Dearest LPM,
When I sneeze, it is either a single sneeze or a series of three. Yet
everyone else sneezes once or twice. Is my nose attempting to
communicate in some Base Three code?
Sincerely and BttH,
Amby
Nah, I wasn't there and I don't think anybody who was in on those anti-native wars is still alive so.....In that case let me go ahead and apologize for White people everywhere. Damn White people ruining it for everyone.Other than the fact that my 8 year old son had to hold me back back when his sisters class play said "The indians taught the pilgrims how to grow corn, and the pilgrims taught the indians how to be free!", I celebrated it much as I normally do. Which is to say by stuffing myself to the bursting point and then b@&#%ing about how the damn pilgrims wouldn't have known their ass from a whole in the ground if not for my anscestors. (1/2 Native American here.) ;)Dear LPM,
How was your traditional American celebration of overeating and rememberance of the pillaging of Native American lands (aka Thanksgiving)?
Dear Moorluck,
Should we lock up the Mexicans on reservations like we did your ancestors since,
1. They are brown too
2. This is our damn country
Sincerely,
Concerned Citizen Poodle
Dear Lord President Moorluck,
Did God make snow just because he knew I'd one day move north, or is it just a coincidence?
You are assuming of course that God made snow. Snow was in fact created by the evil, but smoking hot, witch Snow White. She found a way to draw power from her name being spoken and so causes ice to fall from the sky, when we call it snow we actually increase her power. Soon she will hurl the world into another ice age and become like a god!!
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You are assuming of course that God made snow. Snow was in fact created by the evil, but smoking hot, witch Snow White. She found a way to draw power from her name being spoken and so causes ice to fall from the sky, when we call it snow we actually increase her power. Soon she will hurl the world into another ice age and become like a god!!Dear Lord President Moorluck,
Did God make snow just because he knew I'd one day move north, or is it just a coincidence?
So, we should call it something else?
I flagged myself. I am not sure if I went too far with that one.
I flagged myself. I am not sure if I went too far with that one.
You know, you're still within the window where you can delete it yourself if you think it went too far.
I think its clear from the context that you're being satirical, so unless someone else is offended, I'll leave the decision to you.
I think its clear from the context that you're being satirical, so unless someone else is offended, I'll leave the decision to you.
Thank you.
I thought anyone who knows me would get where I am coming from. But not everyone knows me.
Dearest LPM,
When I sneeze, it is either a single sneeze or a series of three. Yet
everyone else sneezes once or twice. Is my nose attempting to
communicate in some Base Three code?Sincerely and BttH,
Amby
Nasal Code is an ancient and mysterious language, it went out of common practice about 800 years ago after the great breast uprising. I have noticed an increase in it's use as of late however, so I must assume that soon the Nasal Overlords will be making a return to power soon. What this means for us is that no longer will large breast be the desirable, but instead large noses.
So I should dust off my Barbra Streisand records?
I am offended! ~shrugs~ But then again, CourtFool always offends me. ~grins~
So I should dust off my Barbra Streisand records?
NOOOOOOO!!!!!! The pain! The pain!!!
Nah, I wasn't there and I don't think anybody who was in on those anti-native wars is still alive so.....In that case let me go ahead and apologize for White people everywhere. Damn White people ruining it for everyone.Other than the fact that my 8 year old son had to hold me back back when his sisters class play said "The indians taught the pilgrims how to grow corn, and the pilgrims taught the indians how to be free!", I celebrated it much as I normally do. Which is to say by stuffing myself to the bursting point and then b@&#%ing about how the damn pilgrims wouldn't have known their ass from a whole in the ground if not for my anscestors. (1/2 Native American here.) ;)Dear LPM,
How was your traditional American celebration of overeating and rememberance of the pillaging of Native American lands (aka Thanksgiving)?
Dear Moorluck,
Should we lock up the Mexicans on reservations like we did your ancestors since,
1. They are brown too
2. This is our damn countrySincerely,
Concerned Citizen Poodle
It would never work for a couple of reasons. The first is that where my ancestors had horses, the Mexicans have really cool low riders. And two, according to my sources they are impossible to cage, that's why they call them MexiCANS and not MexiCANT'S. :P
I am offended! ~shrugs~ But then again, CourtFool always offends me. ~grins~
My work here is done.
So I should dust off my Barbra Streisand records?
I've said it before, but I will repeat an answer. Not No, But HELL NO!!!
So I should dust off my Barbra Streisand records?Memories
Light the corners of my mind
Misty water-color memories
Of the way we were
Scattered pictures
Of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were
~SCREAMS~ NOOOOOO!!! ~burst into flames~
So, we should call it something else?You are assuming of course that God made snow. Snow was in fact created by the evil, but smoking hot, witch Snow White. She found a way to draw power from her name being spoken and so causes ice to fall from the sky, when we call it snow we actually increase her power. Soon she will hurl the world into another ice age and become like a god!!Dear Lord President Moorluck,
Did God make snow just because he knew I'd one day move north, or is it just a coincidence?
We could call it Blow instead of Snow, but it would just confuse the Cartels. :/
And two, according to my sources they are impossible to cage, that's why they call them MexiCANS and not MexiCANT'S. :P
I guess I better start practicing.
¿Desea papas fritas con eso?
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We could call it Blow instead of Snow, but it would just confuse the Cartels. :/So, we should call it something else?You are assuming of course that God made snow. Snow was in fact created by the evil, but smoking hot, witch Snow White. She found a way to draw power from her name being spoken and so causes ice to fall from the sky, when we call it snow we actually increase her power. Soon she will hurl the world into another ice age and become like a god!!Dear Lord President Moorluck,
Did God make snow just because he knew I'd one day move north, or is it just a coincidence?
Not to mention Sebastian.
CourtFool, you are such an attention whore. ~sighs~ Here is $5. Now leave me alone.
And two, according to my sources they are impossible to cage, that's why they call them MexiCANS and not MexiCANT'S. :PI guess I better start practicing.
¿Desea papas fritas con eso?
Uhm.... Does papa's frito's come with cheeze whiz?
I guess he could put some on 'em if he wanted. ;)
Dónde está la biblioteca?And two, according to my sources they are impossible to cage, that's why they call them MexiCANS and not MexiCANT'S. :PI guess I better start practicing.
¿Desea papas fritas con eso?
Blonde breast in the Bible?
Cool, I'll have to read it again!
CourtFool, you are such an attention whore.
Jealous much, scaley? :)
CourtFool, you are such an attention whore.Jealous much, scaley? :)
~paints my now green scales with silver pain~ Nope. Not at all.
CourtFool, you are such an attention whore.Jealous much, scaley? :)
Yes. Yes he is, he wishes he could get his scales to stay in that froo-froo cut that you wear so easy.
Some of us know you, and yet still don't "get" you. :P
Perhaps you fear looking that far into the mirror.
Dear Figment of my Imagination,
Why do I make my children cry?
Wow, I don't even know where to start with this. For starters you talk to yourself, in RL as well as online. And how about the fact that you showed them the "Canned Unicorn Meat" in the first place? You made your daughter cry.... that's messed up dude.
Maybe they cry because they're your kids and not mine.
LPM
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Dear Figment of my Imagination,
Why do I make my children cry?
Wow, I don't even know where to start with this. For starters you talk to yourself, in RL as well as online. And how about the fact that you showed them the "Canned Unicorn Meat" in the first place? You made your daughter cry.... that's messed up dude.
Maybe they cry because they're your kids and not mine.
LPM
Screw you LPM, I'm gonna go ask JJ and see what he says. Jerk.
Dear LPM,
I'm developing a WMD that is fueled specifically by poodle blood. However, my endeavours have not worked out just yet. What am I doing wrong? Also, how do you get poodle blood stains out of your clothes?
Dear LPM,
I'm developing a WMD that is fueled specifically by poodle blood. However, my endeavours have not worked out just yet. What am I doing wrong? Also, how do you get poodle blood stains out of your clothes?
Let's see, number one what you're doing wrong is using poodle blood, it's the actual live poodle that causes so much destruction. I would recommend using a capsule like the old space capsules and launching a few dozen hungry, horny poodles at the target.
Number two, I think you're better off just burning poodle blood soaked clothes than actually trying to clean them, you can never get that stench out.
...horny poodles...
Redundant.
Dear Mr. President,
Is your wife busy this Friday?
A Hor…er…A poodle.
runs into thread with his trumpet
OK, what song do you want to hear?
Dear Mr. President,
Is your wife busy this Friday?
A Hor…er…A poodle.
Yup, she's gonna have more than her hands full too. It's our date night.
(Besides, she doesn't like doggy style.)
runs into thread with his trumpet
OK, what song do you want to hear?
Donald Where's Your Trousers. But you may need to trade the trumpet for bagpipes.
Dear LPM,
Should I head to the bars on new years eve this year? If I do what should I be on the look out for as far as problems?
Dear LPM,
Should I head to the bars on new years eve this year? If I do what should I be on the look out for as far as problems?
To be honest I've never seen much purpose in bar hopping on New Years, unless their is an actual party you were wishing to attend. I prefer to spend that day in quiet contemplation of myself, the gifts God has given me, and what kind of man I wish to become in the New Year.
That said, if you do go the thing you need to be most guarded against is all the damn drunks who think they can drive, public transportation is a blessing this night. Next is the damn drunks, the ones who like to shoot their mouths off 'cause they think their funny.
That and loose women..... just like daddy's gun in the closet, they too may be loaded. I recommend going to a respected whore house, it may cost a little more, but at least it won't make your dick fall off. Nobody wants that for New Years.
My advice, hire a good hooker, but a bottle of Glen and have your own damn party, peach preserves and live chicken are purely optional.
Dear LPM,
How did the myth of the axe-murdering Santa get started?
This myth was started by a young girl who was found on Christmas morning seventy five years ago in a small London home. Her family had been chopped to bits and hung by the chimney with care. She claimed that Santa had held her family and threatened to kill them if she didn't perform favors, let's just say they involved sitting on his lap, although she did as he asked he butchered them anyway..... or so she said. She was tried for the bloody murders and hung, but there are those who still believe her story was true.
Dear Mr. President,
If a Jack is passed out in the forest and there isn't a poodle there to hump him, is he really a Jack?
Sincerely,
CF
Dear Mr. President,
If a Jack is passed out in the forest and there isn't a poodle there to hump him, is he really a Jack?
Sincerely,
CF
No. Without the poodles to hump them the Jacks are nothing more than metallic canine chew toys looking for a good home. They need to be piddled on and humped by poodles to reach true awakenment.
Dear Drow Brother from Another Mother,
Where can I get a spare liver?
Dear Drow Brother from Another Mother,
Where can I get a spare liver?
I would look wherever the homeless people gather. They tend to have livers, but they may not be top quality. If that matters to you then try a ritzy social club, may be harder to acquire, but the extra effort should pay off.