You are goblins of the Licktoad tribe, who live deep in Brinestump Marsh, south of the hated man-town called Sandpoint. Once, other goblins tried to burn Sandpoint down, and they would have been legends if they had succeeded. But they didn’t bring enough fire, and got themselves killed as a result. Yesterday, your tribe discovered that one of your own had been using forbidden arts and was engaged in one of the greatest of taboos—writing things down. In fact, rumor holds that what he was writing was a history of your tribe! There’s no swifter way to bring about bad luck than stealing words out of your mind by writing them down, and so your tribe had no choice. You branded the goblin’s face with letters to punish him, which is why everyone calls him Scribbleface now, and then you ran him out of town, took all of his stuff, and burned down his hut.
That’s where things got interesting, because before you all burned down his hut, Chief Gutwad found a weird box within the building. Inside was a map and a lot of fireworks—fireworks that immediately came to use in burning the hut down. Then, this morning, Gutwad announced that tonight there would be a feast in order to drive out any lingering bad luck from Scribbleface’s poor decisions. But perhaps even more exciting, all of you have been secretly invited to meet at Chief Gutwad’s Moot House. Why would the chief want to speak to you? It can only mean that he’s got an important mission for you all... one that the other goblins of the tribe couldn’t pull off. This could be your chance to go down in Licktoad history!
Lying at the center of the village, the chief ’s Moot House is a veritable museum of Licktoad heroics— crammed with trophies such as stolen weapons, shiny bits of treasure, and the brine-pickled bodies of dozens of brutally slaughtered small furry animals (mostly dogs). His Mighty Girthness Chief Rendwattle Gutwad rules Licktoad Village from atop the great Teeter Chair, which is 6 feet high and allows him to more properly look down on his subjects. By tradition, Chief Gutwad does not speak directly to his subjects. Instead, he employs an advisor through whom he whispers instructions, for Chief Gutwad has convinced his goblins that the words that come out of his mouth are so mighty that they might frighten away all the words in the heads of lesser goblins. Only his duly appointed advisor, an overdressed, pompous goblin named Slorb, can handle the might of the chief ’s words without fainting from fear.
You have all gathered before the entrance to the Moot House, awaiting invitation from Slorb to enter. You all grew up in the same village, so you all know each other and, indeed, should have some preconceived opinions about each other.
Glad that he was able to go the whole night without Rempty licking his face, Mogmurch stood outside of the Chief's house, thinking about all of the incredible food that would be at the village feast. So fixated was he on that thought that he didn't seem nervous about meeting the Chief at all, though he mumbled to himself in a mix of Goblin, Common and Varisian.
Decked out in patchwork leather armor, parts of his armor was dark brown with other parts light brown and stained in mud. A skull mask, its ivory color stained from some sort of chemical, covered the top of his head. Hanging from the strip of leather he uses as a belt hung a heavy boot filled to the brim with an odd assortment of chemical reagents in small bottles stoppered with tough mud. On his other hip hung an old gourd and a wooden club. A small toad could occasionally be seen peeking out from a fold in his armor before stealthily slipping back into the darkness. In order to look fierce and impress the Chief, Mogmurch covered one eye with a tattered eye patch that had a hole cut through the material where his eye was and on top of his skull covered head was a tattered, bell festooned jesters hat which jingled whenever he moved his head. A smile seemed to always stretch across his face, like he actually believed that his head was a skull.
Those who had heard of Mogmurch thought he was weird, even by goblin standards. But he was known for his bombs that started fires, so his eccentricities were put up with.
Whenever someone arrives, Mogmurch looks at them and shouts with a large, toothy grin, "Eh? I know you...no? You going to help Big Bad Chief with his super secret mission too?"
Curious as to why he was granted the privilege of being summoned at the great chief's home, Poog almost forgot his Lucky toad.
"Where you go? We has got to be at great chief's house."
Having found his Lucky toad and grabbing his goblin clericy stuff, better known as 'stuff for fixing ouch', Poog heads off.
As he walks in, his Lucky toad on his head, a shout and grin are aimed at him.
"Yes you know me! I work work work when you get ouch.
Secret mission? This sound good..."
Stepping out of the shadows, stroking his little Fattie ever so softly, the only time he does anything soft, it would seem, Chuffy seems to be bored. "We here when others feast. Gutwad need us, let's do it. But can we start tomorrow? Chuffy wants to feast!" He says this with a flourish, licking his wide lips.
Looking over the others who had joined in front of the Chief's hut, Mogmurch though about what he knew of the three, a difficult task for one whose brain was as disorganized and affected by the chemicals that he used. So absorbed was he with the task that he nearly forgot to grab his lucky toad as it lept to the ground. Scrambling about Mogmurch began racing about the small clearing. After several seconds, the goblin scooped up the little frog, holding it firmly in his hands and started talking to it. "Why you try to run? Are you scared? No need to be scared. They no hurt you." Then, licking the toads back with his tongue, the goblin continued by saying, "Then better? You calm now? Good, back in pockets for you." Stuffing the toad into his pocket, the toad wriggled in the pocket for a moment before becoming still.
Looking at the others, Mogmurch simply stood there, wide grin on his face, as he waited for Chief Gutwad.
The high-pitched, nasal voice of Slorb calls out for the goblins to enter. Inside, Chief Gutwad sits precariously atop the Teeter Chair. Slorb asks you to sit on the dirt in front of the Chief (a great honor!), but then, much to the goblins’ surprise and shock, Chief Gutwad speaks to them directly in a deep, booming voice.
"You all be heroes. Each of you. You are best Licktoads but for me. And maybe but for Slorb. That you aren’t fleeing in terror from mighty sound of my voice is all the proof you should need. Yet soon, all Licktoad goblins will know your might, for I have picked you for a dangerous mission."
"You know about fireworks and map we found in Scribbleface’s hut. Fireworks were fun. But map is more fun. It shows a route to a place near the coast where Scribbleface found fireworks. And it says there are more fireworks there!"
"I want them for Licktoads. You all go get them tomorrow. Tonight we have big bonfire to burn bad luck away from you, and we play many games. Much fun. Tomorrow you fetch me fireworks. If you meet men, you make them dead. If you meet dogs, you make them dead. If you meet horses, you make them dead. If you meet Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many, you maybe should run. And if you not find fireworks, you not come back or we feed you to Squealy Nord!"
After the meeting, Chief Gutwad has little more time or patience to talk to you. He has Slorb give you the map to the fireworks cache, then orders you out of the Moot House.
"Chuffy can lead Licktoads on this. We kill much, Chuffy kill most. We get fireworks, now Chuffy Party!"
The pustule covered face grows wide with a big grin as he turns to go and play. "Let's GO!"
"You best not get ouch now, i no want waste time on fixies."
Glad that the earwax he hadn't cleaned out yet protected him from the Chief's voice, Mogmurch listened intently to his words. So intendly was he listening to the slightly muffled sounds that he missed the Chief's dismissal. As the others began to leave, Mogmurch just stood there, still trying to listen to what Gutwad had to say. It wasn't until he had to dodge a bone that was launched at his head that he realized the the Chief had finished talking and wanted them to leave. Scampering out of the Moot House, Mogmurch exits catching a chemical vial that had slipped form his pouch during his escape. Storing the vial in its place, the goblin alchemist looked to the others and said, "If party a success, then no need for fixies...don't you know fixies only needed for people with bad luck. Chief said so himself." as he picked a glob of earwax from one of his ears before plopping it into his mouth and then admiring the muscles on Reta. "I no see many goblins that have muscles like that. You must be part barghast! Lucky you!" Mogmurch attempts to flex his own thin arms with no obvious muscle showing for it. Shrugging, he reaches into his pouch and pulls out a vial before shouting, "I no need barghast blood. What you can't cause ouchies to I make go boom!"
As the others got excited for the party, Mogmurch joined along, hopping on his feet as the group wound through the village. However, as he approached his house, joy was replaced with fear. His mate would be there and he's face was still covered in the chemicals from his last experiment. Turning to the nearest of his new friends, Mogmurch said, "I go with you...nothing fun to do in stuffy old house."
Goblins toil all afternoon to build the bonfire out of branches, sticks, and unburnt timbers taken from the ruins of Scribbleface’s hut. As night falls, a group of four struggling goblins carry the Teeter Chair (with Chief Gutwad sitting atop it) out to the bonfire, and the chief lights the fire with a Desnan candle. This signals the start of an all-night party that features lots of good things to eat (snails, fish, and snakes) and gives you a chance to enjoy being goblins, mingling with your kind as the evening continues with feasting and dares. The chief brings out a barrel of fermenting cider apples early on and most goblins get drunk very quickly.
As the evening progresses, word that you are going on a special quest spreads, and the other goblins of the tribe begin daring you to show off your heroics. You can indulge in these dares or not as you wish, and you can win a prize for completing each dare.
The first dare is the "dance" with Squealy Nord. The goblins describe Squealy Nord as a fearsome boar who lives in a muddy pit in the middle of the village, right next to the goblin baby cages. In fact, Nord is a hyperactive piglet escaped from a nearby farm. His pit itself is circular, nearly 20 feet in diameter, and just over 10 feet deep. "Dancing with Squealy Nord" requires a goblin to spend 18 seconds (3 rounds) riding on the piglet's back. Squealy Nord is tethered for this dare, then released into the pit from a narrow corral with the mounted goblin clinging onto his back and generally screaming a lot.
Nord's innocent willingness to consume goblin corpses frightens the superstitious goblins enough that they haven't roasted him, but he won’t actually attack living goblins. The humiliation of falling off his back is painful enough. If one of you lasts at least 3 rounds on Nord's back, you'll get a special item to help you in your quest.
As the unfortunate Poog loses his balance, he might hear some laughter.
If he does....
"Who make fun of Poog? I stabs gobbo who make fun of Poog and no fixie for him/her!"
Poog is launched and lands with his face in the mud. The other goblins laugh at him. "You no hero!" he hears some of the goblins shout.
"No, you a failo!" a goblin wearing a ripped apart purple curtain shouts, laughing very hard with the other goblins.
Chuffy jumps onto the boar and quickly gets thrown off, only to fade away into the shadows as the boar bucks and makes him a distraction.
|
Reta stays and watches as other goblins try their hand at riding and laughs along with the rest. Reta takes note of the movements and tries to remember them well.
Stepping forward, she glares at everything and with proud declaration. She gashes her teeth and once more flexes her tiny muscles before vaulting onto Squealy Nord, shrieks.
"Reta show you who be bestest goblin in tribe. Squealy no be Reta's match!!!"
Mingling in the crowd, Mogmurch laughs out loud as each of the goblins attempted the ride and fell, except for Reta. Known for her skills as a rider, of course she wouldn't fall, though that doesn't mean that Mogmurch would enjoy seeing it happen. As Reta hoped off of Squealy Nord, Morgmurch resisted the pushes of the goblins as they tried to get one more goblin to go and possibly fall. That was until he saw his mate in the crowd, making a beeline for him. Seeing no other option, Mormurch gave in to the crowd and, allowing himself to be lifted onto the boars back, held on to both the pig AND his bag of alchemist reagents for dear life.
Even with holding a bag of stuff Mogmurch rode very well. Realixing that he hadn't fallen yet, Mogmurch began to hoot and cackle in glee "This almost better than making things go BOOM! Come on Piggie, you no tired already!" he shouted as the crowd hollered with them, some in glee and others at not seeing the goblin fall.
All the goblins laugh at Chuffy when he also falls off of Squealy Nord. "These heroes awful! They no match for Squealy Nord! They be eaten by Lotslegs for sure!"
Then it's Reta's turn. The goblins are eager to also laugh at her, but while Reta expertly rides Nord the goblins slowly quiet down. When Reta steps out of the circle triumphant the goblins cheer. "She's a hero! Reta hero!"
Mogmurch steps into the circle, and walks up to Nord. The goblins don't notice it at first, because they're cheering for Reta. When Mogmurch starts shouting while riding Nord, the other goblins realise what's going on. They now cheer even louder. "Mogmurch hero! Mogmurch and Reta heroes much!"
Bull slugs are black, wriggling slugs the size of sausages. Even among the goblins, they’re considered particularly foul-tasting and, because of the large amounts of slime they exude, difficult to chew. A covered wicker basket containing the slug bag is brought before those who accept this dare, along with a napkin made out of a soggy leaf. The participant has 1 minute to eat an entire bag of bullslugs to win this dare.
Eating the slugs is not a problem, even though they wriggle, taste of rotten fish, and burst with a little squeal when chewed. Eating a full bag in a minute is the hard part. There are five slugs in the bag, and successfully eating one requires a DC 15 Fortitude save. The participant may choose to not spit out the slug’s mildly poisonous slime bladder, and take a DC 10 Fortitude save instead every time the participant does this. Neglecting to take care not to eat the slime bladder could have repercussions though.
When at least one of you succeeds in completing this challenge there'll be a reward. Like the reward from the previous challenge, it will be rewarded the next morning when the party leaves the village.
Still a little dizzy from the ride on Nord, Mogmurch stumbled after the rest of the group. Listening to what the next task was, Mogmurch started thinking about what he knew about these slugs and what the slime bladders might do if eaten. Gooie bladders tasty? Or gooie bladders icky and rotten? Lemme see, lemme see, he thought to himself as he continued to ponder it.
After seeing what he could remember, he will decide if he wants to participate or not.
Chuffy walks up and takes the a bag.
"Slugs...bah...Chuffy can handle it!"
Quickly, he opens the bag and begins to rummage around.
Pulling out one of the slugs, he smashes it against his mouth...as if he was eating it, when in fact, he attempts to hide the foul creature in his hand. Then he repeats several more times, hiding the slugs as he can.
At the end of the dare, if the eater opted for the easier DC 10 Fortitude save when eating the slugs, she must make a final DC 15 Fortitude save (with a cumulative –1 penalty for every DC 10 save she chose to make) to avoid becoming sickened by slug slime for 24 hours.
The goblin that handed Chuffy the slugs watches while Chuffy 'eats' the slugs, absolutely convinced no one can succeed on the challenge without cheating. It's not a very bright fellow though, and he doesn't notice a single slug disappearing in Chuffy's hand or pocket. "Amasin!" the goblin exclaims, "He dids it, he dids!"
"It nothing special!" the same goblin that was mean to Poog yells loudly. "Anyone can do that!"
This is the goblin version of hide and seek. The dare-taker rushes off into the marsh without any weapons and attempts to find a good hiding spot . The other goblins try to find him, and if they do, the finder is allowed to whack the previously hidden goblin with a club. If the hiding goblins isn't found, there's a reward.
The sneaky goblin thinks that this is perfect for him. "Chuffy can just be given prize now!"
Chuffy grins as he goes and hides!
Glad he wouldn't have to eat all those slugs, Mogmuch none-the-less sees about finding a slug, which he slips into his brining jar so he can play with it later. After that, he chases after the crowd, excited to see what other festivities there might be.
Hearing the rules of this new game, Mogmurch was excited to play, though not too excited that he might be hit with a club. His mind spinning, he decides to hide one of his bombs in his armor before handing his bag over to his mate Rempty. "You no play with this unless YOU want to go boom," he commanded before licking Amphibier and running off into the marsh.
Making as much noise as he could until he was out of sight, Mogmurch suddenly slunk down low, slowed his speed and tried to be as stealthy as he could be as he headed in a different direction. Finding a loose clump of moss, he slunk even lower, submerging as much of his body as he could and covering whatever he couldn't submerge with moss and marsh grass, except for his skull capped head, which he tried to pass off as a rock.
Of all te hiding goblins only Poog, who tried hiding behind a daffodil, is found. A group of four goblins come runnign at Poog, and one of the goblins hits him with the club. Poog quickly runs away, back to the village.
After some time Chuffy, Mogmurch and Reta show up in the village. The game's finished, and none of the searching goblins had been able to find the trio.
The last challenge is the infamous Rusty Earbiter. The Rusty Earbiter is a hollow coil of rusty wires, barrel hoops, bent swords, and thorny branches and vines that's kept behind the Moot House when not in use. So named for the fact that it's claimed a number of goblin ears in the past, the Rusty Earbiter is both an object of fascination and fear for the Licktoads. The half-insane tinkerer who invented the thing has long since died (carried off one night by a giant bird of some sort after his first and only test of a prototype bird-attracting hat), but his legacy lives on. The other goblins cheer and hoot when one of you dares to crawl through the Rusty Earbiter, and a half-dozen eager goblins roll the 20- foot coil out from behind the Moot House with the typical number of slashed fingers and stabbed legs such a task normally brings.
If you agree to this dare you must climb into one end of the Rusty Earbiter and then wriggle through it, coming out the other side. There’s no time limit to get this done, but the faster the better! Climbing through the Rusty Earbiter requires a series of three DC 15 Escape Artist checks as the goblin must writhe through a series of tight squeezes. Each Escape Artist check takes 1 full round to attempt, and each one must be repeated until a successful check is made before moving on to the next one (or, in the case of the last check, successfully crawling out the far end of the tube).
If you fail more than three checks, the other goblins get bored, throw a few small rocks, and wander off; after that point it doesn’t matter if the goblin gets out or not, although if she gets stuck for a few days, someone might help. But probably not. Each failed Escape Artist check causes damage from the Rusty Earbiter's spiky spikes.
Poog, bored and tired of the way things went for him, sees no use in doing this trial.
"Me not waste time on stupid crawl-test. Me have better things to be doing."
Seeking out the ones who hit him during the hide and seek, he smacks said goblin over the head with a thick branch he saw lying around.
Poog finds the goblin that hit him and whacks the goblin's head. The goblin runs away from Poog, screaming for help. "He went mad!"
Chuffy grin grows as he struts into town, having completed two consecutive challenges. He is still frustrated by failing to ride the boar, but he is clearly high on a hog now.
"Chuffy not scared! Earbiter will be feared of Chuffy if it try to taste Chuffy's puffies!"
Chuffy easily wiggles through the Earbiter and bows to the goblins of the tribe.
"Chuffy's face make you sick, But Chuffy's blade awful quick, And if you are his stabby pick- Then knife goes in you! STICK! STICK! STICK!"
He says this as he twirls a pair of darts.
Chuffy easily completes the last challenge and all the goblins in town cheer for the party. "They be true heroes! They will get fireworks!"
The party is then handed their rewards, though they're only allowed to keep the first. All other rewards are from the Chieftain's private treasure collection, and heads will rolls when they're not returned.
You are expected to set off into Brinestump Marsh the next morning, lingering sickness from the previous night’s party or not. You are brought before the chief again at dawn, whereupon he instructs them to “get fireworks and bring them here to me.” To help you, the Chieftain gives you the remaining fireworks from Scribbleface’s stash—two Desnan candles, four paper candles, and a skyrocket.
Breathing a sigh that Chuffy made it through so that he wouldn't have to, Mogmurch celebrated the rest of the day, though there was an instance of discomfort as Rempty caught him unawares and licked his face before they ended up falling asleep.
The next day, Mogmurch was ready in the morning, concoctions brewed and bomb reagents sealed. Checking to make sure Amphibier was stuffed in his pouch, he met with the others and, meeting with Slorb, who gave the items with a fair warning. "You no loose these. No if you want His Gluttoness to be veeeeeerrrrryy angry," Slorb nearly screeched as the group took the items.
At spotting the fireworks, Mogmurch's eyes lit up and he nearly started to salivate. He started imagining all the things he could blow up with these. Before he mind wandered too far, he snapped back to the real world. "If my way, I have all nice shiny and expoldie things to myself...but if we no do job, we no can come back." Looking at the items available, he continues with, "I no care about ring that help you climb or slicer of dog and horse. The gourd look like fun though and the robe be useful. I take one of those and that tube that shoot rocket to the sky."
Chuffy listens as the items are given out and he subconsciously licks his lips slowly seeing the blade.
"Chuffy win many games. Chuffy like stabby...Other than that...Chuffy no care."
"Much chance at stabby-stabby on mission, just don't get too much ouchies when you do."
The journey to the fireworks stash, as indicated on Scribbleface's map, is relatively short—a slog not quite a mile-long through the swamp along the creek’s southern bank. The marsh itself is relatively difficult to navigate, with numerous stretches of deep water that must be skirted and thick tangles of stinging nettles.
While the party walks through the swamp, discussing who takes which of the rewards and fireworks, they enter the habitat of Lotslegs Eat Goblins Babies Many. The giant spider known as Lotslegs has dwelt in central Brinestump for years, but only recently has she grown large enough to become a legitimate threat to the Licktoad goblins. The spider often lurks along creeks and other well-traveled routes, and her growing taste for goblins has evolved beyond eating goblin young.
"Reta no win challenges. Chuffy did. Chuffy earn stabby, Rita take ring make climb good. Reta like teef anyway."
Thinking on it, Mogmurch figured he was already good enough with fire with his own bombs and so, decided to take the robe of items. Holding the one foot tube of the skyrocket in one hand and draping the ropes over his armor, the goblin struck the awkward figure as he stood there, staring at Chuffy and Reta as they began to argue leaning over to Poog, Mogmurch whispered quite audibly, "I no understand. Why fight over slicer? Why when there is so many great things that cause fire and 'splodies?"
"Reta! No THIEF....TEEF," He opens his mouth wide and points to his teeth. "Chuffy thought Reta was called Big Bite cause of her teef!" He follows apparently having misheard her name forever. Not without picking up the sword and ring though and putting the ring on.