There is a Pathfinder game starting tomorrow that I'm interested in, but I'm not sure if I should go. One admittedly minor concern is that the GM gave me his email address Wednesday and asked me to send him my character, and I lost it until about two hours ago, so he still doesn't have my character. I don't know if it's too late now, because he may have done prep without factoring me in, assuming I dipped out.
The more major issue is our personalities. We are prone to misunderstanding each other, and both me and the GM are individuals who are apt to get very defensive. If there is a misunderstanding, we will explain our position into the ground. He sounds aggressive when he does this, and I tend to react by immediately digging in, and before we know it we're fighting. Neither of us tends to notice that we are doing these things. It usually ends with his wife intervening with a supernatural level of patience. She split us up twice during character creation. It's not that me and the GM have any dislike of each other or any intention to disrespect each other or get aggressive, it's that he has things going on that it is not my place to reveal and I have Aspergers. I want to play, but I'm wondering whether it might be best to sit this one out or whether I should try my best and see if we can learn to control our natural defensiveness.
I think that if he still has a place for you that you should give it a try. The only way to see if you two can control your natural defensiveness and get along in the game is to give it a shot. Will his wife be playing as well, since she knows the pair of you and can help guide you along?
I think that if he still has a place for you that you should give it a try. The only way to see if you two can control your natural defensiveness and get along in the game is to give it a shot. Will his wife be playing as well, since she knows the pair of you and can help guide you along?
His wife will be playing, but I don't want her to spend all her playing time winding us down and explaining to each of us what the other is trying to say. That's not fair to her.
Have a cup of tea before you go, bring in a useful somewhat comedic relief character (halfling rogue, old dottering wizard), do not argue under any circumstances and try to have fun.
Then at the end of the session, after you have been on your best behavior, assess if you want to come back.
I would say no. You got into two fights during character creation? Do you enjoy arguing? How does it affect the rest of the group? Is it fun gaming with that individual? It's a game. You should enjoy it. You should never force yourself to play.
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You could just, y'know, ask him. Assuming you have means to contact him you can call him and say something along the lines of "Hey man, I'm really sorry that I did not send you my character, I lost your email adress. Would it be okay for you if I still come?" (If he says no, great, you have an answer. If he says yes, you can adress your other concerns:)
"I noticed that we tend to get into arguments. I'd really like to play in your game, but if we just kill everybody elses fun with this I'm willing to drop out as soon as this becomes a problem as I don't want to burden your wife with being our babysitter all the time."
Okay, the latter formulation might be a little bit too tounge-in-cheek, but you get the idea.
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Um... why ask us?
Shouldn't you ask him? A simple phone call, email, or text should suffice. Toss your character his way as well as soon as you can. You don't want him to think you are trying to sneak something in by ambush tactics.
As a Ferengi once said: the bigger the risk, the bigger the win!
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Piece of advice - a good rule of thumb:
If he says something you think the rules dispute (or similar), state why once, let him make a call on it with whatever reasoning there is, and then respect it. He's the GM, it's his prerogative, both of you can discuss it sometime after the game, outside of the game.
Bonus points if you explain this plan to him early on, which should help him listen to reason better when you say your side (warning, it may not).
After that, if it gets bad enough, it should be noticeably apparent why you're not playing with that GM anymore.
I ended up not going, though I kinda wish I had. I decided I'd rather remove a source of conflict from the game than have everybody take part in something that's played on eggshells. I do need to learn how to slow up and think before acting in these situations, but my friends' scarce leisure time is not the time for that.
Sounds like at the very least, this allowed you to be reflective. Good luck in the future!
I ended up not going, though I kinda wish I had. I decided I'd rather remove a source of conflict from the game than have everybody take part in something that's played on eggshells. I do need to learn how to slow up and think before acting in these situations, but my friends' scarce leisure time is not the time for that.
Based on your description, I think you made the right call. Sometimes its just not a good match.
I ended up not going, though I kinda wish I had. I decided I'd rather remove a source of conflict from the game than have everybody take part in something that's played on eggshells. I do need to learn how to slow up and think before acting in these situations, but my friends' scarce leisure time is not the time for that.Based on your description, I think you made the right call. Sometimes its just not a good match.
Agreed. Possibly sending in the character late (not a big deal on its own) combined with having a tendency to argue with that particular DM combined with already being separated (twice!) during something as relatively conflict-free as character generation... well... that doesn't sound all that promising.
Really - if you have to ask whether you should play, it's usually not a good idea.