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Sorry for disappearing on y'all, I got swamped with work. As much as I hate saying this, I think I'm going to have to drop out of this game early. Thanks everyone for such a fun series of games full of wacky goblin antics! May the dice be ever in your favour.
"NO THE TRUFFS BE POOGS! SQUEALY FIND THEM FO- OOoooooooh!!!" Poog starts to wrestle with the others, as they pounce on his pig, but the sounds of song distract the wilful goblin. He blinks a couple of times and shakes his head, "Oh no yous don't! THE TRUFFS BE POOGS!!! He stuffs his hand down his pants and pulls a wand that looks more like a stick of charcoal and points it at the tatty bird lady, letting loose a huge fireball.
Meanwhile Squealy Nord uncharacteristically, snorts quietly and tunefully along with the song as he slowly trots off towards the source. "Squealy!?" Poog asks, perplexed by the pig's actions.
"HAHAHA! NOTHING CAN STOP POOG HALF-EAR..." Poog cheers as he deftly dodges the grabby grass. "CHOSEN OF ZARONGEL..." He continues as he pokes at the annoying plant, "BESTEST TOAD-LICKER, SUB-CHIEF OF BIRD CRUNCHERS... His confidence overflowing, he bats away any attempt the weeds make, cutting daisies and squishing grass as he rattles off all the names he believes he's earned. "SUB-CHIEF OF SPIRITS, HIGH BISHOP OF..."
Meanwhile, Nord continues to live up to his name, *SQUEEEEEAAAAALLLL* And although the grass wraps around his trotters, the plucky pig pulls the offending plant life out of the ground, roots and all, before he makes another attempt to bite the biggest plant of them all.
"Poog have TACK TICKS!" The overconfident goblin yells as he draws his short sword and runs towards his squealing pet, "They just all need fire is all..." Side by side with Squeally Nord, Poog starts poking at the surprisingly flame retardant plant, cursing it for ruining all the fun of a crackling fire... "WAIT!? Who Mogmurch call minion?"
"RETA RIGHT, SAVE SQUEALY!" Poog screams as his truffle hunting friend is put in dire peril by the appearance of a plant with delusions of grandeur, "Burn stoopid vine! BURN IT, BUUUURN IT!!!" The irate cleric points his fingers at the assassin vine, shooting a bolt of fire.
*EEEEEEAAAAAAA!* Meanwhile Squealy Nord starts making his customary racket, letting out loud, annoyingly high pitched squeals in between the occasional snap at the vine in self defence.
After the glorious battle Squealy Nord immediately starts sniffing around, looking for those awesome truffs. However, as Poog goes off to help find the tasty treats for the feast that will surely come out of this marvellous victory, Lord Moggy starts pestering him for a bit of healing. Bishop Poog graciously agrees to do so after some bribes, pulling his trusty healing stick from his pants and stuffing it in Mogmurch's ear, "There! Moggmurch happy now? Poog fix little scratch..." He then scampers after his piggly friend, no time to check on the caravan... Something he regrets later when he notices Reta's haul and the prosthetic foot going to waste on a goblin who doesn't know what to do with it.
"Where you goes, we wants yous toes!" Poog yells cheerily and slashes at the man's achilles tendon as he tries to flee. Squealy Nord also pounces at the opportunity, hoping for something softer this time than the tasty bit of armour he just tore free.
He then rushes over to the other side of the camp, where he gets a better view of the epic battle between Mogmurch and the vile horse monster. "HAAAAHAHAHA! WE BE FEASTING ON HORSE TONIGHT... HIT IT AGAIN, HIT IT AGAIN!!!" His fingers fired up, the happy goblin points and shoots, adding a little pyrotechnics to the festivities.
"Then Poog gonna eat yous toes, Poog gonna eat yous toes!" Poog sings along with his fellow sub-chiefs with his own tune, revelling in his new found martial prowess.
Even Squealy Nord joins in, living up to his name with loud squeals and snorts as he continues to munch on those who would try to hurt his Poog.
"HAHAHA! Longshank no know how to use sword!" Poog, overcome with joy at the sight of exploding horse and burning longshank draws his own shortsword and starts poking at blue. "Longshank need use pointy end like this, haha! This more fun than Poog have in long time!"
Meanwhile, Squealy Nord instinctively bites back at the one who attacked his Poog.
Poog cackles as the dogs and longshanks all start falling to the mighty chiefs of the Birdcrunchers, he's particularly pleased that one of them was caught alight by Mogmurch. "HAHAHA! IT BE THE WILL OF ZARONGEL... BURNS THEM ALL!!!" He shrieks cheerfully as he rushes up beside Chuffy, "Poog want to know too, Poog watch as Chuffy burn. Squeally Nord follows his favourite goblin towards the remaining humans.
"FOR SQUEEEEEALY!!!" Poog screeches as he runs into the clear, waving his hands in the air like a madman, "HERE COME THE BOOM!" He finishes off his wavy gestures and claps his hands together, setting off an almighty blast of sound between several of tbe nasty longshanks and there hated pets.
Poog nods vigorously when Chuffy states the plan. He may not agree with much his fellow Sub-Chief says, but even Poog knows the exceptionally sadistic goblin is better at this sort of thing than anyone else in camp. "Dibs of the dogses!" He whispers, hands starting to glow slightly with the heat of the spell soon to be cast.
"" Poog shrieks in rage, pulling out his own sword and waving it at the sky along with Chuffy, "Theys steal bestest truff field and attack Lickt- Birdcruncher mascot... Poog demand REVENGE! Wes kill all now, burn down village, burn down Absalom, burn every filthy longshank wes see!"
"Wes still has bags of stones!" Poog says excitedly, latching onto the idea of goblins stuck in a well, "Wes can drop them in well and listen to screams..." Before he becomes to overwhelmed by the excitement, and the lucky escape from wasps, the cleric takes a deep breath, holds his hands up, and shouts. "Okay yous all be quiet now! Poog know what to do." He clears his throat, and looks at his poor beaten pet and looses a awful of his own.
Buoyed by his previous success and by the crowd joining in with his song, Poog ducks down into his sack and picks out a sharp stone in record time - it seems that copying Reta's ingenious tactics is already paying off. "Yous got blood on yous face, yous big birdface, hurling these stones all over the place!" He continues singing, as he pops his head back out the sack with the biggest evil he's had for days, and chucks the stone with all his might.
Poog's just about to reach into his sack for a good throwing rock, when he sees Reta jump right in. Reta be smart, 'sperienced fighter! Much quicker to find stones when in sack!!! He promptly dives in himself, trying to get every advantage he can and not wanting to lose yet another game. With stone in hand, he signals his readiness by singing his favourite killgulls game song. "We's will, we's will, ROCK you!"
Poog listens to Rotmouth's words and realises that he had been taking it easy on his fellow chiefs... Well, it's the only explanation that makes any sense to his twisted, simple mind. The weird little cleric smiles and places a hand on his acolyte's shoulder, "Poog trained Rotmouth well, yous be right. Yous pass secret test!" He then takes the last firework, holds it aloft, and addresses the crowd. "Witness the benny-violence of chief Poog, chosen of Zarongel! He make lesser chiefs look good, even though he loads better at fire." He lights the wick and aims for a horse this time.
With another firework fizzling out harmlessly and the jeers that follow, Poog is about ready to set the whole place alight. "Poog be chosen of Zarongel!" He screams as he pulls out his wand of fireballs and holds it aloft, "If yous wants fire, Poog use power of bestest god, not stupid, BROKEN, firesticks!" His eyes narrow and he points his wand at Rotmouth and the worst of the hecklers, but decides at the last moment to try one more time before blowing everyone up. "Trimple Rotmouth! If you really be devout of Zarongel, and my loyalist pawn- err, acolyte... GIVE POOG BEST FIREWORKS!" He snatches the star candle firework and aims at the biggest target, Pa Munchmeat, just to be sure.
"Pfft! Poog's little finger make bigger fireball than that..." Poog complains as his firework fizzles out, not even setting a single spectator on fire. "Why you give me faulty firework!" He yells at Rotmouth as he indignantly snatches another candle from one of the nearby goblins. Scowling, Poog sticks out his tongue in concentration and carefully aims at a horse effigy, waiting as long as he dares before letting loose.
Well that was an interesting couple of weeks... I am now in my new digs and once again have an internet connection. It'll still take a few days to get everything sorted properly, but I hope to start posting normally very soon. Thank you for your patience with me.
Just a reminder that the move has officially just begun. Please feel free to bot me until I'm able to once again enjoy the glory of an internet connection. :)
"Yeah!" Poog agrees. "No goblin can take Reta glorious head away... IT BE TOO BIG AND HEAVY!!!" He snorts with laughter, almost choking on the cake. He scoots to the edge of his throne and leans forward to get the best view possible, This Poog gotta see!
Just a heads up. I'll be moving home (and country) from the 31st of July and not only will I be unavailable during all the time spent travelling, I won't be able to post until I have managed to get the internet connected to my new house. I don't know how long I'll be dark, but I'm happy for anyone to take over the reigns and bot Poog while I'm gone.
Poog narrows his eyes distrustfully at Munge and stuffs a handful of cake in his huge mouth. You swing at chiefly neck? No otter weapons allowed? Ha, Poog too smart to fall for such tricks! Munge not be taking Poog's chiefly place today! Finally, he shakes his head. "Poog just watch!" He declares, spitting frosting all over the back of Munge's head. "As Subchief of Spirits, Poog have duties to perform if head fall off and not get put back on."
Poog yawns widely, making his newest pet toad, Flybreath, slip off his perch on the clerics huge bald pate. Ever since he converted seven of the weakest willed goblins to the worship of Zarongel, he has seen many many goblins set on fire, and quite frankly it's getting a little old. "Not even Trimple Rotmouth set fire to self anymore! Have some 'magination..." He yells at the poor goblin with the charred head, adding to the torrent of abuse Moggy just volleyed at him. "and GET OUT OUR STEW!!!"
Welcome back! :)
Have a good trip!
"Me, Poog half-ear, Chosen of Zarongel, Subchief of Spirits, the Duke of Munch, and Bestest goblin, be ready now!"
Poog starts squirming, trying his best to fight off Chuffy without dropping his freshly seasoned weasel. "Poog not keep nothing from Chuffy!" He screams back, equally aghast at the attempt to steal his precious, tasty salt, "Chuffy just never ask for s- Aagh agh!" Suddenly he goes very still, narrowing his eyes at Pa Slayer, formally known as Subchief of Sneaks. "That not salt."
Back at the camp, the soot-stained cleric revels in the cheers and brown nosing, enjoying every second of it. It doesn't take long for a wide, toothy grin to creep across his face. Finally, Poog can start recruiting slaves- Umm, acolytes to help with rituals! He thinks to himself as he plans to convert the weakest of willed goblins to the ways of Zarongel. Soon, Poog be most powerful of goblins! Who need to be chief of chiefs, when can be head of church instead?
Looks good to me, thanks!
Yes please. :)
Yep, I'm still hoping to continue too. :)
Deciding that being the chief involves way too much talking and not enough eating, Poog gives up on any ambitions of being the leader and finally just accepts Mogmurch as the chief of chiefs. "YAAAAAPH!! POOGH ID DUKGH! POOGH ID DUKGH!" He cheers, mouth full of weasel, "GOBBINS TAKGH ABBADOM!!!" He swallows his hunk of weasel, one arm cradling yet more juicy chunks as the other roots around in his pants, pulling out a salt shaker. "POOG WITH CHIEF EMPEROR MOGGY! WE BE GOBLINS. WE BE LEGION. AND WE BE HUNGRY!!!" He raises the salt shaker in salute, then empties the contents on his victory meal.
"Haha! We be unstoppabable!" Poog cheers as he scampers off to collect tasty pieces of beautifully chargrilled weasel for immediate consumption. "I 'specially enjoy when lady longshank find 'sploding bead down top. Did Moggy, Chuffy, and Reta see look on longshank's face?" He asks excitedly, his arms already full with cooked weasel.
With Pa Munchmeat at the mercy of the Subchief of Sneaks and the incompetent spiritual ally of Zarongel, and with both Reta and Chuffy already peppering the newcomers with fire, Poog is starting to feel uncharacteristically confident. He stuffs his hands down his pants, pulls out his trusty wand of fireballs, and points it at the scary lady. "YEAH, NO FAIR!!! WE BE WINNING!"
The great dogslicer in the sky continues to swing haphazardly at Pa while Poog discusses wardrobe with the Subchief of Sneaks. "But Zarongel only good with fire! If Chuffy want pants of fire, Poog can do that... It look good, but maybe baby Chuffies not happen then?" To demonstrate, the evil little goblin scurries around for a better view of Pa (which just so happens to be far away from the banging door,) and shoots a bolt of fire at the ogre's undercarriage. "See! Chuffy want pants like that?"
Thanks for the heads up! :)
Poog cheers at the satisfying squish, and starts praising the glory of Zarongel as the flaming house falls on top of what he hopes was a big, disgusting dog. However, his cheering and dancing is rudely interrupted when a very long longshank falls from the sky. "Poog can't blow it up!" He screams back at Chuffy. "SQUEALLY TOO CLOSE! And maybe Chuffy... But we just find Squealy Nord, Poog not want to cook him yet." Thinking very carefully about what he should do, Poog looks at the fire, stuffs his wand back down his pants, and prays. "Zarongel! Accept this sakifice and show Chuffy and Reta and Mogmurch why you be the best!" Suddenly, a large dogslicer made of force appears in a flash of light right next to Squealy Nord. "Haha! STAB IT, STAB IT!!!" Poog cheers enthusiastically, waving his torch around as the weapon starts stabbing at Pa Munchmeat.
Poog's ears pin back when he hears the loud screech from below the building, but immediately forgets to be scared as soon as Chuffy makes his strange request. He looks around with a confused expression, surprised at the quiet seriousness of the request. Where Poog find pants? He wonders, but since that would be a question, he decides not to say anything. He stares for a moment as the suspiciously stained pants materialise at his feet... And then the smell hits. "HAA! HAHAAH- Ack... HA HA-ack ack!" He chokes on the stench and his eyes water, but he can't stop laughing. "Chuffy be king of pranks and traps! Poog never doubt Chuffy again." With his morale restored and Squealy Nord snorting by his side, Poog hops over the cunning trap for a better view of the nest, pulls a wand from his own pants, and launches a great fireball at the straw underbelly of the building.
Actions: Reflex save (DC 13) for half damage.
Poog laughs maniacally as the stilt ignites and starts scampering off towards the next one, but stops at the bottom of the ramp. "Why you so slow?" He shouts up, as he takes a bite of his gourd. "We did waid! We waid phor sidnal, bud you nod ready!" He continues, speaking with his mouth full and spiting half chewed squash all over the ramp. He waves his torch at accusingly at Chuffy as he stuffs the rest of the gourd in his mouth. "If you nod ready, why we plan ad all?" He might not be able to see the sub-chief of sneaks, but he knows he's there.
With a lit torch in each hand, Poog scampers gleefully over to the nearest stilt and eagerly waits for the signal. It doesn't even occur to him that no signal was agreed upon, and he just stands in front of the wooden stilt, giggling inanely. Finally, he hears Reta shout, and almost bursts a blood vessel as he echos the call, "FIRE!!" He holds the torches against the stilt until it catches, then drops one torch at the base for good measure and pulls out a gourd blessed by Zarongel.
Actions:
"Hmm... Not sure. It be good, but don't we want all to know we did start the fire?" Poog rubs his chin, deep in though. "How about..." He puts a hand on his chest and starts a few vocal warm ups that sounds like a series of burps, then he launches into one of his favourite Zarongel hymns. ♫ Fun is a burning thing
We stick you in a burning thing on fire
And it burns, burns, burns
Poog finds himself wishing he had a pickled halfling toe to crunch on, but is suitably distracted by other things before jealously kicks in. "Stilts o' fire! Stilts o' fire! Then we all agreed?" Poog cheers as he pulls out several unlit torches from who knows where. "Soon Poog be most favoured follower of Zarongel, and we have good luck for long time! Months maybe... or even WEEKS! But first, for most 'portant part..." He leans in and whispers conspiratorially. "What we sing when house burn?"
Glue! That's brilliant. :) Chuffy: When we are ready, I will drink my potion, scout the house, then glue the door shut. Time permitting, I'll drink from my gourd and start lighting stuff up. Mogmurch: ? Reta: Stilt breaker and ranged fire support. :) Poogy: Firestarter. Once the doors are glued shut, I will use my wand of fireball to set the straw hut on fire. Then I'll pull out some torches, swallow a gourd, and run towards the nest under the house, breathing glorious fire at anything flammable.
Oh, I'm spoilt for choice with fire. I already used burning hands, but I still have a wand of fireball, fire bolts from my hands, the gourd, torches, and flint and tinder. :) he can see beneath the large house, an open area has been filled with straw, branches, and underbrush. Something....something big has turned this into a nest. High above the area, he can just make out a trapdoor set in the ceiling. That seems a good place to start a fire! Things running out would be quite worrying though. What if we tried taking away the ramps?
Poog, knowing that he is not-so-secretly awful at riding animals, breaths a sigh of relief when Squealy Nord lives up to his name and squeals instead of running. "See! Poog destined to ride Squealy Nord... Only, Squealy tired, maybe, from fighting bigger, tastier pigs." He hops off of the pig's back, sweating after the close call, and surreptitiously feeds Squealy Nord a pickled fish head. "Best if Poog stay on foot for now." Poog leads (or drags) the poor pig towards the workshed and nods eagerly at Chuffy's suggestion. "As sub-chief of spirits, Poog says burn house! Is good luck, make Zarongel happy, make others dead. Is win, win!" He grins evilly, juggling a gourd in his hands.
Thanks for keeping us updated, I really appreciate it.
"SQUEEEEEALY!!!" Poog exclaims, opening his arms to welcome the pig back to the tribe. "Why Squealy Nord leave Licktoads? Poog thought you be gone forever!" He pinches the pigs cute chubby cheeks fondly, then immediately jumps on his back. "Is sign! Zarongel want Poog to ride into battle, stab all in face then run away with the mighty speed of a pig!"
A sucker for a good chant, Poog has already forgotten about his accusations and sings along. "Hoot! Hoot!, Punch 'em in the snoot!" As the smoke clears from Mogmurch's bomb, Poog runs up to get into a better position. "Poog save Squealy Nord from bigger, tastier pigs!" He yells as he thrusts a hand towards the pigs fighting Reta. Suddenly a blistering cone of fire bursts from his hand, enveloping both pigs and filling the air with the sweet sweet scent of bacon. Poog shakes his head to remove the excess drool from his mouth and yells. "DANGER CLOSE, Reta! Danger close..."
"We feast! All these sub-chiefly duties make Poog hungry." Poog runs forward and points a finger at the lazy pig, shooting a great bolt of fire at the goblins' dinner. "Wait! Be that Squealy Nord behind fat pig? But Mogmurch say he run off far far away..." He narrows his eyes suspiciously at Mogmurch. "Mogmurch in the hoots with Pa?! That how he become chief... Now all make sense!"
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