*This is a parody song of American Pie-This is for fun and is not meant to insult anyone.
Verse 1
A long long time ago
I can still remember how that game used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make my players imagination soar
And maybe they'd be happy for a while
But January made me shiver
With every preview filled with the word cool
Bad news on the monitor
It all started to make me sick
I can remember I did cried
When I read about Dragonborn and tieflings in core
But something touched me deep inside
The day the D&D Died
{Refrain}
So, bye-bye, Dungeon& Dragons
I'm keepin my 3.5 edition
The new one seems to be high and dry
And them good old boys were a rolling 20 sided dies
making saves or die
This'll be edition I'll not buy
Verse 2
Did you read your 1st edition DM's guide
It's full of wisdom inside
But you do what Hasbro tells you to do
Do you believe in fairy rings
Can Profession skills help you kill a troll
And can you teach me how to have fun in my games
Well, I know that Gnomes are in the monster manual
And half-orc's are another matter
You kicked the grognards to the curb
Man, I don't dig the way you lied, when you pulled the mags back in July
I see now your counting on a teenager buck
With a new set of rules based off another mans work
But I knew I was out of luck
The day the D&D died
I started singin'
{Refrain}
Verse 3
Now for ten years we've been on our own
And money flows in from miniature productions overseas
But that's not how it used to be
When the Dm told a story for his fellow friends
In a story he borrowed from J.R.R Tolkien or saw on t.v
TSR Was a voice that came from you and me
Oh, and while TSR was going down
The Wizards of the Coast was getting fat on magic cards
The Forgotten Realms replaced the Greyhawk Yarns
No one saw 2nd editions point
And while players read a book on Drizzt
The skills and powers was a corporation rip
And we stay loyal through all the sh!t
The day the D&D died
We were singin'
{Refrain}
Verse 4
PHB,DMG and MM are coming out in a summer swelter
The grognards are buy up all the 3.5 material to fill a fallout shelter
Eight years of 3 and 3.5 will last us a lifetime
I hope your research pays off although I've never seen a poll on all your research to voice your claims of player feedback
The players now are Anti-paladins and warlocks whom make pacts to hack n slash
With the Races & Classes preview book for $20.00 bucks
Now the DDI is another grab at another buck
While it's time to go old school
We all got upset, the changes were so vast and insane
Oh I can heal for hitting a ogre in the brain
'Cause the players tried to take the best feats
The skills you chose were your defeat
Do you recall what happened when you revealed a succubus is a erinyes
The day the D&D died
We started singing
{Refrain}
Verse 5
Oh, and there we were, all in shock
A generation lost in disbelief
With no time left to start again
So come on, Jack the rogue, be nimble, Jack the rogue, be quick
Jack the rogue,should have not taken craft in making candlesticks
'Cause skills make your character broken and unfun
Oh, and as I read Races&Classes
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
Now tell again how to play my game
And as I learn more and more
I begin to see the light
I saw Ceo's of Hasbro laughing with delight
The day the D&D died
{Refrain}
Verse 6
I met a girl who read the OGL
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just smiled and turned away
I went down to my Flgs
Where I'd purchased the game years before
But the man there said the game wasn't the same
And in the streets the players screamed
The Dm's cried, and the books lay untouched
But not a word was spoken
The new rules all were broken
And the three men I admire most
Gary Gygax, Monte Cook and Robert J Kuntz
They caught the last train for another coast
The day the D&D died
And they were singin'
{Refrain}
So, bye-bye, Dungeon& Dragons
I'm keepin my 3.5 edition
The new one seems to be high and dry
And them good old boys were a rolling 20 sided dies
making saves or die
This'll be edition I'll not buy
Yeah I would not want to hear it sung either.
You think I should have put this someplace else?
On a karaoke disk in an attempt to trick drunken tourists into actually singing it.
That would cause many random acts violence and or riots of mass destruction.
As will 4e, so it is strangely befitting.
4e release day: Borders and Barnes and Noble across america will burn as angered grognards rise from basements to unleash a unspeakable toll bent on revenge against a corporation that ignored them. ;)
Oh! They could use the song as their Anthem of War!
It's on!
"Hasbro must be stopped. No matter the cost."
- Paraphrased from Optimus Prime, Transformers the Movie
Edit: BTW, can I disseminate your song to fellow gamers, Tobus Neth?
Yes you can. Optimus Prime is a product of Hasbro.
I saw DnD and music - and I had to think of this:
I've got the Dungeon Master's Guide
I've got a 12-sided die
I've got Kitty Pryde
and Nightcrawler too
Waiting there for me
yes I do
- I hate 4th edition like I hate the French - but inside I have to admit if they attract new gamers with this it's a win. Even for the gamers like myself who will never play 4th, the more people who play, the better. And one day they'll look back to see where it started - and maybe buy some of the "old" books and supplements.
Lovely parody, Tobus!
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- I hate 4th edition like I hate the French -Wait... what's wrong with the French? :\
*unabashed Francophile*
I concur. What's wrong with les français?
Please don't hate me, or others who share my language!
Also, this begs the question: How much will you hate the French version of 4th Edition?
Heh.
Well, I'll never see the French version of 4th edition, so don't worry. As for why I hate the French - well, it's something personal and has nothing to do with the 4th edition. It is nothing against you, as the person you are. And thanks for the wine.
- I hate 4th edition like I hate the French -Wait... what's wrong with the French? :\
*unabashed Francophile*
Frenching with hot French chicks is awesome. Plus the language gets non-French chicks wet. How could anyone hate these people?
Great lyrics. Of course, I hate the original song since Madonna did it, so that a black mark.
On a personal note, this again just speaks to me of the extreme reactions people are having towards the new system. I think its funny that people are so upset. Of course, I'm still mourning AD&D.
Things I like about France:
It's good for Andre the Giant, wine sometimes, practice for any other country's army, and Victor Hugo. Actually, it's better I don't get into my issues with France, it's kind of personal. Let's talk about something interesting...like Cthulhu!
I too felt offended when Madonna covered American Pie. It was horrid. On the other hand, I had no problem with Weird Al's Star Wars version of the song. And I like the lyrics presented here. Very good. :)
Thanks Mr. McArtor-However some of it is a bit off,
You should see the Good bye Forgotten Realms one I did for this. It's somewhere on the Wizards boards. Maybe I can find it and reprint it.
Here we go.
A long, long time ago...
There was a place we used to know...
And we all thought we'd be there for a while...
And if I knew we stood a chance
When RSEs began to prance
And they thought that we'd be happy for a while...
But Fourth Edition made me nauseous
Points of Light was so atrocious
It was worse than grim newspapers
Curse that crazy Richard Baker....
I can't remember if I cried
But I sure felt that those guys lied
Destroyed every running game alive
The day...that the Realms died...
So goodbye to that Ed Greenwood Guy
Maybe Castlemourn with his beard shorn
will keep things alive.
And those wizards three were looking us in the eye
And saying "Make a saving throw one more time..."
Make a saving throw one more time...
Did you write an FRCG
And do you pray "God it's not me"
When the designers tell you so?
Do you believe in the old weave
And that the seven sisters can save your soul
And can you teach me to cast without a stick?
Well I know you like to whine and scream
That Drizzt's too mighty and Mystra's mean
But they're both part of the world,
So stop screaming like a little girl...
I was just in my first year of college
When I cracked that green box of knowledge
But now I guess I'm older than Roone Arledge
On the day...that the Realms died...
So goodbye to that Ed Greenwood Guy
Maybe Castlemourn with his beard shorn
will keep things alive.
And those wizards three were looking us in the eye
And saying "Make a saving throw one more time..."
Make a saving throw one more time...
Now we've got ten years to be on our own
Before the spellplague comes and we're alone
But that's not how it used to be...
When Ed Greenwood was still in charge
Dressed like Elminster, not living large
And his voice was still meant for having fun...
And while Ed Greenwood was looking round
Hasbro came and stuffed him in the ground
No contract could survive
They couldn't keep the Realms alive...
And while Steven Schend struggled with Netherese
And Richard Baker gave us cheese
We all thought we'd get a timefreeze
The day that the Realms died...
And we were singing
So goodbye to that Ed Greenwood Guy
Maybe Castlemourn with his beard shorn
will keep things alive.
And those wizards three were looking us in the eye
And saying "Make a saving throw one more time..."
Make a saving throw one more time...
Hacking with a winter cough
Durnan the Wanderer wandered off
His bastard sword went somewhere else
His wife stuffed it up on the shelf.
The Red Sashes replaced him with an elf
In spite of all he'd done himself...
Now Mirt the Moneylender saw his doom
And locked himself inside his room
We wondered now where Kitten went
But her saucy wit just folded and bent.
Cause the Evil is cool crowd ambushed us
And crushed our storyline to dust
They tossed Ed Greenwood off the bus
The day that the Realms died...
And we were singing...
Goodbye to that Ed Greenwood Guy
Maybe Castlemourn with his beard shorn
will keep things alive.
And those wizards three were looking us in the eye
And saying "Make a saving throw one more time..."
Make a saving throw one more time...
There we were, they turned the Simbul blond
And told us that they'd still keep Gond
Then told us that we had to start again.
So Storm be nimble, Storm be true
Because you're a bard, there are no rules for you!
Because Cyric is Richard Baker's only friend.
Oh and as my players played my game
They said it was a bloody shame.
Some of them said they'd walk.
With all this spellplague talk.
And as the day of Fourth approached
I thought I saw a ghostly coach
But Sylune kicked off months ago...
The day that the Realms died...
So goodbye to that Ed Greenwood Guy
Maybe Castlemourn with his beard shorn
will keep things alive.
And those wizards three were looking us in the eye
And saying "Make a saving throw one more time..."
Make a saving throw one more time...
Eilistraee now sings the blues
She's stuck in Lolth's old dirty shoes
She just scowled at us as she turned away.
I went down to Arvandor
Where I saw elves once, years before.
But now there were all different kinds instead.
And in the streets, the gamers gabbed
And in our kidneys, points of light stabbed
No matter what words were spoken
Our Forgotten Realms was broken.
And the three men I admire most (Thanks, Markus)
Vangerdahast, Elminster, and Khelben's Ghost
Took the Eberron train for the coast
The day that the Realms died...
And they were singing...
So goodbye to that Ed Greenwood Guy
Maybe Castlemourn with his beard shorn
will keep things alive.
And those wizards three were looking us in the eye
And saying "Make a saving throw one more time..."
Make a saving throw one more time...
So goodbye to that Ed Greenwood Guy
Maybe Castlemourn with his beard shorn
will keep things alive.
And those wizards three were looking us in the eye
And saying "Make a saving throw one more time..."
Make a saving throw one more time...
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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- I hate 4th edition like I hate the French -Wait... what's wrong with the French? :\
*unabashed Francophile*
Nothing that 40 more years of German Occupation won't cure.
Story time!
I had a history professor, very polite man, who spoke German and English. (He may have spoke a little French too, I don't remember.) He was over in Europe for a VE anniversary, and in a French restaurant. He politely waited for the waiter, and was ignored. After about a half hour he flagged down the waiter and proceeded to dress him down. -in German-
In his words, "Service improved immdiately. The French hate the Americans; they hate and fear the Germans."
I too felt offended when Madonna covered American Pie. It was horrid. On the other hand, I had no problem with Weird Al's Star Wars version of the song. And I like the lyrics presented here. Very good. :)Thanks Mr. McArtor-However some of it is a bit off,
No, they didn't hope it was what we wanted. By not asking, they didn't care what we wanted. They knew people were going to buy it, and they didn't care who was insulted by their comments or not.
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"
---Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
---Rush Limbaugh, Doctor of Democracy
"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag."
--David Letterman
"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't
help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!"
---Jay Leno
I'm sor... ah, screw 'em if they can't take a joke!
I bought it!! I bought every damn thing they put out (just about). They had so much invested in so many brands. Many were good - most of Planescape was cool, Birthright and Dark Sun had their moments, etc. And rather than continue to focus on them - they got caught up the card game hype and wasted an awfully lot of money designed terrible card games. Oh well...
Contributor
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I bought it!! I bought every damn thing they put out (just about). They had so much invested in so many brands. Many were good - most of Planescape was cool, Birthright and Dark Sun had their moments, etc. And rather than continue to focus on them - they got caught up the card game hype and wasted an awfully lot of money designed terrible card games. Oh well...
Well, okay, not nobody, but not enough. And yeah, their unwise forays into collectible games did not aid their bottom line any, either.
OK, I didn't buy Maztica!! It's not my fault - that sucked more than the Buommans!!! And since they didn't exist till later - that means it sucked more than anything that had every sucked before! (in the DnD line)
Some of the campaign boxed sets (particularly Planescape) actually sold for less money than they cost to make...That was indeed a bad time.
Yeah, I remember reading that too. Sad, but they tried to come up with something for everyone - then stopped and wasted all that money on stupid card games. They should have tried advertising...it works!