Well, that is why the Advanced Gamemastery Guide is coming out in 2014.
Random Trick or Treat
01-04: A Rock
05-08: Gelatinous Cubicals
09-12: Catgut Floss
13-16: Sugary Snack
17-20: 1d4 Gold
Strange Food Vendor
1-6 Mystery Meat Kabobs (cow, chicken, beef? Oh no)
7-8 Caramel Fruits From Far Off Places (fresh from the jungle, or desert)
9-13 Chocolate Covered Something or Others (are those antlion legs?)
14-17 Fried Body Parts of Unidentified Animals (yep, antlion legs)
18-20 Snake Oil (literally)
Time of Day
01-04: Morning
05-08: Afternoon
09-12: Night Time
13-16: None. Causality has been shattered. Existence is a nightmare without beginning or end.
17-20: Indeterminate.
Random Gruesome NPC Deaths
01-04: Explosive Rectal prolapse
05-08: Head Splitting Fungus
09-12: Accidentally brutally cuts own head off while shaving.
13-16: A swarm of Mawangi flesh borer wasps decides to turn NPC into a Nest
17-20: Forced to listen to country music
Toilets
17-20 Outhouse Mimic
Totally using that one!
Contents of Mysterious Barrel
1-5 Water
6-9 Sovereign Glue
10-14 Alchemist's Fire
15-18 Blood
19-20 Half-Dragon Girallons.
Random Table Result Generator
01-04: 12
05-08: 7
09-12: 19
13-16: 4
17-20: 37
Toilets
17-20 Outhouse MimicTotally using that one!
It's a baby house hunter! :)
Random Table Result Generator
01-04: 12
05-08: 7
09-12: 19
13-16: 4
17-20: 37
Brilliant.
Random Rules Lawyer Response Table
01-04: "It doesn't say that I _can't_..."
05-08: "It's in the errata."
09-12: Flips through the book idly searching for answers hours after you made what you believed to be a fair ruling.
13-16: Thirty minutes after the issue, "Okay, the guys on paizo.com's forums are telling me..."
17-20: "Well, that's how they did it in 4e/3.5e/3e/2e/1e/Chainmail."
Random Dice Table
01-10: d4
11-20: d6
21-30: d8
31-40: d10
41-45: d12
46-60: d20
61-65: d30
66-80: d100
81-90: Roll twice on this table. Roll the given dice and add the results.
91-100: Roll any dice you own that aren't listed here. If you own no other types of dice, roll again on this table three times and add the results of the indicated dice.
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Edition Wars
01-04: 4e vs. PF
05-08: PF vs. 3.5
09-12: 3.5 vs. 2e
13-16: 2e vs. 1e
17-20: 1e vs. BECMI
BECMI?
Edit: Ah- Basic - Expert - Companion - Master - Immortal
Or just AD&D vs D&D (Which is what they were called back then).
And you forgot:
D&D vs. Religeous Conservatives
I have nothing to add to this, but you all are wonderful people, and I will subscribe to your Book o' Awesome Tables as soon as Paizo is ready to publish it in 2021. ;p :)
Who to Blame
1: The GM
2-7: James Jacobs
8-9: Erik Mona
10-15: Jason Bullman
16-17: Wesley Schneider
18-19: Josh Frost (PFS Problems Only)
20: Your Players1d20
Jason, I blame you for not including this table in the APG.
You forgot entries for Logue and Pett;) Oh, and Sebastian, Sharoth, and Heathanson if it's on the boards.
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Who to Blame
1: The GM
2-7: James Jacobs
8-9: Erik Mona
10-15: Jason Bullman
16-17: Wesley Schneider
18-19: Josh Frost (PFS Problems Only)
20: Your Players1d20
Jason, I blame you for not including this table in the APG.
Fixed it for you
Who to Blame
1: The GM
2-7: James Jacobs
8-9: Erik Mona
10-15: Jason Bullman
16-17: Wesley Schneider
18: Josh Frost (PFS Problems Only)
19: Your Players
20: Favorite forum target of the week.
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Module Name Generator
Roll once on each column. If the last roll is odd, drop the result from the first column and append "...of Doom."
_
01-02: Caves of.......The Cerulean.......Circle
03-04: Crypt of.......The Crimson........Dark
05-06: Curse of.......The Dragon.........Depths
07-08: Cult of........The Eldritch.......Flame
09-10: Drow of........The Fell...........Hand
11-12: Fortress of....The Shadow.........Mountain
13-14: Realm of.......The Silver.........Pharaoh
15-16: Shadow of......The Spider.........Princess
17-18: Tomb of........The Verdant........Queen
19-20: Vault of.......The Viridian.......Spire
(burns module manuscript "The Fortress of the Crimson Pharoah")
Director of Narrative
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Who to Blame
1: The GM
2-7: James Jacobs
8-9: Erik Mona
10-15: Jason Bullman
16-17: Wesley Schneider
18-19: Josh Frost (PFS Problems Only)
20: Your Players1d20
Jason, I blame you for not including this table in the APG.
Fixed it for you
Who to Blame
1: The GM
2-7: James Jacobs
8-9: Erik Mona
10-15: Jason Bullman
16-17: Wesley Schneider
18: Josh Frost (PFS Problems Only)
19: Your Players
20: Favorite forum target of the week.
Nope, still wrong. Here ya go:
Who to Blame
1-20: Josh Frost
:D
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Table of DM Reaction to Creativity
01-02: Friendly
03-07: Angry
08-12: Furious
13-17: DM Shivs Player
18-20: DM's rage boils over causing a crack in the space-time continuum filled instantaneously by a hungry Balor that plays with its food (despite its mother's complaints) and prefers human Pathfinder RPG players.
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Witch Titles
01-04: Goody
05-08: Nanny
09-12: Old
13-16: Mother
17-19: Grandmother
20: Missy (Witches under the age of 50 only)
Peasant Accoutrements
01-04: Bucket (with hole)
05-08: Pail (with hole)
09-12: Straw Hat (with hole)
13-16: Oft-patched Sack (with hole)
17-20: Scuffed Shoes (with hole)
Random NPC Hair Colour
01-02: Black
03-04: Light Brown
05: Ginger
06: Blonde
07: Auburn
08-12: White
13-14: Dark Brown
15: Grey
16: Purple
17: Blue
18: Green
19: Bright Yellow or Bright Red
20: Roll Twice on table and apply both results.
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Smurf Table:
Roll 4 D20
4 Papa Smurf
5 Vanity Smurf
6 Smurfette
7 Hefty Smurf
8 Brainy Smurf
9 Grouchy Smurf
10 Dreamy Smurf
11 Clumsy Smurf
12 Greedy Smurf
13 Handy Smurf
14 Chef Smurf
15 Scaredy Smurf
16 Tracker Smurf
17 Sloppy Smurf
18 Harmony Smurf
19 Painter Smurf
20 Poet Smurf
21 Baby Smurf
22 Natural Smurf
23 Snappy Smurfling
24 Slouchy Smurfling
25 Grandpa Smurf
26 Farmer Smurf
27 Sassette Smurfling
28 Alchemist Smurf
29 Timid Smurf
30 Architect Smurf
31 Baker Smurf
32 Clockwork Smurf
33 Clockwork Smurfette
34 Dabbler Smurf
35 Doctor Smurf
36 Dopey Smurf
37 Enamored Smurf
38 Finance Smurf
39 King Smurf
40 Lazy Smurf
41 Mango Smurf
42 Miner Smurf
43 Nanny Smurf
44 Nosy Smurf
45 Editor Smurf
46 Reflection Smurf
47 Reporter Smurf
48 Sneezy Smurf
49 Stinky Smurf
50 Sweepy Smurf
51 Tailor Smurf
52 Weakling Smurf
53 Wild Smurf
54 Weepy Smurf
55 Tuffy Smurf
56 Wooly Smurf
57 Nurse Smurf
58 Lucky Smurf
59 Lumberjack Smurf
60 Pastrycook Smurf
61 Cook Smurf
62 Navigator Smurf
63 Fisher Smurf
64 Hunter Smurf
65 Marco Smurf
66 Flighty Smurf
67 Gutsy Smurf
68-75 Roll twice ignoring this result or higher
76-80 Gargamel
NASCAR Table
1-15: Turn Left
16-20: Crash
Character Background Table
01-03: Unknown heir to large kingdom (roll on Table: Mysterious Artifacts)
04-07: Sorcerer who thinks they're a rogue (roll on Table: Mysterious Artifacts)
08-10: Paladin raised by wolves (roll on Table: Mysterious Artifacts)
11-13: Long-lost son of the God of War (roll on Table: Mysterious Artifacts)
14-16: Escaped slave of evil king (roll on Table: Mysterious Artifacts)
17-19: Secret operative that was target of failed assassination attempt and lost all memory (roll on Table: Mysterious Artifacts)
20: Split personality. Re-roll three times on this table.
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Periodic Table
|1 H He |
|2 Li Be B C N O F Ne |
|3 Na Mg Al Si P S Cl Ar |
|4 K Ca Sc Ti V Cr Mn Fe Co Ni Cu Zn Ga Ge As Se Br Kr |
|5 Rb Sr Y Zr Nb Mo Tc Ru Rh Pd Ag Cd In Sn Sb Te I Xe |
|6 Cs Ba * Hf Ta W Re Os Ir Pt Au Hg Tl Pb Bi Po At Rn |
|7 Fr Ra ** Rf Db Sg Bh Hs Mt Ds Rg Cn
| Lantanoidi* La Ce Pr Nd Pm Sm Eu Gd Tb Dy Ho Er Tm Yb Lu |
| Aktinoidi** Ac Th Pa U Np Pu Am Cm Bk Cf Es Fm Md No Lr |
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Module Name Generator
Roll once on each column. If the last roll is odd, drop the result from the first column and append "...of Doom."
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01-02: Caves of.......The Cerulean.......Circle
03-04: Crypt of.......The Crimson........Dark
05-06: Curse of.......The Dragon.........Depths
07-08: Cult of........The Eldritch.......Flame
09-10: Drow of........The Fell...........Hand
11-12: Fortress of....The Shadow.........Mountain
13-14: Realm of.......The Silver.........Pharaoh
15-16: Shadow of......The Spider.........Princess
17-18: Tomb of........The Verdant........Queen
19-20: Vault of.......The Viridian.......Spire
mmm this actually comes up with some pretty good names!
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
16
(8,10,15)
17 - 2 - 1 - 4 - 2
~
1 - 3 - 7 - 10
100 > 31 - 45
5 - 5
~
20 - 16 - 17
~
15-16-16-17-3-1-11-14-19-16
~
3
After a rousing edition war of 2e vs. 1e, your party sits down to play the module the DM just bought...
The Fell Princess of Doom!
The five players make a secret assassin who was the target of a failed attack and thusly amnesiac, a sorceror who thinks they are a rogue and three unknown heirs to the same large kingdom. For this, the DM blames Erik Mona.
It is the morning. They enter a small town on the eve of Halloween. While admiring the local Larch trees, they are assaulted by a Caramel Fruits from Far Off Places vendor attemping to sell them a caramelled Honey-Don't Melon, which they slay for experience. While on a roll, they also slay the fruit cart owner for his experience points. Driving his fruit cart, they come into the bar where they expect (rightfully) to find adventure, wherein they discover a bard playing his smash hit, "Undead is Undead." Within the tavern are several dining tables with coffee tables stacked on top of them. After visiting the outhouse, the unfortunate player discovers a jewel-encrusted privy and decides to loot it. For this, the DM blames James Jacobs.
The players finally discover the plot hook, who they come across while he is in the middle of a joke, catching only the punchline, "That's the last time I go drinking in Absalom." The plot hook is a beggar wearing a sack with an oft-patched hole in it. He is missing his head. He sends them to a rival goblin-owned bakery in order to recover Megan Fox's acting lessons, which they agree to only after calculating the beggar's CR and deciding they don't need his 35 experience. For this, the GM blames Jason Bullman.
In transit, the players trick-or-treat early, threatening villagers with weapons for treats. They receive a three sugary snacks and three gold pieces for intimidating the villagers. The players insist on buying and selling items even though they've only acquired candy snacks, while the rules lawyer sorceror attempts to pimp his warhorse. He wants racing stripes painted on the saddle, which the GM disallows while barely containing the urge to shiv his player. The rules lawyer responds by flipping through the book for hours. For this, the GM would blame Josh Frost, but since he is not playing PFS, he blames Wesley Schneider.
Running out of time, the GM has the adventure abruptly cut to black and never continues it again.
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The Fell Princess of Doom!** spoiler omitted **...
For this, you deserve a cookie. Unfortunately all I have are shivs, so I'm forced to give you those and use freaky bluff powers to convince you it's a cookie.
What's in that cookie?!
01-03 - Pot
04-08 - Glass
09-12 - LSD
13-16 - Razor Blades
17-20 - A portal to the pits of hell.
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Twist Endings
1-4
5-9
10-14
15-19
20
21+
Responses to Messageboard Posts from James Jacobs
1. One of the goals of Jade Regent/RoRL/Kingmaker, though, is to introduce ... awesome new ways of doing role playing adventures
2. At this point, no. But maybe some day!
3. Well... Fraz-Urb'luu/Demogorgon/Orcus is actually open content ...
4. Unfortunately, illithids/carrion crawlers/displacer beasts/umber hulks/giths/beholders/kua-toa/yuan-ti are not open content
5. Actually... it's a VERY obscure Lovecraft quote/monster/reference
6. Epic Play IS on the list
7. ** Cut through inflammatory/melodramatic/uninformed post and lay out the facts **
8. ... and be nice to each other!