Clandestine's page

Congratulations to this year's top 16!

Just stopping by to say this is one of my favorite items this round! Good luck in the challenges ahead.

Allow me to chime in with

Fragment of the Abyssal Cenotaph

Aura moderate evocation and enchantment; CL 13th

Slot -; Price 25,000 gp; Weight -;

Description
This solid oval piece of jet-black marble emits barely endurable heat, and ashes constantly tarnish its surface. Soft whispers chant constant pleas to break away from the confines of the prison this fiendish rock truly is. Any character that grips the marble fragment tightly and moves, leaves a trail of burning, screaming souls in his wake. The pillars of flaming visages are a threat the body and the mind alike.
Each trail is 20 ft. high, up to 30 ft. long, and lasts for three rounds. The trail deals 5d6 points of damage per 5 feet for each creature that passes through. In addition, any creature that crosses the flames is subject to the shattering grief and madness the burning souls embody; he drops to his knees, cowering for the duration of the trail. The victim can attempt a DC 20 Will save to eliminate the negative effect.
The fragment has ten uses, after which it dissipates into fine ash.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, wall of fire, insanity; Cost 12,500 gp

Congratulations, guys!

Heh, we could turn into a messageboard game.

On the twelve day of waiting, I kept from going crazy:

...by studying for my Comparative Constitutional Studies exam. (I think it translates to that...)

Go me.

I felt this was too "spell in a can", so I went with something else.

I'm glad you chose another item. Don't get me wrong, this item is excellent in both execution and concept, but it lacks in the wondrous department... It just reads like a splendid, tactics-oriented expendable item. Handy, but not wondrous in the dictionary sense.

Kudos for the design skills anyway!

And they leave me milk and cookies in the judges' chambers.

Every year I learn at least a dozen new things from the Superstar contest. This year kicks off with the realization that we're (somewhat) colleagues! I'm a law student - knee-deep in my studies, hah.

people keep coming up with body slots that don't exist.

That sounds awkwardly funny. I can't help but wonder what these "new slots" really are.

I could've waited a bit longer, true.

And thus I gambled with the fates again, and just submitted.

Cue dramatic music and all!

Dude. Sean posted that almost 24 hours ago. You've got a lot less than 24 hours to review it now (assuming you haven't submitted yet).

Hah, I'm aware of that. :) I worded it wrong in my previous post. I love the pressure though, so I'll review it one last time.

Edit: Woah, guys! I have the *real* deadline in mind. Paizo calculates the time remaining according to the timezone you set in your profile, it isn't really confusing at all!

If you haven't submitted yet, YOU SHOULD!

Less than 24 h. to scrutinize my item. Sigh.

Good luck everyone!

Ah, splendid. I'm glad I remembered correctly. I'm off to brainstorm!

I know I'll be giving it a shot this year too ;)

Best of luck to all contestants!

...Wait, I can enter, right?

Congrats, top 8! You're in the thick of the competition now, and I hope you have an amazing time.

Thank you all for the words of insight! I never thought I will go this far, and it's been amazing experience. If we get to see another Superstar competition, I'll surely participate again!

I thank the judges for their comments and encourage anyone that sees Kardam as a good addition to his own game to vote for him!

I confess I had personal issues that prevented me to do my best in this round, and I had a different vision on how I would present the villain.

All I can do now is promise a definite improvement in the next round (I have time on my hands now and can prepare accordingly) and thank heartily anyone that votes the Burning Khan!

I bow down to the mastery and only hope to achieve a comparable level of stat mastery. *sigh*

My. Heart. Is. Going. To. Explode.

KARDAM, THE BURNING KHAN
male human barbarian 11

Description:
Kardam is an imposing man - standing over six feet tall, his muscular frame is chiseled by years of rigorous training and nomadic life.

The visage of the khan is striking - numerous ruby shards are embedded in the left half of his face, with a larger shard replacing the left eye. This "eye" constantly drips a liquid reminiscent of molten metal; when this liquid touches the ground, it bursts into small flames and disappears.

Kardam's tanned skin bears many scars, some of them turned into elements of elaborate tattoos. The khan wears furs of fierce predators, and albeit simple, his garments hint at skill in the battlefield.

Motivations/Goals:
As a part of the rite of ascension to the throne, Kardam had to leave the khanate on a sacred quest. Lusting after power, he set out to find Ember Dust - the fabled sage of the steppes. The heir disappeared without a trace for two years, and everyone thought him dead. When he returned, the khanate trembled - what stood before the nomads was a being of beastly strength and otherworldly intellect, leaving a burning trail.

Kardam struck fear in the hearts of his people, convincing them that Ember Dust cursed the khanate to slowly dissolve and decay. The day the liquid stops pouring out of the khan's eye would mark the khanate's end, and the only way to stall the curse would be conquest and bloodshed. Now the nomads rally around him, persuaded that they defend their right to exist.

Kardam is thoroughly convinced that he is defending his khanate, but in reality his mind was poisoned by a devil that impersonated the wandering sage. While Kardam intends to preserve his people, he also tasted power - and his tainted soul likes it. Bent on fending off the curse, he lead the khanate to bloody victories over several settlements, and has no intention of stopping.

Schemes/Plots/Adventure Hooks:
Though powerful himself, Kardam governs a khanate of moderate size. Once word spreads among nomads, the number of warriors will swell quickly.

Hell-bent: Growing more confident with his leadership and grip of the khanate, Kardam plans an all out attack on a nearby city. He is the new menace civilized settlements near the steppes whisper about, and it is a matter of weeks to see which city will fall prey to the burning khan. Adventurers in these locales will undoubtedly hear tales of his bloody, cunning exploits.

Ember Dust: The real sage still wanders the steppes. Ironically, he could be key to stopping Kardam's savagery. Ember Dust knows that there is a devil posing as him, and knows the creature's tricks well. While he knows how to destroy the shards in the khan's face - the source of the unholy power and influence - Ember Dust is far too detached from the civilized world to care. The adventurers will struggle to convince him to share his knowledge.

KARDAM, THE BURNING KHAN CR 11
NE Medium humanoid
Init +8 [+4 Dex, +4 Improved Initiative]; Senses darkvision 60ft.; Perception +10
===== Defense =====
AC 19, touch 14, flat-footed 15 [+ 5 elven chain, +4 Dex]
hp 130 (11d12+33)
Fort 10 [base 7, +3 Con], Ref 7 [base 3, +4 Dex], Will 4 [base 3, +1 Wis]
Defensive Abilities Resistances: acid 10, cold 10, electricity 10, and fire 10 [fragments]; DR 2/- [barbarian], 5/magic [fragments]; Immune poison; SR 21 [11 HD +10 fragments]

===== Offense =====
Spd 40 ft. [30 ft., fast movement]
Melee +2 unholy morningstar +16/+11/+6 (1d8+6/x2 bludgeoning or piercing)
Ranged flaming tears +16/+11/+6 (30ft., 1d6+4/x2 fire)
Special Attacks Mighty Swing, Powerful Blow, Surprise Accuracy, Unexpected Strike

===== Tactics =====
Before Combat Kardam usually disguises his glamered elven chain as a simple layer of predator hides.
During Combat Thoroughly arrogant and convinced of his power, Kardam relies on the overwhelming power of the khanate horde and his own abilities as a tactician. Unusually for a barbarian, he hesitates to use his rage immediately - fearing that he will lose grip of his own intelligence. However, he will not hesitate to use it if cornered or outnumbered. Before engaging in melee combat he tries to wound his adversaries with a few of his own "tears", catching the liquid mid-air with his free hand and throwing it to a nearby enemy.
Base Statistics - Raged
AC 17; hp 155; Fort 10, Ref 7, Will 7; Str 25,Dex 18, Con 23, Int 16, Wis 12, Cha 10

===== Statistics =====
Str 19 [base 15, +4 fragments], Dex 18 [base 14, +4 fragments], Con 17 [base 13, +2 racial, +2 fragments], Int 16 [base 12, +2 fragments], Wis 12, [base 10, +2 ability increase], Cha 10 [8 base, +2 fragments]
Base Atk +11/+6/+1; CMB +15 [Base Atk +11, +4 Str]
Feats Combat Expertise, Dodge, Improved Initiative, Mobility, Mounted Combat, Spring Attack, Whirlwind Attack
Skills Acrobatics +12 [8 ranks, +4 Dex], Climb +10 [8 ranks, +4 Str, -2 armor], Craft (weaponsmith) +7 [4 ranks, +3 Dex], Handle Animal +10 [10 ranks], Intimidate +10 [10 ranks], Knowledge (nature) +6 [3 ranks, +3 Int], Perception +10 [9 ranks, +1 Wis][ooc], Ride + 17 [ooc][13 ranks, +4 Dex], Survival +8 [7 ranks, +1 Wis], Swim +5 [5 ranks, +4 Str, -4 armor]
Languages Common, Infernal, Draconic
SQ damage reduction 2/-, fast movement, improved uncanny dodge, trap sense +3
Gear +2 unholy morningstar, glamered elven chainmail, the infernal fragments, potion of cure moderate wounds (x2), simple hide garments, coins worth 150 gp

===== Special Abilities =====
Damage Reduction (Ex): At 11th level, Kardam has damage reduction 2/-. Subtract 2 from the damage Kardam takes each time he is dealt damage from a weapon or a natural attack.
Greater Rage (Ex): If Kardam is forced to enter rage, he usually chooses to enter a greater rage. The bonuses have already been noted in the Base Statistics - Raged section above. Kardam must spend 2 rage points to enter greater rage, and must expend 2 rage points per round to maintain his rage.
Improved Uncanny Dodge (Ex): Kardam can not be flanked. This defense denies a rogue the ability to sneak attack Kardam by flanking him, unless the attacker has at least four more rogue levels than Kardam - barbarian levels.
Rage (Ex): Kardam can call upon his inner reserves of strength and ferocity for additional combat prowess. His statistics while raging are noted above. At 11th level, he has 57 rage points. His chosen rage powers are:

• Clear Mind (Su)
  
• Mighty Swing (Ex)
  
• Powerful Blow (Ex)
  
• Surprise Accuracy (Ex)
  
• Unexpected Strike (Ex)

The Infernal Fragments
Aura strong transmutation; CL 20th
Slot none; Price — (major artifact); Weight —.
===== Description =====
The infernal fragments are a special “gift” from the insidious devil outcast Hagath, who prophesied the arrival of the young khan Kardam. Utilizing these fragments requires a painful, forced procedure of grafting the ruby pieces into the face and emptied eye socket of the user. A successful grafting demands several hours with a helpless target.
Once in place, the ruby shards bestow a significant portion of Hagath's strengths to the wielder – at the expense of twisting his very soul. The shards grant the wearer some of the powers of a half fiend, namely:

• Darkvision out to 60 feet.
  
• Immunity to poison.
  
• Resistance to acid 10, cold 10, electricity 10, and fire 10.
  
• Damage reduction: 5/magic (if HD 11 or less) or 10/magic (if HD 12 or more).
  
• Spell resistance equal to creature’s HD + 10 (maximum 35).
  
• An increase of ability scores of the base creature as follows: Str +4, Dex +4, Con +2, Int +4, Cha +2.

I remember someone from the judge team of 2008 saying that part of the whole idea is raising awareness for the competition, introducing new people to Paizo, the game and the creativity it involves, etc.

Competitors with prominent online presence have an edge over the rest, true. But there is reasoning behind voting, as well.

In my defence (sort of) - I thought that I would be in the minority of human villains. Imagine how bewildered I was at the slew of "human something X".

But I can honestly say I tried to give my villain both the striking visual and the goals to match! Tomorrow, I'll find out if I'm right.

Thank you for your positive comments, everyone!

Jason, it means a lot to have one of the top four of 2008 like your entry. It means I'm on the right path!

Vote the Burning Khan, and he will spare your homestead! ...For a while! :)

Yes, but did anyone read it?

I did!

Rules-fu sounds scary enough already... Brr, I don't want to have to come up with new mechanics so early in my "adventuring" career.

What an honor it must be for the people who have entered to have Ed giving commentary on their entries. What a HUGE honor it must be if he LIKES what you have done!

You bet! When he said that he recommends my entry (despite reservations), I felt superstardom for a second.

It's a huge recongition to hear that from the person that created your favorite setting of all time. I grew up with the FR, and I still can't believe I actually had the chance to be reviewed by him.

All of the judges are amazing and insightful, though! Even if they hate my entry. (Hey, mr. Peterson! *waves*)

It makes me feel like any success my entries might be having, are coming at the expense of everyone else. And that sucks...because I want to support everyone's success and enjoyment of the competition...which includes the fans as much as the other competitors.

Let me take a bit of stress off your shoulders, then.

...That wasn't exactly stress relieving, was it?

I stand corrected, and rightfully so! Ahem... May the best villains advance!

I'd like to apologize to everyone here, because I'm pretty sure that by "many competitors," Clark actually meant "Lucas Jung," and was just too nice of a guy to single me out. Even if I wasn't the only violator, I was probably the biggest.

You weren't the only one. I wrote a pretty elaborate comment on my villain right after the posts of the judges, but Clark warned me and I managed to remove the DQ-worthy parts.

It's a pain to see misunderstandings about your own villain, but unfortunatelly one must swallow the facts and understand that the faults are probably in his own prose...

I just finished reading all the entries. There's so much to comment on, I have no idea if I'll have the time! :)

Even if I don't, rest assured that I wish luck to you all. May the best men win!

Magdalena, thank you for pointing out something I was dying to say (but didn't, because I'd risk a DQ).

Seems like me and James hold a grudge against left eyes. Hello there, brother-villain. :)

In short is the Burning Khan a minion/puppet, or a genuine dyed-in-the-wool villain who with a bit of diabolic assistance got going a bit sooner and more energetically than he might have done otherwise?

Gah, I really hate myself for redacting one of the sentences in my draft now...

Anyway - thank you all for your commentary and I hope the khan interests you!

Thanks for the kind commentary! I'm happy that you find my villain compelling and entertaining. That's the best I can hope for!

The ruby shards stuck in his face remind of me the Bond villain from Tomorrow Never Dies, with the diamond shards in his face.

Hah, if that helps my case, I never went to see Tomorrow Never Dies... I think I was seven or eight when it came out, and I didn't pay much attention to 90's Bond afterwards. :) I shall correct that mistake, though.

EDIT: I haven't seen Die Another Day, either. I am so lacking in my Brosnan 007-fu, it's embarassing.

I redacted. Sorry!

I would first like to thank the judges for their thoughts on my creation. It has been an honor to read both praise and critique, and I am thrilled by the opportunity to be commented by the creator of my favorite setting - the Forgotten Realms.

--redacted--

I'm all for more villain artwork (or any other kind) and would love to both see what people come up with for mine and illustrate others (see examples of my stuff completely unrelated to this contest here and here).

Amazing! I love your style. I will be watching your website - when it is open, that is.

What you propose is awesome - if you manage to do it (assuming the judges allow you), hats off to you, sir.

Any official word on when/if we'll be allowed to post pictures? Because every good character, villainous or otherwise, can benefit from a spiffy portrait.

I'm thinking the answer will be "after voting on Round 2 is over". While anyone would love to have art for his villain - including me - every other entry without art would seem somewhat lacking.

This just puts writers who can't draw at a disadvantage during the voting. Especially if it's some kickass art! :)

Dragotha in the Age of Worms adventure path. AoW is the first campaign I DM-ed to the very end. I have a lot of memories of this campaign, but when I handed them the printed image of their adversary I saw fear. Priceless experience.

I plan on commenting along with the casual reader. I think every writer wants to see as much comments about his creation, as early as possible! Or at least I do.

I did that in the previous round, too. :)

Beware of excessive comentary about one's own villain. :(

You're right... I should. This contest makes me too eager to reveal more and more of my ideas, but I should restrain myself. :)

...

Allow me to hop onto your boat. My villain has levels in only one class, and is not of an unusual race or anything. There are intricate bits in the inventory section, but as far as statting goes, I guess what the next round wants of us is to do it flawlessly.

Assuming we get there. *grins nervously*

Did anyone else picture his villain with his item? I did, and it didn't seem too awkward. I wonder if I subconsciously made a villain that would make a use of my top 32 entry.

Yes. Very close.

Me too. Just a few words away from the limit.

I'm definitely feeling the camaraderie. :) And I feel honored to be among so many talented individuals.

Sumbitting less than an hour before the deadline is a nerve-wracking experience, but it was totally worth it - the adrenaline of editing in the last possible minute and all.

So, fellow contestants - did you come close to the word limit, or did you finish your entry within a relative distance from the maximum?

Is mine in?

KARDAM, THE BURNING KHAN
male human barbarian 11

Description:
Kardam is an imposing man - standing over six feet tall, his muscular frame is chiseled by years of rigorous training and nomadic life.

The visage of the khan is striking - numerous ruby shards are embedded in the left half of his face, with a larger shard replacing the left eye. This "eye" constantly drips a liquid reminiscent of molten metal; when this liquid touches the ground, it bursts into small flames and disappears.

Kardam's tanned skin bears many scars, some of them turned into elements of elaborate tattoos. The khan wears furs of fierce predators, and albeit simple, his garments hint at skill in the battlefield.

Motivation and goals:
As a part of the rite of ascension to the throne, Kardam had to leave the khanate on a sacred quest. Thus, he set out to find Ember Dust - the fabled sage of the steppes. The heir disappeared without a trace for two years, and everyone thought him dead. When he returned, the khanate trembled - what stood before the nomads was a being of beastly strength and otherworldly intellect, leaving a burning trail.

Kardam struck fear in the hearts of his people, convincing them that Ember Dust cursed the khanate to slowly dissolve and decay. The day the liquid stops pouring out of the khan's eye would mark the khanate's end, and the only way to stall the curse would be conquest and bloodshed. Now the nomads rally around him, persuaded that they defend their right to exist.

Kardam is thoroughly convinced that he is defending his khanate, but in reality his mind was poisoned by a devil that impersonated the wandering sage. While Kardam intends to preserve his people, he also tasted power - and his tainted soul likes it. Bent on fending off the curse, he lead the khanate to bloody victories over several settlements, and has no intention of stopping.

Adventure hooks:

Though powerful himself, Kardam governs a khanate of moderate size. Once word spreads among nomads, the number of warriors will swell quickly.

Hell-bent: Growing more confident with his leadership and grip of the khanate, Kardam plans an all out attack on a nearby city. He is the new menace civilized settlements in the steppes whisper about, and it is a matter of weeks to see which city will fall prey to the burning khan. Adventurers in these locales will undoubtedly hear tales of his bloody, cunning exploits.

Ember Dust: The real sage still wanders the steppes. Ironically, he could be key to stopping Kardam's savagery. Ember Dust knows that there is a devil posing as him, and knows the creature's tricks well. While he knows how to destroy the shards in the khan's face - the source of the unholy power and influence - Ember Dust is far too detached from the civilized world to care. The adventurers will struggle to convince him to share his knowledge.

While this idea seems plausible, it could lead to dissatisfaction. Imagine person B statting the villain of person A, and not doing a good job at it. If I was person A, I would be very uncomfortable with that; I would feel that *my* creation was not done justice and would want to re-stat the villain to present him according to my vision, etc.

It would be an awkward situation. I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Hmm
There once was a man from Taldor
Who's libedo demanded more
He was found out by his wife
Who chased him with a knife
When she caught him she gave him what for.

A young lass did come from Alkenstar
Wandered she did near and far
Always she had fun
With one hand on her gun
She'd shoot off her mouth at the bar.

Young men in Lastwall have urges
that aren't settled by religious purges
They travel the world
looking for a girl'd
do things to his <redacted for content>

From Geb came Winifred
Who had affection for the dead
She'd find some a zombie
plan a nice party
and then put the zombie to bed.

Wrong kind of poems?

I'm not even submitting, the winner is already evident!

But I would think it would be cool to have a contest for kids.

I would totally apply, but by the time RPG Superstar 2010 comes around, I'll be twenty. Dang, this year was my last chance to enter as a teen.

....

You make a very good point. I feel that these submissions are decisive for the outcome of the competition as well.