Meatbeat Hammershaft's page

Profession (Miner): 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (19) + 6 = 25 Dwarves!

Meatbeat moves up to the casty fish person to flank with Danyn and give them the Pep-Pep standard. He provokes doing so.

Helmet attack, Rage, Flank: 1d20 + 7 + 2 + 2 ⇒ (15) + 7 + 2 + 2 = 261d4 + 4 + 2 ⇒ (2) + 4 + 2 = 8

"Ha! Old man is so bad at punch, like baby!"

I was kind of hoping to get my Zen Archer to a point where he is a better level for the Shadow Lodge mission, so I would not be opposed to a new HP lump. Presuming from his picture and stat array that you're going to go Dragon Disciple asap.

Or, if it's easier, I can bow out so you can play in the multitude of stuff I've already played. Whatever's cool.

Meatbeat responds to burgling with a helmet to the face!

AoO Headbutt, Rage: 1d20 + 6 + 2 ⇒ (17) + 6 + 2 = 251d4 + 4 + 2 ⇒ (4) + 4 + 2 = 10 Ha, a 1 does not beat my CMD, for I am a mighty dwarf!

If she's still conscious after that, Meatbeat will double-up on the headbutt action! If not, he readies to headbutt any further burglars or anyone who wants to threaten his loyal followers!

Headbutt, Rage, possibly readied: 1d20 + 6 + 2 ⇒ (18) + 6 + 2 = 261d4 + 4 + 2 ⇒ (4) + 4 + 2 = 10

GRAPPLE, rage: 1d20 + 4 + 1 + 2 ⇒ (12) + 4 + 1 + 2 = 19

Meatbeat attempts to break free, mostly so the relic isn't easily grabbed. He then takes up one of whatever drinks are now stuck to the table, in preperation to drink it later.

Meatbeat will grab the relic. If the gillman is actually holding it, Meatbeat in his still-slightly-sick state will also gets mad and declares that "You will not burgle relic!"

Steal manuever, Rage & vs Flat: 1d20 + 4 + 1 + 2 ⇒ (15) + 4 + 1 + 2 = 22

Meatbeat just eyes the bartender at the dwarf's eye-level from his seat at the bar. Needless to say, he's not looking at her face and is quite obvious about it.

He puts down 2 silver and his trip-emptied hand-cask on the bar. "Refill."

Meatbeat will take a seat at the bar, attempting to find the most dwarf-friendly seat there is.

Upon hearing the foreign language spoken, the slightly seasick dwarf denotes his displeasure.

Danyn: No-nonesense old-man daddy.

No in-fishing-town-plans for Meatbeat.

Meatbeat will help the first actual diplomacy roll by not being a huge nuisance.

Ask people things: 1d20 - 3 ⇒ (16) - 3 = 13

"Water look shiny and distracting..."

Meatbeat is eerily quiet throughout the encounter, aside from the log incident, as if distracted by some other thoughts that bounce around in his plated noggin.

Meatbeat gets really frustrated and huffs his way around the crocodile/bite-y things. "GRRAAGH! Dumb wood is in way of me!"

Double-moving to the square north of the alligator. Provoking, accidentally giving Zorlax a chance to move without provoking.

Unfortunately, I think you're in difficult terrain, which does not allow 5' steps. I can't move pieces from my phone, so I'm not 100% on what you're standing on. Note that drawing the wand or using it won't provoke (assuming you keep your wands accessible), so there's that.

Get to the kobold?

Depending on Tektite's interpretation of corners, it looks like a double-move through the difficult terrain would get you just barely to it.

Something?: 1d20 ⇒ 6 Heck, that wouldn't even climb it.

After failing while trying to hazily rip a hole in the log, Meatbeat gives up and tries to climb up the log with his remaining move action.

Climb: 1d20 ⇒ 3

And even less luck doing that.

"I like soup." Meatbeat replies, looking at Danyn. He stares for a second, coughs, then speaks again. "Did you old man know your head is shiny?"

It's two saves to cure. I likely had a lesser onset time. Meatbeat, having been slightly delusional, did accept Zorlax's offer to prove his intent, despite not realizing it made no sense to accept.

Oh, no! A disease that afflicts my only decent mental stat! -1 Perception, Profession (Miner), and Will save right now.

Meatbeat drinks in response to coughing, resulting often is coughing up ale everywhere.

@Asuna "I am not try to take advantage of you and your flesh mounds."

@Kaneka "I am skill at rip and tear bug. Is easy with muscles." Meatbeat quickly rips one off, and makes another very unsettling face at the resulting feeling. He deftly draws his mug and drinks a hefty chug. He then wiggles his now bloodied fingers at Asuna. "See? If there are bug to rip under shirt, let Meatbeat. I will do if you not want. I also have ale to help pain not happen."

bluff: 1d20 - 3 ⇒ (4) - 3 = 1

"Yes." Meatbeat states with the biggest grin on his face, his gaze telling of his true motives.

"I do not know. Perhaps more are under shirt. You should look now. We can help and see." Meatbeat suggests, removing the dead-guy clothing that is now apparently filled with leeches. Should his ruse work, he then readies to high-five Danyn (or nearest bro).

"Sparkle Elf is so much more easy to understand in water forest. Dead men coats are not much help now, though," Meatbeat adds, still wearing the Cold Weather clothes.

The dwarf looks to Danyn's waving. "Clouds went dark. I am not theif from bowl woman. Dwarves do not do good with the sky. I like the ground."

Meatbeat readies himself to dodge a lightning bolt from the sky for when he burgles some coins.

Meatbeat yells from the slope. "There is woman with bowl! She has gold and gems!"

"I saw. I will climb so frail old man does not." Meatbeat tries to climb first with his armour.

Climb: 1d20 + 4 - 4 ⇒ (14) + 4 - 4 = 14 If he fails, he will start getting unclothed so he can try again. Climb no arm pen: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (15) + 4 = 19

"Many coat did not work good. I guess is why they are dead."

"Also think of sleep with Meatbeat. My many coat and manly beard will be warm." Meatbeat makes that unfortunate gyrating motion again.

"If noone wants, then I will wear all the clothes. More clothes mean more warm."

But the cliff is so far away, and the woods are right over there...

Were it up to Meatbeat, he would sleep all night, in the wagon, with a fire, and the bodies chucked somewhere outside.

More likely, however, Meatbeat will be on his regular watch, maybe in the wagon with the fire when not on watch, and burying the bodies.

"Ha." Meatbeat laughs at the words "stick," "tingling," and "stuck in" being in the same sentence between sparkle elves.

Note that keeping one's header is super nice for the healer; keeping track of everyone's damage is nigh impossible for those with things daily activities.

Meatbeat nods to the sparke elf and moves to inspect the van as closely as possible.

Percep (more for stone): 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (4) + 6 = 10

Yeah. Cloistered Cleric is a hellscape of wasted-potential-for-flavor I can't really recommend. Losing a domain AND a spell-per-spell-level is awful. Multiclassing seems like it would make that even worse. The abilities you get for losing those also barely come up (at 9th level, they've come up ONCE, but I miss that spell-per-level every day. I'd reccomend sticking with bard; Inspire never loses it's luster, and you can back up your bros with spells like Timely Inspiration and Saving Finale (both first level spells.)

"I am disappoint. Wanted to see cat-fight." He takes a swig of ale. "But not like fight with cat, Anna we fight yesterday." He shakes around his cask, trying to bring his point to the forefront of his words.

Meatbeat drinks a little bit more than normal to help stave off the cold (since cold weather gear is for suckers; that's what beards are for) and approaches the cart, as well.

Fun note with Dwarven Barbarians: Since I'm raging, I have a +2 morale against fear. Additionally, if this was a spell-like or supernatural ability, I'd have another +2 racial on the save. (Not that I think it mattered here.) Just wanted to get that out.

Meatbeat watches the creature's face, staggering around after pushing it away. "Aah! Time to die, gross Tien cat!"

Charge, Helmet attack: 1d20 + 6 + 2 - 2 ⇒ (20) + 6 + 2 - 2 = 261d4 + 4 ⇒ (3) + 4 = 7
Confirm?: 1d20 + 6 + 2 - 2 ⇒ (14) + 6 + 2 - 2 = 201d4 + 4 ⇒ (4) + 4 = 8

EDIT: Oh, man. Too bad I'm staggered from last round and can't draw on the charge like I did in the original post. Sorry if I messed up any in-writing posts.

Meatbeat steps up to the creature, drawing a small barrel of liquid as he steps. He then gets angry and tries to push the creature away!

Bull Rush!: 1d20 + 14 ⇒ (15) + 14 = 29 I push Anna 5 feet + 5 more for every 5 I landed over it's CMD. I will be pushing Anna straight down the path, but can't follow due to 5' stepping.

He then drinks, to help fight off the tiredness of being mad!

"I will sleep all night until Anna is back." Meatbeat props himself against the base of a tree.

Just wake Meatbeat up when you want him to go on watch. Those who adventured with him before know he's easily cajoled by fancy named that he understands.

"Do not worry, ladies and sparkle elves," Meatbeat states, putting his armour/clothes back on and giving a little flex. "Master Dwarf can see in dark, so he will see Anna."

"Anna is bigger than thought." The dwarf points a meaty finger towards a shrubbery.

The dwarf coughs up some water, after his swim. "Logs are dumb and I hate logs." Seeing everyone else unarmour, Meatbeat expresses his new plan. "If all are nude to cross log, I will nude, too." Meatbeat removes his armour to reveal a very unsightly dwarf body, void of clothing. He uses the rope and carries his stuff across, since Dwarves are good at carrying things.

Take 10 Acrobatics: 10 + 1 = 11

Good thing I've got this helmet, specifically to fight boulders!

I guess Swim?: 1d20 + 4 - 4 ⇒ (1) + 4 - 4 = 1 Accidental bath time, as predicted.

"I'm afraid not, the man horse was keeping close watch on her, if you know what I mean."

"I did too, but now I think. I would not match up with half horse man, if horse is bottom. Now seems like lots of work for big disappointment for all."

---

Meatbeat hands whomever wants them the bag of magic elf food before moving up to the log. "Do not need elf feed to be wet from accident bath." He then trudges along at half speed, unless anyone puts a minor amount of effort into stopping him.

Meatbeat gives a hearty thrust towards the woman-part horse-thing as she leaves. He looks to Danyn and the aasimar. "See, old man and sparkle elves should grow beards, if they are men. Women love men and big beards." He then realizes something. "Did woman horse say where party was at?"

"Ha! Elephant head man with many arms is very amusing. Could hold many beers with many hands."

"You are half horse. I would party with half-horse. Where is party with half-horse women?"

Meatbeat glares, wondering who this stranger is and why everyone is talking to him.

"Old Man Sandwich told us to burn your house. Would be difficult in this wet place. Is too much work..." Meatbeat indirectly informs Torch.

He then looks to the group. "So, we are to find nest and reeds. Go to artifact chalice. Break chalice with reeds or nest. Then paint corpse of chalice? Magic is confusing."

Spending my 2 PP on the Masterwork Transformation for my Helmet, so it looks shiny and new.

"Wait. Whose quarters do to torch, now?" Meatbeat looks genuinely confused.

Meatbeat nudges Danyn and makes a gyrating/hump motion towards Lady Morilla when the word "Man-Fest" is said.

Meatbeat addresses the Lady while attending to another sandwich. "So, we are take nest or reeds to artifact goblet to break it? Sounds simple."