Where is zat war criminal? Sumo, it is time for you to face French justice for your crimes! Will you go peacefully or will my men and I have to beat you down. I hope you pick the latter. Vive la France!!!
I would weesh all of you Americans a "Happy Thanksgiving" but you're all lazy, worthless swines zat are not worth my time. Vive le France!!!! *Begins singing the French national anthem*
I think I'll go eat worms!
Big fat juicy ones,
Eensie weensy squeensy ones,
See how they wiggle and squirm!
Down goes the first one, down goes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and squirm!
Up comes the first one, up comes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and squirm!
I bite off the heads, and suck out the juice,
And throw the skins away!
Nobody knows how fat I grow,
On worms three times a day!
Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,
I think I'll go eat worms!
Big fat juicy ones,
Eensie weensy squeensy ones,
See how they wiggle and squirm!
Poor Sumo. I shall put heem out of hees misery. *signals his henchman to put Sumo down* Ah, Chirac will be proud of me for taking down France's most wanted!
Isn't the easy way when you frenchies surrender and then b~!~% about the people who later save your ass?
WHAT???!!! France does not surrender, we fight to the end!!! In fact, France no longer has any enemies because of our great warriors. We were on the verge of eliminating ze Nazis ourselves before ze arrogant, imperialist Americans got involved. We are the pinnacle of civilization. We have the best healthcare, education, and justice systems in ze world. Speaking of justice, be prepared to face some yourself you cowardly knave!!! *knocks CDP over the head with a club*
Bonjour, Sumo. Eet ees time for you to go back home to France to your rightful master. Chirac knows what ees best for you. We can to do zees the easy way or the hard way. VIVA LA FRANCE!!!!
Bonjour Sumo! Are you ready to surrender to me yet? We can do zees the easy way or the hard way. *three more Frenchies with spiked baseball bats appear*
No! I've heard enough of your lies! The French are ze greatest warriors ever!
ThuMo, you do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover your power. Join me, and I will complete your training. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the messageboards.
*Shoots* *bullets go through it* Sacre Bleu!!! Eet's a ghost!!!
Technically, it was an accident with some premium-grade Flubber and the NCC-74656 Voyager transporters...
ThuMo, wouldn't you rather be sitting in a cafe sipping espresso, eating stinky cheese and snails, smoking a cigarette, and oogling some hairy armpits on women? Mon dieu, the French are supposed to be lovers, not fighters!
No! I've heard enough of your lies! The French are ze greatest warriors ever!
Bonjour Sumo. Chirac has put a 1,000,000 euro reward for you, dead or alive. Personally, I prefer dead. *summons two more Frenchies that start beating on CDP*
*knocks down the front door* Sumo! Chirac, through a coup, has become deectator of France and has declared you publeec enemy #1. You weell pay for your crimes against ze French people. Vive la France! *casts Summon Frenchie and three Frenchies form with bats in hand*
+2 trait bonus on all saving throws against charm and compulsion effects.
+2 racial bonus on saving throws against disease and mind-affecting effects.
A dhampir takes no penalties from energy drain effects, though he can still be killed if he accrues more negative levels then he has Hit Dice. After 24 hours, any negative levels a dhampir takes are removed without the need for an additional saving throw.
Domain Abilities: Corpse Companion: With a ritual requiring 8 hours, an undead lord can animate a single skeleton or zombie whose Hit Dice do not exceed her cleric level. This corpse companion automatically follows her commands and does not need to be controlled by her. She cannot have more than one corpse companion at a time. It does not count against the number of Hit Dice of undead controlled by other methods. She can use this ability to create a variant skeleton such as a bloody or burning skeleton, but its Hit Dice cannot exceed half her cleric level. She can dismiss her companion as a standard action, which destroys it.
Death's Kiss (Su): You can cause a creature to take on some of the traits of the undead with a melee touch attack. Touched creatures are treated as undead for the purposes of effects that heal or cause damage based on positive and negative energy. This effect lasts for a number of rounds equal to 1/2 your cleric level (minimum 1). It does not apply to the Turn Undead or Command Undead feats. You can use this ability a number of times per day equal to 3 + your Wisdom modifier.
-{Ability} (7/day):
Character: Sedition (Crime): You receive a +1 trait bonus to Bluff checks and Bluff is always a class skill for you. Further if you ever take the Leadership feat, you gain a +1 trait bonus to your Leadership score.
Adopted (Social): You picked up a race trait from your adoptive parents and society, and may immediately select a race trait from your adoptive parents’ race. See Next Deadeye (Race, from Adopted trait): You have only one working eye, but that eye is especially keen. You receive a +2 trait bonus on all Perception checks involving sight. (Source: Orcs of Golarion) Power of Suggestion (Equipment): You may make a Bluff check to make observers believe that an object in your possession is actually a different object entirely. The DC for the check is 20 for items of a similar size, shape, and color (such as a glaive and a quarterstaff). Items of a different shape, size, or color raise the DC by 5 for each dissimilar aspect, or more if the dissimilarity is extreme. This deception lasts 1 minute; if the item is still in view, the observers may recognize their error unless you make another bluff check.
Birthmark (Faith): This birthmark can serve you as a divine focus for casting spells, and you gain a +2 trait bonus on all saving throws against charm and compulsion effects.
Ability Score Racial Traits: Dhampirs are fast and seductive, but their racial bond to the undead impedes their mortal vigor. They gain +2 Dexterity, +2 Charisma, and –2 Constitution.
Type: Dhampirs are humanoids with the dhampir subtype.
Size: Dhampirs are Medium creatures and thus have no bonuses or penalties due to their size.
Base Speed: Dhampirs have a base speed of 30 feet.
Undead Resistance: Dhampirs gain a +2 racial bonus on saving throws against disease and mind-affecting effects.
Resist Level Drain (Ex): A dhampir takes no penalties from energy drain effects, though he can still be killed if he accrues more negative levels then he has Hit Dice. After 24 hours, any negative levels a dhampir takes are removed without the need for an additional saving throw.
Manipulative: Dhampire gain a +2 racial bonus on Bluff and Perception checks.
Darkvision: Dhampir see perfectly in the dark up to 60 feet.
Low-light vision: In addition to their ability to see perfectly in the dark up to 60 ft, dhampir have low-light vision, allowing them to see twice as far as humans in conditions of dim light.
Dayborn A few fortunate dhampirs were born during the day under the blessings of priests, and their blood has weaker ties to their undead bloodline than others of their kind. Such dhampirs are unhindered by daylight and lose the light sensitivity racial trait. This racial trait replaces the spell-like ability racial trait.
Negative Energy Affinity: Though a living creature, a dhampir reacts to positive and negative energy as if it were undead—positive energy harms it, while negative energy heals it.
Favored Class Option: Cleric: Add +1 to the caster level of any channeling feat used to affect undead.
(Bonus) Command Undead: As a standard action, you can use one of your uses of channel negative energy to enslave undead within 30 feet. Undead receive a Will save to negate the effect. The DC for this Will save is equal to 10 + 1/2 your cleric level + your Charisma modifier. Undead that fail their saves fall under your control, obeying your commands to the best of their ability, as if under the effects of control undead. Intelligent undead receive a new saving throw each day to resist your command. You can control any number of undead, so long as their total Hit Dice do not exceed your cleric level. If you use channel energy in this way, it has no other effect (it does not heal or harm nearby creatures). If an undead creature is under the control of another creature, you must make an opposed Charisma check whenever your orders conflict.
(1st) Spell Focus (Necromancy): Add +1 to the Difficulty Class for all saving throws against spells from the school of magic you select.
(Non-combat) Additional Traits: You gain two character traits (Birthmark, Power of Suggestion) of your choice. These traits must be chosen from different lists, and cannot be chosen from lists from which you have already selected a character trait. You must meet any additional qualifications for the character traits you choose — this feat cannot enable you to select a Dwarf character trait if you are an Elf, for example.
Over head: 100 lbs
Dead lift: 200 lbs
Drag: 500 lbs
Background:
Over a century and a half ago, R'Chir's mother, a minor noble's daughter, became enamored with a local man who suffered an ill reputation for being a prominent member in a cult of death-worship. Brimming with naivete, she pursued the man, and they led a secret relationship for some time. The secret was broken when the girl's pregnancy became known to her handmaiden, and through the handmaiden known to the father. The father sent the daughter away to a far off village to suffer the birth of her illegitimate progeny, shortly thereafter the child would be adopted, or so the plan was.
Unfortunately for all involved, during childbirth, a warband of half-orcs raided the village and took the women for breeding stock and the men and children for labor. It was the life of the slave that R'Chir led for a few decades. One terrible winter, the half orc forces were forced to campaign tirelessly. Desparate to make up for diminished returns during the summer months, the half orcs strayed too close to larger settlements, drawing the attention of the local lords. Banners were raised and troops dispatched. Soon enough, the half orc tribe was brought low and the slaves released and cared for.
R'Chir spent some time studying under the Church of Mitra, paying back the kindness he had received from them. He was strongly encouraged to do so, for he wasn't quite human, and wasn't quite monstrous. Such a being on the precipice of normality could not be tolerated by the church, it was explained to him. In order for them to trust his existence, he would have to learn to pray to Mitra, and to prove his purity of heart through daily devotion. Having no place else to be and no compelling reason to resist, he assented. He had access to books, and teachers, and spent a good deal of time learning of the human race that he had barely known in the decades of his capture. It was a a decade or more later until he realized what the church was doing to its followers. Helping people not out of true kindness, but as precursor to expected payment. It made sense to him, but he felt as if he had traded one pair of irons for another. It was time for him to go.
R'Chir traveled for a time, embittered and jaded by his view of what precisely the church had done to him. They had taught him to pray, to cast spells, and to heal others, but in exchange they had tried to tear away from him half of his identity. This loss was one he had felt daily in the back of his mind, a small fractured bone threatening to pierce an artery... pierce the skin. He had learned to put on a pious face, pretending to extol the virtues of good against his more base nature. He was good at pretending, at acting, at lying. He had always channelled the power of pain, of loss, rather than that of healing and well-being. He could use it to heal, still, but not without careful preparations. This, too, had taken its toll on him. He didn't sleep well, most nights.
In what he first thought was a nightmare, but felt more like a pleasant dream, an agent of Zuo-Kuthon had come to him. He sought out the spark of unlife that dwelled within R'Chir, and offered to fan it into a roaring flame. All R'Chir had to do was offer allegiance. R'Chir knew that this was the true path, and that the past decade had been spent foolishly. He swore to the skull, prayed to it, and in return received the power to animate the dead. To return to life those who had not yet done all that was needed of them. He returned to the church, and rallied up the students that had fallen to the wayside. Not necessarily evil people in their own right, just those who weren't deemed worthy of further service to the church. In these people he had found new friends, and he taught to them of the gifts he had received from The Midnight Lord. He spread his word, meeting with his friends in the dark places in the dark hours. They were planning an assault on the church. The church found out in advance, yet let The Midnight Lord's minions carry out their attack. However, the simple parishioners they expected to be in the church were actually paladins and clerics in disguise.
His former brothers cut down his new brotherhood, and captured the rest. The trial was fast, and soon R'Chir found himself in the worst prison in the land, destined for the chopping block.
Personality and Appearance:
R'Chir is a tall, statuesque male with well-defined musculature. He isn't bodily large enough to be mistaken for someone puissant-at-arms, however he would look quite healthy if it weren't for his more-pale-than-usual skin drawn tightly over his cheekbones. He has brown hair of average length and a piercing blue-green eye. His other eye was put out with a burning stick by the half-orcs who enslaved him. He also has a prominent scar vaguely resembling a spiked chain on his left arm running from palm to neck. Even in the poor circumstances of his confinement, he looks well. He often flip-flops from being contemplative and quiet to being bold and outspoken.
