PC potty breaks?

[AlBeddow]

Shadow13.com wrote:

I'd like to know why PCs never go to the bathroom.

Magic or not, don't people still have to poop in Pathfinder?
Why aren't there any stats for this?

Sure, getting less than 8 hours of sleep may cause fatigue, but what about holding your bowels INDEFINITELY? Seems unhealthy...

It's hard to imagine Seoni popping a squat behind some bushes, but I'm sure it happens.

At the time we had all these castles and such, people either used outhouses... or chamber pots (now there's a job I wouldn't want).

So now the question is, where were they all emptied?

[pjackson]

AlBeddow wrote:

At the time we had all these castles and such, people either used outhouses... or chamber pots (now there's a job I wouldn't want).

So now the question is, where were they all emptied?

On the fields of course. It is valuable manure.

Though town dwellers might just have a cesspit at the bottom of the garden, or use a communal latrine. I have been involved in a dig at the site of a Roman town - not in the posh parts with stone buildings and running water - but in a less developed part, with lost of rubbish pits, cesspits, and a latrine alongside a road that was about 10' by 5' (and over 5' deep). It also had dozens of wells :( (not all in use at the same time).

I seem to remember one Roman emperor being killed by an assassin who hid in the latrine and waited for him to use it then thrust a sword up.

[Anderlorn]

Just make sure not to urinate on a blue dragon... ;)

[Shadow13.com]

pjackson wrote:

I seem to remember one Roman emperor being killed by an assassin who hid in the latrine and waited for him to use it then thrust a sword up.

A solution to hemorrhoids?

Anderlorn wrote:

Just make sure not to urinate on a blue dragon... ;)

Bzzzt!

[KaeYoss]

pjackson wrote:

I seem to remember one Roman emperor being killed by an assassin who hid in the latrine and waited for him to use it then thrust a sword up.

One more reason to give prayer to the Porcelain God - not just when you drank too much. Until they train killer rats and give them a map of all the piping, you're save.

[Threeshades]

When we were still playing 3.x we always had the players taking potty breaks as part of morning and evening rituals. Since 3.x we havent been playing but when i finally get the PF round started I'll be sure to have the PCs do their business regularly.

I remember our GM from back then telling about a game he had where he was a player and got killed by a monster while his only party mate was peeing, because he couldn't hold it any longer.

[Mikhaila Burnett]

I remember the first time my iconic Paladin arrived at "Civilization" and walked into a walled city. The GM, my Beloved Spouse (Kobold chorus: "We love you!") described in horrific detail the pure and overwhelming STENCH of a city set in that tech level. We ran into rat-catchers, piss-boys and other such Fine Civil Servants. And we had to pay TAXES before we could leave. Which, well, SUCKED.

But mostly, it stank.

[Weylin]

Conan: "Does it always stink like this? How does the wind even get in here?"

[Turin the Mad]

I remember a time over 20 years ago when I had a character that was transmogrified into a mobile version of green slime - this was back in 1e days.

That thief/green slime eventually ended up administering a "green slime enima" to the Archmage when he went to "do biological business" in his own keep.

It seems even nature's call is rarely avoided by such phenomenally powerful beings.

Note to self: find a way to to need to take a potty break when becoming immortal.

[Aries_Omega]

Epic Meepo wrote:

I was once playing in a Spycraft game where our characters get confronted by the villain in his Antarctic lair. The published adventure in which this occurred provided a map of the lair, and there just happened to be a bathroom immediately adjoining the conference room in which we met the villain.

So there we are, facing down the evil mastermind and his machine-gun-toting goons. The villain has just started into his long-winded monologue about his evil plans, his reasons for believing them necessary, and his appeal for us to join his organization.

And all I can think is, "that's probably one of the only bathrooms in all of Antarctica over there." So my character gets up, interrupts the villain's big speech to announce that he is using the facilities, and walks right past six guys training machine-guns on him to do what he has announced he will do.

After he emerges from the bathroom, greatly relieved, my character forgoes several tactical advantages, returns calmly to his original seat, and asks the astonished villain to please continue his monologue.

Mental note...if the DM/GM/REF wants to know who is doing certain actions that usually take place "off camera" like using the bathroom...it's usually for a bad reason. This below is one reason why.

Spoiler:

We were playing a Cyberpunk game back in the early 90's. Our characters were hired to go on an op to break into a secured facility, download something from a computer NOT hooked to the Net and get out with the blue prints to something the employer wanted.

Well earlier the group had a taco lunch in some dive bar. It's been a little while later and the Netrunner fails a roll and gets a sudden case of diarrhea. This happens on our party's way out. The Netrunner is able to hold on long enough to hack the computer controlled lock to the Executive Washroom. He goes to sit down....that’s where sh*t hits the fan. For those of you who don't know a commercial toilet seat are different than a residential. Residential is a ring and commerical is this weird "U" shaped thing. For men, you sack tends to pass betweent he arms of the "U" when you sit down. That is what happened to the Netrunner...which triggered and alarm, that caused blades to spring out and auto-castrate him.

So now our team has a man down. He has defecated all over himself and bleeding. Alarms are going off and the only person who could have potentially hacked the computer network to shut things off and give us time to get out was the Netrunner.

Needless to say we all agreed that the Netrunner got the "sh*tty end" of the deal. That and he developed a fear of Mexican food.

[Shadowborn]

My new favorite gaming reference: gong farmer.

[Galnörag]

Shadowborn wrote:

My new favorite gaming reference: gong farmer.

I'm wondering if I put a bathroom in a dungeon sometime I might catch my players off guard. Make it look really elegant, and fancy, near the big bad evil guys evil inner sanctum. Except make the place have like 3 toilets, and two of them are mimics waiting for you to take of your plate mail and sit on their mouths.

[KaeYoss]

Galnörag wrote:

two of them are mimics waiting for you to take of your plate mail and sit on their mouths.

Could you please keep your weird sexual fantasies to yourself?

[Purple Dragon Knight]

KaeYoss wrote:

Galnörag wrote:

two of them are mimics waiting for you to take of your plate mail and sit on their mouths.

Could you please keep your weird sexual fantasies to yourself?

Galnorag is my DM by the way. Do you now understand why I'm always stressed out and overly analytical? :)

[Xuttah]

Purple Dragon Knight wrote:

KaeYoss wrote:

Galnörag wrote:

two of them are mimics waiting for you to take of your plate mail and sit on their mouths.

Could you please keep your weird sexual fantasies to yourself?

Galnorag is my DM by the way. Do you now understand why I'm always stressed out and overly analytical? :)

I thought is was his obsession with giving us the sickened or nauseated condition. :)

[Shuriken Nekogami]

Xuttah wrote:

Purple Dragon Knight wrote:

KaeYoss wrote:

Galnörag wrote:

two of them are mimics waiting for you to take of your plate mail and sit on their mouths.

Could you please keep your weird sexual fantasies to yourself?

Galnorag is my DM by the way. Do you now understand why I'm always stressed out and overly analytical? :)

I thought is was his obsession with giving us the sickened or nauseated condition. :)

what about a magic cone that allows us women to pee while standing up?

less time spent wiping the legs.

[Xuttah]

Shuriken Nekogami wrote:

what about a magic cone that allows us women to pee while standing up?

less time spent wiping the legs.

I think you've found another use for Alter Self. :)

[Purple Dragon Knight]

Xuttah wrote:

Shuriken Nekogami wrote:

what about a magic cone that allows us women to pee while standing up?

less time spent wiping the legs.

I think you've found another use for Alter Self. :)

I think I found another use for Wildshape Water Elemental form (i.e. pee in public places without people knowing)

:)

[Talek & Luna]

Actually, the only time potty breaks come up is when we always arrive at an altar or shirne of some evil deity, demon prince or arch devil. Then it is a mad race to see who urinates on the evil altar first. This always angers the DM and we have to end up fighting some demon or devil conjured up by said angry entity. Then after said battle we usually break out the wineskin for a toast.

Hey, at least it is a non cost alternative to Holy Water, :P

[KaeYoss]

Talek & Luna wrote:

Actually, the only time potty breaks come up is when we always arrive at an altar or shirne of some evil deity, demon prince or arch devil. Then it is a mad race to see who urinates on the evil altar first. This always angers the DM and we have to end up fighting some demon or devil conjured up by said angry entity.

The GM is doing it wrong. Peeing (or related activities not to be detailed here) should give you an incurable disease on the offending body part. Or something along those lines

They'll think twice about taking a leak on an unholy altar if their manhood will shrivel and become a useless husk.

Shuriken Nekogami wrote:

what about a magic cone that allows us women to pee while standing up?

less time spent wiping the legs.

Only if I get a spell that lets me shave as a swift action. Snap your fingers once and all unwanted hairs are gone - on the face, in the nose, in the ears, under the arms, some other places. Everything else is trimmed, of course.

And a spell that prevents hair loss!

Until we men still have to fight with these issues, you'll have to sit.