Your item's backstory!! (Kind of a Critique thread)

[Omnitricks]

This sounds fun. Would like to see my item's backstory too.

Spoiler:

Up Chuck
Aura strong conjuration; CL 11th
Slot none; Price 43320 gp; Weight 3 lbs.

Description
Anyone capable of wielding this +2 halfling sling staff may use its power. Three times a day its wielder may take aim above his targets and a stone suitable as ammunition will form which after fired, increase in size until it becomes large. Huge if the wielder decides to reduce the number of times he can use the power for that day by one. The projectile will then drop dealing falling damage as a stone its size using the distance traveled and height fallen as the total feet the object has fallen on all targets beneath it.

In the hands of a halfling however the sling staff will emit a faint glow hinting at its increased capabilities. With a move action a halfling may focus his innate luck when launching the projectile created by the sling staff. Damage from other sources including sneak attacks and precision damage can apply together with the damage from the falling stone as long as the conditions necessary to activate them are fulfilled. All affected targets may attempt a Reflex DC 10 + the halfling’s level to negate this additional damage.

The stones resulting from the sling staff’s power remain where they land for a number of minutes equal to its wielder’s level. Many of its more creative users, especially halflings, also use them for obstacles and cover in combat or methods to reach otherwise inaccessible heights. Once the sling staff has exhausted its powers for the day, it becomes an ordinary sling staff until the start of the next day.

Construction Requirements
Craft Magic Arms and Armor, major creation, stone shape, creator must be a halfling; Cost 21660 gp

[GM_Beernorg]

Perhaps it is vanity, but I can't resist seeing what you can come up with for my item, hope it proves a fun and interesting challenge sir.

:

Cryohydra's Coil
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 48,610 gp; Weight 3 lbs.

Description
This three tendriled +3 scorpion whip is braided from the pale tanned hide of a cryohydra, and each tip ends with a small steel serpentine head, it's fangs bared. The handle is ivory wrapped with silver wire, a large fang caps the pommel.

The whip provides a +4 bonus to disarm and trip combat maneuver attempts. A successful critical hit with the weapon causes a chill touch spell effect. As well whenever any tendrils of the whip are sundered identical new tendrils grow back to replace those lost at beginning of the wielders next turn. This regrowth is accompanied by a sound like cracking knuckles and stretching leather.

Additionally by willingly reducing the weapons enhancement bonus to +1 for a duration of three rounds the wielder may cause a 15 foot cone of frost to project from the whips heads which deals 3d6 cold damage to all creatures in the area. To target the cone the wielder simply cracks the whip in the direction they wish the cone to fire. Using this ability is a standard action and a successful DC 16 reflex save halves the damage. Targets caught in the cone who fail their reflex save are affected with the entangled condition as per Rime Spell. The whip cannot create another such breath weapon effect until it’s enhancement bonus has returned to the normal value.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Rime Spell Metamagic Feat: chill touch, make whole, pilfering hand, thunderstomp; Cost 24,305 gp

[Brigg]

I'm going over a few more edits and just re-reading it all in general. Here's something to tide you guys over while I tweak the rest. Some of this is turning into more of a continuous story than a bunch of unrelated little stories. And my "No such thing as a first draft" mentality that tends to mar my writing, along with all my recent internet issues, are what is keeping this wait so long.

Anyway, without further ado!

Varisian Dancing Chain, Blade of Unabating Wounds, Deadeye's Shepherd, Harlequin's Hurlbat, Ragathiel's Regalia - Part 2!!

Cackle burst with delight to see the dumbfounded look on Aldo's face.
“What's the matter, Aldo? You look like you've seen a ghost or three?”

Aldo didn't answer as his eyes shifted and darted about, looking for
any sign that could indicate which copy of Cackle was real. He
backpedaled a couple of steps, preparing for any kind of strike that
could come from this mass of clowns. Though, the rhythmic juggling of
the bats would cause his focus to shift for split-seconds at a time.

The wicked clown just observed the paladin, delighting in every tense
second he spent thinking. But it wasn't long before the juggler lost
patience. “And...Action!” he shouted, thrusting one of his bats forward.

From out of the mass of flailing arms, grinning faces, and dancing
feet, the hard wooden projectile was sent cartwheeling through the air
directly toward Aldo's head. Having been prepared for the attack, Aldo,
teetered to his right, allowing the bat to fly past.

Seeing Cackle was now on the offensive, Aldo dashed forward toward the
first target he could see. He planted his feet in sure posture as his
longsword came from the side in a wide arc. It struck its target in the
chest, causing it to be cleaved away in a cloud of black mist.

The next thing he felt was a blunt force smashing him square across the
shoulders. The joyful sound of festive noisemakers and the sight of
rainbow-hued ribbons assaulted his senses. Even though his borrowed
armor stunted some of the direct force, the damage to his senses was
real and debilitating.

Aldo's longsword slipped from his grip again; his arms reached up to
hold his head. Cackle, looking to the ground, smirked sinisterly as he
saw the opportunity to put an end to his adversary. He gripped his bat
an placed it back into its holster. The shadowy copies of both Cackle
and his bats dissipated.

Seeing his dazed opponent, Cackle reached to the ground to pick up the
longsword. “Ooh, this thing looks like it could leave a mark.” He waved
it in the air in front of him. “Nice quiet swing...could kill a lot of
people with this before anyone's aware...”

Without another word, Cackle swung the sword high above his head and
was set to bring it down on the neck of his recovering opponent.

Suddenly, a concentrated force slammed into Cackle's chest, sending the
gnome flying through the air and landing ten feet away from where he
had been standing. Aldo's longsword ejected from Cackle's grip; once
again tumbling to the ground.

Aldo was finally able to see straight and assess the situation.
Glancing to his sword, he noticed a broken arrow with a blunt tip
resting on the ground next to his sword. “Sol...” he whispered to
himself. He then looked up and down the street, seeking to find where
the arrow came from. The paladin muttered under his breath. “I
appreciate the hand, Sol. But you know what this guy does when he's
outnumbered...” At that, Aldo picked up his blade and snapped his
fingers, causing the five flaming wings to appear from his armor again.
He needed to make sure he could fly to safety if he could once again be
caught off-guard again by Cackle's illusory tricks. “If this guy
even thinks of running, I'll be able to keep up with him.”

Cackle kicked up to his feet and glared into Aldo's eyes. “You know the
rules! It's not like a paladin to break the rules now, is it!?” he
hissed as he spun around and began to run.

Before Aldo could even lift his feet off the ground, the sound of
another blunt impact came from the wicked clown. Once again, Cackle was
sent through the air—this time toward Aldo.

With his quickest reflexes, Aldo poised himself and prepared to slash
the airborne bard. This would be his best opportunity to put the
villain in his place.

Closer...

Closer...

In the blink of an eye, Cackle's chain shirt flashed a bright light.
Instantly, his trip through the air was now under his control while he
pulled his bat back out of its holster.

Aldo gritted his teeth and arced his sword, prepared to finish the job.

Cackle's armor flashed again as his body shifted in mid-air in such a
way, it defied physics. What started as an uncontrolled beeline toward
certain death, ended up as a mid-flight shift in direction—straight up
above Aldo's head. The paladin's only opportunity to stop the madman
was once again robbed of him by his opponent's clever use of magical
wares.

That instant held still for Aldo. His hubris had given Cackle just the
opening that was needed to crack him across the head with his bat once
again.

And in a cavalcade of festive color and sound, Aldo blacked out.

Once again, Cackle made an attempt to take Aldo's sword. However, the
unconscious paladin was resting on top of it, and the gnome wasn't
quite strong enough to lift the body off of it.

A woman's voice sounded from down the street. “Get him out of there!”

Cackle knew this came from the direction the blunt arrows had struck
him from. “Both of you next time.” he taunted his unresponsive foe. He
then crossed his arms in front of himself, and vanished.

Three officers came running down the street towards the collapsed Aldo.
One of them addressed the commanding woman. “Sol, what should we do.”

Glancing around at the destruction that Cackle has inflicted on that
street alone, she felt it wasn't safe to keep Aldo, or her units,
around that area for very long. Drawing her ram-horn bow, her hands
began to glow with a gentle yellow light. “Men, stand back.”

As her officers obeyed, the same light on Sol's hands began to emanate
underneath Aldo's body. From the ground, a mighty, sturdy, bighorn ram
emerged. Aldo's sword fell to the ground as his limp body became arched
over the ram's back. Sol's officers walked over to make sure their
comrade was secure.

Sol gave one more order. “Let's get him over to the hospital. It's on
the other side of town, but old Bax here can lift him every step. Let's
move out.”

“Yes, ma'am!”

Sol turned to Aldo, smiling gently as she looked over his sword. She
took it and swung it a few times in the air, observing the silence in
every swing. “It's a good thing he didn't get a chance to cut you with
this. I don't think the bleeding would have ever stopped. You can thank
me with dinner later.”

[frank gori]

Nice

[Lady Firedove]

Very nice! Great to see the items in action. Thanks, Brigg! :)

[GM_Beernorg]

awwww, I am now a sad panda, not story using my item yet.

[Jarrett Sigler]

Going to do this agian this year Briggs after the top 32 or after the 5th round?

[Brigg]

Due to the fact that I never got around to finishing the requests from last year, I may take a different approach this year. But I've been so slammed with work and life, I'm even having a little trouble squeezing in time to do any 3PP work. X.x

But I have a plan! ^.^

[Jarrett Sigler]

Glad you got 3PP work Brigg! That's good news!

[Belabras]

Grats on the 3pp work Brigg!

[Brigg]

Thanks a lot. ^.^

I still feel bad about never finishing these. I should try to find time to do it.