-17: Wesley Schneider
18-19: Josh Frost (PFS Problems Only)
20: Your Players

1d20

Jason, I blame you for not including this table in the APG.

Fixed it for you

Who to Blame
1: The GM
2-7: James Jacobs
8-9: Erik Mona
10-15: Jason Bullman
16-17: Wesley Schneider
18: Josh Frost (PFS Problems Only)
19: Your Players
20: Favorite forum target of the week.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

_
Module Name Generator
Roll once on each column. If the last roll is odd, drop the result from the first column and append "...of Doom."
_
01-02: Caves of.......The Cerulean.......Circle
03-04: Crypt of.......The Crimson........Dark
05-06: Curse of.......The Dragon.........Depths
07-08: Cult of........The Eldritch.......Flame
09-10: Drow of........The Fell...........Hand
11-12: Fortress of....The Shadow.........Mountain
13-14: Realm of.......The Silver.........Pharaoh
15-16: Shadow of......The Spider.........Princess
17-18: Tomb of........The Verdant........Queen
19-20: Vault of.......The Viridian.......Spire

The Exchange

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Lost Omens, Rulebook Subscriber

Wine Description
1. Austere
2. Woody
3. Greasy
4. Smoky
5. Ethereal
6. Refined
7. Nutty
8. Elegant
9. Fruity
10. Jammy
11. Unctuous
12. Silky
13. Corpulent
14. Pain Grille
15. Minerally
16. Vanillin
17. Velvety
18. Creosote
19. Monolithic
20. Roll twice more ("Nutty with Smoky overtones")

The Exchange

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Lost Omens, Rulebook Subscriber
Epic Meepo wrote:

_

Module Name Generator
Roll once on each column. If the last roll is odd, drop the result from the first column and append "...of Doom."
_
01-02: Caves of.......The Cerulean.......Circle
03-04: Crypt of.......The Crimson........Dark
05-06: Curse of.......The Dragon.........Depths
07-08: Cult of........The Eldritch.......Flame
09-10: Drow of........The Fell...........Hand
11-12: Fortress of....The Shadow.........Mountain
13-14: Realm of.......The Silver.........Pharaoh
15-16: Shadow of......The Spider.........Princess
17-18: Tomb of........The Verdant........Queen
19-20: Vault of.......The Viridian.......Spire

(burns module manuscript "The Fortress of the Crimson Pharoah")

Paizo Employee Director of Narrative

Herald wrote:
MisterSlanky wrote:

Who to Blame

1: The GM
2-7: James Jacobs
8-9: Erik Mona
10-15: Jason Bullman
16-17: Wesley Schneider
18-19: Josh Frost (PFS Problems Only)
20: Your Players

1d20

Jason, I blame you for not including this table in the APG.

Fixed it for you

Who to Blame
1: The GM
2-7: James Jacobs
8-9: Erik Mona
10-15: Jason Bullman
16-17: Wesley Schneider
18: Josh Frost (PFS Problems Only)
19: Your Players
20: Favorite forum target of the week.

Nope, still wrong. Here ya go:

Who to Blame
1-20: Josh Frost

:D

Spoiler:
Damn you, Josh Frost!

Spoiler:
I bet you thought that was gonna be explosive runes.

Scarab Sages

Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Maps, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps Subscriber

Table of Tables

01-40 Dining Table
41-60 Coffee Table
61-80 Side Table
81-97 Pool Table
98-99 Water Table
100 Roll again and stack

Dark Archive Bella Sara Charter Superscriber

Sketchpad wrote:

Random Trick or Treat

01-04: A Rock
05-08: Gelatinous Cubicals
09-12: Catgut Floss
13-16: Sugary Snack
17-20: 1d4 Gold

You forgot mung. That's the worst thing to get on Halloween.

Liberty's Edge

Table of DM Reaction to Creativity
01-02: Friendly
03-07: Angry
08-12: Furious
13-17: DM Shivs Player
18-20: DM's rage boils over causing a crack in the space-time continuum filled instantaneously by a hungry Balor that plays with its food (despite its mother's complaints) and prefers human Pathfinder RPG players.

Liberty's Edge

Witch Titles
01-04: Goody
05-08: Nanny
09-12: Old
13-16: Mother
17-19: Grandmother
20: Missy (Witches under the age of 50 only)

Peasant Accoutrements
01-04: Bucket (with hole)
05-08: Pail (with hole)
09-12: Straw Hat (with hole)
13-16: Oft-patched Sack (with hole)
17-20: Scuffed Shoes (with hole)

Random NPC Hair Colour
01-02: Black
03-04: Light Brown
05: Ginger
06: Blonde
07: Auburn
08-12: White
13-14: Dark Brown
15: Grey
16: Purple
17: Blue
18: Green
19: Bright Yellow or Bright Red
20: Roll Twice on table and apply both results.

Grand Lodge

Sebastian wrote:
Sketchpad wrote:

Random Trick or Treat

01-04: A Rock
05-08: Gelatinous Cubicals
09-12: Catgut Floss
13-16: Sugary Snack
17-20: 1d4 Gold
You forgot mung. That's the worst thing to get on Halloween.

Take it away man your freaking me out!!!!

Grand Lodge

Smurf Table:
Roll 4 D20
4 Papa Smurf
5 Vanity Smurf
6 Smurfette
7 Hefty Smurf
8 Brainy Smurf
9 Grouchy Smurf
10 Dreamy Smurf
11 Clumsy Smurf
12 Greedy Smurf
13 Handy Smurf
14 Chef Smurf
15 Scaredy Smurf
16 Tracker Smurf
17 Sloppy Smurf
18 Harmony Smurf
19 Painter Smurf
20 Poet Smurf
21 Baby Smurf
22 Natural Smurf
23 Snappy Smurfling
24 Slouchy Smurfling
25 Grandpa Smurf
26 Farmer Smurf
27 Sassette Smurfling
28 Alchemist Smurf
29 Timid Smurf
30 Architect Smurf
31 Baker Smurf
32 Clockwork Smurf
33 Clockwork Smurfette
34 Dabbler Smurf
35 Doctor Smurf
36 Dopey Smurf
37 Enamored Smurf
38 Finance Smurf
39 King Smurf
40 Lazy Smurf
41 Mango Smurf
42 Miner Smurf
43 Nanny Smurf
44 Nosy Smurf
45 Editor Smurf
46 Reflection Smurf
47 Reporter Smurf
48 Sneezy Smurf
49 Stinky Smurf
50 Sweepy Smurf
51 Tailor Smurf
52 Weakling Smurf
53 Wild Smurf
54 Weepy Smurf
55 Tuffy Smurf
56 Wooly Smurf
57 Nurse Smurf
58 Lucky Smurf
59 Lumberjack Smurf
60 Pastrycook Smurf
61 Cook Smurf
62 Navigator Smurf
63 Fisher Smurf
64 Hunter Smurf
65 Marco Smurf
66 Flighty Smurf
67 Gutsy Smurf
68-75 Roll twice ignoring this result or higher
76-80 Gargamel

Grand Lodge

Escher table:
roll d6
1-3) refer to the entry below
4-6) refer to the entry above


NASCAR Table
1-15: Turn Left
16-20: Crash

Owner - House of Books and Games LLC

Character Background Table
01-03: Unknown heir to large kingdom (roll on Table: Mysterious Artifacts)
04-07: Sorcerer who thinks they're a rogue (roll on Table: Mysterious Artifacts)
08-10: Paladin raised by wolves (roll on Table: Mysterious Artifacts)
11-13: Long-lost son of the God of War (roll on Table: Mysterious Artifacts)
14-16: Escaped slave of evil king (roll on Table: Mysterious Artifacts)
17-19: Secret operative that was target of failed assassination attempt and lost all memory (roll on Table: Mysterious Artifacts)
20: Split personality. Re-roll three times on this table.

Shadow Lodge

.
.
.
.
.
Periodic Table
|1 H He |
|2 Li Be B C N O F Ne |
|3 Na Mg Al Si P S Cl Ar |
|4 K Ca Sc Ti V Cr Mn Fe Co Ni Cu Zn Ga Ge As Se Br Kr |
|5 Rb Sr Y Zr Nb Mo Tc Ru Rh Pd Ag Cd In Sn Sb Te I Xe |
|6 Cs Ba * Hf Ta W Re Os Ir Pt Au Hg Tl Pb Bi Po At Rn |
|7 Fr Ra ** Rf Db Sg Bh Hs Mt Ds Rg Cn

| Lantanoidi* La Ce Pr Nd Pm Sm Eu Gd Tb Dy Ho Er Tm Yb Lu |
| Aktinoidi** Ac Th Pa U Np Pu Am Cm Bk Cf Es Fm Md No Lr |

Looks better with a fixed width font.

Grand Lodge

Epic Meepo wrote:

_

Module Name Generator
Roll once on each column. If the last roll is odd, drop the result from the first column and append "...of Doom."
_
01-02: Caves of.......The Cerulean.......Circle
03-04: Crypt of.......The Crimson........Dark
05-06: Curse of.......The Dragon.........Depths
07-08: Cult of........The Eldritch.......Flame
09-10: Drow of........The Fell...........Hand
11-12: Fortress of....The Shadow.........Mountain
13-14: Realm of.......The Silver.........Pharaoh
15-16: Shadow of......The Spider.........Princess
17-18: Tomb of........The Verdant........Queen
19-20: Vault of.......The Viridian.......Spire

mmm this actually comes up with some pretty good names!

Grand Lodge

Herald wrote:

Escher table:

roll d6
1-3) refer to the entry below
4-6) refer to the entry above

I thought that was the blonde table?


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Rolling on the table... wrote:


16
(8,10,15)
17 - 2 - 1 - 4 - 2
~
1 - 3 - 7 - 10
100 > 31 - 45
5 - 5
~
20 - 16 - 17
~
15-16-16-17-3-1-11-14-19-16
~
3

After a rousing edition war of 2e vs. 1e, your party sits down to play the module the DM just bought...

The Fell Princess of Doom!

Fell Princess of Doom Spoilers:

The five players make a secret assassin who was the target of a failed attack and thusly amnesiac, a sorceror who thinks they are a rogue and three unknown heirs to the same large kingdom. For this, the DM blames Erik Mona.

It is the morning. They enter a small town on the eve of Halloween. While admiring the local Larch trees, they are assaulted by a Caramel Fruits from Far Off Places vendor attemping to sell them a caramelled Honey-Don't Melon, which they slay for experience. While on a roll, they also slay the fruit cart owner for his experience points. Driving his fruit cart, they come into the bar where they expect (rightfully) to find adventure, wherein they discover a bard playing his smash hit, "Undead is Undead." Within the tavern are several dining tables with coffee tables stacked on top of them. After visiting the outhouse, the unfortunate player discovers a jewel-encrusted privy and decides to loot it. For this, the DM blames James Jacobs.

The players finally discover the plot hook, who they come across while he is in the middle of a joke, catching only the punchline, "That's the last time I go drinking in Absalom." The plot hook is a beggar wearing a sack with an oft-patched hole in it. He is missing his head. He sends them to a rival goblin-owned bakery in order to recover Megan Fox's acting lessons, which they agree to only after calculating the beggar's CR and deciding they don't need his 35 experience. For this, the GM blames Jason Bullman.

In transit, the players trick-or-treat early, threatening villagers with weapons for treats. They receive a three sugary snacks and three gold pieces for intimidating the villagers. The players insist on buying and selling items even though they've only acquired candy snacks, while the rules lawyer sorceror attempts to pimp his warhorse. He wants racing stripes painted on the saddle, which the GM disallows while barely containing the urge to shiv his player. The rules lawyer responds by flipping through the book for hours. For this, the GM would blame Josh Frost, but since he is not playing PFS, he blames Wesley Schneider.

Running out of time, the GM has the adventure abruptly cut to black and never continues it again.

Liberty's Edge

Ice Titan wrote:


The Fell Princess of Doom!

** spoiler omitted **...

For this, you deserve a cookie. Unfortunately all I have are shivs, so I'm forced to give you those and use freaky bluff powers to convince you it's a cookie.

What's in that cookie?!
01-03 - Pot
04-08 - Glass
09-12 - LSD
13-16 - Razor Blades
17-20 - A portal to the pits of hell.

Silver Crusade

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Twist Endings
1-4

Spoiler:
It's Made Out of People

5-9
Spoiler:
They Were on Earth the Whole Time "You blew it up! You maniacs!"

10-14
Spoiler:
The Trees are trying to kill you.

15-19
Spoiler:
Bruce Willis is a Ghost!

20
Spoiler:
The Island is Hell, or Purgatory or something.

21+
Spoiler:
Explosive Runes


Responses to Messageboard Posts from James Jacobs

1. One of the goals of Jade Regent/RoRL/Kingmaker, though, is to introduce ... awesome new ways of doing role playing adventures

2. At this point, no. But maybe some day!

3. Well... Fraz-Urb'luu/Demogorgon/Orcus is actually open content ...

4. Unfortunately, illithids/carrion crawlers/displacer beasts/umber hulks/giths/beholders/kua-toa/yuan-ti are not open content

5. Actually... it's a VERY obscure Lovecraft quote/monster/reference

6. Epic Play IS on the list

7. ** Cut through inflammatory/melodramatic/uninformed post and lay out the facts **

8. ... and be nice to each other!

The Exchange

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Lost Omens, Rulebook Subscriber
Yours is mined wrote:

Responses to Messageboard Posts from James Jacobs

6. [Epic Play|Psionics|Dimension Travel|Oriental Adventures] IS on the list

FTFY

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