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Need an outlet/Need to vent...
My wife has fibromyalgia which is just pretty awful. The last few weeks have been especially bad for her -- probably due to the rather cold weather we've been having recently -- and so she has just been in incredible pain for far too long. Yet, to her credit, she has still managed to get the kids to school, help them with their homework, do some chores around the house -- all of which we pretty well take for granted as being fairly simple to do.
But I don't really know what she's going through. I watch her going through it every day but I don't really understand. Combine that with just simply not knowing what to do to help her out. I mean, I can't "fix" it. So then I just feel like all I'm doing is just watching her be in pain.
I feel like I have to let her know that I'm thinking about her and her disease (ie: I care) without telling her or bringing it up because she sure knows that she has it. I have to do more around the house without letting her know or else she may feel like she's "worthless". Basically, I need to let her know that I care without letting her know that I'm letting her know that I care. (Or something like that.)
Just feel a little frustrated, tired, and ... well, stupid (because I don't know what I should be doing/saying).
Mostly just using this as a "sound-off board".
Thanks.
What's broke? The class or the player?
** spoiler omitted **
Am I alone?
I am having a very hard time dealing with the summoner in my Kingmaker campaign. Part of this was errors in how he was being played that we have since corrected, part of this is a smart player well min maxed. Part of this is the nature of enemies they've faced - dumb beasts or those unfamiliar with them would be unaware of the fact that it's critical to attack the summoner and not the eidolon. Now that they are a year into ruling their kingdom, they will be facing more intelligent opponents that are aware of their abilities.
Another part of the problem is I have seven PCs, four of whom have pets and all but one of whom have spellcasting abilities.
...
Yeah, I need to rewrite a lot to make things even mildly interesting for them.
Wow. That sounds a lot like my FR groups size. The big group dynamic can be very fun, but it's definitely a challenge for GMs.
Diane and I got to play Kingmaker yesterday, and we did our first 14 months of kingdom building. Her sorceress is the ruler, and she did well with the kingdom building. It's nice to play again after all these years.
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Need an outlet/Need to vent...
** spoiler omitted **
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What's broke? The class or the player?
** spoiler omitted **
Am I alone?
I am having a very hard time dealing with the summoner in my Kingmaker campaign. Part of this was errors in how he was being played that we have since corrected, part of this is a smart player well min maxed. Part of this is the nature of enemies they've faced - dumb beasts or those unfamiliar with them would be unaware of the fact that it's critical to attack the summoner and not the eidolon. Now that they are a year into ruling their kingdom, they will be facing more intelligent opponents that are aware of their abilities.
Another part of the problem is I have seven PCs, four of whom have pets and all but one of whom have spellcasting abilities.
...
Yeah, I need to rewrite a lot to make things even mildly interesting for them.
Wow. That sounds a lot like my FR groups size. The big group dynamic can be very fun, but it's definitely a challenge for GMs.
Diane and I got to play Kingmaker yesterday, and we did our first 14 months of kingdom building. Her sorceress is the ruler, and she did well with the kingdom building. It's nice to play again after all these years.
Yeah. I think in general it's been more fun than not. And while some battles are cakewalks, some have been difficult. So far I think I'm striking a reasonable balance. As levels increase it could get more challenging, however... We'll see if I can keep up. :)
Need an outlet/Need to vent...
** spoiler omitted **
Moff, my wife has fibro, too. She's been dealing with it for years.
It's tough for me to reach the right balance of concern and nagging. I know to expect that she will be in pain (and irritable) whenever the pressure drops.
One thing we have found to help is theraputeic massage from someone familiar with fibro as this can help with problem areas and reduce the pain.
Another thing that helps is getting alot of sleep, though it requires muscle relaxants to get that sleep.
Pain meds are a must, yet she has problems getting prescriptions, either because the doctor only wants to give her anti-depressants or because the insurance company won't approve what she has been prescribed without alot of hop-jumping. She has heard good things about a med called Soma (sp?), but hasn't convinced her doctor to let her try it.
She was refused as a patient by a pain specialist because he doesn't deal with that kind of pain (???). She's seeing a rheumatologist for the fibro now.
We found a cookbook with recipies specifically for fibro suffers, I'll post the title after I get home. I remember it suggests not eating green peppers, but not many other specifics. The thought is certain foods contain elements that either help or hinder the fibro.
Another thing that helps is heat. Her car has heated seats. She has a electric throw blanket she sits under at home.
How long has your wife ben suffering with fibro? And how long has it been since she was diagnosed?
Need an outlet/Need to vent...
** spoiler omitted **
Diane also has fibro too, and combined with her post chemo memory issues this is a huge challenge. I try to remind her of things, but if I remind her of stuff she remembers it seems condescending, and if I don't remind her of stuff it seems unhelpful. Of course it is impossible for me to know what she does or does not remember.
It's incredibly frustrating for her. She is an engineer with 3 masters degrees and a finance background, but I had to take over the household bill paying because of her memory challenges. The meds for fibro and permanent post chemo neuropathy only make things worse, but the alternative is relentless disabling pain.
I think we are the kind of men who want to fix things or at least make them better. It's very hard to see loved ones suffering and know that we are powerless to "fix" it.
I'm not sure what to tell you about dealing with that feeling of helplessness, but if you're not careful you could wind up old and bitter like me.;)
Moff, wish I had something helpful to add. Very sorry for your wife and you. Hang in there; vent as needed. I'll try to find a poodle or something good for you to kick.
Yeah, that works too! :D** spoiler omitted **Need an outlet/Need to vent...
** spoiler omitted **
+1
Yip!
I am waiting Paizo.
*taps foot*
For?
Ah, yeah! No more waiting for me!
Moff, my wife has fibro, too. She's been dealing with it for years.
It's tough for me to reach the right balance of concern and nagging. I know to expect that she will be in pain (and irritable) whenever the pressure drops.
One thing we have found to help is theraputeic massage from someone familiar with fibro as this can help with problem areas and reduce the pain.
Another thing that helps is getting alot of sleep, though it requires muscle relaxants to get that sleep.
Pain meds are a must, yet she has problems getting prescriptions, either because the doctor only wants to give her anti-depressants or because the insurance company won't approve what she has been prescribed without alot of hop-jumping. She has heard good things about a med called Soma (sp?), but hasn't convinced her doctor to let her try it.
She was refused as a patient by a pain specialist because he doesn't deal with that kind of pain (???). She's seeing a rheumatologist for the fibro now.
We found a cookbook with recipies specifically for fibro suffers, I'll post the title after I get home. I remember it suggests not eating green peppers, but not many other specifics. The thought is certain foods contain elements that either help or hinder the fibro.
Another thing that helps is heat. Her car has heated seats. She has a electric throw blanket she sits under at home.How long has your wife ben suffering with fibro? And how long has it been since she was diagnosed?
+1
Sometimes it's hard to know where the line is between being supportive and being a nagging pain. The line is also a moving target depending on how ones SO is feeling.
Does anybody think there is ANY chance of The Wicker Tree being any good? Or will it stink like the remake of the original Wicker Man did? (I'm betting, wretched stench.)
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Need an outlet/Need to vent...
** spoiler omitted **
The Ex and my mother both have been diagnosed with it, and it's not easy. ESPECIALLY since many "health professionals" think it's psychological and not physical (My mom's prescription from the doctor? Anti-depressants.)
The key thing is just to be there. Don't do the laundry for her, but help her fold it and put it away. Don't do the dishes by yourself, but help her do them. It's the little things.
Wait, should I be waiting to? Has something moved and is now waiting to ship? WILL THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD WAIT FOR TOM WAITS?I am waiting Paizo.
*taps foot*
If you have a subscription and it hasn't shipped yet, then yes.
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Moff, my wife has fibro, too. She's been dealing with it for years.
It's tough for me to reach the right balance of concern and nagging. I know to expect that she will be in pain (and irritable) whenever the pressure drops.
One thing we have found to help is theraputeic massage from someone familiar with fibro as this can help with problem areas and reduce the pain.
Another thing that helps is getting alot of sleep, though it requires muscle relaxants to get that sleep.
Pain meds are a must, yet she has problems getting prescriptions, either because the doctor only wants to give her anti-depressants or because the insurance company won't approve what she has been prescribed without alot of hop-jumping. She has heard good things about a med called Soma (sp?), but hasn't convinced her doctor to let her try it.
She was refused as a patient by a pain specialist because he doesn't deal with that kind of pain (???). She's seeing a rheumatologist for the fibro now.
We found a cookbook with recipies specifically for fibro suffers, I'll post the title after I get home. I remember it suggests not eating green peppers, but not many other specifics. The thought is certain foods contain elements that either help or hinder the fibro.
Another thing that helps is heat. Her car has heated seats. She has a electric throw blanket she sits under at home.How long has your wife ben suffering with fibro? And how long has it been since she was diagnosed?
+1
Sometimes it's hard to know where the line is between being supportive and being a nagging pain. The line is also a moving target depending on how ones SO is feeling.
Thanks guys. It's nice to know I'm not alone with how I'm feeling at least.
It also hasn't helped that she's been under a fair amount of stress recently -- kids home on snow/cold days going stir-crazy, our pastor resigning, a friend of hers attempting suicide, a few other things with family/friends.
Sometimes you feel like you need a vacation -- even just a little one -- from life.
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If you have a subscription and it hasn't shipped yet, then yes.Wait, should I be waiting to? Has something moved and is now waiting to ship? WILL THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD WAIT FOR TOM WAITS?I am waiting Paizo.
*taps foot*
Methinks I really need to change my subscription from "Once a Month" to "Ship with AP". :P
Does anybody think there is ANY chance of The Wicker Tree being any good? Or will it stink like the remake of the original Wicker Man did? (I'm betting, wretched stench.)
If you at least keep Nicholas Cage out of it, there's a fighting chance.
Moff, my wife has fibro, too. She's been dealing with it for years.
It's tough for me to reach the right balance of concern and nagging. I know to expect that she will be in pain (and irritable) whenever the pressure drops.
One thing we have found to help is theraputeic massage from someone familiar with fibro as this can help with problem areas and reduce the pain.
Another thing that helps is getting alot of sleep, though it requires muscle relaxants to get that sleep.
Pain meds are a must, yet she has problems getting prescriptions, either because the doctor only wants to give her anti-depressants or because the insurance company won't approve what she has been prescribed without alot of hop-jumping. She has heard good things about a med called Soma (sp?), but hasn't convinced her doctor to let her try it.
She was refused as a patient by a pain specialist because he doesn't deal with that kind of pain (???). She's seeing a rheumatologist for the fibro now.
We found a cookbook with recipies specifically for fibro suffers, I'll post the title after I get home. I remember it suggests not eating green peppers, but not many other specifics. The thought is certain foods contain elements that either help or hinder the fibro.
Another thing that helps is heat. Her car has heated seats. She has a electric throw blanket she sits under at home.How long has your wife ben suffering with fibro? And how long has it been since she was diagnosed?
+1
Sometimes it's hard to know where the line is between being supportive and being a nagging pain. The line is also a moving target depending on how ones SO is feeling.
Thanks guys. It's nice to know I'm not alone with how I'm feeling at least.
** spoiler omitted **...
Moff, I'll get my wife on later to tell ya'll some of the things she's figured out.
I think savella was one of the meds she was on, but I don't remember if it helped her.
Need an outlet/Need to vent...
** spoiler omitted **
Fibro is a difficult disorder to understand for a number of reasons. It is so poorly understood by physicians and that lack of confidence doesn't often translate well to the patient. I also find it is hard to actually express what I am going through to my partner. There isn't a real convenient frame of reference for what is happening.
There has been some good advice here. It is a difficult balance to strike. On one hand, doing things like cleaning the house for her and helping out are wonderful. But if she is like me then she feels powerless as well and wants to be able to do these things. I tend to find I feel better when I get help rather than having someone do something for me. But every situation is different.
I am not familiar with Savella at all as my doctor is trying to treat me with Cymbalta and finding little success. I have pain meds that worked in the past but they are becoming increasingly less useful. And the pain meds I am on come with their own drawbacks. Every person is different when it comes to fibro and treatment. Lately I have seen some articles which seem to indicate that fibro might be a host of issues with similar symptoms. They are being grouped together right now because it isn't clear what is going on. Another group of researchers have stated it might be related to a low pain threshold and sufferers of fibro are simply dealing with pain that most people automatically screen out on a daily basis. I have heard some state diet has helped them feel better, others say light exercise and stretching. There are also a number of vitamins that have provided relief to others. I have made a point of cutting out most of the caffeine in my diet and that seems to have helped. I am trying a few other dietary changes and we will see what happens. Light exercise, especially yoga, is great. But it all comes down to the individual. All one can do is listen to advice from others and keep trying stuff till it works. I don't think anything will ever be perfect though.
It is a difficult thing to tackle, especially since a certain level of hopelessness and depression comes with the disorder. Take care and I will keep you and your wife in my thoughts.
** spoiler omitted **...Need an outlet/Need to vent...
** spoiler omitted **
Tai chi should become the official Fawtly martial art.
I forgot about Allen. And I really want to do Tai Chi and Kendo.
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It's the sign of a good comic strip that I spit coffee through my nose all over my keyboard.
This is in my top 5 xkcds of all time.
Breast milking
Little bobby tables
bobcat eBay
... hmm
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I really don't know how to respond to this "Gang" guy Frankly I'm kinda creeped out.
Jeremy -- I was meaning to ask...
bookmark
I really don't know how to respond to this "Gang" guy Frankly I'm kinda creeped out.Jeremy -- I was meaning to ask...
** spoiler omitted **
During all my work with various gay rights groups, 10% is the number generally quoted. Whether it is accurate or not is up for debate. I can tell you I have only seen lower percentages used by those political organizations who are looking to lessen the impact of the gay community on our culture. Which is not to say that is what you are doing. Please, please, please do not think that is what I think you are saying. I am simply giving you a point of view based on what I have seen with my work in various circles.
However, not every situation is going to see a clear 10%. Some places might favor more or less based on environment or sheer chance. There is also the question of whether someone admits or is open about their homosexuality. Of those 40 in your department, only one is open. Even if all 39 other people in that department are married or in a heterosexual relationship it does not mean they are not homosexual or bisexual. Indeed, I have known many married and closeted guys in my time. The only way to know if someone is gay is if they tell you they are. Of course, it also doesn't mean they are gay. It could just mean the environment doesn't support the average for whatever reason.
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I really don't know how to respond to this "Gang" guy Frankly I'm kinda creeped out.Jeremy -- I was meaning to ask...
** spoiler omitted **
FAL, this is my wife Deborah. Deb, meet the FAWTLy's.
Your wife seems to have a variety of fibro where the vast majority of meds will not work. For me the antidepressants and savella do not work. I am still a major advocate of muscle relaxers. They actually help more than the pain meds do. The one I am on now is zanaflex. It is low dosage since it is very strong. This is not a med you take and expect to function, but it does help particularly at night. Two of the biggest things to do: sleep and eat well. I have found that the better my sleep is the less symptoms I have. Also, I tend to eat alot of vegetables. That helps also. I notice when I am not eating as much veg as I should, I start having major fatigue issues. The ccokbook we found is called The Fibromyalgia Cookbook by Shelley Ann Smith. The biggies with her - no red meat (or very limited as I do), no green peppers, no eggplant, no regular flour (use spelt). I do not do the flour one, but the rest I do. Also, a great website is the Fibromyalgia Network. They have an e-newsletter and it does have great tips in it and numerous resources. I would recommend her checking that out. It sounds like right now she needs a break. If you can, give her a day with no responsibilities. That may do wonders for her. Also, if she just wants someone to e-mail to and discuss this, Niel can give you my e-mail address. I am always happy to lend an ear and try to help. One other weird thing to try - stay away from nutrasweet (aspartame). Aspartame poisoning mimics fibro symptoms and worsen actual fibro symptoms.
Allen - if antidepressants are not working for you then Savella will be of no use since it works in much the same way.
Also, to those about Lyrica - it does work for a few people who generally have milder symptoms, but no one I have talked to with major symptoms have had any relief with it, including me. Also, many people can not tolerate the drug and often can not function on it.
For what it is worth, here is what Gallup says...
http://www.gallup.com/poll/6961/what-percentage-population-gay.aspx
But there are only four more posts to 33,000!
Three now.
Two more.
One more.
Zero more?
Nekkid 33000 for ToTP!