Well, according to Terry Pratchett, one of the most dangerous magic items are Seven League Boots. One of the things your crotch really doesn't want is your feet to attenpt to make a 21-mile-step. Those boots were a real rip-off.
What about a Condom of Fertility?
Manacles of Freedom
Lead Lenses of X-Ray Vision
The Amazing Burrowing Carpet
The Hammer of Healing
The Harp of Silence (play at full volume and drive mimes nuts!)
The Toenail of Vecna
Throwing Returning +1 Boomerang
The Glass Mask of Disguise As Self
Abi-Dhalzim's Awesome Attic
Oil of Oberon's Offensive Odour (or just OOOOO) (Seriously, everyone knows that abbreviation. Really, use the stuff and get near someone, and they utter "Ooooo!")
Ooze Bane Warspoon
Ring of Commend Elemental (intelligent item. Can't shut up about how awesome this or that elemental is)
Hmm Manacles of Freedom could work if they provide a freedom of movement effect so that you can get through OTHER obstructions
Hammer of Healing see Dagger of Healing but use light hammer instead.
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Time Travel Face Bag - Invented by traveling bards William Murderface and Toki Wartooth, this shiny black bag allows the wearer to travel through time. If the bag is placed over one's head, one is able to travel through time at normal speed. When the bag is removed, it's the future!Caught that. Metalocalypse
"It's called a grocery store, ya douchebags! Sorry about that... Low blood sugar..."
Ooze Bane Warspoon
Command word for ooze's save vs destruction "Jayea-eleloh".
The Space Ring: transports you thousands of miles off the world and into space. Be sure to wear a coat.
Potion of Rapture: flings you into the sky at a speed pf 100 miles per hour. Peters out about 2 miles up. (If a ceiling is above you take 10d6 bludgeoning damage).
The Pervert Portal: creates a portal about 2.5 inches in diameter that leads to a random plane (can be constructed so that the portal leads to the inside of living creatures).
The Pervert Portal: creates a portal about 2.5 inches in diameter that leads to a random plane (can be constructed so that the portal leads to the inside of living creatures).
Psshaaa! Dwarves be needin' a fair bit bigger o' a diameter fer dis here portal if'n ye be usin' it how I be thinkin' ye be usin' it.
The Pervert Portal: creates a portal about 2.5 inches in diameter that leads to a random plane (can be constructed so that the portal leads to the inside of living creatures).
Psshaaa! Dwarves be needin' a fair bit bigger o' a diameter fer dis here portal if'n ye be usin' it how I be thinkin' ye be usin' it.
Special Dwarven Pervert Portals are available at Walgreens.
I thought I've seen it all, but Glory Portals?
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The Pervert Portal: creates a portal about 2.5 inches in diameter that leads to a random plane (can be constructed so that the portal leads to the inside of living creatures).
Psshaaa! Dwarves be needin' a fair bit bigger o' a diameter fer dis here portal if'n ye be usin' it how I be thinkin' ye be usin' it.
You're not supposed to step through it.
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Blanket of Invisibility: This blue blanket with glow-in-the-dark embroidered stars renders anyone or anything covered by it completely invisible, and unable to be seen by any magical effect(such as True Seeing or X-Ray vision). The blanket itself, however, remains completely visible.
Invisible Potion: This potion is completely invisible.
Poisonous Potion of Poison Immunity: This potion is a poison. Initial Effect- 1d4 Con & 1d4 Str Damage, Secondary Effect- Immunity to all Poisons(magical or otherwise) for 1 round.
Blanket of Invisibility: This blue blanket with glow-in-the-dark embroidered stars renders anyone or anything covered by it completely invisible, and unable to be seen by any magical effect(such as True Seeing or X-Ray vision). The blanket itself, however, remains completely visible.
I *knew* it! They kept telling me "no one's there, really. We checked. Just some sissy's blue blanket!" They let the thief get away. I'll have their heads for it! On a silver plate. No, wait: on toast!
Invisible Potion: This potion is completely invisible.Poisonous Potion of Poison Immunity: This potion is a poison. Initial Effect- 1d4 Con & 1d4 Str Damage, Secondary Effect- Immunity to all Poisons(magical or otherwise) for 1 round.
This part of your post was also invisible: I saw the post, just with the blanket. I replied to it and BAM! stuff about Potions. Scary.
Trick monsters into ingesting the magic missile one or blindness/deafness or bestow curse then strike once their weakened >:)
Yup, potentially useful even if probably not cost-effective...and having bunch of odd spells as potions and oils is a nice alternative for having them as scrolls, except that everyone can use those potions and oils...
About that potion of invisibility, there was ring of invisibility in an old issue of Dragon (April issue, no surprise). When put on, the ring turned invisible.
Orb of unnecessary force: Can be used to open any kind of portal. Uses knock - and then pulverizes the door just for kicks.
Boots of Dwarvenkind: Give you the ability (always on) to stamp loudly.
Boots of Speed (5'): Set your speed to 5'.
Boots of Running Away: On the beginning of combat, casts a 60' radius spread fear effect (no save) that affects anyone, including the wearer.
Elixir of Untruth: The imbider cannot tell the truth for 1 hour. No, wait, that's not right. It's just a minute. What do I say? 3 rounds! Wait, now I know: He HAS to tell the truth, to tell the truth.
Rod of Copy Spell Effect: When the wearer is subject to a harmfull spell effect, this rod duplicates the effect exactly: same power, same save DC, same target.
Cato Novus wrote:
Invisible Potion: This potion is completely invisible.
Poisonous Potion of Poison Immunity: This potion is a poison. Initial Effect- 1d4 Con & 1d4 Str Damage, Secondary Effect- Immunity to all Poisons(magical or otherwise) for 1 round.
This part of your post was also invisible: I saw the post, just with the blanket. I replied to it and BAM! stuff about Potions. Scary.
Very scary. I is very afraid.
Boots of Speed (5'): Set your speed to 5'.
Hehee, thought of Wings of Butterfly (5'): Gives fly speed of 5', makes flying the only form of movement. Cannot be taken off.
Also in one campaign there was a great artifact Scopulos, which was this gigantic and heavy box full of buttons and blinking lights and whatnot, nobody ever figured out what was it supposed to do. And the nice DM of course dropped plenty of hints about its legendary status and world-shattering power...the most useful thing anyone managed to do with it was scaring a bothersome cat away.
Animal-Shapes Animal Crackers- eat the cracker, turn into that animal.
LOL I like that one! you would have to be careful not to eat the animals that are missing limbs/heads/or half their bodies
hehehe
:)
I thought I've seen it all, but Glory Portals?
KaeYoss, I can't stop laughing over anything you wrote!
Thank you, I needed a good laugh :)
I thought I've seen it all, but Glory Portals?KaeYoss, I can't stop laughing over anything you wrote!
Thank you, I needed a good laugh :)
I can have that effect sometimes. Should put up a disclaimer or something, lest someone chokes on it one day.
That reminds me that a couple of years back, in a roleplaying group I used to play in, me and another player had this challenge going, where we would try to make another player pass out from laughing - we'd take turns saying something, and she'd laugh harder and harder. She never passed out, but we managed her to change colour a lot of times.
Really, that empathic vampire from The Dark Tower was an amateur compared to the two of us. ;-)
Animal-Shapes Animal Crackers- eat the cracker, turn into that animal.
LOL I like that one! you would have to be careful not to eat the animals that are missing limbs/heads/or half their bodies
hehehe
:)
Bah, you're just trying to keep the last box of animal crackers to yourself.
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Reminds me of the game where I played a horn'dog rogue. (I'm female so I could get away with alot more lol)
So we were divying up the treasure and the leader was calling out the items and those who wanted it would raise their hands. Mind you we have about 12 people in the group, so LOTS o stuff to go through. I was on the opposite side of the room/table making snide comments & reacting to typical items in naughty ways, erupting that end into fits of laughter. (much to the confusion of our leader, which made it funnier)
Leader: "ok, next we have a Rod of Enlarge"
Me: "OOOO MEMEMEMMEEMEEEEE!"
Guys: LMAO
Leader: *gives me a wierd look* "uh ok, goes to Rain"
Me: "Yeah baby!"
Guys: *more laughter*
Leader: "Who wants the Rod of Extend?"
Me: "I DOOOO!"
Guys: *couple guys raise their hands & we all laugh*
Leader: "Alright, roll for it."
Me: *shaking the dice in my hand* "C'mon baby, moma needs a new toy"
Guys: *laughing so hard some give up rolling for it*
Me: "YES 18! Beat that!"
K: "14 damn"
T: "Yeah? 19 haha!"
Me: "Can I borrow that?"
Guys: *more laughter*
Leader: "What are you guys laughing about down there? Its just a damn rod!"
All: *laugh*
Me: "Maybe to you, but to me.....its prreesciiooouuss" (in my best Gollum voice)
All: *laugh*
Leader: ??
Leader: "Whatever, next is a Rod of Quicken"
Me: *I look like I am thinking real hard about that*
Guys: *laugh*
Somone: "Wham, bam, thank you ma'am"
All: (except leader) *laugh*
Me: "We'll you never know when you need a quickie whilst "dungeon diving", I'll take it!"
*some guys are unable to look at me, turning red but laughing all the more*
Leader: "Fine, Rain, write down your rods..."
Me: "Ride down my rods?....OH! oh yeah yeah write. Got it" *smirks*
Guys: *ROFL*
Leader: "You guys are wierd. Ok, we have a Rod of Lordly Might"
Me: "F*CK YEAH!!! Oh gods I'll kill anyone that rolls against me for that!" *About jumping onto the table*
Guys: *Laughing to damn hard*
Leader: *just gives me a cold look*
Me: "oh....gods yes...." *fake drools*
Leader: "....*sigh*...Rod of Tentacles..."
Me: *takes a huge breath in and is about to scream*
Leader: "For the love of god, Rain. Will someone else take this thing?"
K: "Yeah, I'll take it." *laughs & winks*
Me: *pouts* "Hey we didn't roll for that!"
Leader: "I think you got enough, Rain."
Me: "When it comes to Rods, one can never have enough!"
All: *laugh*
K: "yeah you got to be prepared for anything."
Me: "Hell yeah! Now gimme those tentacles!"
All: *laugh*
K: "If you're good, I will."
Me: "No fairs, I want it now."
T: "Exhibitionist."
All: LMAO
A little later after the treasure is divided & we camp for the night...
Me: "Any got any duct tape?"
Guys: LOL
K: "No but I got that glue stuff"
All: LMAO
Me: "Perfect! Can I have it?"
K: "Suuuure, but what do I get in return?"
Me: *looks at him funny* "You want to try it too?"
All: LOL
T: "We should buy her a Rod of Thunder & Lightning!"
Leader: "NO"
Me: "aaaaaawwwwwyyyeeeeeaaaaahhhh!! What's the next town?"
Leader: "NO you are not allowed any more rods!"
Me: "You need to get laid."
All: *shocked & laughing*
Me: "Wanna borrow my rods?"
All: LMFAO
END!
I'm such a bad girl :P
Bah, you're just trying to keep the last box of animal crackers to yourself.
Animal-Shapes Animal Crackers- eat the cracker, turn into that animal.
LOL I like that one! you would have to be careful not to eat the animals that are missing limbs/heads/or half their bodies
hehehe
:)
What would happen if you jammed all the animal crackers in your mouth at once?
Fun times :P
What would happen if you jammed all the animal crackers in your mouth at once?
No idea, I'll go check!
Later...Ow.
What would happen if you jammed all the animal crackers in your mouth at once?
Different things. I have examples.
The Sterling Butter Knife of Probability - This simple butter knife is a halfling artifact that grants the wielder extraordinary luck.
If we pair it up with the Kender Spoon of Turning, then we would just need to find ourselves a magic fork. Hmmm... maybe the gnomes have something to offer.
The Sterling Butter Knife of Probability - This simple butter knife is a halfling artifact that grants the wielder extraordinary luck.
If we pair it up with the Kender Spoon of Turning, then we would just need to find ourselves a magic fork. Hmmm... maybe the gnomes have something to offer.
That reminds me of the Regenerating Haunch of Meat our DM threw at us during a off the wall fairy encounter. It was a random thing that popped into his head. My character, a snobbish elf female sorceress, thought that was the sickest thing she ever seen and couldn't stop ranting about that concept. "You rip off a chunk of meat & it growns back??? That is SICK!" Of course, our half-orc fighter thought it was the most amazing thing ever & wanted to take it with us.
Course that encounter kinda ended with my character getting entranced by the faires (cause she refused to "have fun" and threatened to burn down the forest) & wound up in an orgy with some party members. To include the Drow and someone HAD to make the smart-*ss comment "Gee Rynn, I didn't know you liked dark meat!" No one has fessed up as to who said that yet....
The Sterling Butter Knife of Probability - This simple butter knife is a halfling artifact that grants the wielder extraordinary luck.
If we pair it up with the Kender Spoon of Turning, then we would just need to find ourselves a magic fork. Hmmm... maybe the gnomes have something to offer.
BEHOLD!!!
Demogorgon's Mighty Salad Fork: Treat this as a +3 Bane (Salad)Fork.
That reminds me of the Regenerating Haunch of Meat our DM threw at us during a off the wall fairy encounter.
Awesome. Pure sick evil. It regenerates, so you have endless food. But of course, fire negates the regeneration, so you don't starve as long as you eat the flesh raw!
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Awesome. Pure sick evil. It regenerates, so you have endless food. But of course, fire negates the regeneration, so you don't starve as long as you eat the flesh raw!
That reminds me of the Regenerating Haunch of Meat our DM threw at us during a off the wall fairy encounter.
Rip a chunk off the main part, cook the smaller piece.
I've been meaning to incorporate this (and its corresponding character) into a game, but I haven't had the chance:
Abu's Fork
This +1 Tiny trident does not resize in the hands of a larger wielder. However, it grants a +5 damage modifier to an assassin's death attack. BWAHAHAHA!
Excellent! I'll have to add that to my flatware collection.
how about a Rod of Binding: who ever grabs the rod is stuck with it in there hand for 1D6 hours, but gain a plus 20 to there Strength, attacks can not be made on anything
Classic all time favorites:
The Dwarven Axe "Tree-Biter" (a +1 wood bane hand axe)... it's soul creation was to chop firewood into smaller pieces.
Gift of the Elder Elves to Humans "Wall-Hanger" (a +1 longsword that gives it's owner a +3 to Charisma and all CHR checks as long as you are in the room where the sword has been mounted on the wall; preferably above a fireplace).
and an extremely honorable mention to the "Re-fried Beans of Expeditious Retreat"... (Eat these beans and get the runs)
Magic Jar- It doesn't hold any peanut butter, man! What a rip!
RPG Superstar 2009 Top 8
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The Tome of Anomkire -- Anyone opening the Tome of Anomkire must make a Will save (DC 20) or become utterly fascinated. Those failing to save, continue to read ignoring everything else around them, including bullies or their mother calling them for dinner. This book's leather surface is sometimes embossed with a dragon and other times with a rather slinky looking drow in a chainmail bikini.
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The Tome of Anomkire -- Anyone opening the Tome of Anomkire must make a Will save (DC 20) or become utterly fascinated. Those failing to save, continue to read ignoring everything else around them, including bullies or their mother calling them for dinner. This book's leather surface is sometimes embossed with a dragon and other times with a rather slinky looking drow in a chainmail bikini.
Oooh, I like this. I may have to use this in a campaign...
The Tome of Anomkire
Anomkire? LOL! :D
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The Trousers of Enlarge & the Bustier of Enlarge: For those adventurers who are always concerned over their appearance. These garments place both an illusion and transmutation upon the wearer, making certain features look and feel larger than they actually are(only men benefit from the trousers, and only women from the bustier... directly, that is).
Gift of the Elder Elves to Humans "Wall-Hanger" (a +1 longsword that gives it's owner a +3 to Charisma and all CHR checks as long as you are in the room where the sword has been mounted on the wall; preferably above a fireplace).
...and even funnier, I can easily imagine someone had actually created an item like this. Or something like Sword of Flourish, +1 longsword which gives Cha bonus to wielder and bonus to will saves for allies within 60 feet...
** spoiler omitted **Knowing your penchant for such tricks, I secretly replaced your scroll with one that has one of the words misspelled. See for yourself.
I is no homicidal crazed halfling. I know you no Postmonster. You is lying.
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I is no homicidal crazed halfling. I know you no Postmonster. You is lying.** spoiler omitted **Knowing your penchant for such tricks, I secretly replaced your scroll with one that has one of the words misspelled. See for yourself.
Am I? Maybe I just replaced it with an old soup recipe. Or perhaps its misspelled by adding in a Symbol of Death. Who knows?