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Like a whirling dervish on crack, Mikey Jay rains down blows with The Sword of Sif, laying a field of carnage among the star spawn, demons, devils, and assorted ill-fated minions summoned to the arena, wisecracking dryly as he slashes and hacks....
Fleet hasted furiously focused raging Sword of Sif (non-Euclidean miss on 01-50 ) strikes for slashing plus holy damage, confirmation confirms, dealing critical slashing damage (total damage=99 after DR); prismatic effect red, 20 fire damage soaked Fleet hasted furiously focused raging Sword of Sif (non-Euclidean miss on 01-50 ) misses! Fleet hasted furiously focused raging Sword of Sif misses! Fleet hasted furiously focused raging Sword of Sif (non-Euclidean miss on 01-50 ) strikes for slashing plus holy damage (total damage=56 after DR) Fleet hasted furiously focused raging Sword of Sif (non-Euclidean miss on 01-50 ) strikes for slashing plus holy damage, confirmation confirms for critical slashing damage (total damage=125 after DR); prismatic effect indigo, immune to mind-affecting effects
Miley Jay darts toward Cthulhu, The Sword of Sif upraised to strike! But he must pass within the range of nine star spawns' frightful presences to reach the Great Old One.... plus surge equals at least 29
MJ shrugs off the frightful presences!
Initiative Here we go.... Give my children my love....
As The Fierce Ones' eyes attempt to adjust to the maddening sight beyond the citadel gate, a non-Euclidean court room out of the worst, peyote-induced nightmares of a madman, they must each attempt a DC 40 Will save or go insane....
MJ struggled mightily in his brain to retain sanity.... It is a very close call.... Gazing on the insane courtroom before him, he totters on the precipice of utter madness! But his will is pure and strong.... His Will is sharp.... He meditates on the name of his Lady Sif.... And holds the strands of his psyche together against the incredible strain placed upon them by the sight of Cthulhu on his throne, in all his unholy glory....
Hmmm.... It almost seems like I'd be better off if you cast blindness on me instead....
Got anything to keep me from going batshit crazy the first time I catch a glimpse of old Squid-head?
Come with me to the taproom, buddy, and I'll enlighten you....
Heh! Sorry.... I've been hanging out with such esteemed eggheads as Professors Radsworth, Levinson, Greer, and Jones.... It's an expensive little piece of jewelry that bat-shit-crazy spellcasters make to hold their f!&*in' souls after they commit lichdom....
Oh, you know.... She's off somewhere making a phylactery right now, would be my bet, if I were a bettin' man....
Noting Sieg's look of distaste at Dr. Hoffmann's and Cpt. Kermit's choice of beers, Mikey chuckles.... Yeah, the stuff the elves have on tap has ruined domestics for me, too, Sieg.... Although, I suppose being German, you were never a fan of the piss-water we Americans call beer. Let's go to the taproom and get a real beer, mate! Mikey leads the way to the castle's taproom, adjacent to the festhall....
In Adam West's Batman voice: Quick, Radsworth! To the Bat-Cave!
Huh?? .... Ah! Of course.... The girl was the most precious treasure.... No treasure or magic item can compare in value to the freedom of a human being.... Good job, Rad.... Mikey Jay looks at the vorpal scimitar.... Too bad, I kinda wanted to take that scimitar.... Just kidding.... Probably cut my own head off with it first time I drew it....
And you say we'll die horribly if we choose unwisely? .... I'm feeling more and more like Indiana Jones....
Cursed, huh?.... That sucks, honey.... Maybe we can, uh, figure out what the most valuable item is, and, uh, free you from the curse?.... I suppose not being able to tell us which item is the most valuable is part of your curse? MJ scratches his nose with a gauntletted hand....
Well, to be fair, he did seem to know an awful lot about wherever he was and whatever he was after.... But yeah, he was more of a tomb raider than a scholar.... MJ nods, smiling as he recalled the childhood hero whose movies had so entertained him.... He was a fair shot with his revolver.... Not like Xavier or that deep gnome we partied with for awhile, mind you.... Or probably your boy the kitsune.... But he was a real crackerjack with a bullwhip! Heheheh....
Hmmmm.... True.... This place does look like a death-trap-filled temple from an Indiana Jones movie.... MJ halts at the base of the ziggurat....
Did your hat just call me ignorant, Rad? Sheesh! I get no respect.... Now I know how Rodney Dangerfield felt.... MJ winks at Chesterfield. You may be right, Mister Chesterfield. But worrying about what might be has never done anyone any good. Shall we try to get a good night's sleep first? Or should we head over to R'lyeh right after we loot whatever goodies old Yig stored up in that pyramid there? Mikey Jay flies over to the Temple of the Sun now that Yig's summoned winds have died down....
Bah! I think we'll be dining on sushi after we chop up that squid-faced a%*&#&&! Let me at 'im! Better yet, let Derrik and Koran at 'im.... He won't last any longer than the other so-called Great Old Ones.... I'll bet my last worthless hundred-dollar bill on it!
"Man, we're great. Not only have we defeated most of the Old Ones, we've cut the heads off the Mexican drug cartels! I'm not sure which will be missed less..." We are pretty badass.... Now, let's see if we're badass enough to do Cthulhu like we did the other Great Old Chumps.... MJ wipes the blood of monsters and drug lords off The Sword of Sif with a silken handkerchief almost lovingly....
Hold that healing a second, sweetie.... MJ dashes over to Drug Lord Hector Beltran Leyva, desperately thrashing about and trying to smother the flames charring him like an overdone steak.... Hold still, muchacho, and I'll make your death quicker.... Two swift strokes with The Sword of Sif ends the notorious drug lord's misery....
DAMN!! Off with his head!! Vorpal swords are so cheesy, man.... C'mon!! When ya gonna let me be the cool hero guy, Derrik!? I'm just sayin'.... Mikey Jay chuckles and darts at the remaining naga archon that just fireballed the hell out of him, The Sword of Sif a deadly blur, like the blades of a high-speed fan.... deals slashing plus holy and energy damage.... Confirm crit confirms for critical slashing.... deals plus holy and energy damage.... deals plus holy and energy damage.... deals plus holy and energy damage.... Confirm critical confirms dealing critical slashing damage! Total damage = 469!!! The second naga archon is sliced into ribbons and a cloud of blood mist!
MJ takes 35 fire from the first.... SPICY!!!!
He takes 39 from the second! MUY CALLIENTE!!!
plus surge YEEEOOOWWW!!! MJ takes 41 fire from the first fireball....
OUCHY!!! MJ takes 16 fire damage from the second fireball!
with mythic surge added to fails! Mikey Jay takes 100 damage!
succeeds! Why did Yingzen turn into a statue? Her face isn't THAT ugly....
Looking like some kind of man-sized, glossy black beetle in his exoskeleton-like full plate armor, Mikey Jay hurtles through the portal, flying at the naga archon Yingzen just wounded, and with mythic fleetness, unleashes a barrage of strikes with The Sword of Sif.... Hasted furiously focused fleet-footed The Sword of Sif deals slashing plus holy plus energy damage! Hasted furiously focused fleet-footed The Sword of Sif deals slashing plus holy and energy damage! Hasted furiously focused fleet-footed The Sword of Sif deals slashing plus holy and energy damage! Hasted furiously focused fleet-footed The Sword of Sif deals slashing plus holy and energy damage! Hasted furiously focused fleet-footed The Sword of Sif deals slashing plus holy and energy damage! Confirm crit threat on final strike confirms, dealing critical slashing damage! Total damage = 478!
Que pasa, batos!? Mikey Jay grins maniacally at the various snake-demons, snake-monsters, and drug lords on the other side of Radsworth's portal, pointing The Sword of Sif at each one in turn, as if marking them for death....
Are we ready to make some nice snake-skin boots out of Yig's scaly hide, Fierce Ones!?
I was just joking, Levinson would never do that. She was one of us, always will be.... I like to joke around.... Big closed grin....
*Sigh!* Ya, know.... We needed that, after our harrowing experience with Hastur and the Japanese movie-monsters.... A nice, easy victory, like in the good old days.... I,ll never forget Derrik cutting the head off the chimera....the piscodaemon.... HAHAHAHA!!! That was fun.... That was fun.... Or when Yog-Soggoth almost ate the universe because of Levinson and her slow-ass chanting in that female-Woody Allen voice.... I miss Levinson.... Hope she didn't run off to become a lich and join Cthulhu.... Wouldn't that be a kick in the nuggets! HAHAHAHAHA!!! Mikey grins as he wipes the gore of dead abominations from the multicolored crystal blade of The Sword of Sif, sleek, glossy, black, insect-like exoskeleton open at the visor, making him look like some kind of demented, man-sized beetle-cricket-lobster with a man's face....
Mikey opens his mouth as if to say something as he pauses in battle pose, then closes his mouth in a rare moment of speechlessness.... Really? Shub-Niggurath, Black Goat of the Woods With A Thousand Young is handled like a balloon in need of popping?.... My companions are top echelon badasses!
Mikey holds, awaiting buffs from his spell casting companions....
Going with the assumption that someone already cast a mind blank on him, Will save vs DC 40 unspeakable presence .... The schnauzeberries still taste like schnauzeberries.... Pop goes the f#$~ing weasel.... I'm cuckoo for Cocoa-Puffs.... Yahtzee!.... Jenga!!!.... Uno!!!.... I'm sorry, Shub-Niggurath, but you have been voted off the island, baby!!! MJ brandishes the Sword of Sif like a whip made of liquid steel....
If anyone can cast a spell that fortifies one's sanity....against mind-scrambling sights....like that one....I'll take one on the rocks, please.... Mikey stares in sheer revulsion at the amorphous horror hovering in the howling sky above Ayers Rock.... A part of his mind and memory dedicated to locking away images of Yog-Sothoth rattles at the mental bars in MJ's skull, threatening to burst free and plunge him headlong into a relapse of the madness that wracked him when he heard that alien piping from those myriad alien mouths.... In spite of the growing terror, Mikey begins to titter in a high-pitched giggle that he only gets when tripping on 'shrooms....or beholding an extradimensional horror from beyond the stars.... Tee-heee.... Heeheehee!!
Well, at least it didn't take long for Shub-Niggurath to show up....
Initiative
What sayest thou, cunning Radsworth? How counsels thee, wise wizard? MJ salutes Radsworth with the Sword of Sif.... Ever have thine counsels been sound and reasonable! He turns to Dr Grimm.... And what sayest thou, glib alchemist? What have the visions shown thee? He winks at Hugo.... Then turns to Derrik.... What sayest thou, Mighty Arthur of the Britons Reborn? Which head dost Excaliber crave to lop? He looks at Marcus and smiles.... Which way are you leaning, my brother-in-madness? He looks at Sig.... Whose arm ya feel like twistin' off today, Beowulf?
No preference here.... Whatever the rest of you decide, I'm ready....
Mikey Jay nods in agreement with Allison. Yeah.... I suppose you're right, Dr Jones.... And of all of us, Koran.... Well, everyone has their "demons" to struggle with.... But his might be a bit more literal than the rest of us.... He smiles at Allison. I'm glad you joined us, Doc.... You're a good egg.... I just know that....if any of us was gonna go rogue.... Turn to the Dark Side of the Force....it wouldn't be you. You'd do what you could to make things right.... You'd do what you felt was the right thing to do, for the greater good. I want you to know.... I got your back. And whatever happens.... However things go down.... I'm your friend. MJ bows gallantly to Allison, then looks around at the others. I'm really proud of what the Fierce Ones have done so far.... Even if we lose in the end, and Cthulhu eats us up and shits out our bones.... We have had some f~@+ing crazy times together.... Adventures I wouldn't forget if I lived a thousand years.... He gazes at the sky over Alfheim with a bittersweet smile.... I've seen more things I never believed could be real.... Lived more deeply than I ever thought I could live.... Felt sheer terror and the threat of mind-shredding madness....but also sheer exhilaration and the keenest glory.... He looks sadly at Daisy, and then at Allison.... I know better than to ask a lady her age.... But I know that you're still a young lady.... And Daisy, hell.... She's barely more than a kid.... And the things you've done to protect humanity.... The weights you've carried on your young shoulders.... I may not quite be a geezer yet.... But I'm no Spring chicken, either.... I've had forty good years.... Probably almost twice your age, I'm guessing.... Definitely twice or more Daisy's age.... Mikey grins and shakes his head, rubbing his eyes.... Sorry, Doc.... Don't listen to my babbling.... I'm thinking too much lately.... Ought to leave the thinking to you and Radsworth.... Stick to what I do best: making monster filets with this.... He pats the Sword of Sif, then chuckles and heads off to the taproom of the Festhall in the Castle for what he quietly considers could be his last flagon of elven ale....
Mikey Jay notices Koran's new look, and wonders to himself what it denotes.... Koran is changing, and not in a good way.... He seems to be more....demonic.... I hope it's more a change in appearance than in his personality.... He was scary enough as he was.... If he is leaning more toward his demonic heritage, there could be trouble down the road.... I'm sure Derrik is thinking the same thing.... Should I bring it up in private with the others? Or is it too late at this point anyway? We have bigger fish to fry right now either way, I guess.... But it sure would suck if the big dude switched sides in the middle of a battle with a Great Old One....
Kowabunga, banzai, tally-ho, and whatnot! MJ springs through the gate!
MJ nods at Allison. No time like the present, right?
Well, Fierce Ones.... I'm as ready as I'll ever be....
In the quiet peacefulness of the courtyard hedge labyrinth's center, where a marble fountain softly gurgles, accompanied by the songs of birds and pixies, Mikey Jay sits on the edge of the fountain basin, cradling the Sword of Sif on his lap and staring at the nearly opalescent metal of its impossibly-sharp blade, and meditating on the coming battles.... For the first time since he was a teenager, he begins to pray to a divinity.... Sif, goddess of battle-skill.... I have been an athiest for, like, twenty or so years now.... I stopped believing in gods and devils after high school science and history classes.... Well, I guess I still suspected....hoped, rather....that there was something like a benevolent God out there....or rather inside everything....but Charles Darwin, Richard Dawkins, and the daily news kinda make it hard to suspend your disbelief in supernatural causes for nature and reality.... But now.... Now, how can I deny the reality of gods, devils, angels, demons.... Hell, even fairies and elves....when I've met and even fought for my life against all of these things? So.... I guess what I'm praying to you now for, My Lady of Battle Skill....is for the strength and skill to win victory in the coming battles....no doubt the hardest of my life.... I'm devoting myself....my strength, my will, my hard-earned prowess in battle....all that I am....to you, Lady Sif.... Be my guiding light, my guardian, and my goddess.... Guide my blade.... I mean, your blade.... Help me to strike true and deep.... This I pray in the name of the Norns and the Nine Worlds....and in your holy name. Amen....
Well, Mikey.... You're probably gonna go insane at some point during your battles with the Great Old Ones.... Maybe multiple times over.... And that's assuming you don't die.... 'Cause the GOOs are no joke, son.... If not for Daisy and Radsworth and Marcus, there's no way I'd be able to stand against such monsters.... If we somehow survive these last few battles.... What will You do next, Mikey?.... If everything works out, and all the monsters are slain, what will you do with your second chance at life, Mikey Jay?.... Maybe Radsworth will let me join him on his cosmic adventures to maintain the Yin and Yang.... Wizards always need a foolhardy meat-shield with the sword of a war-goddess, don't they?.... And maybe we can get that sweet little Daisy to come along.... At first, I wanted to bang her, but now she's like a little sister.... Half my age.... Yet, twice as wise, at least....
Huh.... Yeah.... Death can definitely make you feel like you aren't good enough.... But you should know, Yingzen, and Al'Torac.... Your deeds during your time with we Fierce Ones will never be forgotten.... If we survive these last few battles.... You have a friend in Mikey Jay, at least.... For life, buddies.... MJ embraces Yingzen and Al'Torac briefly but fiercely.... Good luck, brothers.... |