Fester the Jester's page

Fester produces a cane (seemingly from nowhere) and a straw hat and begins a tap-dance routine, ending up off screen. Blackness closes in from the edges of the screen into a small circle of light from which Fester emerges, saying, "Th-th-th-that's all, folks!"

Preferably behind someone of Medium or larger size.

Initiative: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (19) + 2 = 21

Quick as a wink, Fester assumes a combat-ready stance. "Hah!" he says, his mouth continuing to move after the words have been spoken (in the manner of a poorly-dubbed Japanese movie). "You should have run while you had the chance! Now, you will all die!" He raises his arms into a martial arts pose and begins drawing in breath while intoning a low droning noise.

"Yes, we should bear left," Fester says, laughing at his own joke.

Congratulations!!! I am in my 25th year and we still haven't run out of things to discuss.

Fester sighs. "Yeah, I guess."

"Unharmed?" Fester repeats uncertainly. "Five percent after a year? I dunno. Empty promises and 200 gp will buy me a wagon out of town."

"Ooh," Fester says, holding his hand out. "After all, we did rescue you from that horrible, two-headed giant."

Regardless of the response (or lack thereof), Fester moves to check out Legrande, poking him with a stick.

Putting his copy of the adventure back into his pack, Fester grins evilly, looking very much like a certain Batman villain for a moment. "You might want to rephrase that..."

Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends! Bountiful harvest to the rest of you! And of course, Happy Hanukkah if it applies.

Heh heh. I can see Darius stopping just before his strikes hit home and shouting offstage, "Line!"

Fester is snoring blissfully.

"Hey, BJ! A guy your size shouldn't wear a dress! Whooo!" Fester taunts, pretending to look up the giant's loincloth.

Mock (Su): At 1st level, the prankster can use his performance to cause one or more creatures to become furious with him. Each creature to be mocked must be within 90 feet, able to see, hear, and understand the prankster, and capable of paying attention to him. The prankster must also be able to see the creatures affected. For every three levels the prankster has attained beyond 1st, he can target one additional creature with this ability.

Each creature within range receives a Will save (DC 10 + 1/2 the prankster's level + the prankster's Charisma modifier) to negate the effect. If a creature's saving throw succeeds, the prankster cannot successfully mock that creature for 24 hours. If its saving throw fails, the creature is angered by the performance and seeks to harm the prankster. While the prankster maintains the mocking, the target takes a –2 penalty on all attack rolls and skill checks until it has successfully attacked the prankster with a melee or ranged attack, or has harmed the creature with a spell that deals damage.

Mock is an enchantment (compulsion) mind-affecting ability. Mock relies on audible and visual components in order to function. This ability replaces fascinate.

"Okay, BJ... may I call you BJ? It's so much less tiring than Burt and Jimmy. Anyway, how did Burt get top billing? I mean, why isn't it Jimmy and Burt? Is that because Burt is smarter than you, Jimmy?" The gnome continues prattling on.

Fester whistles once, a piercing sound that cuts through the murmur of combat like a knife through butter. "Hey Jimmy! Would you say that you're smarter than Bert?"

"Hey, Bert! Who's on first?" the jester asks coyingly.

A Reminder: I am going on vacation starting Sunday until the next Sunday (the 27th). I most likely will not have the ability to check in during this time, much less post. Please GMPC me during this time, as required.

"Well. That was disappointing." Fester snorts.

"Ooooh! Jester-sense tingling!" Fester says, cautiously entering the curtain.

"Are you joking!?! It's of Gigantic Proportions(TM)!"

Fester, seeing that he is missing out on seeing the Terrible Monster of Gigantic Proportions(TM), he quickly follows Grubby down the corridor.

I will be unavailable from October 19 through the 27th. I am celebrating 25 years of wedded bliss in Disneyworld!

Fester peers down the west passage. [b]"Oooh! We should go this way,"[b] he says, pointing.

Fester pauses in his pursuit long enough to read the sign.

"An unlocked door is an invitation to adventure!" Fester says, tugging to open the trapdoor (and seemingly not realizing that he is standing atop it).

Perception: 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (18) + 1 = 19

If Fester notices anything, he decides to keep it to himself.

"That's not a giant!" Fester exclaims. "It's just Dunc-a-Lunk!"

"We're going to see a giant, a giant, a giant!" Fester sings happily.

"Where is the giant?" Fester shouts excitedly. "I'd really love to meet one!"

"Wait, we have a hill giant in our midst? I've never actually seen a hill giant!" Fester looks about excitedly.

"Sideburns? They talking about you?" Fester offers inquisitively to Darius.

Sorry, guys. Was attending a con all weekend.

Having collected a share of the money, Fester wanders inside to find his companions. "Now where would they get off to?" he wonders aloud. Reading back a few posts, he snaps his fingers. "Of course! The tavern!" Armed with this new knowledge, he proceeds there with all due haste.

On his arrival in the tavern, Fester locates the grippli and Darius and joins them at their table (regardless of whether he is invited or wanted). "Trivia, eh?" he says, noticing the chalkboard. "I must say that I'm pretty good at it. Mayhap we could win some of these strange letters."

"He's giving away money?!" Fester shouts. "I could use some!" He steps up to get his fair share.

Fester thinks for a moment, then sings, "I took your heart, in Castle Greyhawk." He chuckles to himself. "Yep, that works."

Sense Motive: 1d20 ⇒ 20

In a remarkable moment of clarity, Fester says, "He's not dead! Not yet! I saw his eye open!"

It is. Trust me, you haven't begun to see weird, yet.

Fester begins to sing, much better than he had previously. In fact, the tune is rather pleasing and inspires his allies.

"Slice, slice, slice the thug, stab him in the spleen,
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, helps keep life serene."

Using bardic performance to inspire courage (+1 to saves, attacks, and damage).

Perform (sing) check (if needed): 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (15) + 7 = 22

Initiative: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (7) + 2 = 9

"There once was a bandit named Slice, who was offering free muggings tonight. But he tried with a gnome, who beat on his dome, and cut his throat with his own knife." The jester grins evilly and his eyes flash dangerously. For just a second, he appears startlingly lucid and serious.

"Oooh, oooh!" Fester shouts, prancing about. "The hard way, please! Oh please, oh please."

Snowball touch attack!: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (10) + 2 = 12

Fester wads a handful of snow, carefully molding it into a vaguely ball-like shape and hurls it at Darius. It misses the rogue by mere inches as Fester acts nonchalant and innocent.

"Maybe they need tickets," Fester says boldly, "But surely you can tell that a gnome of my talent and caliber is on the staff!"

Bluff check: 1d20 + 9 ⇒ (1) + 9 = 10

Or, maybe not.

"Ack! Who put these iron bars in my way?" Frustrated, he tries squeezing between the bars.

Acrobatics check: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (7) + 3 = 10

When that fails, he slips off his heavy backpack and tries again.

Acrobatics check: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (3) + 6 = 9

Still meeting with failure, the gnome puts his pack back on and stops to think for a moment.

"Oops!" Fester says, somewhat sheepishly. "I forgot our quiet, but certainly no less important, halfling cleric!" With that, he slips inside the door in the confusion.

"Ah, what a ballad this will make! The story of the handsome and clever gnome, the grumpy human, the brave ogre, the wily goblin, and the...uh..." He stops and stares hard at Legrande. "What are you, anyway?"

"Look, as a show of good faith, we'll even share a good joke with you. There were these two goblins, see? They were sitting in the middle of a field in a boat trying to catch some fish for dinner. Two other goblins come walking along a nearby road. One of the newcomers looks to the other and says, 'Should we tells 'em they ain't going to catch nothin' here?' The other one says, 'Maybe, but neither of us can swim!'"

Perform (comedy): 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (12) + 7 = 19

From somewhere in the ether, a ghostly rimshot sounds.

"Well, you looked like it was confusing you a little, so I thought I would help out," the gnome replies, without missing a beat.

"Geddit?" Fester prompts his companions. "The first man is worried that he'll get halfway across and the second will shutter the lantern, breaking the beam of light and causing him to fall."

"So, two men have just escaped from the asylum and are on the run. One of them has a bullseye lantern and they are judging the distance between the asylum wall and a nearby city wall. 'Too far to jump,' says the first. 'No problem,' says the second. 'I'll shine the light across and you can just walk on the beam. Once you're across, I'll toss you the light and then you can do the same for me.'"

"The first man thinks for a moment, then says, 'Are you mad? How do I know that I won't get halfway across and you'll shutter the lantern?'"

"Knock, shmock. I'm sure that we're expected,", Fester replies, moving down the path towards the drawbridge.

"It's only a model," Fester says snidely.