At that very moment, many leagues away to the northwest, on the coast of Normandy, the French King Charles VII, the Dauphin du France, takes advantage of Wormwood's devastating rampages to reclaim Normandy from the English. Having marched up from Rouen with siege cannons, knights, infantry, and crossbowmen to take back everything except for the port of Calais thus far, the Dauphin now sits astride his armored destrier Clovis, watching his cannon blast a breach in the soot-blackened city wall on the southeast side of Calais.
His mind wanders momentarily...
To think: just seven years ago, I was languishing in a secret cell in the Catacombs under Paris, while a doppelganger sat upon my throne. If not for the Lusty Fools, I might have died there... I might be there still, praying for liberty or for a merciful death... May God ever bless Sir Alphonse Du Veritas, English knight and Lusty Fool... He could have killed me right there on finding me in that cell. He could have let the other Lusty Fools ransom me or sell me to the English dukes... But he treated me with chivalry, and he and the other Lusty Fools liberated me, and restored me to my throne. I shall find some way to repay them, some day, God willing...
In Bourges, the Dauphin Charles VII of House Valois contends with the supporters of Burgundy and England, and wages war for right to rule over contested territories in France, including Paris (the kingdom's most populous city) and Reims (traditional seat of the monarch and site of coronation)...
Only six years ago, Charles was secretly captured and held in a cell within the Catacombs under Paris by the Church of Lucifer (Philip the Good of Burgundy and the English Dukes Bedford and Gloucester being the perpetrators of this plot), and was replaced by a döppleganger pretender on the throne in Bourges. Discovered and rescued by the Lucky Fools, who went on to confront and slay the döppleganger in the throne room at Bourges, Charles was restored to the throne and the Lucky Fools gained a royal friend...
Overhearing this generous offer, Charles VII adds:
We are indeed blessed to have so formidable a master craftsman in our service, Master Flamel. Know that the fortunes of your house will ever rise as those of the House of Valois ascend! Now, drink! Drink your fill of this fine Burgundian wine!
The Dauphin is truly grateful to the Lusty Fools for restoring him to his throne, and offers to knight each of them, as well as offering small tracts of land in Gascony, Burgundy, Normandy, Brittany, and on Isle-de-la-Cite in Paris, to be assigned as the heroes see fit.
Gascony = 10 acres of arable land with a 400-year-old keep on the property and giant beehives that produce about 400 gold francs worth of honey and Royal jelly each year;
Burgundy = 7 acres of arable land, including large vineyards that produce about 1,000 gold francs worth of wine each year;
Normandy = 5 acres of coastal land with good fishing that supports several fishermen and their families, producing approximately 700 gold francs per year in seafood and salt;
Brittany = 5 acres of coastal land with a good natural harbor, where a landlord could collect upwards of 800 gold francs per year in harbor fees;
Isle-de-la-Cite = 400-square-feet of urban development on the island in the middle of the Seine near Notre Dame de Paris, with tenement buildings and shops that produce approximately 1,000 gold francs in rent per year.
Oui! It is we, your true Lord and King, Charles Valois! We were imprisoned in a dungeon below Notre Dame de Paris and replaced on the throne with a doppelgänger, a monster capable of mimicking our appearance! This disgusting travesty now sullies our throne in Reims, placed there by the diabolical machinations of a world-wide cult of Lucifer, the Devil, in cooperation with The Beast of the Apocalypse, Conflagratius, the ancient red dragon from Mercury.... Which now resides in Mount Vesuvius, it's evil festering like an infected wound! This is the work of Lucifer, the archdevil, but also of Nero, once the Emperor of Rome.... Nero is the Antichrist, and he plans to bring Armaggedon upon the world of men this very winter! Only the bravery of good men such as yourselves can turn things a right!
The false Dauphin summons a sergeant of the Royal Guard and gives this order: Take a score of guardsmen and go at once to Notre Dame! The Lusty Fools are there now--bring them to us, dead or alive!
In French: Oui! We must all feign ignorance of the conspiracy.... Our enemies cannot yet know that we have knowledge of their evil deeds, until we are well-armed and poised to strike!
In English: Of course we are zee real Dauphin! Why else would we be locked away in zat vault? .... But.... We see what you are saying, Irishman.... How to prove to ozzers zat we are zee true Dauphin, and zee monster on zee throne is not? .... Zere may be somesing only we would know....but zee monster invaded our mind with some kind of evil magic.... It knows zese kinds of zings about us now....
In French: Nonsense, our dear Father! Compared to our lodgings of zee past several months, it will seem a palace bedchamber, we assure you!
In French: Rise, good Father Renaud.... We shall explain our presence and appearance.... We were abducted from our bed one night several months ago by masked men in black robes and cloaks.... With zese men were an Englishwoman named Margary Jourdemayne, Zee Witch of Eye! And zee English Lord, Humphrey of Gloucester! And Phillip III of Burgundy, sorely misnamed Zee Fair.... We were blindfolded and brought to zis vault, evidently down in zee catacombs beneath Notre Dame.... Zey showed to us zee monster zat would replace us....a doppelgänger, zey called it.... It looked exactly like Our Majesty! And it read our mind, so it would know of our friends and family.... We were imprisoned zese past several months while a shapechanging monster sits on our throne! If not for zese five brave heroes, we would still remain a prisoner!
Charles VII contemplates his situation quietly a moment, then sighs, and speaks....
Though we are loathe to delay one more second in bringing our enemies to the headsman's block, we must admit your advice to proceed with caution seems wise.... And we agree to take sanctuary at Notre Dame for the briefest time possible.... But Justice must prevail before it becomes too late! So let us delay as little as possible. We must see the good Father Renaud at once! Gather what treasures from this vault as you wish, but do so quickly, trusting that Our Majesty shall reward you far more handsomely when we are back in our rightful place on the throne!
He then looks for a moment at Alphonse, Paddy, and Iommi-Tyr, and grins....
It pleases us to know that not all Englishmen are self-serving barbarian pig-dogs.... You who are loyal to the English crown....doubly have our gratitude....for not taking advantage of Our Majesty and taking our life or holding us for ransom, as I fear most of your countrymen would do in your position....
Charles next regards Hisao, nodding with a smile....
You, sir, seem to be a long way from home.... You may now consider yourself a true Frenchman, with all the honors and rights thereof whenever you are in France.... I shall see that official documents are written up for you, if it please you....
Regarding Nacht warily, His Majesty seems at a loss for words momentarily.... Finally, he speaks again....
What in God's creation is this....creature....that travels with you? Is this a man? Or some manner of giant insect? You must pardon our utter ignorance of whatever this thing may be, of course.... Can it speak?
The Dauphin's eyes briefly widen....
Mon Dieu! You are this Beetle Man the townsfolk have been babbling about!?
Charles VII begins to laugh, hard.... When he regains composure again....
You must forgive us.... It is ironic that my rescue comes not from a band of brave French Knights, but from a band of Englishmen, an Asian, and The Beetle Man! It would be....inconceivable! HAHAHAHAHA!!
In French: Alas, the situation is dire.... We know not who we can trust.... Certainly Father Pierre was involved.... He is in league with the Devil.... There was an Englishwoman, Margary Jourdamayne.... The Witch of Eye, she is called by her countrymen.... She is also involved in the conspiracy.... And Philip of Burgundy! That dog.... He would sell his own mother into slavery if it would further his agenda.... They captured the Maid of Orleans.... Does she yet live? Or have they burnt her at the stake as a witch yet? .... Such a pity that the true messengers of Our Lord should be so ill treated....
Joan of Arc has, in fact, already been burnt as a witch, but it must have happened after the true Dauphin was replaced by a doppelgänger and tossed into this underground prison vault to rot....
Charles nods in humble acceptance of his salvation, and makes the sign of the cross before becoming overwhelmed momentarily and weeping with relief, while also laughing with exhilaration, mixed with righteous wrath....
When he recovers his composure, remembering that he is a King, he straightens himself up and smiles at each of the Lusty Fools....
In French: Today, sirs, you have made a great friend. We shall see that you are properly rewarded for your valor in rescuing Our Majesty, and that you shall hereafter be regarded as heroes and ambassadors of the Kingdom of France, with all entitlements normally associated with such status....
Then his face grows stern for a moment....
But first, we must remove that monster from the throne, and take the heads of those that put it there....
In French: Are you lords? Knights? We shall make you greater for saving us from this Hell....
Upon inserting the goat-headed key into the brass door in the catacombs and turning it, there is an audible clicking of tumblers as the door is unlocked....
Opening it reveals a secret treasury....and apparently, prison....for none other than the true Dauphin of France, Charles the Wise!
He stands when the door is opened, and casts aside the magic spoon and decanter that have provided him with food and water during his long secret imprisonment!
In French: Praise God! My prayers are finally answered!! I am saved, at last, by the glory of God, and thanks to these brave heroes who have rescued me! Alleluia!!
The Dauphin breaks down in tears and runs to embrace his saviors....
The truth.... Is terrible, my friends.... Terrible, indeed!.... These evil bastards have replaced me with a monster that looks exactly like me!.... They would have gotten away with it, probably, if not for you stalwart souls! Oh, praise God you came!
In his throne room at Versailles, Charles VII of House Valois, Dauphin of France, contemplates the news going around Paris of a band of young heroes known as The Lusty Fools, who have defeated several threats to the city, including the Traitor of Notre Dame, Pierre the Necromancer, and his undead minions and subordinate Satanists....
He turns to the captain of his royal guard....
Find these Lusty Fools, and bring them to us.... We should like to have a look at them, and take measure....
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