Mikhail Ximenez's page

BTW, if you could remove this character from the roster
(he was only here for a 1-off joke, obviously)?

When the last of you has finished recounting your victories, Osprey arises from a comfortable chair in the back corner of the room and...

*pops head in*

"'The Comfortable Chair'!?!?!"

I vote for SPANISH INQUISITION in the Godhome. Probably not near the magnet though.

NOBODY EXPECTS the-*sees he's arrived too late*...Oh, bugger!

“Think of Sir Keir as a Monty Python archbishop as written by George Orwell under the direction of Franz Kafka — there’s what’s left of your jolly old England!”

― a political/current-events blogger I sometimes read

"You've got to love a railway operated by the Catholic Church; they always pull out on time!"

― Matthew J. Elliot

Everything appears to be as expected.

Well THAT'S no good...!

Boon?: 1d20 ⇒ 12

Day Job roll posted (and remarked upon) above.

I will take [Resilience]; seems appropriate and useful.

I don't suppose I could spend my lucky number on the Boon Roll...?

Mikhail hurries to the scene, flail whirling in his hands and a terrible gleam in his eyes, and shows up just in time to bellow...

"NOBODY EXPECTS THE-...oh, bugger!"

...at an abandoned courtyard.

Sorry I've been absent for a while (not that it seems to have affected much); had a busy weekend, AND got sick (or something); mostly over it now, though.

..."'Mice'!"

*SPLAT!*

Madcap turns to Mikhail and says "Say, do you play chess?"

"I suppose," Mikhail replies, torn between this new entreaty and his staring-contest with the mirror, which he now slowly, carefully, he turns away from.

"NOBODY expects the Janderhoffan Defense...!"

*mumblemumblesomethingsomethingThroughTheLooking-Glass...?*

Still wishing somebody'd help me explain what's up here.

My first-ever PFS game was "Silent Tide", and I almost-singlehandedly owned the 'puzzles' part of that adventure, so it concerns and frustrates me that I'm suffering a mental block with this.

Mikhail grudgingly follows the rival/fellow-clergyman into the room, and all but literally stares daggers at his reflection.

"Not so saucy NOW, are ye!?!" He says with a threatening brandish of his flail.

Now, I don't entirely understand the guidelines of what we're supposed to do here or how - am I too used to being tunnel-visioned by too many strictures?

I thought you were trying to differentiate it from yourself - sorry.

Well, both.

Mikhail rounds upon his first imitator, with the help of the second. Now that its true core has been branded, the apparition is nearly defenseless...right?

"Looks like it's an eternity's bad luck for you...!!!" He quips before swinging his flail.

masterwork silver heavy flail, flank: 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (10) + 7 = 17
silver bludgeoning: 1d10 + 3 ⇒ (5) + 3 = 8

"BLASPHEMOUS IDOLS!!!" howls Mikhail-Mikhail as he whips his head from side to side...but then he centers himself, and gets a nasty gleam in his eye.

melee touch attack (unclear if necessary)?: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (16) + 4 = 20
Correct image???: 1d5 ⇒ 1

"You would wear my form? Take it...with your Lord Geryon's BLESSING!" he declares as he backhands the offending apparition across the apparent brow, leaving it branded with glowing runes of condemnation!

Knowledge (Planes): 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (6) + 7 = 13

Mikhail is not certain he's familiar with these...things - but when an informed judgment is beyond reach, an uninformed judgment will just have to do!

"YOU THERE! And THERE! And THERE!...You stand accused of transgressions against dimensional boundaries and The Order Of Things, and of crimes against clarity, and from the looks of it, I'd wager some form of voter fraud as well! I'll have none of that!"

With that, he advances, fearsome silver flail a-flailing fearsomely - these look like they'll shatter nicely!

masterwork silver heavy flail, charge VS Red Menace: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (13) + 5 = 18
hit on 1: 1d6 ⇒ 3

Mikhail stays silent, ready for negotiations to go awry....

Uncertain what he is even looking at, Mikhail prepares to get the drop on them, flail in hands....

Stealth: 1d20 + 9 ⇒ (16) + 9 = 25

Spellcasting will definitely draw attention to you, unless you have Silent Spell. If you do this, we will be moving into initiative.

I was hoping I could get away with a bleeding Orison - and one of a personal Divinatory nature, no less. ACTUALLY, wait a tic - See Below!

Maybe cast this outside. And you'll have to fight the chef if you want to be first.

That'd have been a good idea, but it's a moot point now.

Don't worry, we have a witness protection program. After you personally receive a large amount of gold coins, we will transfer you to Galt. No one has been found there yet....

Nono, you're supposed to tell him you're a wealthy Mwangi princess, and you need someone to help smuggle your gold out of Sargava...!

"We were told that the hostages would all die if we were to attempt a rescue. I have heard of necklaces holding beads that turn into balls of flame." The cleric whispers to his allies. "Could it be that the dangling goblet holds something similar?"

Mikhail's inquisition is preempted - most unexpectedly! - by Razisus's arrival and speculation.

"Well that wasn't what I had in mind at all," He mutters in reply. "but blast it, it makes sense."

"Not what you were expecting though, was it, Heathen-of-Graves?" He adds with a dark grin before turning back to ponder the (literally) precarious situation.

Instead of risking giving himself away with a prayer, Mikhail realizes the Lord of Heresies, in His wisdom, has seen fit to bestow upon him the unholy power to see unsanctioned magic with but a moment's concentration! OKAY, change of plans: I shall be using my Detect Magic SLA!

Also, can I tell, one way or the other, how the guy is controlling the goblet's fate, e.g. is there a string around his finger, would he have to move to where it is and could be potentially intercepted, what?

Mikhail steps in front of the others, then raises his arm so both the back of his arm and the front of his palm face the others in a sort of twisted, serpentine 'halt' gesture, while he looks silently upward at something above the table.

Through gritted teeth and glassy eyes, he prays that Geryon grant him sight of a very particular sort...: I cast detect poison.

Stealth: 1d20 + 9 ⇒ (14) + 9 = 23

Mikhail is already gone; for such a loud little man, he can be awfully quiet when he wants to be.

He has made his way to the back entrance, where he is tailing a suspicious chef. Who would expect the Inquisition In The Kitchen...?!

So how did that "Tag-Team" Intimidate work out? I did roll awfully well, and Alecto's roll was at least adequate, which would mean my effective roll was even better; at the risk of metagaming, I'd think something would've come of it.

Just trying to take the measure of what I/we really ought to do now; I for one am considering joining Madcap in direct infiltration.

As if out of nowhere, Mikhail immediately shows up behind Alecto.

"You'd best listen to what the flower-person says!!!" He bellows. "Refuse, and you'll find yourself chatting with *me*; I've got a nice 'comfy chair' just for you, nyahahahaha...!"

Intimidate: 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (19) + 7 = 26

My first-ever use of 'Good Inquisitor/Evil Inquisitor'! If Alecto's roll would've succeeded, mine becomes a '31'!

"Well now, that was a fine, fine bit of iconoclasty! Most unexpected. A woman like you could go far in the service of Geryon...."

With that, Mikhail abruptly cuts short his own plaudits and begins nearly-eye-gouging everyone else with his strange wand (while seemingly ignoring the huge bruise on his own arm); as you each are made to peer into it in turn, you experience mysterious, fleeting visions...:

wand of lucky number for Razisus: 1d20 ⇒ 3
wand of lucky number for Balrog: 1d20 ⇒ 8
wand of lucky number for Alecto: 1d20 ⇒ 6
wand of lucky number for Thornrose: 1d20 ⇒ 8
Well now, that's actually not bad!

While I'm doing that, anyone else want to handle healing? I've got a wand of cure light wounds, but it's only got 20 charges.

Feeling something large and hot behind him, Mikhail moves to make way for The Brazen Bullshit-Artist, and stops just shy of poking Madcap in the eye with his snakeskin-pyrite-garnet wand.

"You there, Prodigal Daughter of Fashion; have you ever considered the blessings of the Church of Heresies...?"

wand of lucky number for Madcap: 1d20 ⇒ 2

Mikhail Ximenez watches Balrog smash the other statue with an expression of mixed pain and shock, before whirling about on the other one now at his feet.

"Blast, they ARE statues! This affront will NOT be tolerated! YOU! It is well you prostrate yourself before me, for you are hereby charged with no fewer than 27 infractions of the Absalom Universal Craftsman's Code, 4 infringements of informal common-law regarding the receipt and consumption of gifts of street-food, 1 count of belligerent loitering, AND 1 count of obstructing an unholy-man in his rightful duties...AS WELL AS..." Here he momentarily fiddles with the heads on his flail as though using them as some sort of baroque, deadly abacus, "..precisely 2.333333019 transgressions against the Pan-Infernal Concordat Regarding the Due Deference and Inerrancy of Mortal Unholy-Men. For these therefore, shall ye receive NO MERCY!"

*WHAM!*

masterwork silver heavy flail, flank, vs prone: 1d20 + 11 ⇒ (13) + 11 = 24
silver bludgeoning damage: 1d10 + 3 ⇒ (7) + 3 = 10

I'm kind of surprised nothing's happened since I last posted.

SUGGESTION:

Alecto and Razisus, if you could both just move downward next to Thornrose and/or upward next to me, Balrog could get close enough to help fight, which I think he wants to do.

Mikhail realizes he has now lost his much-treasured weapon of surprise! In an attempt to regain it, he does something MOST unexpected:

He draws forth a wand he has never used before, made from three colorfully-patterned snakeskins, woven and molded around a pyrite core and studded with numerous small garnets. He lifts it up to his eye like a kaleidoscope...and receives a curious personal vision!

wand of lucky number: 1d20 ⇒ 1

Wands do not provoke unless you are doing something bizarre with them.

Do not tempt me.

Remind me, does using a wand provoke?

BTW, I've taken the liberty of giving everyone some fitting and distinctive personal border-colors; hope everyone likes them!

They both duck out of the way.

Mikhail doesn't so much 'duck' as 'conveniently fail to be taller'.

"What sorcery is this?!?" He boggles at his foe's awfully real-statue-like hardness. "So be it, then! No more Mr. Soft-Cushions!!!"

He lifts his flail high above his head...

masterwork silver heavy flail, Courage, flank VS Blue Mineral Persuasion: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (1) + 8 = 9

...and in so doing, nearly falls over backward.

INSPIRE COURAGE +1 is active.

Oh, I forgot about this! My damage roll should've been 6, for what it's worth.

Untrained Knowledge (Arcana): 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (2) + 2 = 4

"...BAH! BAH-hah-hah-hah! These are but unscrupulous street-buskers painted to look like statues! NOBODY deceives the Heretical Inquisition!"

With that, he bounds up next to Madcap to deliver a merciless swing with his flail - a large, genuinely impressive piece topped with three heads of solid silver shaped like diabolic serpents' faces.

masterwork silver heavy flail VS Blue Mineral Persuasion: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (10) + 5 = 15
Bludgeoning Damage: 1d10 + 3 ⇒ (2) + 3 = 5

"Vicar Mikhail Ximenez, atyourservice, how do you do, and what do you here?" He mutters to the newcomer once they are side by side.

The intense little man looks about him with a frustrated, bewildered expression.

"I...I did not expect this," He says to himself in dismay.

"RIGHT! Let's consider what we're dealing with here," He says after quickly pulling himself together. "Their chief weapon is obviously surprise, surprise and terror - TWO! They have TWO chief weapons: Surprise, terror, an almost fanatical antipathy toward the Pathfinder Society...that's THREE! A diverse array of premiere weaponry at their disposal...that we will simply have to prove ourselves their superiors in wielding!!!"

"I say we head northeast! NOBODY expects a counterseige to start from the northeast!"

That was the 24 hour warning. Anything you want to do before the start of part 2, do it now.

Well, I did; see above.

I see several of you still need to fill in the marching order and quick-rolls page.

Shoot, hope I can still do this!:

Bluff: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (16) + 2 = 18
"...So finally I said, 'Give THE RACK a turn'!"

Knowledge (Planes): 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (4) + 7 = 11
"'Turtles all the way down'? What infidel nonsense is that supposed to be?!? It ought to be serpents, surely...."

Dexterity: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (6) + 2 = 8
"AAAAAAAAAHHH notmyhat notmyhat notmyhat...!"

untrained Craft (traps): 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (20) + 2 = 22
Mikhail manages to create a most devious trap from the components the other contestants had been neglecting: A fondue pot, a desiccated frog, a jar of sesame seeds, a few vials of mysterious powders in various shades of pale, a sheep's bladder, a bird's nest and its contents, a few large steel bolts, and a box of chocolates.

Strength: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (17) + 2 = 19
One look at the heavy armaments Mikhail lugs around and it's easy to see why he is actually quite well-trained in the lifting of heavy things.

FYI Balrog, you could attempt Craft (Traps) untrained.

As Lord Balrog is about to leave the menagerie, there is a sudden commotion from under the nearby craft-services table - and a sudden flurry of red, purple, and the wildly waving black of an axe rushes out and corners him in the menagerie, and a pair of burning, beady eyes, set in a somewhat lean face framed by a neat quadrangular beard, staring him right in the...abdomen.

"BALROG!?" The sudden arrival echoes. He switches his axe to one hand, and pulls out an iron icon shaped like a serpent's head, which he brandishes in the other. "What is your business upon this plane without prior sanction or summoning!? What nefarious Abyssal deeds seek you here?! Confess! CONFESS!!!"

Intimidate: 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (19) + 7 = 26

Before Balrog or anybody else can react, the intense little man rushes over to the sleuthing event....

Survival: 1d20 + 9 ⇒ (20) + 9 = 29

"AH-HA! Thought you could hide from ME, eh??? Didn't expect anyone here would've seen your past history down at the Docks?! Well I did, and with that in mind it was a simple matter to establish motive AND opportunity in this most improbable indiscretion! You are hereby charged with no fewer than 4 infractions against the Absalom Seamstress' Guild Bylaws, 2 against the 4371 Inner Sea Convention On Espionage and Disguise, and 3 against the 4619 Church of Naderi Revised Synod On Hygiene and Comportment In Pursuit of Deliverance, and 1 against local zoning restrictions concerning the dereliction of chariots in peacetime!"

Oh, another thing of note: my armor is the bane of enemy funny-bones!

Also, something you should know going forward:

As of a few years ago, I've embraced the practice of an 'Internet Shabbat', meaning I shall be incommunicado on Mondays.

"HA! Looks like I'll be having a bit more than buttered scones with my tea this month!"

Know what? Next-to-last minute change of plans...!

Player I'm Hiding In Your Closet
Character Vicar Mikhail (Slagsson) Ximenez
PFS # 40025-18
Faction Sovereign Court
Day Job Profession (Lumberjack): 1d20 + 9 ⇒ (16) + 9 = 25
Progression: Standard

...because honestly, who expects the Dwarven Inquisitor?!

Things To Know:
- A short-range aura that might just save your life
- anyone who tries to pick his pocket may be in for a nasty surprise if he catches on
- Amongst his diverse array of weapons is none other than surprise...
- Surprise...and fear (or sometimes rapprochement)!
- Spell Resistance (8)!

Uhhh...DM? Could you please help me fix your sign-up page accordingly?
Pertinent details:

Vicar Mikhail Ximenez
Iconoclast 3
Sovereign Court
6 XP
6 Prestige
87 gold pieces
8 Fame

As you wish, Your Tuberculosity. *Ahem*...
...It's GREAT! It's ASTOUNDING! It's HERETICAL! It's...The Next Poster!!! Be there, or be EXCOMMUNICATED from thine own flesh!

Minions! Fetch...THE RACK!!!

The Silly Song

Frank Churchill