gran rey de los mono's page

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Very concerned Vidmaster7 wrote:
Alek Trebex wrote:
Sean-Connery7 wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
You should have said "I'm right here, Mama."
Yesh If your looking for a bad little boy I know where you can find one.

Your mother was looking for a bad boy, so I tied her up and had my way with her for 47.3 hours last week.

We have an appointment to do it again next week, so you may want to not drop by her house.

47.3 hours? Yeah I don't think some one could survive that. I mean maybe with plenty of breaks etc.

Sounds like someone is short on stamina. You need to drink your Ovaltine.


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Sean-Connery7 wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
You should have said "I'm right here, Mama."
Yesh If your looking for a bad little boy I know where you can find one.

Your mother was looking for a bad boy, so I tied her up and had my way with her for 47.3 hours last week.

We have an appointment to do it again next week, so you may want to not drop by her house.


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Freehold DM wrote:
lisamarlene wrote:

ZOMG every episode of Buffy is streaming for free on FB.

I am so watching "Once More with Feeling" before I crash tonight.
why are the beautiful, smart, and funny ones always so very wrong?

We aren't.


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NobodysHome wrote:

So, Wednesday was cloudy so I don't think it counts, but it *did* mark the first day my solar didn't produce more than I used. But the sun's back out and I'm still running a surplus. I expect my end-of-year PG&E "bill" to be a pleasant surprise, but at only $0.03/kWh for surplus, I don't expect it to be that pleasant.

Kind of like a _________ that does ____________.

Fill in the blanks, eh? I'm gonna go with "banana-hammock" and "chartered accountancy".


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Point of order: WINE does not mean "Windows Emulator". It is a self-referential acronym meaning "WINE Is Not an Emulator".


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Woran wrote:
Tacticslion wrote:
Serious, dramatic, important life question: if I uninstall a game, does steam remember my achievements?
Yes, steam remembers your achievements.

Pepperidge Farm remembers.


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We're cooking!!

*2d4 ⇒ (1, 3) = 4 Slaadlings hit the pot on the head and put it in the chicken.*


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Cap'n Yesterday, FaWtL Tourism wrote:
NobodysHome wrote:
Freehold DM wrote:
NobodysHome wrote:

Why did you make me Google this?

Now Freehold will be insufferable for months.

I already checked.

The closest one to me is 3 hours away.

This will not stand.

I got curious. There are *none* in northern California.

L.A. has a bunch.

Come to Wisconsin we have it all!, abundant McRibs, AND Dairy Queen's with parking in the rear.

Are you trying to break Freehold?


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Or grab your stuff, pull the fire alarm, and go home.


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My wife accused me of having no empathy. I just can't understand why she would feel that way.


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I got gas for $1.39 today. I bought a taco from Taco Bell.


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There are two types of people:
1. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.


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I thought I had won the argument with my wife over how the furniture should be arranged, but when I got home the tables had turned.


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Amazon is confusing me. I ordered 4 items the other day. They said they would arrive in 3 packages, 2 on Thursday (yesterday) and 1 on Friday (today). 1 arrived on Thursday, 1 arrived on Friday, and the other one that was supposed to arrive on Thursday now says that it is "Delayed" and will arrive "Between the 12th and 15th". This is after the tracking page showed it as "Out for Delivery" on both Thursday and Friday. I don't know what's happening, I just want my stuff, and I'm really glad it wasn't anything I was in a hurry for.

Also, I don't know if this matters, but all the items were being sold by Amazon, not marketplace sellers, and it was all Prime shipping.

Edit: I just got an update, and my package is now apparently somewhere up near Chicago. And it was supposedly in town Thursday morning. WTF?


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Actually, it appears that we have had guests named Crowley 16 other times in the past few years.


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I ordered a few things off Amazon, and took advantage of their $2 trial for a week of Prime, mainly so I can watch Good Omens. I have watched half of it so far, and think it is generally good. And then I come to work tonight, and we have a guest named Crowley. What are the odds?


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The Batter wrote:
Sounds like a place in need of immediate purification.

Possibly, but right now I need you to pour yourself over these pieces of marinated chicken and then take a swim in this pot of hot oil.


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Scintillae wrote:
Well, I have an idea for a goblin armor shop now.

Need to investigate the strength of flying mammal dung. Then have the proprietor of the armor shop be mentally unstable. That way the goblins could wear some B@~~&!& Crazy armor.


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NobodysHome wrote:
lisamarlene wrote:

Okay, so for the big damn hippies that go off the grid, how does that work?

(I mean, personally I'm just holding out for my own "Mister Fusion" units powering my home and my car with garbage, but until that day...)

As Vanykrye said, you need:

(1) Storage for when it's dark
(2) A power "sink" for excess power generated

The Road Warrior-esque "fortress with a bunch of flickering lights on the outside" isn't a bad idea; just funnel the excess power into a bunch of incandescent lights, which are HUGE energy sinks. You'd just need circuitry that said, "once power exceeds this level send all the rest to the lights", but such technology has existed nearly as long as power grids have, so it's not hard to build. I suspect that modern systems just have something akin to a space heater set off from the battery a bit because if you ever want to burn power, just setting up a pointless heater is a great way to do it.

It's just a lot more complex so it's either "build it yourself" or "pay a lot more".

You funnel the excess into giant spotlights to taunt the suckers who don't have power.


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Freehold DM wrote:
lisamarlene wrote:
NobodysHome wrote:
Rosita the Riveter wrote:
I am in that shutdown area. My house has solar panels, but not a battery. So I should have power during the day, still, but not at night.

It doesn't work that way.

[physics]
During the day, your solar panels produce more power than your house can use, and that excess power needs to go somewhere. Neither the panels nor your house's wiring are designed to deal with that excess, so it's sent back up the line to the power company.

If there's a power outage, the power company doesn't want that electricity coming back up the line and possibly endangering their workers, so your solar panels receive a signal to stop producing entirely. There are solar panels that include a 20-amp plug in the side of your house so you can get power during an outage, but most people don't have that because it's significantly more expensive (they have to build in the circuitry to deal with the excess power).

here's a nice explanation I found.
[/physics]

So the TLDR version is: Even with solar panels you lose power during a blackout.

Okay, so for the big damn hippies that go off the grid, how does that work?

(I mean, personally I'm just holding out for my own "Mister Fusion" units powering my home and my car with garbage, but until that day...)

Now you have to design the mascot for Mister Fusion.

Wouldn't that be a cartoonified Christopher Lloyd?


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Robin: "Batman, the Batmobile won't start!"
Batman: "Did you charge the battery?"
Robin: "What the f~+~ is a tery?"


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Here's a group of jokes that are a variation on a theme:

Spoilered for length:

A bar was walked into by a passive voice.

An oxymoron walked into a bar. The silence was deafening.

Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys all the liquor.

A non-sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong enough wind, even turkeys can fly.

Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve your type here."

A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, sees the writing on the wall, and decides to nip this thing in the bud.

A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

A synonym strolls into a tavern.

A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and gets figuratively hammered.

A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

A verb walks into a bar, sees a cute noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

A simile walks into a bar, parched as the desert.

A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar. The bartender nearly chokes on the irony.


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My girlfriend wanted us to try some kinky stuff, and asked me for me safe word. I said it was "Meatloaf", because that means "I would do anything for love, but I won't do that."


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I'm listening to a podcast, and the GM is describing a hut made of flesh. He says "There is a door like an open wound in the flesh of the hut." Eww.


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I'm really good at getting through labyrinths. It usually only takes me a Minotaur two.


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How do you fix a broken gourd? With a pumpkin patch.


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What do you call something that ruins a movie?

Spoiler:


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I called my wife and asked her if I should pick up Fish and Chips tonight. She hung up on me. I guess she's still mad that I won the bet to name our kids.


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Scintillae wrote:

Well...I got a week of lesson plans done, a novel test and a half written, and vocab for the next month sorted.

Can I go home yet?

Not until you've written a week long lesson on puns which will require your students to write several per day. Each day must have a different theme, such as food, music, family, and potpourri.


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I'm going to spoiler this one, just in case.

Sexual Humor:

I got to work tonight and there are a bunch of boxes in the break room. It appears we are switching to satellite TV. One of the boxes made me chuckle, because it is labelled "Non-Penetrative Mount" and that made think "That just sounds like disappointing sex".


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That was an interesting phone call. It was from Central Reservations, calling because there are apparently a dozen people waiting in the lobby of a hotel a block away wanting to check in, but they've been there for over an hour and no one is at the desk. No one is answering the phone either. She was wondering if I had any other contact info, like the phone number for the manager or something, for that hotel. Which I don't. Don't know exactly what's going on over there, but I'm guessing someone is getting fired.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
Pillbug Toenibbler wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
Vidmaster7 wrote:
So I'm trying to think of some non-combat challenges for my party that can fit into my dungeon. Anyone know any good references?
Pie eating contest.
Hot dog eating contest where the party's chosen must defeat Joey Chestnut.
Chestnut eating contest where the party's chosen must defeat Joey Hotdog.

And I'll just throw this out there: A Joey eating contest where the party's chosen must defeat Hotdog Chestnut and Chestnut Hotdog.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
That guy had one of the worst negotiating tactics I've seen in a long time. He asked my price, I told him what it is, and then he just stood there and stared at me. I stared back. This lasted about 2 minutes before he finally started saying things like "I could go next door and get a room there, you know." (Turns out he couldn't, he eventually asked me to call them and they are sold out.) After almost ten minutes of him repeatedly asking my rate, me telling him the same rate, and then him staring at me, he finally left to try a different hotel.

This guy just came by again. Tonight we are sold out. I told him that and he stared at me angrily for about 15 seconds and then tried to storm out. I say tried, because our front doors open and close fairly slowly, so he had to stop and wait for them to open.


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I finally finished writing my book about having sex with clocks. It's about f@@&ing time.


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I shot my first turkey today. Scared the s~!# out of everyone in the store.


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Gravity is one of the fundamental forces in the universe. What happens if you remove it? You get gravy.


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People keep talking about the giant who threw up today. It's all over the town.

Well, I had to take my clothes off to wash them.


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My wife asked me to clear the table tonight. It took three tries and a running start, but I finally managed it.


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Scientists have released the results of a study on how people walk home from a bar. The results are staggering.


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I struggle with Roman numerals. Except for 159. It just CLIX.


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The food chain is what I beat you with until you give me food.


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mildly annoyed Vidmaster7 wrote:
Ugh if you buy a 2 dollar coke with a 100 dollar bill you are a jerk.

"Sorry, I can't make change for that."


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captain yesterday wrote:

How to keep people from tailgating you when your boss is lagging behind on installing the caltrops launcher.

Fill the back of the truck with dry sand.

It turns out most people don't want their cars scoured with sand.

Fresh manure would also probably do the trick.


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You writing a book? Now that's riveting television.


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At game tonight, we were discussing the fact that we are now headed towards a tower where we believe a lich lives unlives resides. I did a Knowledge check to see what I know about liches. Did alright, got some good info, and then followed it up with "Oh, and they come back unless you destroy their prophylactics." Took a bit for people to figure it out, but then I got a good laugh.


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DungeonmasterCal wrote:
Bleh. Can't sleep. So what am I doing? Making a McDonald's run for McNuggets and a Dr. Pepper.

I don't know why, but I picture you sitting on the back of an ATV holding a bag of nuggets and a soda while Ronald McDonald chases after you pleading for you to let him have his food back.


2 people marked this as a favorite.

That guy had one of the worst negotiating tactics I've seen in a long time. He asked my price, I told him what it is, and then he just stood there and stared at me. I stared back. This lasted about 2 minutes before he finally started saying things like "I could go next door and get a room there, you know." (Turns out he couldn't, he eventually asked me to call them and they are sold out.) After almost ten minutes of him repeatedly asking my rate, me telling him the same rate, and then him staring at me, he finally left to try a different hotel.


2 people marked this as a favorite.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey." The horse says "Yes, please."


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I lost my wife in the mall yesterday. I saw a beautiful woman and went to ask her to help me. She said "Sure. What can I do?" I said "Just stand here. If I'm talking to you, my wife will surely show up in a second or two."


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What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber? Nothing. You can't cross a scalar with a vector.

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