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Roger Ailes. I hope, for his sake, that there is such a thing as Hell. I cannot overstate my hatred for this universally disgusting, bloated-baby-corpse vampire of the mind and spirit. The ultimate sore loser, he took *at least* two generations of Americans who could have easily had it all and more, and drove them and their country into the dirt. "Ooh, lookit me, I've got a knack for throwing giant tantrums and spreading deception and hatred, I'd better not waste this gift!" Millions of American lives and trillions of American dollars flushed down the toilet, heroic individuals broken in name and spirit, hope and goodwill punished, hate and stupidity empowered, Orwellian Newspeak anointed the official national language, and gods-alone-can-say how much "collateral damage" to the rest of the world, all because why? Because your guy lost one election 50 years ago? Because YOUR childhood memories of Arcadia turned out to be a lie, you steal and incinerate the inner and outer resources of entire generations who may in fact have been on to something, and who had nothing to do with you or your petty, antique wars?
You lost, Roger. YOU LOST 40 YEARS AGO, ACCEPT IT. If you can't bear to live in the 21st Century, if you hate the thought of a better world, then why can't you DIE?!?
"The truth is like the sun - you can block it out for a while, but it ain't going away." - Elvis Presley
The next poster made up their own 12-sign zodiac!
Hal's revised zodiac...
January: Caffinus, the Latte
February: Flatso, the Steamroller
March: Myopia, the Eyeglasses
April: Lexxis, the Automobile
May: Lucre, the Automated Teller Machine
June: Bling, the Necklace
July: Paylinn, the Failed Politician
August: Reebock, the Sneaker
September: Eyebook, the Laptop
October: Ventus, the Oscillating Fan
November: Thom, the Turkey
December: Aster, the Star
Hey, Next Poster, what's your sign?
I went to Boy Scout Camp, twice. I would have loved to go to Space Camp.
The next poster went to a very unusual camp.
"Welcome to Camp Camp! Today, is going to be the highlight of your life, ladies! You are going to make camp tents out of freakin' wood and YOU ARE GOING TO LIKE IT! None of that tarp crap, I'm making you make shelter out of old fashion splinter-inducing wood! And then, you shall prepare the-SON STAND UP STRAIGHT!! *narrow glare*-you shall prepare the best goshdarn meal this planet has to OFFER! OR SO HELP ME, I will tie you up with my face, and THROW YOU INTO THE BELLOWS OF A BEAR!! Any questions?"
I learned how to make tents that day... I almost died considering I made a tent with tarp.
The next poster thinks I need better material.
Cedar planks work better.
The next poster is craving food from a restaurant not in their state.
Tennessee Barbeque!!!!
The next poster would like to go on a cruise to......?
The closest lake (which is smaller than that salt lake in Utah.) More so for boating, but darnit it's cold now.
The next poster just won a cruise!
Ouch!
The next poster ducks.
Quack.
The next poster feels like a turkey.
Gobble gobble, what a delicious lunch.
The next poster is already enjoying the start of the weekend.
Well, I did burn a vacation day to take the day off!
The next poster has big plans for Columbus Day.
[Some joke about Columbus, driving in the wrong direction and killing off indigenous folk has been omitted for your sanity.]
The next poster believes in political correctness.
Ducks rule, humans drool. (PS, there was ducking, and I wasn't invited? tch tch tch shame! Somebody is going to be a turkey!)
The next poster is conflicted on whether he should just spontaneously turn into a duck or not.
Since I am already a Quack, I don't get why I would turn into a duck, but then the Quack part would be legit, so maybe.
The next poster expected the duck to spontaneously combust.
However, both my vocal back ups and harmonica solo in the dinner scene as the motorcycle riding sidekick, Gravy, were left on the cutting room floor. I'm Hiding In Your Closet's Oscar winning performance as Bullwinkle was also edited out due to copyright infringements. Sadly now fans can not sneak gravy into midnight showings to smear on their bodies while being serenaded by Meatloaf. On the upside, nobody wants to see a moose pull a Time Warp out of its hat.
The next poster can explain the concept of Time Warp.
It's just a jump to the left
And then a step to the right.
Put your hands on your hips
And pull your knees in tight.
But it's the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insane!
Let's do the Time Warp again!
The next poster prefers live screenings of The Room.
It's even funnier when you smoke the Herb first.
YOU'RE TEARING ME APART, LISA!
The next poster is a Bob Marley fan.
I love Bob Marley, Funniest Man on the East Coast
The next poster thought that was very funny.
HA, REAL KNEE SLAPPER THAT!
The next poster thinks jokes are a sign of the looming Mayan Apocalypse.
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In that case, I know how to escape:
I just dress up as Descartes, visit the nearest bar, and when the bartender asks if I'd like a drink, I'll say, "I think not", and *POOF*, I'll disappear!
The next poster is careful to have a grouch installed in every trashcan, wastebasket, and dumpster they regularly use.
I really enjoy hearing "I Love Trash" in three-part harmony.
The next poster has 25GB of data in their computer's trash can/recycle bin.
I'm afraid to look in there...
The next poster forgot their significant other's birthday
I DIDN'T...I mean...I can explain....You see there was this____________ and then the ______________.
The next poster can fill in the blanks.
In that case, I know how to escape:
I just dress up as Descartes, visit the nearest bar, and when the bartender asks if I'd like a drink, I'll say, "I think not", and *POOF*, I'll disappear!
A least he keeps the ratio of ill-conceived thoughts and snot boogers at acceptable levels.
The next poster thinks Randee of the Redwoods should make another run for the White House.
I don't know about president... but he'd be a great running mate on the Vermin Supreme ticket.
The next poster secretly loves political TV ads.
Yep, they make me swing both ways, or at least make me want to take a swing at....
The next poster would rather talk religion than politics.
Good God yes!
The next poster knows everything about religion.
But due to magic, I cannot remember it.
The next poster needs to post more.
I already post a lot, you know.
The next poster will want some tea instead of coffee today.
Brought to you by the letters T & P and the number 270, oops there we go talking politics again.
The next poster will quote a silly movie and apply it to learning life's lessons.
"Mongo just pawn in the game of life", meaning it is important to know ones place.
The next poster will one up me.
"Just remember that wherever you go... there you are." It doesn't get any more real than that!
The next poster wanted to be just like Buckaroo Banzai when he was growing up.
Not sure what a cactus president is, but I'm not thrilled with either of my choices now.
The next poster is all in for_______________
for Predestination.
The next poster will now sing a song.
The next poster is an internet meme.
Hello,I am an Internet MEME.
The next poster will share their Manifesto with us.
I will not!!!!
The next poster must explain why.
Because it is written in gibberish and only makes sense to Opie.
The next poster was asked to proofread someone's manifesto. ( I actually was and said no. )
Arghblraghsakmfpasfawefowaf...that's all I can say about said manifesto.
The next poster is insane.
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If we're going to live in a fair and united world (a "flat Earth" as Thomas Friedman put it), I say we need to ditch the Julian-Gregorian calendar as the standard. Calender-making is a fine art, craft, and science, and the Julian-Gregorian specimen is an absolutely terrible specimen - it has no logical right to its present status in a world where there are countless better ones: Assyrian, Chinese, Aztec, you name it.
The next poster lost a tennis match to a giant extragalactic blancmange.
But I didn't even know how to play...
...the next poster will go on an adventure!