Boggard

Captain Kermit's page

71 posts. Alias of Michael Johnson 66.


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Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Yep! Good job, again, Superfriends!

Captain Kermit also raises his beer in salute....


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Feeling inspired by several steins and the dwarf's stunning performance, Kermit leaps upon the table and joins the whirling, twirling, kicking dwarf....

Ya, baby! Let's blow this party off the chain!

Spindly green legs join the dwarf's stocky reddish legs in kicking, shuffling, tapping and gamboling across the broad wooden table....


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Seated nearby in the mess hall, sipping a beer and listening to Hooty and Marcus, Captain Kermit sees Marcus transform into a Sasquatch and excitedly express his desire to go have a look at these weresquatches for himself....

Well, that's perfect! You can disguise yourself as one of them and infiltrate, Marcus! Hehehehe! Yup!


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Captain Kermit jukes and jives.... He does "the robot"....


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

GAAK!!.... G#& d~$mit.... I hate it when I'm almost killed by ninjas....

Kermit sits up and smacks his big green lips with his froggy tongue, tasting the candy-flavored potion specially formulated by Hoffmann to give a little buzz along with its healing properties....

Tasty victuals, Doc....


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Unconscious and bleeding on the floor, Kermit attempts to stabilize with a Fortitude save....1d20 + 7 ⇒ (10) + 7 = 17....but continues to bleed out....


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Kermit mouths the word "thanks" to Kate and draws a pair of +1 diving knives from sheathes strapped to his legs as a move action, steps 5 ft up to The Great Shark, and stabs at the master assassin with his main-hand knife....1d20 + 18 ⇒ (12) + 18 = 30 1d4 + 5 ⇒ (3) + 5 = 8....striking for 8 piercing damage!


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Captain Kermit pulls an air-horn out of a pocket of his cargo shorts and blasts the signal for enemy raid....

Hope that was loud enough to be heard where it needs to be....


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Perception 1d20 + 12 ⇒ (7) + 12 = 19
Initiative 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (20) + 6 = 26

Hey, guys! That door just opened by itself, which means either ghosts or ninjas.... Neither would be good, so look out....


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

I could take ten with me now, and come back with two more boats to get the rest of 'em in....ten hours, maybe?


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Now that everybody knows that they're whatever, what's our next move?


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Great. You want me to take the rest of you back to The Box to get them started on our little battered women's shelter?


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

The Folly's pretty taxed as it is, hauling all nine of us around.... Really can't take any more passengers back to The Box.... Maybe one or two of you can stay here with them, hole up in a safe place somewhere, 'til The Box can send some guards and supplies back?


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

I'd guess they could spare a few guys, maybe....


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

YEAH!! NOW YOU SEE THE F!!#IN' LIGHT, DON'T YA!!.... CREEPY, PUNK-ASS B&$&&ES!!

Kermit fires his Glock at a fleeing sinspawn, at penalties for range....
1d20 + 8 ⇒ (20) + 8 = 28 confirmation 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (17) + 8 = 25 crit! 4d8 ⇒ (6, 7, 8, 1) = 22.... It falls and lies still....


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

How 'bout this, m+%%%&-f!***~!!

Cpt Kermit points his Glock at a faceless stalker, firing with Point Blank Shot and Precise Shot 1d20 + 14 ⇒ (19) + 14 = 33 1d8 ⇒ 6.... The faceless stalker yelps and twists as the bullet finds its mark....


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

After Radsworth:

Kermit hops up 30 ft and continues to fire on the slimy fish-like monstrosity in the canal!

Glock 9mm from 35 ft away 1d20 + 11 ⇒ (6) + 11 = 17 deals 1d8 ⇒ 1 piercing to The SSM....

DIE, you fat, three-eyed FREAK!!!

Will save 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (16) + 4 = 20

HEY GUYS, THE BIG CATFISH IS AN ILLUSION!!


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Yikes! WTF is that thing in the canal!?

Captain Kermit raises his Glock 9mm and fires at hideous fish-like monster emerging from the canal from 60 ft away....1d20 + 9 ⇒ (20) + 9 = 29 to confirm 1d20 + 9 ⇒ (10) + 9 = 19 4d8 ⇒ (4, 4, 1, 1) = 10.... The bullet rips into the thing, which twitches and hisses....

Will save 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (11) + 4 = 15

Bullseye, beeyatch!!!


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Initiative 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (3) + 6 = 9


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Speechless (a rarity), Captain Kermit springs from the deck of The Chuul's Folly and lands lightly on the wet shore, hops over to where Derrik kneels in the sand, trembling with rage, and squats to examine the bloody tracks....
Survival check to track 1d20 + 14 ⇒ (19) + 14 = 33

A large band....maybe 40 or so....bipeds with webbed feet, kinda like mine, but different.... I'd guess more of those fish-dudes you guys fought up at the Circle....and something else, more like dog prints, but bigger, and bipefal.... Came and fought a nasty battle here with the survivors, and.... Well, you can see who won.... Looks like they dragged off some 40 or so women.... Headed north up the beach.... I can follow where they lead, no problem, yep....


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Only thing worse than getting killed by a monster is getting f*+$ed by a monster.... Poor, poor girls.... Kermit shakes his head sadly....


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Aye-aye, mates.... We'll just pull up onto the beach here.... Oh, no.... What the f!~%!!

Captain Kermit is suddenly horrified as he notices the buzzards, crows, seagulls, and flies swarming the bloating corpses impaled on long palm stakes driven into the sand of the beach in front of the Sarasota Sands Resort, and propped up against patios or on balconies! The gulf breeze is not strong enough to blow away the stench of decay as the pontoon reaches the shore....


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Shall we drop in on Lord of the Flies Hotel and see how our little Utopia is coming along? asks Kermit as The Chuul's Folly nears the beachfront of the Sarasota Sands Resort....


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Damn, Grimm.... That's one ugly pooch ya got there.... Duke, huh? Looks more like Dooky, to me, buddy....

Captain Kermit fetches another pair of cold beers from the cooler aboard The Chuul's Folly, hands one to Dr Grimm, who sits comfortably with a fishing pole in one hand and a Cuban cigar in the other, and cracks the other one open to take a long gulp.

Do ya think it wants a beer? Kermit grins at the tumor familiar wagging its whiplike tail at Grimm's feet.

Then again, you said it's poisonous.... Maybe we don't wanna be stuck on the boat with a drunk, poisonous tumor-dog....


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Captain Kermit hangs his head sadly in silence for a moment.

Monkey Dude's gonna be real sad to hear his star apprentice won't be coming back.... Oh, and Hell-No Kitty.... Damn it, Foxy, that sucks eggs....

Kermit wipes away a tear and clears his throat....

You can have all the time you want, Derrik, I'm just the chauffeur.... This seems like a good spot for looting, for sure, yep....


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9
Derrik Stonesmith wrote:

Derrik nods to Kate as she goes about blessing the group with her powers. He looks down to the frog-captain of Chuul's Folly and speaks.

" How much time do we have left before we need to leave, from our movement we have found out that there are some survivors. and those who appear to be so. but have not traveled far. I suppose we can search a few areas.. if we encounter anything else we will have to retreat... Also.. Kermit.. we have.. bad news."

Derrik staying still as he looks in that direction.

Aww, Foxy.... He didn't make it, huh? Captain Kermit shakes his head sadly and sighs....


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

The pontoon's motor becomes audible as Captain Kermit pilots The Chuul's Folly up the canal to the nearby bridge The Fierce Ones crossed moments ago....

Uh-oh!! Looks like Team Lido's kicked the hornet's nest already!

Kermit brings The Chuul's Folly to a drifting stop adjacent to the bridge, and waves a skinny green hand to try to get Team Lido's attention....

Hi-ho, m@#@#!-f*%+*~s! Jump aboard if you need to, and I'll get us out of here!


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Well, I'll wait here with these party people until you guys are done with your shopping spree. Good luck!


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Sounds like a plan, Derrik.

Cpt Kermit pilots the pontoon to the beachfront of the Sarasota Sands Resort and cuts the motor, riding the surf in.


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

You guys wanna drop in on the cannibal clubhouse and see if everyone's behaving or if its like that book Rad's making the kiddies read, Lord of the Flies? "Piggy has the conch! Let Piggy speak!" Heheh!


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Well, Derrik, I really know as little about it as any of us--that's one of the main objectives for this mission--to find out what we can about the area as much as to loot any valuables we can find.... I can tell you that the area you want to go to next, St Armand's Circle, was a high-end tourist trap before the fall.... Lots of expensive shops, restaurants, and bars....

Lido Key comes into view as The Chuul's Folly coasts around the north end of Siesta Key....

And here we are, folks! Yep! Another day, another can of beans.... I'll take us up to the old public beach.... What are the odds that there are more than one of those chuul things living in the area, right? I mean, how many predators of that size could an island like this sustain?


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Captain Kermit pilots The Chuul's Folly out of the Big Cyprus Swamp and out onto coastal waters, passing by the southernmost keys on the way to Lido Key. During the voyage, Cpt Kermit informs Team Lido of some interesting news he heard from Hooty the helicopter pilot....

Listen to this crazy s@@@ that Hooty told me! He just came from a Hopi reservation that's still fighting the good fight out in Arizona.... Apparently, the Hopi braves have been fighting guerrilla warfare against Cthulhu cultists digging up their ancient burial mounds and poking around in their canyon tombs.... They say the cultists are looking for something, some kind of old relic that's supposed to have power to harm Cthulhu and its minions.... Instead of "cowboys and Indians", it's "cultists and Indians"! Heheh! Yep!


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9
Derrik Stonesmith wrote:


He clanks slightly as he stands.. looking at everyone dining..before nodding and walking to the.. Gym. When he arrives there he scans to see if she is there.. and need be ask where she would have been seen by other.. inhabitants.

Oh, boy! No offense, Amber, but if there's a cat-fight, I'm putting all my money on Jewels! Heheh! Yep!


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

That's what I was hoping to hear! Yep! Let's haul some ass, boys 'n girls, I'm thirsty!

Cpt Kermit pushes the gas and The Chuul's Folly begins to skip over the waves at a livelier clip.


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Cpt Kermit signals the Okay sign, and waves.


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Yep! That'll be Hooty's bird returning.... That's good, was starting to think we'd never see him again.... Hope he brought back some decent booze this time.... He's one of three air traders who make the circuit around the handful of friendly survivor strongholds left in the country.... Good guy, Hooty, hope he hasn't had too hard of a time out there.... Kermit shouts to be heard above the rumble of the pontoon motor and the helicopter buzzing overhead.


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Alrighty, Professor, I'll ready The Chuul's Folly for the trip home, then.


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

So that's one vote for taking what we've got so far back to The Box, and one vote to go shopping at St Armand's Circle.... Any other ideas? Captain Kermit breaks his fast on a piece of leftover grilled bass and washes it down with the last of the beers the team had found in a cooler at the Helmsley Sandcastle when they were looting The CBD's lair.


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Perception 1d20 + 11 ⇒ (18) + 11 = 29

Hmmmm.... That's funny.... Wonder where those two are off to?

Sense Motive 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (8) + 2 = 10

Meh.... You're being paranoid, Kermy.... They're probably off to go have sex or something and just have a shred of modesty left over.... Damn, look at that skank shake that ghetto booty!


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Captain Kermit dances with skanks, a comical sight that elicits loud cheering and chanting of KER-MIT!! KER-MIT!! from the crowd of former cannibals.

G#@*~!N, I WOULD F$+$ A CHUUL FOR A F~%+ING BREW RIGHT NOW!!

Kermit shakes his booty to a guitar-and-sing-along version of Play That Funky Music White Boy....


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9
Radsworth wrote:

"While I would gladly enjoy another serving of your barbecued Chuul, I would rather us not be used as a big shiny fishing lure so soon after our last exciting boat trip, Kermit. I think we would prefer going it from the road this time."

** spoiler omitted **

Roger that, Professor! I'll just wait for you here, then. Good luck, and Godspeed, amigos!


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

You guys want me to bring us over to the beachfront of the Sandcastle, or you wanna approach from the roadside?


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9
Radsworth wrote:

"Well, Kermit. What's the plan this time?"

I'm just your chauffeur, Professor. You guys tell me where you want me to let you off. You want to try a circumnavigation again, see what we can see before landing this time? Or drop you at the south end again?


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

All aboard, mates! Let's blow this Popsicle stand, I wanna get back to The Box before midnight and get some f$$#ing beers in my belly after this b+*~$%+% day....


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

After Prue and Lakra have been stabilized and safely laid on the deck of the pontoon, Cpt Kermit pulls a toolbox out of the compartment and gets to work helping Derrik with repairs to the pontoon....
Aid another Craft (blacksmith) check 1d20 ⇒ 3....again, mostly getting in Derrik's way, offering bad advice, cracking annoying jokes, etc.


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Cpt Kermit supplies Derrik with a first aid kit from a stowage compartment in the pontoon, and assists him in tending to the unconscious Prue and Lakra....

Aid another Heal check 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (6) + 2 = 8....mostly getting in Derrik's way....


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Looks like lobster's the main course tonight, eh, boys?


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Get your dirty meat hooks off my passengers, you nasty, two-person-eating, stinky son of Cthulhu!!

Cpt Kermit lays on the trigger of the .50 cal....1d20 + 13 ⇒ (11) + 13 = 24 RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!!!1d10 ⇒ 1

The monster is clipped by a bullet from the burst....


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

Say "Ah!", you son-of-a-b&#&+! screams Kermit as he shoves the barrel of the .50 caliber in the monster's horrible face and squeezes the trigger....

1d20 + 13 ⇒ (15) + 13 = 28 dmg 1d10 ⇒ 10

The bullets rip into its flesh and it shrieks a terrible shriek of agony, a mist of green clouding the air around its frothing, tentacle-ringed maw!


Male Grippli (bioengineered) Ranger 9

1d20 + 6 ⇒ (11) + 6 = 17 Acrobatics check to jump back onto the pontoon....

Kermit leaps back onto the pontoon near the foremost .50 cal and grabs the gun, turning it point blank on the monster clutching the aft of the vessel....

1d20 + 13 ⇒ (2) + 13 = 15 dmg 1d10 ⇒ 8

The burst of bullets blasts through its carapace, eliciting another alien screech of agony and frustration!

Take that, ya overgrown seafood special!!

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