Lord Jeroim Borloz, the Diamond Dragon

[Kor - Orc Scrollkeeper]

It is my opinion, that the writing skills utilized in Mark Thomas' entry might be the strongest of all the entries. (There were a couple others that were pretty close, but Mark's were top in my books.)

In my voting decision, not only was I looking for a solid villain entry, but I wanted to see strong writing skills that will be capable of spanning many pages in an adventure.

Mark's writing was pleasing to read, with a light touch of humor, very descriptive when needed, and little to no redundant material. Based on all the villain entries (there were others I liked more than Mark's), Mark is the one that has exhibited perhaps the strongest writing skills and I could certainly envision myself enjoying reading an adventure module written by him.

[deadly_puddingcup]

This guy didn't strike me as anything spectacular. I really feel that he is just another greedy lord or merchant. Don't all of them look at their underlings as tools to advance their position? How many evil overlords do you know invite the grunts into their escape pod when the good guys come in? Also, his being a bad-ass monk would only make me angry when my character finally met him for combat. I think I would just look at the DM and go, "Seriously? A dwarven monk who studied under a dragon? Why is he sitting behind a desk?" This of course would be while he's delivering his back story to me because I really fail to see why I would have learned that from his underlings.

I really feel that this character should have taken the monk on a different path besides a shop keep who can lay the smack down.

[Charles Evans 25]

deadly_puddingcup wrote:

This guy didn't strike me as anything spectacular. I really feel that he is just another greedy lord or merchant. Don't all of them look at their underlings as tools to advance their position? How many evil overlords do you know invite the grunts into their escape pod when the good guys come in? Also, his being a bad-ass monk would only make me angry when my character finally met him for combat. I think I would just look at the DM and go, "Seriously? A dwarven monk who studied under a dragon? Why is he sitting behind a desk?" This of course would be while he's delivering his back story to me because I really fail to see why I would have learned that from his underlings.

I really feel that this character should have taken the monk on a different path besides a shop keep who can lay the smack down.

This guy is more than 'a shop keep who can lay the smack down'.

Mark Thomas wrote:

...Now with his Master’s blessing, the new Jeroim has availed himself of all the surface world has to offer, setting himself up as a respected merchant Lord. His varied and diverse business ventures merely serve as a face for a rapidly growing criminal empire.

Perhaps the greatest and most terrifying philosophy he has put into practice is that of The Hoard. Every employee and contact, every underling and sycophant, from the corrupt officials and dark clerics to the hapless adventurers and drug addled wizards he manipulates; every man woman and beast his organization touches are part of his hoard. Assets; tools to be used in the hoard’s expansion, or weapons to be used in its defense...

This guy is a major CRIME LORD. The merchant business is just a social front (and maybe a means of fencing stolen goods).

[Jason Rice]

roguerouge wrote:

My problem is that this guy is really a lieutenant. A lieutenant with ambitions but... already a few posters have referred to the dragon as the big bad. The dragon's more physically powerful and taught him everything he knows.

This guy is a creation of an existing big bad. That spells important minion, not villain to me.

At least one of the judges has used Darth Vader as an example of a good villan on numerous occasions. Didn't Darth Vader serve Emperor Palpatine as his apprentice. In fact, in "A New Hope", Vadar was ranked below Grand Moff Tarkin. Wasn't Palpatine more powerful, and taught Darth Vader everything about the dark side? Some of you may cite the whole midichlorean nonsense, and say that Vader had more Force potential. I contend that POTENTIAL does not equal current power. Also, That midichlorean thing was mentioned before Vader became "more machine than man".

So, if Braxulthis is the equivalent of Emperor Palpatine, that makes Lord Jeroim the equivalent of Lord Vader.

Being a lieutenant does not mean he cant also be a good villan. Vader served Palpatine. The Witch King served Sauron in "Lord of the Rings". It's all about who the party directly confronts, and how they are presented.

I like this guy, and he's getting one of my votes.

[Charles Evans 25]

In my opinion this is one of the best written entries in terms of effective use of language and presentation to convey the intended idea (I opened an earlier post on my this thread by saying I could imagine Sean Connery playin this villain, so it clearly made an impression on me) to the judges and the public.
I am not a general fan of monks in D&D but despite that prejudice/reservation this well-written entry gets my second vote (Gulga Cench bagged my first vote).

[roguerouge]

Jason Rice wrote:

roguerouge wrote:

My problem is that this guy is really a lieutenant. A lieutenant with ambitions but... already a few posters have referred to the dragon as the big bad. The dragon's more physically powerful and taught him everything he knows.

This guy is a creation of an existing big bad. That spells important minion, not villain to me.

At least one of the judges has used Darth Vader as an example of a good villan on numerous occasions.

SNIP

Being a lieutenant does not mean he cant also be a good villan. Vader served Palpatine. The Witch King served Sauron in "Lord of the Rings". It's all about who the party directly confronts, and how they are presented.

I like this guy, and he's getting one of my votes.

Yeah, I've dropped the lieutenant issue as a voting concern. This thread was most persuasive on that front. I guess that's why you read the whole thread, not just the entry and the judges.

[drunken_nomad]

Very evocatively described villain. Thanks!

[Steven Helt]

Jason Rice wrote:

Some of you may cite the whole midichlorean nonsense, and say that Vader had more Force potential. I contend that POTENTIAL does not equal current power. Also, That midichlorean thing was mentioned before Vader became "more machine than man".

You used the 'm' word. Twice.

Take it back.

Twice.

[Jorrik the Fat]

The backstory of this character is great, but, in the end, he's an evil merchant. I do like background schemers, though, which this guy seems to be, so I would have liked to vote for him... but, in the end, there just too many other good entries that edged him out.

Hope to see you in the next round, though!

[David Lowery]

I liked the use of a dwarf. I feel 100 years of study is too long. Watch the details in future rounds. Makes my top six.

[roguerouge]

On that point: the OP should be aware that there are age penalties for this villain.

Dwarves become adults at 40 years old+random start time. If his first level was as a monk, then he's 165 years old on average. If his first level was as an expert, well, that's probably a +5d6 years, for an average age of 158. Either imposes -1 to all physical stats and +1 to all mental stats.

[Joel Flank]

While I like the dwarven monk serving a dragon angle, I was underwhelmed by the follow through. First, him being a monk doesn't seem to matter in any way in his current activities or schemes. He could just as easily have ANY class and do what he's described as doing. Second, he doesn't seem to have a goal other than to collect wealth, which is okay, but not very interest grabbing. If he's looking to get a certain amount of wealth for some dragon kung-fu transformation ritual, that I could get behind.

Finally, the schemes and hooks really let me down. So he manipulates the grain market in a small town to sell his own imported grain "at a slightly elevated price"? The fiend! Those commoners will have to buy one less pot or drink a few less beers to make up for that. As a ruthless merchant lord, at least have him gouge the village for everything it has to afford his vastly inflated grain so they can survive the winter! Both of these hooks seem fairly low level also. I would rather have some hooks that show how the party will eventually come into direct conflict with Jeroim, and not only hooks for the first layers of the onion.

This is in my maybe category, as the background and basic idea are pretty cool, but the here and now is lacking.

[Lanfranc]

JoelF847 wrote:

Finally, the schemes and hooks really let me down. So he manipulates the grain market in a small town to sell his own imported grain "at a slightly elevated price"? The fiend! Those commoners will have to buy one less pot or drink a few less beers to make up for that. As a ruthless merchant lord, at least have him gouge the village for everything it has to afford his vastly inflated grain so they can survive the winter!

Maybe it's my adopted Britishness speaking, but I did read that as a deliberate understatement for actually bleeding them dry.

[Malevol]

Too frequently, economics in a fantasy world are mere copies of modern free markets, rather than being even mildly medieval or fantastic.

This entry gives the DM an opportunity to introduce The merchant guild, with a true fantasy background : Bravissimo !

[Jason Rice]

Steven T. Helt wrote:

Jason Rice wrote:

Some of you may cite the whole midichlorean nonsense, and say that Vader had more Force potential. I contend that POTENTIAL does not equal current power. Also, That midichlorean thing was mentioned before Vader became "more machine than man".

You used the 'm' word. Twice.

Take it back.

Twice.

You don't like the word "more"?!? Strange.

Just kidding. If I could, I would go back and replace "the M word" with "that which shall not be named", and a spoiler for those that don't get the reference.

I take it back.

I take it back!

<:o

[deadly_puddingcup]

Charles Evans 25 wrote:

This guy is a major CRIME LORD. The merchant business is just a social front (and maybe a means of fencing stolen goods).

I will give you that he's a crime lord and that he's a villain. I guess I have higher expectations for a monk than working behind the scenes. I feel that the build up of his training fell flat. Not saying that it isn't plausible, but it was a very unsatisfying life choice for me.

Also, as I said in my other post, I don't see anything spectacular about "the hoard". It's just a lengthy paragraph to say that he uses others to meet his own end.

[Victor Spieles]

Congratulations Mark on making it to the RPG Superstar Sweet Sixteen. (applause, applause, applause)

Keep up the good work.

[Mark Thomas]

Thanks guys, for all your input. I was going to comment and answer your questions, but now having read the rules for round 3 I can't since any adjustments or design choices I would have expounded upon may afffect my round 3 submission.

Makes me wonder about those who started answering questions already.

Oh well, I've got work to do ;)

[Charles Evans 25]

Congratulations on making the top sixteen. Now show us (if you intend to stick with him) why nobody tangles with 'The Diamond Dragon'.

[Mark Thomas]

Gotcha!

[roguerouge]

Congrats!

[Patrick Curtin]

Good luck in the next round Mark! Show the haters what Jeroim can really do!

[Mark Thomas]

Just wait till you guys see v2.0