Chelaxians—Announce Thyself

[Radavel]

underling wrote:

** spoiler omitted **

Spoiler:

There is no basis for the allegations contained in the above spoiler. We welcome any and all investigations into the matter. We are certain that our faction will be exonerated and accordingly granted our counterclaim for damages.

[Radavel]

flash_cxxi wrote:

Radavel wrote:

Beetles, rare, medium or well done?

Red, sure.

Well done please, I don't like runny innards. It looks like I'll be having it to go though, my Osirion compatriot seems to think your BBQing standards may have slipped a little from the norm.

Thank you for dropping by. Please come again.

[VagrantWhisper]

*sniffs around*

Nothing like the smell of an Andoren on the Barbeque.

Greetings everyone!

[underling]

Radavel wrote:

underling wrote:

**referenced Chelaxians and long pork**

**Threatened spurious law suits**

Radavel...enclosed is my response. Pay no attention to the sticky substance coating the spoiler tag.

Spoiler:

Ahh my friend I will point to the 11th post of this thread where you wished to 'roast the intruders'. Note that no mention of a BBQ occurred before this point. Yet after that One eyed cretin (Sorry E.M.) agreed to your "idea", just 4 posts later you asked who had the sauce for your BBQ.

Taken in conjunction with your known choice in spiritual allegiance, I believe that the chance we are eating poor Mothman is higher than a true son of Osirion can stomach. Bring your torts, I believe they may be safer than your tarts.

[Kvantum]

There are no humans in this barbeque. I can assure you of that.

Halflings... well, I can't guarantee that for absolute certain. Slaves do have a tendency to disappear every now and again.

[Pete Apple]

Excuse me goodly sirs, is this the garden party for the...

<notices the Chelaxian Handy BBQ Smoker(tm) in the background>

Oh. FINGER Sandwiches. How Terribly Witty. Please, do carry on.

[Atrocious]

I too have joined the mighty nation of Cheliax! Why? Because it has an X in it, and that's like... super hardcore!

Oh, and for the erinyes babes.

[Brent]

I have always been a faithful servant of Her Infernal Magestrix. I come now to make my allegiance known to my brothers and share in the celebration of impending victory. I shall keep my particular skills a secret for the moment as I see no reason to give the fools from Andoran or the weaklings from Osirion unnecessary insight into our power while they lounge here blissfully ignorant of the true purpose of our barbecue. I'm sure none of them has even bothered to see the pattern their gluttonously devoured sauce makes as it spatters on the ground. Even if they have noticed, they lack the strength of mind to know the significance of partaking of a ritual feast upon the Dark Lords most holy of symbols. They are so busy looking over their shoulder to watch for a dagger in the back that they fail to see the devil's talons reaching for their throat from the front.

All praise Asmodeus, and glory to the sovereign empire of Cheliax!!!

[baron arem heshvaun]

Pete Apple wrote:

Excuse me goodly sirs, is this the garden party for the...

<notices the Chelaxian Handy BBQ Smoker(tm) in the background>

Oh. FINGER Sandwiches. How Terribly Witty. Please, do carry on.

Please stay and sample *everything*, we are here SOULy for the pleasure of your company.

Your company for all eternity.

The Infernal Empire IS Eternal

[Guennarr]

Sebastian wrote:

Who among you has the courage to serve Asmodeous with me? Speak curs, for I would know my righteous breathern and separate out the worthy warriors from the cowardly dogs found in the other factions. Declare your loyalty and allegiance to Cheliax or join the ranks of our slaves.

*lol* Sorry, didn't want to spoil the fun of living out your Cheliax righteousness - but *lol* this discrepancy between your speech and your subscriber tag...!

Didn't you think about joining Taldor, you'd be the attraction of their garden party!!

no serious pun intended

Cheers,
Günther

[underling]

Guennarr wrote:

Sebastian wrote:

Who among you has the courage to serve Asmodeous with me? Speak curs, for I would know my righteous breathern and separate out the worthy warriors from the cowardly dogs found in the other factions. Declare your loyalty and allegiance to Cheliax or join the ranks of our slaves.

*lol* Sorry, didn't want to spoil the fun of living out your Cheliax righteousness - but *lol* this discrepancy between your speech and your subscriber tag...!

Didn't you think about joining Taldor, you'd be the attraction of their garden party!!

no serious pun intended

Cheers,
Günther

yes, but they're Infernal Ponies. Quite scary if you squint at them just the right way after drinking too much. That must be that IP that those lawyer types are always talking about.

[Lord Thasmudyan]

Hail, Fellow Lords and Ladies of Cheliax!

[golem101]

*raises eyebrow*

Looks that the infernal light of hellfire is quite a beacon... both for faithful believers and... preys. *grin*

[Mothman]

underling wrote:

Radavel wrote:

underling wrote:

**referenced Chelaxians and long pork**

**Threatened spurious law suits**

Radavel...enclosed is my response. Pay no attention to the sticky substance coating the spoiler tag.

** spoiler omitted **

Do all you Osirons whisper all the time? Stand up and be counted man!

And do not worry yourself fellow, I'm not cooked yet. The first thing they teach you at Freedom Fighter School is that retreating from superior numbers is often a good tactical option.

The second thing they teach you is to moon from a safe distance.

[Jason Beardsley]

Well met, brethren. Well met. May the Law of Asmodeus rule over all.

[Radavel]

underling wrote:

Radavel wrote:

underling wrote:

**referenced Chelaxians and long pork**

**Threatened spurious law suits**

Radavel...enclosed is my response. Pay no attention to the sticky substance coating the spoiler tag.

** spoiler omitted **

Merely a statement of desire not of actual action.

Clearly, your adherence to the written word makes you one of the First Lord's disciples rather than of Osirion. THINK ABOUT IT.

[Radavel]

Mothman wrote:

underling wrote:

Radavel wrote:

underling wrote:

**referenced Chelaxians and long pork**

**Threatened spurious law suits**

Radavel...enclosed is my response. Pay no attention to the sticky substance coating the spoiler tag.

** spoiler omitted **

Do all you Osirons whisper all the time? Stand up and be counted man!

And do not worry yourself fellow, I'm not cooked yet. The first thing they teach you at Freedom Fighter School is that retreating from superior numbers is often a good tactical option.

The second thing they teach you is to moon from a safe distance.

Underling, I point to the recent post of Mr. Mothman as incontrovertible proof of the evident falsity of your accusations, hence, liability for actual, moral and punitive damages, as well as attorney's fees.

Do not dare get a lawyer to defend you... they're all with us on this.

[Shekment]

I accept thy gracious invitation to attend they barbacue and what do I find? You worship powers that pale in comparison to the secrets that lie hidden beneath the sands of my homeland.

[Lazaro]

David Fryer 905 wrote:

I accept thy gracious invitation to attend they barbacue and what do I find? You worship powers that pale in comparison to the secrets that lie hidden beneath the sands of my homeland.

Ah, please make yourself at home. This is not a place to compare one to another. No this is a time of celebration and goodwill.

Can I interest you in a plate of food. Cake perhaps? How about some mead?

[Shekment]

Lazaro wrote:

David Fryer 905 wrote:

I accept thy gracious invitation to attend they barbacue and what do I find? You worship powers that pale in comparison to the secrets that lie hidden beneath the sands of my homeland.

Ah, please make yourself at home. This is not a place to compare one to another. No this is a time of celebration and goodwill.

Can I interest you in a plate of food. Cake perhaps? How about some mead?

Only if it doth come with one of those winged beauties over there. points at the eyrines

[Lazaro]

David Fryer 905 wrote:

Lazaro wrote:

David Fryer 905 wrote:

I accept thy gracious invitation to attend they barbacue and what do I find? You worship powers that pale in comparison to the secrets that lie hidden beneath the sands of my homeland.

Ah, please make yourself at home. This is not a place to compare one to another. No this is a time of celebration and goodwill.

Can I interest you in a plate of food. Cake perhaps? How about some mead?

Only if it doth come with one of those winged beauties over there. points at the eyrines

Guides over one of the many eyrines.

Here you are my friend. Now let us feast and be happy

[Shekment]

Lazaro wrote:

David Fryer 905 wrote:

Lazaro wrote:

David Fryer 905 wrote:

I accept thy gracious invitation to attend they barbacue and what do I find? You worship powers that pale in comparison to the secrets that lie hidden beneath the sands of my homeland.

Ah, please make yourself at home. This is not a place to compare one to another. No this is a time of celebration and goodwill.

Can I interest you in a plate of food. Cake perhaps? How about some mead?

Only if it doth come with one of those winged beauties over there. points at the eyrines

Guides over one of the many eyrines.

Here you are my friend. Now let us feast and be happy

Thou are most kind sir. You will be spared when my people reclaim their birthright.

[Zaister]

Do we have a official sampling of Chelish (Chelaxian?) names somewhere?

[Radavel]

Let this explain our intent. All true Chelaxians band together to make this a reality.

[Kvantum]

Zaister wrote:

Do we have a official sampling of Chelish (Chelaxian?) names somewhere?

In the Campaign Setting, page 20.

[Aristodeimos]

Hellfire and blood! It is my sole focus to one day serve the Dark One as the greatest of his Hellknights.

Ooooo...barbecued halfling, don't mind if I do.

[Sillitta Ederus]

Sil runs screaming away at the mention of barbecued halfling, the sauce still dripping from her lips.

[Sir Oliver]

Better grave than a slave!

<sets off the pyro-kinetic device>

Signed:

Citizen of Galt

[Ethan Snide]

Pete Apple wrote:

Excuse me goodly sirs, is this the garden party for the...

<notices the Chelaxian Handy BBQ Smoker(tm) in the background>

Oh. FINGER Sandwiches. How Terribly Witty. Please, do carry on.

Too bad everything Chelaxian winds up tasting like burnt leather. If I were a Chelaxian cook I'd probably just head off to the back room and hang myself before dinner, it'll be easier than waiting for somebody else to do it after.

[Lazaro]

Ethan Snide wrote:

Pete Apple wrote:

Excuse me goodly sirs, is this the garden party for the...

<notices the Chelaxian Handy BBQ Smoker(tm) in the background>

Oh. FINGER Sandwiches. How Terribly Witty. Please, do carry on.

Too bad everything Chelaxian winds up tasting like burnt leather. If I were a Chelaxian cook I'd probably just head off to the back room and hang myself before dinner, it'll be easier than waiting for somebody else to do it after.

Hmm seems you got a bad batch. We'll take care of that. I can assure that are food is delisious. Made with best Qadiran spices and herbs.

Now how about some cake?

[Ralik Estrel]

Ethan Snide wrote:

Pete Apple wrote:

Excuse me goodly sirs, is this the garden party for the...

<notices the Chelaxian Handy BBQ Smoker(tm) in the background>

Oh. FINGER Sandwiches. How Terribly Witty. Please, do carry on.

Too bad everything Chelaxian winds up tasting like burnt leather. If I were a Chelaxian cook I'd probably just head off to the back room and hang myself before dinner, it'll be easier than waiting for somebody else to do it after.

This from a person who's homeland was over run by Qadarians. I sure everything you eat taste like dry salty sand. Then again you tender palates can not handle our spices that remind us of our Divine Lords.

So got back to your finger sandwiches and let the non decaying civilized folks enjoy their hickory smoked and grilled meats.

[Lazaro]

Sillitta Ederus wrote:

Sil runs screaming away at the mention of barbecued halfling, the sauce still dripping from her lips.

It's alright my dear. I can assure there's no halfling, no sentient being of anykind used for the barbeque. I'm sure, Aristodeimos was just trying to cause a stir.

Now how about some cake

[Jason Beardsley]

Lazaro wrote:

Sillitta Ederus wrote:

Sil runs screaming away at the mention of barbecued halfling, the sauce still dripping from her lips.

It's alright my dear. I can assure there's no halfling, no sentient being of anykind used for the barbeque. I'm sure, Aristodeimos was just trying to cause a stir.

Now how about some cake

That's good cake!

[Lazaro]

Jason Beardsley wrote:

Lazaro wrote:

Sillitta Ederus wrote:

Sil runs screaming away at the mention of barbecued halfling, the sauce still dripping from her lips.

It's alright my dear. I can assure there's no halfling, no sentient being of anykind used for the barbeque. I'm sure, Aristodeimos was just trying to cause a stir.

Now how about some cake

That's good cake!

That it is. Can I interest you in a cup of mead, or maybe an eyrines.

[Radavel]

Cake is fine.

But where are the musicians?

They're late and should be penalized accordingly.

[Lazaro]

Radavel wrote:

Cake is fine.

But where are the musicians?

They're late and should be penalized accordingly.

You're right. Blast, I spent good money on the arrangements too. I'll get on it.

[Radavel]

Invoke the standard penalty clause... you know, damnation without relief... that should put a fire under their collective behinds.

[Lazaro]

Radavel wrote:

Invoke the standard penalty clause... you know, damnation without relief... that should put a fire under their collective behinds.

Walks in carrying a sack of gold

Ah, I should have reminded them of the Damnation clause. Silly me.

But, if they wish their souls to be forfeit, so be it. I mean it's certainly not my job to remind business partner about a contract they signed.

[Samir Al Sa'eed]

My friends lets not be hasty you will have fine Qadirain music in mere moments. I have heard however that there have been suspicions over the quality of meats being served at this gathering. Now for a small fee I can provide you with the proper documents from the health inspector verifying the meat is safe for consumption. <picks up his Sitar, and begins playing>
I must say this is quite the gathering you have here.

[Samir Al Sa'eed]

Oh course you cannot be faulted for going to the wrong Quidarain gathering for music you see we had more than one gathering going. Better to get a wider market you see. I will be happy to play for you though as a sign of good will on behalf of my brethren.

[Lazaro]

I thank for coming. May I get you anything to drink. Perhaps a some of our fine meats. Or perhaps some of our famous cake.

[Radavel]

Samir Al Sa'eed wrote:

I have heard however that there have been suspicions over the quality of meats being served at this gathering. Now for a small fee I can provide you with the proper documents from the health inspector verifying the meat is safe for consumption.

No need for that. FDA has already vouched for it. Our lawyers will handle the rest. They're terrifying, you know ;-)

[Radavel]

You know this Faction thing is one of the better PBPs I've played in. Go Fifth Edition! No GMs!

[Samir Al Sa'eed]

I appreciate your hospitality. I would enjoy something to drink, and the cake looks delicious. The meat smells very good as well. I must say you are kind hosts.

[Zeugma]

*steps from the shadows, carrying a kithara*
Am I late? I was just tuning up.
*begins to play*

Spoiler:

Pssst! Isn't this the tune to "Demonizer"?

[Samir Al Sa'eed]

<eyes the Kithara> An interesting choice my dear. Really you shouldn't mention Demons around our hosts here they are particular on that issue. The devils in the details you know.<winks>

[Circe]

Hey! Give me back my intrument!

[Ralik Estrel]

Zeugma wrote:

*steps from the shadows, carrying a kithara*

Am I late? I was just tuning up.
*begins to play*

** spoiler omitted **

I have a request, it is an oldie but goody from Taldor. I figure I would request it for them as we are hosting the gathering here. I belive it is called "Blame Qadira!" I am sure our Taldoran guest are just a little to coy to ask for it themselves so I would figure we would air out their grievances now.

[Zeugma]

*Drops kithara*

*SPROING!*

Dangit, broke a string!

[Lazaro]

Too bad about your intrument.

Samir is there anyway you can get this fine woman a new instrument?