Finally, the annoying "smooth jazz" that Caspian was blowing is replaced by a properly inspiring thrill of hard bop, and Jaegr goes to town, swinging his pickaxe in a gorgeous arc intersecting with the monster's skull. The mama owlbear drops, shudders once, and then lies still; there is soon a respectable collection of flies buzzing about the shaggy corpse.
Jaegr will take a breather (for 6hp)
"Guess we ken eat err sell tha eggs now."
"Has anyone eaten eggs like this before or even heard of anyone eating eggs like this?"
"I would not have picked you as the picky eater in this group!"
Eggs? It looks like meat's back on the menu, boys!
To: a) determine whether or not owlbear steaks are good eatin'; and b) if so, to dress and cook up some yummy owlbear.
EDIT: So, I guess I roll awesome for everything but combat.
"Can tha eggs be sold?"
Over his shoulder as he fries the owlbear steaks over a campfire, after rubbing them in Tuelvi spices and stuffing them with raisins and bits o' honey:
Did I ever tell you guys I have a +9 to my Handle Animal? We can totally do this--take a few months off, invest in an incubator, voila! army of owlbears!
Owlbear meat is ultra-gamey, suety, greasy, and almost rancid-tasting -- which means that goblins love it! Teenage wood elf boys sometimes pretend to like it to prove how macho they are.
It's somewhat more palatable to others when made into jerky (it becomes hard and almost flavorless).
The eggs are supposed to be tasty. And potentially valuable. And owlbear chicks are totally trainable, you just take a penalty for them technically being "magical beasts" instead of animals. You can incubate them by keeping them warm (like, under your clothes), but then you run the risk of them breaking if you get hit (off-the-cuff rule: if you're put into the next wound category (light or heavy) from a blow with a bludgeoning weapon, the egg breaks).
Guys, I once heard an epic story around the fireplace one Summerseve Rutting Ceremony, about a brave warrior born on the battlefield who had to carry around an egg in his mouth, like this!
[Tries to pop egg in his mouth, but it doesn't fit]
Hmmm. Anyway, how do you guys like your steak? This one's almost done!
"Black an extra tough!"
[Finishes the steaks, and serves them with a garnish of onions, mushrooms and glazed wild strawberries]
Yum, yum.
"Thank you for the meal Cricket"
"I refuse to play mother to a baby owlbear. I say we boil them and eat well the rest of this journey."
"Why not we gots one o everyting else, maybe one o them will think its a wood elf also."
If there is no interest in raising an owlbear army, I will happily turn the ovum into omelets tomorrow to break our fast!
"Today we dine like kings tomorrow we have our arses running down our legs!"
"Food seems like a better option at this point as who knows how much longer we have to travel."
If we had an owlbear army, you guys wouldn't have to walk. Just sayin'.
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"What would we feed it?"
Caspian becomes inspired
and sings
"What do you feed an owlbear army, what do you feed an owlbear army?"
"Feed them goblins and salami, goblins and salami!"
Hmm. Upon further reflection, I hate the idea of an owlbear army!
Yum Hard Boiled Eggs!
Anyway, instead of SMASHING the eggs, Cricket hard-boils them.
Plenty of steak left, Jaegr, if you still feel peckish.
Inspired again Caspian sets the world to music....
"Tha water was set tah boil an Cricket had cooked but was foiled...
"Instead o hard boiled eggs, he cracked them upon his head...."
"...an made poached eggs instead!"
[Whips out pipe and stuffs it with flayleaf]
Now, this is the life, eh, boon companions? Dining well and listening to songs around the campfire. This is my favorite part of adventuring!
"Other than the part that includes a never ending sky, I agree."
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"There is that to complain about I guess."
DM
Casts ghost sound a loud-obvious-type of noise from behind Wyvern
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"Careful halfling, perhaps I do that into your bedroll and then stuff you inside it."
Hee hee! Man, I loved the Tuelvi, don't get me wrong, but they were always so stuck up about fart jokes. I love you guys!
[Takes a long pull from his flayleaf pipe]
Anyone else want to hit this?
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Caspians chubby cheeks turn bright red at Crickets last comment....
Caspian regroups and offers an anbigous question in return.
"Err a draw off yer pipe yah means?"
Yes, this is flayleaf, a holy herb given to the Tuelvi by Old Mother Tree. It relaxes the body, soothes the mind, and makes you forget where you left your keys. Would you like to try some? All the cool kids are doin' it!
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[Wakes up from his nap]
Well, hello, hello, hello! Each day given unto us by Old Mother Tree is a blessing and is sure to contain something new. What do you think She might hold in store for us today?
Starts the day with a song...
"The old dwarf needs a visor, to protect him from tha sun, yep a great big visor so he kent see tha sky, as long as Caspian is his add-visor, he'll be safe from tha sky."
Traveling onward, following the river north, there are long periods of boredom (enlivened by Caspian's songs) interspaced with interesting sights... a nymph bathing in the river nearly blinds Vanya, before Wyvurn quickly interposes himself in the human's field of vision (Cricket seems unimpressed at the whole episode)... a pair of eagles with the heads of stags swoop down at one point and tear apart a giant otter... a tall stack of rough boulders, piled up taller than three men standing on each other's shoulders, bursts into lambent green flames when Caspian approaches within 50 feet of it.
"AHHHH! Green flaming rocks!"
points and hides behind the dwarf.
Jaegr looks at the rocks perplexed, "What is that? Vanya any idea?"
The green flames shed no heat. On the contrary, you feel a chill from them -- not like an honest winter breeze chill, but more like the sensation of biting onto cold metal with your bare teeth.
"Back up Caspian...slowly"
Perception check (perking up the ears, squinting the eyes and sniffing the air):
Huh, that's weird.
In case I know anything. EDIT: Guess I don't.
Perception check (perking up the ears, squinting the eyes and sniffing the air): 1d20 + 15
Breakdown:
- Vision: You see the rocks and flames, as described above. The rocks are dark-colored, but don't seemed to be charred as you'd expect if this were a normal fire.
- Hearing: The flames don't seem to be roaring the way real flames would -- rather, they make more of a low, hissing wail.
- Smell: You smell a faint whiff of sulphur or something. In the background are the smells of the woods and the river.
- Taste: Not applicable (I hope!)
- Touch: You feel the metallic chill described above.
Points that we should go far around this potential trouble.....
Jaegr counterpoints that he is a professional miner and could crack these open!
Cricket rides Wolvie back 50', and rejoins the party on foot.