Things The Party Is Forbidden From Doing (in Golarion?)...

[Kassil]

So, there are several lists of this nature floating around the 'Net, the most famous being the list of things Skippy is no longer allowed to do, and, on the WotC boards, theings that the crew of the Forgotten Freedom (and Eberron airship) are forbidden from doing.

Since it struck me as a highly amusing thread, and since these boards are full of amusing and cheerily deranged minds, I figured I'd offer this up for everyone to fiddle around in with the same theme. There may or may not be spoily bits involved, I don't know.

So I'll kick it off.

• The party bard may not rewrite the 'Baker Man' rhyme to 'Skinsaw Man'.
  
• The sorcerer is not allowed to tattoo the Seven Runes of Sin in an attempt to get more power.
  
• Gnomes are not tinkers. We are not allowed to treat them as such.
  
• Wandrifles are not guns. They're crossbows that shoot wand charges.
  
• Goblins are not footballs.
  
• The barbarian may not taken Exotic Weapon Proficiency: Thrown Goblin.
  
• Or EWP: Goblin Corpse.
  
• Animating dead goblins is fine, but having them put on a children's play is just creepy, so the party necromancer is forbidden from doing this.
  
• Likewise, goblin corpses used as puppets are just disgusting.
  
• We are not on a mission from Desna.
  
• Except for the priest of Desna over there.
  
• Trying to sell masterwork dogslicers to the goblins is not allowed.
  
• The spellcasters may not research a Potion of Explosive Entrails in hopes of getting the goblins to destroy themselves with it.
  
• ...Because they'd likely explode inside a town or vital structure, that's why.
  
• The dark secret of the gnomes is not that they're all anime addicts.
  
• ...We hope.
  
• No one is permitted to sell masterwork items to the enemy unless said items are cursed.
  
• The barbarian is not the reincarnation of the Runelord of Wrath.
  
• The thief is not the reincarnation of the Runelord of Greed, nor the Runelord of Envy.
  
• ...Even if they do seem to fit the theme pretty well.
  

[Kobold Catgirl]

I think you forgot the other rule, made for the DM:

Kobolds are not strategies given by the temper councilors to vent out the goblin's anger

Trust me, it's for the best--
"Ouch! Stupid goblin! Hurry up with that rule, Kassil! Ow ow OW!!!"

[Kobold Catgirl]

Oh, by the way, I like how you made gnomes into non-tinkerers. I've always thought they should have more than that, particularly after reading something on a website.

[Arctaris]

Kassil wrote:

So I'll kick it off.

• The party bard may not rewrite the 'Baker Man' rhyme to 'Skinsaw Man'.

Already doing this. I'm going to sing it next time we play.

Kassil wrote:

The barbarian may not taken Exotic Weapon Proficiency: Thrown Goblin.

Or EWP: Goblin Corpse.

Already had to deal with that one.

Kassil wrote:

Animating dead goblins is fine, but having them put on a children's play is just creepy, so the party necromancer is forbidden from doing this.

Likewise, goblin corpses used as puppets are just disgusting.

Gonna have to do that sometime.

[Mike McArtor]

Awesome Kassil. Very awesome. :D

[Sir_Wulf]

My group's up to five from this list...

[Matthew Morris]

The sorcerer may not Arcane Mark 'slut' on Shayles' forehead
Or her father
Or Nualia for that matter

The Cleric will not cast 'cause fear' on the torch holding Goblin.
When he's on top of a wagon
Especially when the wagon is filled with alcohol.

[Kassil]

Kobold Cleaver wrote:

I think you forgot the other rule, made for the DM:

Kobolds are not strategies given by the temper councilors to vent out the goblin's anger

Trust me, it's for the best--
"Ouch! Stupid goblin! Hurry up with that rule, Kassil! Ow ow OW!!!"

So implement the rule yourself. I'm not the only one adding to the list... Although I advise that everyone add items to the list with the List tag so it's all neat and easy to read.

...And yes, some of this (like the sincaster and the Skinsaw Man rhyme) are things I've already had come to mind and tinkered with.

• The arcane casters are not allowed to work up a 'sincaster' prestige class.
  
• Kobolds are not 'spare melee weapons', no matter what the fighter claims.
  
• We are not allowed to hybridize trolls and plants to get a never-ending salad bar.
  
• ...Because the last time we got a never-ending slaad bar, that's why.
  
• The ranger and druid are not allowed to try catching the Sandpoint Devil.
  
• ...Because it'd likely make sure we know why goblins hate horses, that's why.
  
• The sorcerer is not allowed to use Arcane Mark to graffiti things with 'Kilroy was here' comments.
  
• Our battlecry is not 'Leeeeeeeroy Jennnnkins!'
  
• Nor is it the sound of the paladin weeping like a frightened little child at the atrocities of the rest of the group.
  
• Trying to use the stuff in the runewell to gain levels as an Incarnum user is forbidden.
  
• The cleric's name is not 'Healbot'.
  
• The fighter's name is not 'Meatshield'.
  
• The ranger's name is not 'Pincushion Boy'.
  
• Neither the wizard nor the sorcerer are 'The Blam-Master'.
  
• Nor is the paladin 'Captain Stick-in-the-mud'.
  
• We are not on a mission from Lamashtu.
  
• The villains are.
  
• Not allowed to build tollbooths at random points just to charge passing merchants.
  
• ...Because the Varisians would probably burn it down, that's why.
  
• Ogres do not make a habit of commenting on 'purty lips'.
  
• ...We hope, anyway.
  
• No one is allowed to give alchemist's fire to the goblins in hopes of the little freaks blowing themselves up.
  
• ...Because it's still too likely to happen near something we want to keep, that's why.
  
• The party monk is not allowed to teach the kids in Sandpoint some 'real discipline'.
  
• ...We want to be able to come back to Sandpoint, that's why.
  
• The monk is not allowed to run around nude just because his unarmored AC is better than the fighter's armored AC. Put some pants on at least.
  
• If the bard seduces anyone and gets them pregnant, the paladin is authorized to forcibly make him marry the girl.
  
• The seven sins are not a contest to see who can get the most 'points' of a given sin.
  

[Heathansson]

No hidden village of tieflings in chrtr's background.
Wizards unable to create "flying boats" of any kind.

[DarkArt]

No PC's may dunk goblins in barrels of tallow

. . . Using Richard Gere references

[Kobold Catgirl]

Kassil wrote:

Kobold Cleaver wrote:

I think you forgot the other rule, made for the DM:

Kobolds are not strategies given by the temper councilors to vent out the goblin's anger

Trust me, it's for the best--
"Ouch! Stupid goblin! Hurry up with that rule, Kassil! Ow ow OW!!!"

So implement the rule yourself. I'm not the only one adding to the list... Although I advise that everyone add items to the list with the List tag so it's all neat and easy to read.

...And yes, some of this (like the sincaster and the Skinsaw Man rhyme) are things I've already had come to mind and tinkered with.

[list]

Kobolds are not 'spare melee weapons', no matter what the fighter claims...

Phew!

Clerics are not allowed to 'exorcise' the village folk in the hopes that he'll get paid for it.

It is not allowed to kill the annoying rogue and put his head on a spike and eat his heart...

...because you have to share.

You cannot...well, lemme give you an example:
Bob the Necromancer: "Hey! Where's my share of the treasure?!"
Bob the Fighter: "You killed the guy who gave us the job, remember? He can't pay us now."
Bob the Necromancer: "What?! He's cheating me of my hard-earned money!!!"
Other Party Members: "*Sigh*"
Bob the Necromancer: Animate Dead! Animate Dead! AAAARGH!!!"

You cannot harm any Kobold if he is a Cleaver (hint hint hint)

[Kassil]

Mike McArtor wrote:

Awesome Kassil. Very awesome. :D

Thank you. Hey, Mike, might I get your name in GW? The email is kassil @ gmail.com

It'd be cool to have someone worth badgering in my list of people known. :p Almost everyone else I know quit GW save for one person. They were all whining that it's too hard compared to WoW...

Onward!

• We are not permitted to hire kobolds as redshirts.
  
• ...Or goblins.
  
• ...Or any other evil creature of that sort.
  
• ...Or the town drunks.
  
• Look, we just don't have redshirts, all right?
  
• The bard is not the party leader.
  
• ...Because we don't want a reputation as a band of philanderers.
  
• ...Because the Remove Disease costs would be ridiculous, that's why.
  
• The paladin is not the party leader, either.
  
• ...Because we might occasionally need to sneak around and be nefarious, that's why.
  
• This does not mean the rogue gets to lead except in those specific circumstances, either.
  
• Using the party's cooking pot for alchemical experiments is outright forbidden.
  
• Because we had to sell the last one to a witch in Darkmoon Vale after it spontaneously animated, that's why.
  
• Gelatinous cubes in pits are not garbage disposals.
  
• We are only using green slime in a pit as a disposal after the casters permanently enchants a ring of iron halfway down the wall with Heat Metal.
  
• The otyugh in the current disposal system is not our party mascot.
  
• I don't care if the gnome druid thinks it looks cute. The answer is still no.
  
• If you summon it, you have to clean up after it. Are we clear on this?
  
• Just because we found a helpless, dried-out aboleth does not mean we can bring it into our bases and taunt it by hanging it over the moat.
  
• The bard is not allowed to teach others the 'Skinsaw Man' song.
  
• The wizard is not allowed to give intelligence and the power of speech to the chamber pots.
  
• ...Because it's just creepy and disturbing, that's why.
  
• We are not going to kick @~# because we ran out of gum.
  
• ...We're going to do it just because we kick @~#.
  

[Yasha0006]

Kassil, may I simple say...awesome thread!

At the moment I have absolutely nothing to add...as my brain is 3am mush.

[Kassil]

Yasha0006 wrote:

Kassil, may I simple say...awesome thread!

At the moment I have absolutely nothing to add...as my brain is 3am mush.

Thank you. I had some fun with a different one when I was actually visiting the WotC forums, based around a quasi-real gaming group of mine... The Collateral Damage Adventuring Guild.

[Cpt_kirstov]

Matthew Morris wrote:

The sorcerer may not Arcane Mark 'slut' on Shayles' forehead

Or her father
Or Nualia for that matter

ooo - that is SO close to what mine did - it was more of "I have a sexually transmitted curse" in script across her stomach, changing the letters just enough so they are not distinct characters, but instead each words is a character

[Matthew Morris]

Kassil wrote:

Using the party's cooking pot for alchemical experiments is outright forbidden.

Because we had to sell the last one to a witch in Darkmoon Vale after it spontaneously animated, that's why.

Win.

[Kassil]

And here we have a few more idiosyncaracies I can all too easily witness occuring...

Yes, I do have a rather deranged set of friends.

These are nothing compared to what they wanted to do in Eberron. That involved things best left unmentioned due to someone playing the infamous Chaotic Stupid alignment.

• We are not going to destroy Skull Dam just so we can try surfing the resulting tidal flood down the river to the sea.
  
• The paladin is not allowed to try to convert any trapped fiends that we come across.
  
• ...Because they don't listen, that's why.
  
• The Storval Deep is not our "fishin' pond" no matter what the druid and the ranger claim.
  
• Wyvern stingers do not make good harpoons, regardless of the ranger's claims.
  

[Sir_Wulf]

No making Glass Sculptures out of Goblin corpses.

... and not the live ones, either.

Magical booby traps on Mr. Vinder's door latch are NOT a good idea.

Harpy Musk is not a cologne.

The Rusty Dragon is not a good place to practice Profession (Courtesan).

[Sect]

The cleric does not appreciate it when you make comments about her fellow female adventurers "dressing up in Akihabara cosplay outfits and covering each other with syrup" and other such innuendos.

She is also unamused at accusations that she is jealous of the fact that she was not included, and will show her displeasure with her +1 scimitar.

[Matthew Morris]

When the battle sorcerer is mapping, I will not make the player draw a map.
... Even if she is the newbie, and it amuses me.

I will not over use my shadow familiar while we're working out the bugs.

Because eventually the badguys will have force effects, and the DM will cackle maniacally.

[Kassil]

We are supposed to be heroes, not tyrannical empire-builders.

No researching spells to drain the power of slumbering Runelords.

No inventing drinking games for the express purpose of trying to drink a dwarf under the table.

No matter how cool the tale is, splitting the party is still asking to be TPK'd.

[Mothman]

Here are some from, or somewhat inspired by, our RotRL pbp:

• The group should show more respect for ancient monuments such as The Old Light than planning to use it as an unassailable archery platform in the event of a goblin invasion.
  
• Just because Aldern Foxglove seems taken with the heroics of the fifteen year old male rogue, it should not be assumed that he has a thing for young boys.
  
• The group’s fighter shall not make suggestive, off-colour comments about the group’s dwarf and a goblin war-chanter.
  
• When the mayor offers the party payment for their duties as ‘deputies’, said payment should not be turned down on behalf of the entire group by any single group member without prior consultation.
  
• The group’s burliest fighter should not drink the Hagfish water just ahead of a major battle.
  
• Hagfish water shall not be utilised in grenade-like weapons …
  
• Or secretly substituted for party members’ potions.
  
• When a worried crowd gathers as the group tries to break into the Sandpoint Glassworks, the party bard should not tell them that “we just thought we'd steal a few buckets of molten glass to customize our rooms back at the tavern.”
  
• Neither should the party dwarf tell the crowd to “Shove off, people! Ye dinnae wanna be a casualty!”
  
• The party’s female elf should not try to seduce Ameiko just because most of the male characters are attempting to do so.
  
• It should not be automatically assumed that Ameiko is into threesomes.
  
• The party wizard and bard are not the best two to go up against Tsuto in melee combat.

[Arctaris]

Mothman wrote:

Here are some from, or somewhat inspired by, our RotRL pbp:

Or secretly substituted for party members’ potions.

We substituted love potions for CLW potions in out group (long story, suffice it to say that the party monk is now wedded to Aldern Foxglove).

[Shenzoe]

The party in RotR is not allowed to:

• Sell tickets to Vinder Vs. party ranger fist fight

• Push waterbarrels under said ranger's window then induce ranger to exit via window

• Wrap idiot gnomes up in cloth and give them as wedding gifts to the party monk

• Con NPCs out of 750gp

[Sect]

Arctaris wrote:

Mothman wrote:

Here are some from, or somewhat inspired by, our RotRL pbp:

Or secretly substituted for party members’ potions.

We substituted love potions for CLW potions in out group (long story, suffice it to say that the party monk is now wedded to Aldern Foxglove).

Ooh, ouch. THAT'S not going to end well...

[Shenzoe]

Sect wrote:

Arctaris wrote:

Mothman wrote:

Here are some from, or somewhat inspired by, our RotRL pbp:

Or secretly substituted for party members’ potions.

We substituted love potions for CLW potions in out group (long story, suffice it to say that the party monk is now wedded to Aldern Foxglove).

Ooh, ouch. THAT'S not going to end well...

It certainly isn't

[Kassil]

The mages are not superheroes.

...No, not even if they can fly.

The paladin does not need a can opener to get out of his armor.

Neither does the fighter.

The bard is not allowed to wear heavy armor just to ask the tavern wenches if they want to help him get out of it.

...Neither is the fighter.

No one is allowed to nominate anyone else as the God of Sloth just because the protfolio seems open.

You may not nominate yourself, either.

The party bard is not to model himself after Elan.

...Because singing 'Sneak, sneak, sneak past the guards' is counterproductive, that's why.

We do not have 'waypoint flags' or a 'Mission Overview HUD'.

Attempting to create gunpowder is a doomed effort. Do not attempt it.

[Kassil]

Just because it's big and furry doesn't automatically mean it's a future throw rug.

The dwarf is not allowed to synergise Profession: Brewer and Profession: Siege Engineer.

...Nor is anyone else.

The elf is not Batman.

...Nor is the sorcerer.

...Nor the rogue.

...Because Batman doesn't exist in Golarion.

...That is not an excuse to invent him!

Not allowed to terrorize and conquer goblin tribes for use as cheap labor.

Because the stupid little freaks won't get it right, that's why.

Not allowed to introduce Sudoku to Golarion.

White dragons are not to be referred to as 'Flammy'.

Wizards do not rely on the Spirits of Mana.

The barbarian is to keep his bone-carved cutlery out of sight when civilized visitors are on hand.

...Because being offered a quaff of dwarven ale from a goblin's skull is disgusting, that's why.

[The Eldritch Mr. Shiny]

Kassil wrote:

The party bard is not to model himself after Elan.

...Because singing 'Sneak, sneak, sneak past the guards' is counterproductive, that's why.

"Bluff, bluff, bluff the stupid ogre" would fit particularly well in this AP.

[The Eldritch Mr. Shiny]

Kassil wrote:

Wizards do not rely on the Spirits of Mana.

As in "Mana, Spirit of", the thing you tap lands to get, or Mana, the Latin American folk singer?

[Kassil]

The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:

Kassil wrote:

Wizards do not rely on the Spirits of Mana.

As in "Mana, Spirit of", the thing you tap lands to get, or Mana, the Latin American folk singer?

As in the "Noun" of Mana game series.

[The Eldritch Mr. Shiny]

Kassil wrote:

The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:

Kassil wrote:

Wizards do not rely on the Spirits of Mana.

As in "Mana, Spirit of", the thing you tap lands to get, or Mana, the Latin American folk singer?

As in the "Noun" of Mana game series.

Ah, that was the first of my list. Note to self: use more semicolons.

[Kassil]

The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:

Ah, that was the first of my list. Note to self: use more semicolons.

Semicolons are win for lists in a single sentence.

[Kobold Catgirl]

The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:

Kassil wrote:

The party bard is not to model himself after Elan.

...Because singing 'Sneak, sneak, sneak past the guards' is counterproductive, that's why.

"Bluff, bluff, bluff the stupid ogre" would fit particularly well in this AP.

"Pick, pick, pick the lock..."

[Kassil]

Playing a short-sighted wizard is no excuse to repeatedly catch the annoying party members in Fireball spells.

Likewise with a short-sighted archer.

The wizard's crystal ball does use LCD.

It is not a HD plasma ball, either.