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They had this new radio station on today, and they had a thing "make me laugh" so you call in and tell a joke and the guy tries not to laugh. He's experienced like that.
It's hard!
I'm speed dialing, over and over, and I get the guy finally, so the adrenalin kicks in, and I'm all stuttery and excited,
and he goes "make me laugh.....GO!"
So I says,
"Little mushroom walks into a bar says, 'barkeep, get the house a round on me.' Barkeep says, 'what's the occasion?' mushroom says, 'no occasion; I'm just a fun guy!'"
So then I hear "bnaaaaaaaap!" like the X's from Family Feud, and I'm all disheartened.
"Domn You HEATH!!!!" I hear my superego. "You sounded like that feeble 15 year old you trying to ask Miriam Stinkowitz to go steddy witcha before she gunned your sopwith down with the 50 cal! YOU SUCKETH! YOU. AREN'T. FUNNAH!!!"
Gosh I hate my superego.
So then the jokes come on the raddio, and some asshat tells a sexist joke I won't repeat because I think it sucks, and it actually is like offensive to women, but he stuttered the beginning and the raddio DEEJAY told him, "start over. If you're telling that puke tell it right."
Then I hear my mushroom, on the radio, and the guy's like "that one actually wasn't half bad."
AND I don't think I sounded THAT noyviss!
Not half bad.
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!!!! IN YOUR FYAYSH SUPEREGO!!!"
That's all I got to report.
Are you going to get the audio clip and post it so we can have a listen?
cool, but you're best jokes are all on the fly anyway, or it looks like that on the boards.
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cool, but you're best jokes are all on the fly anyway, or it looks like that on the boards.
yeah; I think you're right. When I got somebody to say something and set me up, sometimes I can come up with something.
When the guy's up there like "Make me laugh. GO." it's kinda intimidating. "No, I don't want you to loff, Mr. Bond. I want you TO DIE!!!"
Represent, Heathy.
So what do you get if he laughs?
Probably some bulls*%t prize and a dark room. But that's just what a mushroom would like! Ba da bing!
So what do you get if he laughs?I......don't know. It wasn't important to meh.
I won a contest a few years ago and swore that I musta sounded like Mickey Mouse on air. Heard it played back later and breathed a huge sigh of relief. Just sounded out of breath and rushed. Didn't know I could ramble that quickly. Anxiety sucks.
My 4 year old son loves this joke:
Why'd the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
To get to the other slide.
Consider this one swiped.
Huh... I don't get the joke... :blushes:
Either that or the existentialist dyslexic insomniac who stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.
Go with the slide joke, it has a better chance of catching him off guard and getting a laugh.
And it plays better over the radio.
If a dead monkey falls out of a tree and no one is there to hear it, does the price of Tea go up in China?
If a dead monkey falls out of a tree and no one is there to hear it, does the price of Tea go up in China?
Only on the side of the road selling the chicken that crossed it.
A visually impaired gentleman accompanied by his canine companion walks into the middle of a clothing store. He reaches down, grabs the canine by the tail and begins swinging him around in circles. Aghast, a salesperson hustles over and asks the gentleman, "Can I help you?" To which the gentleman replies, "Nah. Just lookin' around."
That actually made me laugh.
Yeah, that never gets Moooooooo!
A string walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink.
"Get out of here," the bartender yells at him, "we don't serve string here."
The string walks out of the bar, twists himself around, ruffles his head and walks back in.
The bartender gives him a suspicious glare.
"Aren't you the string I just threw out of here?"
"No," replies the string, "I'm a frayed knot."
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Two men were out hunting when one of them grabbed his chest, gasped and fell over. The other man pulled out his cell phone and called 9-11.
"9-11 emergency, how may I help you?"
"My buddy just fell over. I think he's dead! What do I do?!" the man yelled into the phone.
"Calm down, sir. I can help you. First, make sure your friend is really dead."
"Okay."
BAM!
"Now what?"
Director of Sales
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A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a burger.
He receives his food, cleans his plate, and leaves some cash for the bill.
Just before walking out the door, the panda pulls out a .45 and...
...uses it to put a big hole in the floor at his feet.
"What did you do THAT for?!?" screams the waiter.
"I'm a panda. Look it up," he says as he turns and exits.
The befuddled waiter pulls out his dictionary and looks up "Panda"...
Where do you get dragon milk?
** spoiler omitted **
I am offended I tell you! Offended! I am getting my Lawyer! Sue! Sue!
Bella Sara Charter Superscriber
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WOOHOO! Joke Thread!
One of my favorites from when I was a little tyke:
** spoiler omitted **
Back before I had children, I always found this follow up to that joke to be hilarious:
It was stapled to the monkey.
Having children makes this joke a lot less funny for me, which I find very disturbing...
I am offended I tell you! Offended! I am getting my Lawyer! Sue! Sue!Where do you get dragon milk?
** spoiler omitted **
What's that!??! A lawsuit?!?!?! Against Daigle!!!
I'll do it, pro bono. But we need to figure out a way to get the death penalty...
Well, Adam bugs me anyway! But that is just his stare.
As for the death penalty, I am guessing a giant fly swatter? Or get a female Praying Mantis to mate with him?