One of the groups that I play in is a group of busy adults with families who still try to get together to game. Many of the attendees have young children, including the host. Therefore, it's not uncommon to have one or more of the players bring their kids to the game session. Part of me really admires these folks for both being a good parent (and they are all good parents who love their kids dearly) while also making some time for themselves and continuing to get together and play something that interests them. At the same time, having young kids around leads to all sorts of distractions at the table. More than one session has involved more time interacting with kids than time spent playing, and the time spent playing tends to be of lesser quality because there is banging, yelling, and all sorts of distracting activity going on in the background.
Personally, I am at a stage in life where I am single, childless, and deliriously happy to be so. I fully support my friends who are married with children, but that's not the right place for me to be right now. I also run a game in my home and invite players to come play in my house. Recently, my experiences at the kids-in-backround game have left a strong enough impression that I am considering what to do if someone asks if it's okay to bring a kid to one of my home games. On the one hand, I feel incredibly bad forbidding a parent from bringing their kid(s) to the game. On the other hand, I REALLY don't want the distraction around. Nor do I want to censor my group to make sure that everything said and done at our private home game is child friendly.
So what's the etiquette on this? Is a 'no young children' rule something that is common at gaming tables? Would such a request be considered rude? How is this issue handled in the world at large? Are there any forum goers with kids who can speak about their experiences?
One of our gamers has this adorable child who really wants to play D&D with us. His dad told him if he could roll a 8 on this die he could stay up past his bedtime and play with us,...then he gave him a d6.
Being the great dad he is he the kid roll a second time. :P
But I digress
I would not consider the request rude. So long as it's just a request and you are ok with them saying "no thanks". (A strong possibility of that)
Idea: Maybe you can offer to run a game for the children every so often (with the parents playing as well) in exchange for a kid free game. One of the best experiences I've had is running a TMNT game for some kids and their parents. The parents played down their characters a bit and let the kids be stars.
-MD
I've played in games where young children were present, but only at places where the host also had children. I think that most folks without kids probably don't have their homes in a state conducive to regular child visitors (I certainly don't). Liquor cabinets and chemical cabinets are unlocked, expensive and fragile things are displayed on open shelves. I would be completely comfortable telling a prospective player that I am uncomfortable with having kids in my place on a regular basis for these reasons. It's an entirely different matter for friends/family to visit and everyone can keep an eye out (or take turns) but at the game we are knowingly and intentionally diverting our attention away from the young'uns and that's not fair to them or my place.
So, no, I don't think its rude to politely decline to invite a child or rescind an invitation to someone who insists on bringing a child. Now, depending on the maturity of the kid and the content of your game I think having a 10 year old playing at the table could be acceptable.
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I would talk to them before just throwing out a rule. Just have a casual conversation about how you respect them as parents but sometimes the children are a distraction. Listen to what they have to say and have a dialoge about it. I think just coming out and saying "no kids" might be taken the wrong way or be too blunt. An alternative might be to start up a side game thats adult friendly so you can get in your distracted free time.
First of all, thanks to those who have responded so far. Your advice and thoughts are appreciated.
Just to clarify, the children I was referring to in my post are in the 1-6 age brackett. I'm not sure the 6 year old has the attention span to play a table top RPG just yet, though I'd be up for trying.
I definitely think that creating sessions for older kids (ages 8 and above, and possibly younger?) is a great idea. It's always good to pass on the love of our hobby to others. This is definitely something that I'll keep in mind for the future, and any other suggestions or discussion about kids who are 'older' are certainly welcome. The young ones won't stay young forever, after all. :)
Also, you mention a game that you run in your home - do you have to host? If not and that game involves parents with kids, it may be easier (quieter, etc) to move the game to the parents' house if they're willing, a lot of times kids can keep themselves entertained if they have access to all their toys and are someplace familiar.
Father of three here, two tens and a four. I agree with this comment from Leganduil regarding allowing those with children to host (if they can.) I've found that it is actually quieter and there are less interruptions for boredom or "where is the X" or "Can I have blah to eat/drink" if they are in familiar territory.
Moreover, as a parent, I can say I am much more at ease and concentrating on the game (and I usually GM!) when I am not worrying that my children are doing something in another room. My wife is the same, and she tends to worry that they are in there dismantling things instead of just being quiet. A quiet room can be more terrifying for parents than a noisy one.
I do not think it is rude to make a 'no kids' night if you host. That said, I'd talk to the parents before hand. If, like with my wife and I, they both play then someone may have to stay home to take care of the kids as babysitters are not an expense some want to foot. As long as you are honest and direct I think you'll be fine. And they should understand -- they have to live with the little monsters!
We have a six month old. At this age she is still relatively easy to manage, as her routine is specific, and we've been blessed that she isn't difficult very often. When we host, my wife takes care of the baby when her attention isn't fully required at the gaming table, and some of the other players are enthusiastic about interacting and holding her. She's something of a prop at times. :-)
When the other GM in my group is running, we bring the baby, and one of the other players, his wife very graciously comes to the game for the sole purpose of looking after our daughter. Its a big help at session, and we make sure she knows how much its appreciated.
People can be very helpful and understanding, especially friends. As she grows, I hope that they continue to be. Other gamers in my group have children, but they don't bring them to session, and they don't host. Its different for us because we both play, and neither one of us wants to be left behind.
We are already trying to expose her to the whole experience. She already has her RPG onesies and big foam dice that she tries to eat. I figure as she grows, and is exposed to the various events, themes, and items in our household, it will be easier to bring her into the fold, and eventually be part of the process.
Something that can be done is if you have an upstairs and downstairs, and the children are old enough to somewhat take care of themselves, or...you get a babysitter.
If you have a babysitter, or the kids can watch themselves somewhat, you put them upstairs or downstairs, and you sit at the opposite end of the stairs. Things still arise that require attention, but being on different levels seems to negate the noise factor quite a bit.
This even works with young kids, but someone will need to spring for the babysitter.
