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I think that really shows the difference between a "friend" and a "loyalist":
I was looking up an old friend because we're desperate for a cat-sitter for our Vegas trip and his son is responsible enough I'd trust him to do it. On my Google search for his phone number... oh, my! Turns out he was ousted from his long-time government job in a major corruption scandal. I knew the guy for years, and it's hard for me to believe he got caught up in something like that.
A loyalist would say, "It's obviously a set-up job! Someone planted the evidence! My friend can't possibly be guilty."
It's a terrible attitude to have, because it enables people in doing terrible things.
I still consider myself his friend, but I read the mountain of evidence and investigation, and I have no reason to doubt that he really did it and really ****ed up. I'm baffled, but I'm not so blindly loyal that I say, "He can't possibly have done that!"
Which is always why I despise the phrase, "A friend is a person who has your back no matter what."
No. A friend is someone who will believe the evidence when it turns out that you did something horrible, but who will still be there for you in spite of it.
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So, posting here because I'm hoping some FaWtL folk will be able to shed some light for this old cis White male.
Yet the boyfriend baffles me. He insists on being called "he". But that is the end-all and be-all of it. He is a biological female. He puts on makeup and lipstick every day, prefers flattering dresses, and carries a purse. No one who casually sees him on the street or hears him speaking would ever think of him as anything other than a biological female. And yes, he has a boyfriend.
So it begs the question: What is the point of calling yourself "he" if you are going to continue to fully live your live as a biological female? I'm sure there is one; even around here I'm sure he gets no end up crap for choosing "he" as a pronoun. And he doesn't seem to be doing it just to make a point. Yet he's the second trans person I've met who switched pronouns and nothing more. And I'd love to know what I'm missing.
EDIT: I asked Impus Major and he doesn't know, either. He made the point that we don't need to know, we can just respect their decision. But as a scientist, I want to know. Human gender and sexuality is a fascinating, barely-scratched realm of study.
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Fantasy Monster: Grand Bookworm
Its a big bookworm, made of books...
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So, posting here because I'm hoping some FaWtL folk will be able to shed some light for this old cis White male.
** spoiler omitted **
From my limited understanding: Internal feeling. If you don't experience any sort of dysphoria related to your body, identity, and such, it will be incomprehensible to you.
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So, posting here because I'm hoping some FaWtL folk will be able to shed some light for this old cis White male.
** spoiler omitted **
It sounds like he's comfortable as a femboy, and continues to embrace a lot of more feminine aspects of presentation. Either that, or he doesn't feel comfortable yet living completely outwardly as a more masculine presentation, either because of family pressure or concern over the current state of society. But he knows he's a he, and that's all that really matters at the moment.
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** spoiler omitted **So, posting here because I'm hoping some FaWtL folk will be able to shed some light for this old cis White male.
** spoiler omitted **
indeed.
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We don't have a solid term for transsexism; "transsexual" was coopted and is utterly useless as a term. I consider a transsexual to be someone uncomfortable with the biological sex they were born with.
And I think therein lies my bafflement (and Drejk put it well -- since I don't suffer it I may never understand it): If you don't like your gender, you do you. If you don't like your biological sex, it seems odd that you'd continue to pursue all the trappings of it (makeup, lipstick, dresses, etc.)
But yeah, I appreciate Orthos and Drejk providing some context, and I think Drejk is right; my issue is a complete mental disconnect from that feeling -- you can't empathize with something you don't feel. You can respect it. You can accept someone else's choices about it. But you can't fundamentally understand it.
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That's about all most of us really ask for, to be honest.
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Gender is a mess; an interesting mess, to some of us, but another one of those things that really highlights how humans are a weird bunch of social primates, I guess.
There’s a weird recursive thing to gender that I don’t think I’ve seen discussed much at all (except, for a bit, by Sophie Grace Chappell in her book Trans Figured), about how gender is as gender does, or what one does/feels, and which ideally gets accepted by society at large. She compares it – noting the limitations of the analogy but not working them out in detail – to how hard it is to separate at least some more or less prestigious jobs / social functions from the doing of them. Judges, I think, and possibly priests and legislators. It’s been a while since I read it.
“You doing you,” for gender, for most people, I think, is something that feeds into their sense of who they are, even if that is driven to an uncertain extent by how many societies have made gender such a big deal. I find it neat that you went from “if you don't like your gender role, ignore it,” to “if you don't like your gender, you do you.” There’s something there, I think, beyond just the delight of a bit of rhetorical variety. :) Culture’s a nasty piece of work. ;)
Could you elaborate on what you meant by the cooption of “transsexual?” I think I know what you mean, but… Anyway, for what it’s worth, I’ve seen a French writer try to float “transsexuation” in a way similar to how we might say something is “sexed,” and to distinguish between biology and “kicks below the waistline” (or above, let’s not dictate what anyone counts as sexy times), but it never took off.
Fantasy Monster: Grand Bookworm
Its a big bookworm, made of books...
I really really really like this one.
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Gender is a mess; an interesting mess, to some of us, but another one of those things that really highlights how humans are a weird bunch of social primates, I guess.
** spoiler omitted **...
The curiosity for me, as I said, is someone who declares themselves trans but who, to an outside observer, does nothing beyond changing their pronoun. And I think that's a fundamentally deeper issue with me. There's a trans woman in the kids' weekly game who bursts into tears and curls up into a ball whenever she gets misgendered; it's a very strong, very deeply felt reaction for her. And yet people trying to explain her response to me ask me, "How would you feel if everyone started calling you 'she' and 'her'?" and my answer is, "I really wouldn't care."
But that is obviously an aspect of me and my comfort with myself, and not everyone shares my honey badger attitude.
So as I said (and Orthos repeated), I don't have to understand it, I have to respect it. And I do that. But the scientist in me is still curious as all heck.
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Terms differ, sometimes wildly, over the many, many years. I have received and delivered talking tos over the same many, many years. What was acceptable when you were 20 may not be acceptable today and vice versa, which is a shock to some.
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Terms differ, sometimes wildly, over the many, many years. I have received and delivered talking tos over the same many, many years. What was acceptable when you were 20 may not be acceptable today and vice versa, which is a shock to some.
O.M.G. Don't get me started on the number of words we considered perfectly "fine" back in the day but that are now verboten. Some of them smack me in the face like a frozen halibut when I say something and the kids gasp and shudder, "You can't say that word!"
In lighter news, only those who have experienced it can appreciate true shopping dyslexia.
If you cook or shop at all, you know that different brands have different colors, flavors, and textures, and you likely have a favorite. The kids were so bad about buying store-brand stuff (almost always nigh-inedible, especially the cheeses) that I started listing brand names and even sending them pictures to make sure they got the right stuff.
But this one still stuns me.
Shopping List: Fancy Feast Chicken Paté (6+ cans).
Grocery Bag: Blue Buffalo Tasteful Purées with Chicken cat food compliment.
In other words, it's not just not Fancy Feast, it's not just not canned food, it's not even cat food.
I am at a loss. And I know that anyone out there who sends friends or family members to shop for them knows this pain. It's why I don't use grocery delivery services. "Buy this brand or don't buy it" is an option you can select, but since they get paid based on the total bill they always try to choose a replacement instead.
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Terms differ, sometimes wildly, over the many, many years. I have received and delivered talking tos over the same many, many years. What was acceptable when you were 20 may not be acceptable today and vice versa, which is a shock to some.O.M.G. Don't get me started on the number of words we considered perfectly "fine" back in the day but that are now verboten. Some of them smack me in the face like a frozen halibut when I say something and the kids gasp and shudder, "You can't say that word!"
Halibut now verboten
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Speaking of honey badgers...
...a couple of months ago, our neighbors had an arborist come by and the aborist recommended cutting the dead part of a tree overhanging our yard away. GothBard objected, because dead tree full of crows. The arborist relented.
Our gardener, Force of Nature who wouldn't even stop for COVID (we taped the money to the back door because he just kept right on coming even when we told him we'd pay him not to), came to the same conclusion as the arborist. He examined it, thought about it, thought about our cats, and without so much as a by-your-leave came by today and took the tree out. When I asked him to tell us next time his response was simply, "It could have hurt your cats, so it had to go."
When a man picks up a chainsaw to defend your cats, it's really hard to be peeved at him.
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Dead Tree Chainsaw Cat Defenders,
Dead Tree Chainsaw Cat Defenders,
Dead Tree Chainsaw Cat Defenders,
Wouldn't stop for COVID!
...turtle power?
I'll allow it!
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It's official.
Pierogi reached the space!
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MY CABBAGES ARE IN SPACE!
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We've been in Maine since Friday. Today we took the canoe over to Bunganut Lake. We swam, we canoed, we saw two loons that swam up close to the little island we were resting on in the middle of our swim, it was pretty amazing.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
In lighter news, only those who have experienced it can appreciate true shopping dyslexia.
If you cook or shop at all, you know that different brands have different colors, flavors, and textures, and you likely have a favorite. The kids were so bad about buying store-brand stuff (almost always nigh-inedible, especially the cheeses) that I started listing brand names and even sending them pictures to make sure they got the right stuff.
But this one still stuns me.
Shopping List: Fancy Feast Chicken Paté (6+ cans).
Grocery Bag: Blue Buffalo Tasteful Purées with Chicken cat food compliment.In other words, it's not just not Fancy Feast, it's not just not canned food, it's not even cat food.
I am at a loss. And I know that anyone out there who sends friends or family members to shop for them knows this pain. It's why I don't use grocery delivery services. "Buy this brand or don't buy it" is an option you can select, but since they get paid based on the total bill they always try to choose a replacement instead.
From what little I know, some shoppers(it may now be most or even all) get in trouble if they do not make a substitution.
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Dead Tree Chainsaw Cat Defenders,
Dead Tree Chainsaw Cat Defenders,
Dead Tree Chainsaw Cat Defenders,
Wouldn't stop for COVID!
...turtle power?
Hes the man who s out to kill the trees.
Dead tree chainsaw cat defender
His thumb is full of splinters and its green
Dead tree chainsaw cat defender
When the spreading alder sprouts back
Hes whirling death with a blower pack…
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Dead Tree Chainsaw Cat Defenders,
Dead Tree Chainsaw Cat Defenders,
Dead Tree Chainsaw Cat Defenders,
Wouldn't stop for COVID!
...turtle power?
Now THAT'S a band name!
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Today I was asked by a client to do something both creepy and also illegal in multiple countries.
It was a great day.
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♫ Welcome to the garden,♫
♫ Please respect the rules. ♫
♫ We've got all the plants you want, ♫
♫ We tend them with our tools. ♫
♫ We are the people who can grow ♫
♫ Whatever you may need. ♫
♫ And if you've got the money, honey ♫
♫ We've got your daisies ♫
♫ Garden, welcome to the garden ♫
♫ Watch it bring in all the ♫
♫ Sha-na-na-na-na-na-na bees, bees! ♫
We're gonna make you sneeze!
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It's why I don't use grocery delivery services. "Buy this brand or don't buy it" is an option you can select, but since they get paid based on the total bill they always try to choose a replacement instead.From what little I know, some shoppers(it may now be most or even all) get in trouble if they do not make a substitution.
Which wouldn't surprise me one whit. The illusion of choice is a classic megacorporation tactic. Next to each items is a, "What should the shopper do if this item is out of stock?" checkbox, with, "Choose a substitute item" or "Do not purchase this item". But the shopper is instructed to ignore that checkbox and always purchase an item, thereby generating more money for the corporation, and they can chalk it up to "an honest mistake" and say, "They'll contact the shopper about the issue."
Yep. It tracks.
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Impus Minor pointed out one of the unspoken benefits of living in a stupid-rich area: "One man's trash is another man's treasure" takes on a whole new level of stupid.
Three or four weeks ago he found a fully-functional 42" nearly-new Samsung TV set that the owners discarded because the batteries in the remote had leaked and ruined the remote. "Honey, the remote won't work any more!" "Oh, I guess we'll need to buy a new TV, then."
Around that time he declared that he needed a work table and co-opted one of our TV tables.
Yesterday GothBard and I were walking and found a fully-intact drafting table on the curb for disposal. And not a crappy one: Powdered steel base, laminated top; probably a $300-$400 table. Thrown out because the plastic cupholders on the side were bent a bit.
So Impus Minor is furnishing his entire room using other people's throwaways of top-tier items with trivial flaws.
He is pleased.
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Obviously you agreed to do it.Today I was asked by a client to do something both creepy and also illegal in multiple countries.
It was a great day.
No, I didn't. *I* found it creepy.
Also, I don't have the level of access needed to furnish the client with the requested data. And I'm very happy for that to remain true.
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New lows in corporate incompetence
We're in a massive (1000+ attendees) Zoom presentation, so only the presenters have sound. And one of THEM started watching a movie without muting themselves. You heard the swelling opening music and the industry jingle before they realized what they were doing and muted themselves. It's like, "Seriously? You're watching a movie while you're presenting?!?!?"
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Impus Minor pointed out one of the unspoken benefits of living in a stupid-rich area: "One man's trash is another man's treasure" takes on a whole new level of stupid.
Three or four weeks ago he found a fully-functional 42" nearly-new Samsung TV set that the owners discarded because the batteries in the remote had leaked and ruined the remote. "Honey, the remote won't work any more!" "Oh, I guess we'll need to buy a new TV, then."
Around that time he declared that he needed a work table and co-opted one of our TV tables.
Yesterday GothBard and I were walking and found a fully-intact drafting table on the curb for disposal. And not a crappy one: Powdered steel base, laminated top; probably a $300-$400 table. Thrown out because the plastic cupholders on the side were bent a bit.
So Impus Minor is furnishing his entire room using other people's throwaways of top-tier items with trivial flaws.
He is pleased.
i need to visit more often, for gleaning purposes.
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Obviously you agreed to do it.Today I was asked by a client to do something both creepy and also illegal in multiple countries.
It was a great day.
He is a dragon, not a monster
He is a dragon, not a monsterObviously you agreed to do it.Today I was asked by a client to do something both creepy and also illegal in multiple countries.
It was a great day.
There's a difference?!
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Impus Minor pointed out one of the unspoken benefits of living in a stupid-rich area: "One man's trash is another man's treasure" takes on a whole new level of stupid.
Three or four weeks ago he found a fully-functional 42" nearly-new Samsung TV set that the owners discarded because the batteries in the remote had leaked and ruined the remote. "Honey, the remote won't work any more!" "Oh, I guess we'll need to buy a new TV, then."
Around that time he declared that he needed a work table and co-opted one of our TV tables.
Yesterday GothBard and I were walking and found a fully-intact drafting table on the curb for disposal. And not a crappy one: Powdered steel base, laminated top; probably a $300-$400 table. Thrown out because the plastic cupholders on the side were bent a bit.
So Impus Minor is furnishing his entire room using other people's throwaways of top-tier items with trivial flaws.
He is pleased.
Envy, I remember the days of furnishing my apartment with discarded actual-trash furniture ("if we turn the cushions upside-down they're intact enough and we can ignore the wear/cuts") and emptied cable spools for tables.
| 3 people marked this as a favorite. |
Impus Minor pointed out one of the unspoken benefits of living in a stupid-rich area: "One man's trash is another man's treasure" takes on a whole new level of stupid.
Three or four weeks ago he found a fully-functional 42" nearly-new Samsung TV set that the owners discarded because the batteries in the remote had leaked and ruined the remote. "Honey, the remote won't work any more!" "Oh, I guess we'll need to buy a new TV, then."
Around that time he declared that he needed a work table and co-opted one of our TV tables.
Yesterday GothBard and I were walking and found a fully-intact drafting table on the curb for disposal. And not a crappy one: Powdered steel base, laminated top; probably a $300-$400 table. Thrown out because the plastic cupholders on the side were bent a bit.
So Impus Minor is furnishing his entire room using other people's throwaways of top-tier items with trivial flaws.
He is pleased.
Look Freehold!
Impus Minor is proving that he doesn't need his share of inheritance to live a successful and happy life!
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Impus Minor pointed out one of the unspoken benefits of living in a stupid-rich area: "One man's trash is another man's treasure" takes on a whole new level of stupid.
Three or four weeks ago he found a fully-functional 42" nearly-new Samsung TV set that the owners discarded because the batteries in the remote had leaked and ruined the remote. "Honey, the remote won't work any more!" "Oh, I guess we'll need to buy a new TV, then."
Around that time he declared that he needed a work table and co-opted one of our TV tables.
Yesterday GothBard and I were walking and found a fully-intact drafting table on the curb for disposal. And not a crappy one: Powdered steel base, laminated top; probably a $300-$400 table. Thrown out because the plastic cupholders on the side were bent a bit.
So Impus Minor is furnishing his entire room using other people's throwaways of top-tier items with trivial flaws.
He is pleased.
Look Freehold!
Impus Minor is proving that he doesn't need his share of inheritance to live a successful and happy life!
This is excellent news! Perhaps papa can write me into the will now!
You know what's fun? When the breakfast host hasn't shown up by the time breakfast is supposed to start, so you text the manager, who then texts back to say that she called him and he was asleep. So now I get to hear from angry guests about how they want breakfast.
I set out cereal, oatmeal, and unlocked the fridge so they can have yogurt and milk. Also, I turned on the juice machine, but they're not happy.
If it helps, I would be ecstatic. I know things go wrong at hotels sometimes, as you doubtless recall from some of my earlier stories. Sometimes you just take what you can, thank the staff, and hustle along. There were times where that was the ONLY food I had for a day.
... and emptied cable spools for tables.You mean a nutcracker?
(I really want to link the scene from the TV show "Taxi" where the gang is at Reverend Jim's apartment and he has a cable spool set up in the middle and uses it as a nutcracker. Then when one of the others says "You mean the table?" he gets an incredible look of astonishment on his face and says "By God it could be used as a table!" Unfortunately, I can't seem to find it on youtube.)
there are a couple of shows you won't find on YouTube. Iirc, taxi is one of them, likely because of the royalties associated with the opening song.
Just spent the weekend watching some nostalgia stuff on YouTube actually- music mostly, but some tv shows were wrapped in. Taxi was mentioned, but was either blurred out or had NO audio.
I found a few clips from Taxi, but not that one.... and emptied cable spools for tables.You mean a nutcracker?
(I really want to link the scene from the TV show "Taxi" where the gang is at Reverend Jim's apartment and he has a cable spool set up in the middle and uses it as a nutcracker. Then when one of the others says "You mean the table?" he gets an incredible look of astonishment on his face and says "By God it could be used as a table!" Unfortunately, I can't seem to find it on youtube.)
there are a couple of shows you won't find on YouTube. Iirc, taxi is one of them, likely because of the royalties associated with the opening song.
Just spent the weekend watching some nostalgia stuff on YouTube actually- music mostly, but some tv shows were wrapped in. Taxi was mentioned, but was either blurred out or had NO audio.
All of Taxi is free on Pluto.
My mom's cousin flew out from Sacramento so he could see all of the kids (lifelong bachelor, Eve's daughter and my two are the closest things he has to grandchildren, and he treats them that way).
He ended up trying to teach WW, Val and me to play Bridge yesterday. The guys couldn't deal with it. I quickly got hooked, downloaded a tutorial app, am up to lesson 38 (advanced bidding).
Why did not one ever tell me this game was so cool?
It's like Japanese black sesame ice cream. You would never guess until you try it.
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My mom's cousin flew out from Sacramento so he could see all of the kids (lifelong bachelor, Eve's daughter and my two are the closest things he has to grandchildren, and he treats them that way).
He ended up trying to teach WW, Val and me to play Bridge yesterday. The guys couldn't deal with it. I quickly got hooked, downloaded a tutorial app, am up to lesson 38 (advanced bidding).
Why did not one ever tell me this game was so cool?
It's like Japanese black sesame ice cream. You would never guess until you try it.
OMG. The moment our father thought we were old enough (I might have been 13-ish?) he taught us Bridge. Instant addiction. It's such a good game, and so underrated.
And yes, Bridge etiquette is a constant thing of ridicule out our table ("If you'd done that at a real table a little old lady would've shot you,") but it's still a really fun game.