Adventurer Iconic's page

Don't worry, guys, there's no way this place is totally airtight. I check the sealing.

Nice! I totally feel you about those squirrels—you can never trust the cute woodland critters. Just the other day, I saw a rabbit on a tree stump. Okay, so it just happened to be a normal rabbit and not a wolf-in-sheep's-clothing this time, but apparently you accidentally kill one little girl's pet and suddenly you're the bad guy, right?

You just stab, repeat, and blame it on squirrels.

Pepe! My old college buddy! How's life been treatin' ya?

I, too, desire to see proof of this outrageous claim. We know Mr. Jacobs has never been friendly with the Adventurers' Union, of course. Ugly altercations with our dwarven and monstrous members.

Day 6
Master has taken to using me to test traps. Doesn't like it when I use his farm animals. I can only understand half of what he says with that orcish accent, though. "Blah blah how'd you get those blah blah my niece's cat blah," right?
He found another knife stockpile. This guy can abuse me and whip me and make me do his laundry, but you know what, I'm through with this guy taking my stuff. Who does he think he is?! Tomorrow, he's dead.

Day 5
It's a hard life. Master told me to clean the room, threw a tantrum when I killed the orc inside and took all the treasure. Later, discovered my stockpile of knives. Am no longer allowed in the kitchen. Good news, though: He gave up making me wear manacles after I picked the lock for the fifth time.
He is probably going to eat me soon.

Damned lies.

As if we ever need a kobold.

bugleyman wrote:

Please understand: I'm not stuffing gold doubloons into my pillowcase just yet. ;-)

Why not? Have you thought nothing of the future adventurers who may someday be rifling through your bedroom looking for loot, in the post-apocalyptic wasteland?

Clearly, bugleyman has no regard for the hard-working blue-collar murderhobo, just trying to earn a living to support themselves and only themselves.

I mean, "evil" and "good" are sort of abstractions. I'd say Batman is Chaotic Neutral. Just like me!

We aren't allowed to use the "m-word", for contract purposes.

Just embrace it. It's adventure! Plus killing. For hire. :)

thejeff wrote:

It's not the ones who call themselves that that bother me. It's the ones who try to pin on my characters and games. "All PCs are murderhoboes."

If the medal fits...

*Proudly displays second-place medal for Murderhoboing*

Won it at last year's Union Review. I'm aiming for first next year.

Oh, so I'm "one of the bad ones"? Thanks, it's rare that I meet someone so unpatronizing.

Whoa whoa whoa! We do not use language like that in the business, Mr. Kyrt-Ryder. You probably don't realize this, but talking like that—talking like goblin, orc and drow adventurers are more "cruel" or "selfish"—can create a really hostile work environment. People end up feeling unwelcome, and even quitting the trade! You can get reprimanded by the Adventurers' Union for speciesist talk of that sort.

Seriously. Us human adventurers can be just as cruel and selfish as those orcs and goblins! When will we be given the respect we deserve?!

Othar Tryggvassen gentleman adventurer!!!

That a@%@@!# does not pay union dues and we officially classify him as a "hero", not an "adventurer". There's a f#@!ing difference. F@#+ off!

I know, he fooled me too when he tried to kill that scientist lady at the start. Looked like he was one of us, just killin' and takin' people's stuff. But apparently he had some kinda reason for it, and we don't truck with that "cause" stuff. Bad for business. We're just trying to make a living off of robbin' graves and killin' lizardratss, we ain't out to make a difference in the world. Folks like that Othar Turdvassen guy give the rest of us a good name. Bad for business.

So, hey, what word am I supposed to use now? You gonna pay for the rebranding? That ain't cheap, pal—bags of holding don't re-embroider themselves. F&#*ing hell. This is almost as bad as the time that f~~%ing bartender made me take a bath before entering his tavern just 'cause I'd just gotten back from looting a troglodyte's treasure room. And guess who had to pay for that soap? Me! And the orc in the 10' x 10' room who I killed and took it from!

No respect for those in the trade these days...