Nailed it, especially Dwarves.
Actually, it was Saturday.
It sounds like you need a pick-me-up.
Here, perhaps you'd prefer 4 Hilarious Things I Learned About Orgies (By Going to One)
Ah... Hypercritical hipster drivel by someone who didn't pay attention in English Composition or Literature and who thinks cursing makes his writing edgy and relevant.
It must be Monday.
Yes, because anybody who's tired of the same old rehashes of all the stereotypical fantasy fare populace must be a hipster. Obviously.
I'm with you on the swearing though.
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Whatever makes you feel better about looking down on others, I guess.
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I'd look down on all you all but, alas, I am only three feet tall.
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"Traits"
The Elf: “I am tall, I am defined by my tallness”
The Dwarf: “I am short, I am defined by my shortness”
The Halfling: “I am short, I am, wait, short is already taken? Okay, um, okay, got it, I am defined by my dietary habits, hah!”
The Elf: “I am also, aloof”
The Halfling: “Wait, we get more than one?”
The Half-Orc: “You shouldn’t be allowed more than one.”
The Dwarf: “What if you are greedy?”
The Half-Orc: “Well, obviously if you are greedy, you’ll want more than one, but still.”
The Dwarf: “I am greedy, and I dislike Half-Orcs”
The Half-Orc: “Hold on a sec, if you’re going to count dislikes as one of them, then I’m up to, five, six, no wait, seven, yeah seven. Halflings are okay, I suppose”
The Elf: “So the dwarf gets two, right? Short and greedy.”
The Halfling: “Um, no I think it’s three, short, greedy and dislikes Half-Orcs.”
The Elf: “Okay then, I am tall, aloof, and I dislike Dwarves and Half-Orcs, hah that’s four.”
The Dwarf: “Are we setting limits, really, ‘cause I can do this all day, short, greedy, dislike Elves, Half-Orcs, and Halflings.”
The Halfling: “Seriously?”
The Dwarf: “No, just kidding, nobody dislikes you guys, but how about Gnomes?”
The Halfling: “Oh, well yeah, everybody dislikes Gnomes, that’s a given.”
The Elf: “So, we done?”
The Halfling: “We haven’t heard from the Human yet.”
The Human: “What? Sorry I was reading another thread, what’s the question, oh traits? Yeah, right, um, uh, okay, I’m better at everything and will be selected first by every player unless the DM says you have to pick one of you guys.”
The Dwarf: “Son of a…”
The Half-Orc: “What the…”
The Elf: “Saw that one coming.”
The Halfling: “But you do not dislike Halflings, right?”
The Human: “Sure, whatever.”
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Cracked used to be a great, edgy site. Hipsters took over quite a while back, though, moreso with the writing of articles than in site attendance. If you don't like cursing, then cracked isn't going to be the site for you.
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Btw, hipster or not, I think this is some of the truest shiznit ever written by a filthy pinkskin:
"[Y]ou need to give your goblins more depth than David Bowie gave his. It was cool that they assisted him in jam sessions, you don't get that from a lot of mythical beasts, but maybe your goblins can be the victims of racism instead of just the result of it. (I'm completely sticking to this theory, by the way, sorry if you don't agree. Also sorry your heart is so black.) So maybe your goblins were as noble and benevolent as elves once, but the damn Aryan elves just repressed and oppressed the hell out of the ugly little farts until their whole race grew embittered and sour. And they're not inherently or pointlessly evil, because no one is; they've just grown up in a society that has, for eons, been under the callous heel of elves who felt themselves better, who used goblins as slave labor in generations past, and who put no value on their lives at all. So f%## yeah, the goblins want to kill you, you're running around with your effeminate archer friend whose great-grandfather used to hang goblins from trees and throw apples at them while they gasped their way to the great beyond."
F$+~in' a right.
(I like cursing because I am a[n aging ex-] hipster.)
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I hate goblins, and dwarfs, and orcs. These are some of the stupidest
constructs in the gaming industry, and should be removed from all games.
RPG, Board, Video, cards..
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Funny enough that's how I feel about elves, and sometimes humans.
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I hate goblins, and dwarfs, and orcs. These are some of the stupidest
constructs in the gaming industry, and should be removed from all games.
RPG, Board, Video, cards...
Funny enough that's how I feel about elves, and sometimes humans.
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Me too. !! Vote with your check book !! Do Not buy products with these stupid fantasy constructs.
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Fantasy Race Reboot
I posted this elsewhere, so apologies if you've already seen it:
Please note: For hipsters. [Puts on raybans and eats pickle]
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Fantasy is fantasy. Any old made up stuff will do.
Fantasy is fantasy. Any old made up stuff will do.
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And this is why you are not a content producer.
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Yes, but how does one distinguish between the fantasy stuff that's made up and the fantasy stuff that's...wait, oh, right. Nevermind.
Me too. !! Vote with your check book !! Do Not buy products with these stupid fantasy constructs.
Good luck finding a fantasy game or setting (outside Talislanta [sp?]) that doesn't have Elves.
I just seriously downplay them in my group's homebrew setting, compared to most published worlds, as well as putting my own spin on them and some of the other races. (Pirate dwarves, Jaegermonster orcs, Magitek-riding sky-continent-dwelling gnomes, etc. etc. etc.) As for dwarves and goblins and orcs, on the other hand, I'll support something coming out for them, as I want those to get some more publicity.
Me too. !! Vote with your check book !! Do Not buy products with these stupid fantasy constructs.Good luck finding a fantasy game or setting (outside Talislanta [sp?]) that doesn't have Elves.
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Thank you.
(how about Numenera?)
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Fantasy is fantasy. Any old made up stuff will do..
And this is why you are not a content producer.
.
Yet...
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Yet...Fantasy is fantasy. Any old made up stuff will do..
And this is why you are not a content producer.
.
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Hurry up.
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Do homebrew classes based on videogames count?
Me too. !! Vote with your check book !! Do Not buy products with these stupid fantasy constructs.Good luck finding a fantasy game or setting (outside Talislanta [sp?]) that doesn't have Elves..
Thank you.
(how about Numenera?)
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Havent had the opportunity to look into it, though it's on my list
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I hate goblins, and dwarfs, and orcs. These are some of the stupidest
constructs in the gaming industry, and should be removed from all games.
RPG, Board, Video, cards...
Funny enough that's how I feel about elves, and sometimes humans..
Me too. !! Vote with your check book !! Do Not buy products with these stupid fantasy constructs.
.
Then, if you play Pathfinder, you should really be playing the NeoExodus campaign setting, where you won't find any unless you put them there.
Eh...I don't have Hobbits..I mean Halflings in my version of Golarion. I find them disgusting little hirsute footed beasts. I know, I know...this labels me as elitist hipster scum *Yawn*
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I re-wrote gnomes in a homebrew campaign.
They were infatuated with techo-necromantic combinations.
They were also compulsively polite.
LE as a whole, with a few LN.
I re-wrote gnomes in a homebrew campaign.
They were infatuated with techo-necromantic combinations.
They were also compulsively polite.
LE as a whole, with a few LN.
cool. Really cool actually. I like it.
Thank you!
I re-wrote gnomes in a homebrew campaign.
They were infatuated with techo-necromantic combinations.
They were also compulsively polite.
LE as a whole, with a few LN.
Definitely going to consider borrowing this for a branch of mine, it seems like one of the dark pockets they'd wander off into.
I really love the gnome idea, thanks!
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They experimented with metal replacement for limbs, or NecroGrafts. A sign of status could be a finger or entire arm replaced with a gilded mechanical version, for no medical reason, other than because they could. They were working on walking caskets, which were steampunk mechanical gnomes that housed a soul once the Mk I body had terminated (ie, he died). Their leader had accidentally figured out how to do this, they've been trying to recreate it since.
The compulsive politeness manifested in a compulsory need to wave back to someone who had waved to them. It bled into other facets of their society, but to the characters, that's what they noticed first. And the expectation that of course they'd want mechanical replacement limbs.
They weren't forced, but the gnomes were disappointed when they were politely refused.
They regard everything else with an almost calloused indifference.
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Needless to say, they had a lot of undead around, and mechanical servitors, to use as manual labor and any other need they could derive a use for them. It wasn't a big deal, they were tools to be used. No more, no less. Any moral quandry about it died long ago as their curiosity for what could be done ultimately won out.
These guys were for a GURPS game, but I can see what I can come up with using the ARG for them. Unless someone else wishes to contribute :)
I really like it.
If you can find a few issues, check out the idw dungeons and dragons comic from a few years back. Copernicus jinx might be a great inspiration.
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Though I have no problems with new versions of the classical races, I still enjoy them just the way they are.
I shall google Copernicus Jinx.
EDIT: Not the same, but the crystal arm is cool!
never been a big fan of halflings and orcs
I do really really hate the drunk Scotsman stereotype for dwarves. My dwarvves are dour, overly polite, neurotic German engineers
Then, if you play Pathfinder, you should really be playing the NeoExodus campaign setting, where you won't find any unless you put them there..
I hate goblins, and dwarfs, and orcs. These are some of the stupidest
constructs in the gaming industry, and should be removed from all games.
RPG, Board, Video, cards...
Funny enough that's how I feel about elves, and sometimes humans..
Me too. !! Vote with your check book !! Do Not buy products with these stupid fantasy constructs.
.
good 2 know.
Hmm, will have to check that out.
Lazar, that sounds cool. Have links? A good site to look them up on?
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Well despite the odd pithy comment and down nosing by the pseudo-intellectual, which was ironically funny because hipster hating intellectual wannabes are up for a reboot too, I think the subsequent discussion has been great!
Necrognomes, niiiice.
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Funny enough that's how I feel about elves, and sometimes humans.
Anything that aint human is monsters.
Elf: As you and the other wood chopping human shortcut through elf wood your travelling companion goes silent. You look around to see a naked elf squatting in jimbo's intestines chewing on a kidney...drawing your attention from the second elf.
Niiiiiiice....
(how about Numenera?)Havent had the opportunity to look into it, though it's on my list
I hate goblins, and dwarfs, and orcs. These are some of the stupidest
constructs in the gaming industry, and should be removed from all games.
RPG, Board, Video, cards..
Has nothing new been invented?