Magrat Garlic's page

It was either Magrat, or the adolescent mask of Nyarlathotep.

This sheet looks good. Thanks again all, and remember to eat more roughage!

Magrat Garlic wrote:

"Anything could be down there: loose change, ants, small stones. If only I was powerful enough to turn one of you into a newt."

Durlo huffs and jabs a stubby finger toward Magrat, "You'll not be changing ME into anything! I can still feel that hex magic wriggling inside of me. I'll have bad dreams for weeks now because of it!"

"That might just be parasites from all the meat you eat. Like I said, if you could see into your colon you would be horrified."

Once she's out, she waits until no one is looking, and gives the Hao Jin Tapestry a good beating with a rug-beater.

"Anything could be down there: loose change, ants, small stones. If only I was powerful enough to turn one of you into a newt."

perception: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (17) + 2 = 19

"Oh, they just put this one here to cover a hole in the floor. Here, just squint like this. I told you this rug was a bit shoddy."

She continues concentrating on bringing more misfortune to the undead creature. (Will DC 14).

"Granny Weatherwax always said I had a good squint."

Sure. ;)

She concentrates on bringing more misfortune to the undead creature. (Will DC 14).

Oh, if you think that is good, read this!

Kettbot moves about the battlefield like a dancer, which is a shame because the party needs a warrior. Yet he still connects with the hammer end of his weapon-thingie.

attack; +1 Large Silver Taiaha: 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (17) + 7 = 24
damage; +1 Large Silver Taiaha: 2d8 + 8 ⇒ (7, 4) + 8 = 19

attack with hammer end.

Magrat, Durlo is not currently hurt, do you want to do something different? You can act twice this round.

You mean he always looks that way!? Well then, I guess he gets unsolicited guidance instead. Then she concentrates on bringing the most misfortune she can to the nearest active pile of bones (Will DC 14).

"You look terrible!" Magrat says seeing Durlo's condition. "Are you running a fever? I bet you eat a lot of meat. Meat is extremely bad for the digestive system. If you could see inside your colon you’d be horrified."

More witchery on Durlo! (healing hex): 1d8 + 1 ⇒ (3) + 1 = 4

Magrat gets up, and meditates on her harrows to select new spells for the day. Then she uses one of them on herself.

cure light wounds v self: 1d8 + 1 ⇒ (4) + 1 = 5

perception: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (10) + 2 = 12

She follows Esper about figuring her for another witch.

Esper heads down the corridor to the boarded up doors half way down.

It takes a little effort, but she can eventually pry them off.
Take 20 does the trick even with a STR of 10

Beyond is the semi-cleared garden. The little gnome can be seen sitting next to the flayleaf plant.

"Oh, Granny Weatherwax has some of those in her back garden. It makes the bees fly all wobbly. They make delicious brownies though."

"Oh I'm fine." Magrat says, vaguely waving folks away. "I don't need any headology (though maybe the couch might come in handy). I just need **yawn** some rest.... Zzzz, zzzz...."

If needed, Magrat will use the headologist's wand on others, then go lay down somewhere quiet... I bet no one is in the crypts!

Magrat 7 damage.... Either way I think she is unconscious

A burst spell affects whatever it catches in its area, including creatures that you can’t see. It can’t affect creatures with total cover from its point of origin (in other words, its effects don’t extend around corners). The default shape for a burst effect is a sphere, but some burst spells are specifically described as cone-shaped. a burst’s area defines how far from the point of origin the spell’s effect extends.

She's behind a wall when that last one goes off I think.

Will save v 1 point of damage: 1d20 + 4 + 1 ⇒ (3) + 4 + 1 = 8 @ 0 hp and staggered. Since she probably doesn't fall unconscious at this point Esper can probably save Kett his charge (though the offer is certainly appreciated ;)).

"Ooo. I think I need a lie down." She says and takes a lie down.

The two remaining bodyguards bow respectfully to you.

"We never realised..." They look at their fallen friend with horror.

"We must gather the faithful to decide what to do. Tell us, friends, who are you and why are you really here?"

"You couldn't keep it down in there could you?" Magrat yells down from the podium, laying in the spot in most temples dedicated to evil cult gods where the sacrifices are made. "And this rug could probably still do with a good cleaning."

She nods off, exhausted.

will save: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (1) + 4 = 5

sense motive: 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (6) + 1 = 7

"I think I'm just going to wait outside. Let me know when you're done alright."

Instead then, Magrat seeks guidance for herself, and then waits for Durlo to use the wisdom she has imparted to him, and then imparts some further guidance.

"You're getting closer. I can feel it." Magrat encourages. "At least that last time you didn't pin Kett's foot to the floor."

She casts guidance on Durlo again.

"Don't choke up on the grip so much. Now then get a firm grip, pull your arm back, and assert yourself!" Magrat instructs Durlo. "That's what my yoga manual says anyway."

She casts guidance on Durlo again.

Durlo may or may not have Schrödinger's other blessed spear. Although given his aim this adventure you might find it in-hand shortly--one way or another. ;)

Sure! Assuming they were short enough to be at ground level.

The roof is about 20' high. The stairs go up just under 10' to the height of the pulpit in the chapel.

This rug must be Hell to keep warm in the winter.

Time to hurt him and break the summons or you could be in trouble.

Ha! You don't know us very well, do you? ;)

Her arms full of pointy sticks (3 of them now by my count, and since she can get one this round it might as well be the nifty spear) Magrat focuses all of her various neurosi upon the demon (Misfortune, Will DC 14).

"I think you dropped this." Magrat says picking up Durlo's spear.

Keeping a close eye on the holy-water-doused spear that Durlo threw, Esper hurries over to it and picks it up. Then she passes it to Kett.

"Try this next time."

Maybe give him a piggyback ride? :)

"There's no door blocking off the balcony, Magrat."

"Well, um, Kett and Durlo could probably move that wardrobe up here, or maybe we could distract the demon with a rare cask of Amontillado or some such like in that one story. Is there a mason in this rug?"

Magrat sighs. "Honestly."

"We could just lock the doors and walk away." Magrat suggests, picking up Kett's javelins off the stair the way his mother might have when he was a child. That way that clearly shows it was not in her original job description. Why must Kett always leave his toys on the stairs?

How high is the ceiling? How high is the stair?

Magrat looks back at Kett as if to say "*Sniff!* At least I can hit the fool thing." Then, she dives out of the way as yet another javelin comes arcing in her direction.

She waves her hand a bit more indicating someone should put something she can throw into it.

will save: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (14) + 4 = 18

Durlo's javelin misses. The first of the assimar returns with a spear in his hand. "Try this..." he offers it to anyone who wants it.

Anyone? Where are they standing? Nevermind, I'm going with 'offers to anyone'.

"Oh thank you. That's very kind of you." Magrat takes the spear and heaves it at the demon with a grunt.

thrown spear: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (18) + 2 = 20 1d8 - 1 ⇒ (2) - 1 = 1

"That's not so hard." she says with an air of satisfaction to Durlo and Kett. She holds out a hand for another spear.

Kett hurls the next javelin in a furious rage.

Magrat dives out of the way.

"HEY! Next time please, throw your javelin in a thoughtful considered manner!" Magrat shouts, and then sniffs.

"It's not actually Dakang. The thing's just sort of wearing what's left of the man. It's basically out of steam. Now it'll have to come down, and bite our faces off the proper, old-fashion way. Or I suppose wait for help to arrive...."

"Where did Birseko go?" Magrat does a double take around the stairwell.

She shrugs, reaches forward, and delivers a pat on Durlo's shoulder. "Don't worry. It's just me. I've got your back."

[dice=healing hex v Durlo ("SU baby! Just try to resist!")]1d8+1[/dice]

Magrat also recongises the creature as a demon, and as she thinks on it, she heals herself.

What three things would you like to know about it?

It's spell-like abilities, natural attacks, and overall outlook on life.

Will save: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (14) + 4 = 18

"Ugh, I need to brew a tincture of willow bark to get rid of this headache."

Will save: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (14) + 4 = 18

knowledge (planes): 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (15) + 8 = 23

Magrat summons up her inner reserves.

healing hex (self): 1d8 + 1 ⇒ (2) + 1 = 3

Durlo produces another javelin and throws it at the vile creature.

"We need him on the ground, now! He will keep healing himself!"

"Be the javelin, Durlo. Be the javelin. Na-na-na-na-na-na."

Casts guidance on Durlo.

Will save: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (19) + 4 = 23

Magrat shakes her head in annoyance. "Did you feel that?"

From the top of the stairs, Magrat stares at the man posed like a bat upon the ceiling. "Oh! You don't see that every day. Goody Fouler used to be able to do that until she went all 'gingerbread and cackley'."

From her unflattering dress Magrat pulls a deck of harrow cards and begins riffling through them.

Magrat targets the priest's next dice action with misfortune (Will DC 14 or roll a d20 twice and take the lower result).

"Is this part of the service? I'm a big fan of exercise. I was going to suggest that we might strip down to our skivvies and dance around a bonfire at some point."

Magrat chases after the processional(?) up the dais.

climb: 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (19) - 1 = 18

As far as she can. If she has any actions left, she uses her misfortune hex on anyone outside of the party that seems to be threatening to do something bad. (Will DC 14)

Kett struggles to perform any of the contortions in his stone armor.

reflex 1d20+0=6

"You might want to unwind first." Magrat suggests as Kett hops off. "Maybe some scented candles? I find them to be very relaxing."

"Well, in the spring and summer I imagine it would be nice to have the windows open. I know I like sleeping with mine open." Magret says trying help Birseko pull his elbows out of his ears, and his heel out of his spleen--the so-called Double Dog Dare You, Hell Hound position.

Magrat raises her hand. "Well, what about it then?"

Magrat blushes as the men thrust their butts in the air while twisting their backs the way owls twist their necks.

"Shhh. Try to relax. You should-" She quickly flips through a little pocket folio and continues. "'-center your self, align your chakras, and be mindful of your breathing'.... Hmm?"

She tries it herself. She sits in the lotus position back of her hands on her knees, like in a drawing in her book.

She closes her eyes, and begins to drone. "Ummmmmmm... Ummmmmmm... Ummmmmmm.... Are you feeling more relaxed now?"

"I can't see his mammary glands, but he doesn't seem to have very many tentacles." Magrat whispers. "Psst Durlo, try and get him to take his shirt off."

"And don't forget the nipples. Nipples are very important. Just ask your mom."

"Change of plans, we must find and kill this Dakang before he does any more harm. Turning a library into a place of lies is an unredeemable evil!" Kett fumes as he tenderly cradles an altered book in his hands.

"Isn't killing people considered unredeemable evil?"

untrained knowledge (religion, MAX 10 result): 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (11) + 4 = 15

"Oh no. Nipples are terribly important in planar study. You can't tell a succubus from a dark child of Shub-Niggurath, with out taking a careful accounting of the number and location of their mammalia. Why the Earth Mother herself-" She blushes. "Well, haven't you ever given it any thought?"

When Esper goes to fetch Magrat.

"My, what lovely... rations you've made, Magrat."

"Oh thanks, I made extra so I'll make sure you get more. I would hate to see healthy, nourishing food go to waste."

profession (cook): 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (2) + 2 = 4

As Magrat joins the others Durlo says, arms folded, "Well Miss Magrat, I suppose since you likely--what is the word? cavort!--yes, cavort with otherwordly things, what do you think of this Dakang creature from the information we've assembled?"

"Well, have you observed how many nipples he has?"

knowledge (planes): 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (17) + 8 = 25

Once the kitchen is suitable Magret prepares more ration sandwiches (rations squeezed between more rations), and rations soup (rations in water) in the kitchen, singing while she works.

"♬ Going to the chapel and we're gonna to get married.
Going to the chapel and we're gonna to get married.
Gee, I really love you and we're gonna to get married.
Going to the chapel of love. ♬"

Magrat attempts to make the kitchen bearable.

"And it saves having to clean, I suppose." Magrat says in a way meant to be wry. "'Meditation'. That's just formalized laziness. It's just thinking after all and you think while you clean up. I think you all just need to get off your duffs and do some work and yoga."

Kett keeps a healthy distance from the kitchen, this is shaman work, I'm keeping my distance.

"Have you lost family members to this before?"

diplomacy (aid): 1d20 ⇒ 8

"Maybe we could check under the rug?" Magrat suggests.

"Kissing?" Magrat says suddenly all flushed. "Are you allowed to do that sort of thing in a monastery?"

"What kind of effect was it? Compulsion?" Durlo says almost out of breath, running into the kitchen.

"Mostly a lot of neglect I figure. I mean look at this place. I wouldn't be caught dead in 'ere. Who''s in charge of cleanin'. I told you all we should have given the rug a good wash before we came."

"See, this is what you get for serving dark powers! Friend Magrat, the world is trying to tell you something."

Marathon cocks an ear and then says. "I don't hear anythin'."

Perception: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (5) + 2 = 7