So my sitter calls yesterday to tell me that a group of contractors came to swap out her mother’s water heater for a newer model. Three guys drove in from Connecticut to do the job, and early on the mother noticed that the driver appeared to be severely learning disabled. Ten minutes later, he and the truck vanished, stranding his workmates. When the mother suggested perhaps the driver wasn’t mentally fit to handle a truck driving job, the others said he was of average intelligence and wondered if he somehow got drunk once there, because he was fine on the way down. Those contractors had to stay there for hours until seven last night when the owner of the company made the two-hour-each-way trip, installed the new equipment and drove them all back.
Turns out the mother’s pain pills are missing. Entire bottle. So that guy was feeling no pain. Beauty part? A whole salmon, being defrosted in the fridge for a final dinner before a religious fast, went missing. The guy popped pills and drove away with a fish. No reports on his current whereabouts in that company truck. Even overmedicated, you don't just up and run away like that for food... you run away like that for taboo love. I wonder if he's spawning as you read this.
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Courtesy of Master Shake's debut album:
Alright, Alright
Ha,
I Wrote this next one when I broke up with my girlfriend, cause I slept with her friend and then I dumped the both of them
And I think everyone can relate to the blues, like they had after I dropped them like two hot rocks,
Nude Love
Moves over me
Like a storm
Since you were born,
Nude Love
There something in your eye,
And I re-A-Lize,
In the sky!,
NUDE LOVE
Nothing wrong with being drunk...
Romance? sounds like beer.
I guess he got high on the pills and just stole the fish in a fit of drug-induced-histeria....
Weird rate: 8!
Wow. I'm seeing frogs...
A whole salmon? I'd be hunting somebody down for that...Yeesh. :O
Wow. I'm seeing frogs...
No...you are not seeing frogs... its just your imagination....ribbit!
BTW, by sitter, I meant one of my pet sitters.
The strangest stories I ever hear come from my sitters. Stay tuned and I'll keep you abreast of any late breaking weirdnesses.
Didn't she have lox on her refrigerator?
*chhh! chhhh!*
[spew beverage out of nose to facilitate choked laughter]
Perhaps today he will atone for his sins
<rimshot>
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32
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Maybe he really wanted to do The Salmon Dance.
Let me introduce to you a brand new dance
I know you gonna love it if you give it one chanceIts not complicated, its not too hard
You don't even have to be a hip-hop star!
See anyone can do it, all you need is style
Listen up, peep gang, Imma show you how
Put your hands to the side, and silly as it seems
and Shake your body like a salmon floating up stream
He ran off. With your pain pills and pre-Yom Kippur SALMON!?!? That's just...Oh man, I can't be mad, I'm too busy laughing. I'll keep my eyes peeled for the spawn of Deep Ones.
Wait, he ran off with pain pills and a fish?
*Gets on phone*
Hello? Yes. Password? ------. Listen, I've important news. Our agent has the fish. Yes, the pills too. The mission has been successful.
I worked construction for 20+ years. The only truly weird part of the story is the contractor/workers driving two hours to install a water heater. The rest is par for the course, unfortunately. (Except for the spawning.)
I appreciate your appreciation for weirdness, folks. It's the little human failures in life that let me know nothing's going to be perfectly okay, and that, in itself, is perfectly okay.
I worked construction for 20+ years. The only truly weird part of the story is the contractor/workers driving two hours to install a water heater. The rest is par for the course, unfortunately. (Except for the spawning.)
I own a home improvement service as well. Almost all of my work is out on Long Island and so when I've got an assignment I drive from Putnam County to Suffolk County, at least a two hour trip in traffic, each way, each day. Things are drying up. We go where the money is.
This isn't a big fish story. It's just a story that involves a big fish.
...or maybe he was drunk?
This would a make great subject for a great Blue Oyster Cult song. Has anyone informed them yet?
Just sent out a letter Eric Bloom. Next stop, classic rock immortalization! ;)
Don't fear the Salmon... come on baby... we can learn to nosh...
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I made it through the wilderness
Somehow I swam through
Didn’t know how lost I was
Until I found you
I was beat incomplete
I’d been bought, I was gilled and blue
But you made me feel
Yeah you made me feel, scaly and new
Like a salmon
Munched for the very first time
Like a salmon
When your heart beats
Next to mine
You so fine and you’re mine
Make me strong, yeah you make me bold
Oh your love thawed out
Yeah your love thawed out
What was getting cold
I made it through the wilderness
Somehow I swam through
Didn’t know how lost I was
Until I found youI was beat incomplete
I’d been bought, I was gilled and blue
But you made me feel
Yeah you made me feel, scaly and newLike a salmon
Munched for the very first time
Like a salmon
When your heart beats
Next to mineYou so fine and you’re mine
Make me strong, yeah you make me bold
Oh your love thawed out
Yeah your love thawed out
What was getting cold
Ladies and Gentleman... the winner.
::holds up Zeugma's hand::