So, I have been gaming with a player for about a year and ahalf now. He used to be my DM and even in the game he ran he hardly prepared etc. Once that game was done, I made my own and have been running it about 4 months. Needless to say, he has a hard time paying attention. Always asks whats going on, plays other games or reads while in the session and so on. I have talked to him about it and he seemingly continues to do it. Example : character of his died, and I offered to help him make a new one. It has been a week and he has done nothing with it, and the game is today. He is too busy playing video games to make one.
So i'm pretty fed up with it, he is nice and I don't really want to kick him but he is very unreliable and im not sure what to do. Any advice?
There is nothing you can do to make an unreliable character more reliable. Either bite the bullet and put up with it, or kick him. I have my own problem player of a similar vein, although it is less too busy playing other games than it is the fellow just can't keep a schedule. (example: game is set for a certain date. three days prior and I am assured he will be there. Ask the night before and am assured he will be there. Day of the game he can't make it because he scheduled something else at the same time. Generally work, he's self employed).
Now, on to the issues in the game, not paying attention. Well, what does he want to get out of the game? Does he want more social encounters? More combat? Is he bored? Is he just distracted by his phone? Again, some of these things can be fixed. Adding in more of what the player wants will generally get them more involved, but distractions... Make it a rule that the phone stays out of the game. Naturally, exceptions can be made for legitimate reasons (re: work could be calling. Family member could have medical issue. Significant other is pregnant but you really wanted to game and you're pretty sure she isn't going to go into labor for at least a few hours but just in case...) (Side note, have had all of these happen to me at least once... )
Other anti distraction rules that sometimes help include: No non-game talk during game time (save it for breaks). Significant others are okay to visit, but if they are a distraction will be asked to leave.
\ Significant other is pregnant but you really wanted to game and you're pretty sure she isn't going to go into labor for at least a few hours but just in case...) (Side note, have had all of these happen to me at least once... )
I really want to hear the story there
If a player is problematic, ask if they actually are having fun playing. If they say no, tell them they don't have to play. You can still hang out with them and play other games, just PF isn't the game for them
I they say yes, politely ask them to stop getting distracted. It is detracting from your experience, and they will have much more fun if they aren't distracted.
I would absolutely 100% not allow him to use his phone or laptop unless it's directly related to the current game. And definitely no books or other reading material...
That's just common respect. If he can't live with that, I wouldn't be able to live with him.
I have a friend with ADHD. We gamed for about 10-15 years before he was diagnosed. We were always annoyed because he would either make "that's what she said" or "your mom" jokes non-stop while either of us other DM's would be running a game. There's were really cell phones back then... not common, anyway, so that wasn't an issue, but he would find other stuff to occupy him. Maybe he has ADHD and hasn't seen a dr about it.
Otherwise, I wouldn't push him. If his character isn;t finished, he sits out the game session. If he isn't finished with equipment, his character only has what is written down at the start of the game session.
During game, just stop and stare at him until he stops. If he asks what you're doing, just say, "waiting for you to finish".