Joe Public's page

Hawthwile's first choice! I'll admit I'm not quite certain how to use him effectively yet, but he's great fun if you don't mind his constant rambling about twelve overlapping conspiracy theories. Profile hasn't been updated to lvl 4 yet.

"You'll never take us alive to conscript into your unwilling lycanthropic army!" Joe continues, chest heaving with the twinned exertions of running up the stairs and the horror of the potential situations running through his mind.

Casting daze (Will 14) on Nessian.

Joe hesitantly follows Lucky up the stairs, stopping as soon as he spots the suspicious person at the top. "You! Are you the werewolf secret agent!?" he blurts.

Double move

"Aaaaaaiiiieeee!" Joe reflexively flings a bolt from his wand at the other thug in the central spire.

Force damage: 1d4 + 1 ⇒ (4) + 1 = 5

Casting magic missile at Blue

"Kiyoko!" he calls as the samurai-ko peels off towards a fallen tower. "The enemy is in the central tower!"

"That's just what they want you to think!" Joe whispers back from behind the halfling's shoulder. The philosopher clutches his wand tightly and looks around with wide eyes for more undead creatures to spring forth from the straw or ground or ether or wherever else they could possibly be hiding.

Initiative: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (20) + 5 = 25

Move and draw wand.

Joe crouches behind Lucky, doing his best to hide his larger figure behind the halfling. "We sure about this?" he whispers worriedly. "What if they have a secret deal with the guards and they put up a fight just long enough for us to be labeled the provokers and thrown in jail?"

Also placed.

Boon?: 1d20 ⇒ 3

It’s rigged, I tell you! XD

Joe launches another missile at the undead creature near Barrabas, then tries to duck and roll like cool sneaky folks are supposed to do.

CONK!

A loud sound of head hitting wood is followed by a string of incomprehensible swearing as the philosopher staggers to his feet, one hand on the wall for support.

Force damage: 1d4 + 1 ⇒ (4) + 1 = 5

Use wand to cast magic missile at Blue, then move.

"Ayeee!" Joe shrieks, waving his stick in front of his face frantically. A glowing pellet streaks from the tip to slam into the blue-garbed skeleton.

Force damage: 1d4 + 1 ⇒ (1) + 1 = 2

Using wand to cast magic missile at Blue.

"Is it even Oathday morning though?" Joe asks, half rhetorically and half seriously. "Time is, after all, an artificial construction of our own minds, forced upon us by a secretive cabal of Thuvian shadow lords to create demand for their so-called 'elixir of youth'."

I mean, if it's not Oathday, then the lights don't really mean much since the organ won't be playing so it can't be shut off midtune. But that would be kinda lame (if certainly funny). Joe would be fine to go to the cathedral if other folks want to as well.

Perception: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (9) + 5 = 14

...No, I think some sort of lizard man - you can see those marks that he’s trying to pass off as burns, but they’re obviously where he’s shedding his skin...

Perception: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (19) + 5 = 24
Sense Motive: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (3) + 5 = 8
Perception: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (6) + 5 = 11
Will: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (1) + 4 = 5
Perception: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (17) + 5 = 22

...or he’s a werewolf?!

Is anybody here even trained in Disable Device? It would be a shame to have the scenario come to a screeching halt just because of that.

"Do you, like, have the safes here?" Joe asks slowly. "Or do we have to, like, find them before we can try to open them?"

Meanwhile, the philosopher's thoughts race. For the price he is waving, he could buy the services of an army of safecrackers. Has he been just holding onto these things waiting for us to come along? Did he know we were coming? Did he just give us that price to shock us into accepting his second offer without hesitation? Are the safes dangerous? Could we do that later, or is this some overly-elaborate scheme to get information to us without signaling his involvement? What if he's secretly a lizard-person running the city from the shadows?

Joe fumbles around in his robes for several seconds before brandishing a willow branch with a rock tied to the end. ”Aieeee! Get back!” A shimmering projectile materializes from the wildly-flailing wand and arcs towards Kiyoko’s target.

Force damage: 1d4 + 1 ⇒ (3) + 1 = 4

Retrieving wand of magic missile and casting.

Joe blinks in confusion. ”I thought we were tracking undead, yes?” he asks, brow furrowed. ”And undead do not bleed, yes?”

"That's just what they want you to think!" Joe whispers back hurriedly, staring intently at a cobweb in the corner of the ceiling.

Survival: 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (8) + 1 = 9

”Do you think they came up through the floor? Or through the window? Or the ceiling!?” The philosopher whirls around wildly, looking for possible means of entrance to the room.

Perception: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (16) + 5 = 21

Joe peers into the reflections of the buildings in the namesake puddles of the district. "You have to find ways to look at things with a different perspective, you know?" he explains without prompting to Ponya.

”Is this Nessian also a werewolf?” Joe asks worriedly, pointing at the canine tattoos adorning the tied up thugs. ”If so, perhaps they know the way back to their den.”

Joe grabs the chains and tries to help pull the prisoners back from the ledge. ”You mustn’t jump!” he yells. ”Don’t listen to the plants!”

Joe follows behind Kiyoko, robes flapping against his legs. "Don't let them push them off the ledge!" he screeches in a panic. "One of them could hold the secret of immortality!" A burst of clashing colors erupts from his hands, washing over the two further thugs.

Move and cast color spray (Will 15) in blue spread.

"There they are! Members of the Secret Lupine Task Force! You can tell by their tattoos!"

Initiative: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (18) + 5 = 23

"Have we considered the possibility that he was abducted by Thuvian shadow agents because he ignored their plants' whispers that he should die and is on the cusp of discovering that he truly is immortal and thus ruining the alchemical cartel's chokehold on the market?" Joe wheezes as he brings up the rear.

Joe visibly relaxes as Micah denies the existence of a passcode. "Yes, yes! Absolutely correct!" With a sigh of relief, he sinks into a chair.

"Oh hello again Lee - good to see you haven't been indoctrinated into the secret lupine task force yet!" A thin man pushes the hair out of his face and looks at the other agents through half-open eyes behind large spectacles. The air around him smells vaguely of cinnamon, chemicals, and garlic. As if a thought just occurred to him, the man's eyes widen in alarm. "Oh! But how do we know the rest of you aren't sleeper agents for the serpentfolk? Or worse! Do you know the Pathfinder Password? And the secret handshake?"

Player: Hawthwile
Character: Joe Public
PFS number: 264524-25
Faction: Liberty's Edge
Day job roll: Craft (alchemy): 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (3) + 8 = 11

Woo! Thanks for a fun time GM! Hope things settle down for you sooner rather than later!

Craft (alchemy) vs DC 15: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (17) + 8 = 25

”Whoa man, that’s, like, dangerous stuff there,” Joe remarks as he sniffs the pouches of herbs and chemicals on the counter. ”You could knock out a camel with this stuff - maybe they wanted to make werewolf-camels for quicker transportation in the desert, and they needed to subdue the creatures first?” He shakes his head. ”No, you’d be more likely to just kill the camel - this stuff is potent. Would have the same symptoms as those performers, if you’re curious.”

Yellow is no longer dazed.

Spellcraft, Distance: 1d20 + 8 - 2 ⇒ (7) + 8 - 2 = 13

Joe edges along the wall before rushing after Wymarc. "Oh no oh no oh no oh no OHNO!!!" he blurts, and a rush of flashing lights blares forth from thin air once more.

Move and cast color spray (Will 15 negates).

Joe rushes through the door and past Wymarc, taking a moment to helpfully skewer another clove of garlic on the elf’s notched arrow. ”There, now you just have to shoot it down their throat... Ah! There are more of them!” The philosopher makes a pushing motion with his hands as is to ward off any lycanthropic influences. ”Bad! Bad dog!”

Move and cast daze (Will 14) on Yellow.

Joe hurries after his reckless companions. "Here!" he yells as he shoves an unpeeled garlic clove at Silver. "It's poisonous to werewolves, so try to get them to eat that first if they attack you!" He similarly "offers" another clove to Lauranna as he brushes past her.

Double move.

"So... Ah, can anyone on this team read magic scrolls?" Lucky asks with a sideways squint at Lauranna. "Joe?"

”Ah!” Joe jumps as he hears his name, then quickly realizes it was spoken by a friend and not some strange otherworldly lycanthropic being. ”What? Oh, read that scroll? Let me have a look...”

Joe does indeed know read magic. Only concern is that the scroll is too high a level for him to automatically cast, so he’ll have to attempt a CL check against DC 4. Thankfully, that’s not too difficult.

As Lee catches his breath, Joe examines the various bottles with interest. ”Ooo, this one would go well with my collection... And it even has a curved shape to deflect radio waves! Perfect!”

Spellcraft vs DC 18: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (18) + 8 = 26
Spellcraft vs DC 21: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (15) + 8 = 23
Spellcraft vs DC 16: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (17) + 8 = 25
Spellcraft vs DC 16: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (18) + 8 = 26

”Oh, but we’ll have to get rid of this junk inside. Well, maybe not the healing ones. But this one will make you larger, and then your footsteps will be heavier, and then they’ll hear you!” Joe looks around furtively before handing the arrows to someone else. ”Oh, and these are highly combustible. Whatever.”

When we’re ready to proceed into the north building, Joe will try to use the scroll on Lee.

CL vs DC 4: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (11) + 2 = 13

We good!

Joe shrieks, and another burst of colored lights flood the night air as he flees in a flurry of robes. ”More of them! They’ll catch us all and turn us!”

Casting color spray (Will 15) and move.

"Tough stuff, aren't you?" Joe asks the upright dog softly as he steps away. "But I know the truth! You are not a good boy!"

5 ft step and cast daze (Will 14) on Red.

Joe hurries onward, robes flapping in the wind. As he rounds the corner, he hisses, "Not today, werewolves!" He focuses, and a burst of colors explodes from in front of him to wash over the guard - and her little doggies too! *Cue evil laughter, release flying monkeys*

Move and cast color spray, using two points of Phrenic Pool to increase DC to Will 16.

”He’s been spotted! Hurry, before they actually turn him into a wolf and start calling him Spot!” Joe rushes from his hiding spot towards the commotion to the north.

Double move.

Stealth: 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (19) + 1 = 20

Joe barely breathes as he watches for the patrol from the other side of what looks to be the remains of a large bonfire. Not today, Secret Lupine Infiltration Unit. Not today!

"They're not even trying to hide their lupine association!" Joe hisses incredulously. "But if we catch that patrol near the southern building, we might be able to neutralize them without alerting anyone in the northern building."

Joe has color spray, but he's also a bit of a coward and would want backup. We've also got the problem of the dogs being able to smell us from a ways away. But it would be nice to not have to worry about the patrol catching us with our rear line unprotected.

"And remember to keep an eye on the ground so they don't catch you by surprise!"

Taking out the guards first sounds good!

Joe squints at the goblin suspiciously, still concentrating on the surface thoughts of those around him. "This sounds incredibly... convenient," he says slowly. "But yes, you will have my aid."

But now we know about the conspiracy! Those secret lizardmen agents can't distract us with this convenient setup and then burst up from the ground and abduct us because we know they're coming! We'll double-cross the double-crossers if they dare to show their noses! Wait, does that make it a triple-cross or a quadruple-cross?

Seeing the rest of his companions blindly blinding themselves, Joe frowns and grabs the burlap sack. ”Alright, fine. But if you kill me, remember that that means I’ll haunt you forever!” he warns emphatically. ”Let me get my things.”

Once out of sight of the goblins, Joe centers his thoughts before casting them outside his mind like a fisherman casting a net. Garlic in hand, he returns to the hallway. ”Lead on then - and don’t even think about trying to nibble us!”

Casting detect thoughts, using a spell slot to increase the DC to Will 15 (rather than 11 from the base SLA). He’ll do his best to sustain the spell until the hoods are removed, hoping the goblins’ surface thoughts will reveal where they are being taken.

He pulls out a number of small, burlap bags. "But secret hideout gotta stay secret. You wear these over head and we take you to meet Father...okay?"

Joe squints suspiciously at the small green figures. "How do we know this isn't some elaborate setup of yours with those people hired to pretend to attack us so you could swoop in and 'rescue' us?" he asks before grabbing one of the bags. He sets it atop his head like a tinfoil hat, the sack's opening pointing towards the ceiling rather than covering his face. "There. I am wearing it, and it is over my head." He glares at the potential Secret Lupine Infiltration Unit agents as if daring them to contradict him or point out a flaw in his logic.

Joe continues to creep forward, one hand in constant contact with the wall beside him. "Gotta stay sharp, can't let your guard down or they'll send in their little chihuahua-gnome werewolves to bite your ankles off," he mutters before looking up in alarm at the armed attackers. "Well I won't let you catch me by surprise!" he bellows, instinctively pushing away at the closest hostile mind.

Casting daze (Will 14) on Green. If he's already down from Wymarc's arrows, then double move since no other opponents are within range.

Joe carefully creeps past Wymarc, one hand on the wall to guide him in the darkened hallway. ”I’ve gotta say, these are the noisiest werewolves I’ve ever heard.”

Double move.

Perfect!

Unfortunate, but thank you for handling it gracefully GM. Where does that leave us tier-wise?

Joe continues cowering wisely waiting for the fight to come to him, knowing full well just how fragile and out of his depth he is.

Continue to ready action. He certainly does not want to be the one to open a door and get a sword in the face for his troubles, and he has no idea what's going on in the hallway.

Joe continues to ready.

Joe continues to do his best to imitate a chameleon and keep one eye on both entrances at the same time.

Continue to Ready to cast daze (DC 14).

Joe scrambles hastily to his feet, accidentally stepping on one of the fallen cloves and releasing more garlic fragrance into the room. "Wait, who's that? What's there? Are you here to put plants by our beds to whisper to us in our sleep and you don't want the assassins from Thuvia's shadow government to get to us first!?" Eyes wide, the philosopher hastily crams his glasses onto his face and tries to look at both the door and window at the same time.

Move action to stand, 5 ft step to the wall, and standard to ready to cast daze (Will 14) if a hostile creature approaches the room through either the door or the window (he's got the range to tag someone outside either entrance).