
DM Wellard |

We open in Blood Cove..a more wretched hive of scum and villainy you will not find anywhere in the Mwangi Expanse
N'goka of Okeno
The Ship Jenever, out of Cassomir, has been your home for the past few weeks. Though at first there were mutterings amongst the crew about the 'Mwangi Witch and her Devil Lizard'compounded by the fact that your Raptor ate the ship's cat on the first day out they have come to accept you..your abilitiy to read the winds and sense the weather has been of great use and the passage to Bloodcove has been faster than usual. Add to that the fact that your Companion has shown itself to be a useful gaurdian against rats and your life aboard has been easier since you left the Iner Sea.Now berthed in Bloodcove awaiting cargo and passengers for Sargava the ship's crew are uneasy about heading into what for them are unknown waters. One thing that you don't like about the ship is the fact that they keep a young man chained up in the hold unless he is on duty on deck..this 1/2 orc bastard as the crew always refer to him is called Garth...Gurth..something like thatthough you have had only fleeting moments in which to slip him extra food and water as you pass by.
Tariro
Joao Marcos
Brugga of Slothjaw
Tranz Strurgoth
a Bonuwat Pathfinder venturecaptain,lives in and maintains the lodge, investigating interesting rumors passed along by those aboard the ships
stopping in Bloodcove. She follows up on some rumors herself and imparts the others to Pathfinders traveling through the area..and you are the latest visitor to her domain.She informs you off rumours of a great treasure hidden far to the south in Sargava and tells you that a Taldane ship'The Jenever ' will be setting sail soon for that distant colony
Gareth Marcavius

Brugga of Slothjaw |

Brugga of Slothjaw readily seeks out this ship Jenever, if only to escape the stifling heat for a short while in the breezes of the ocean. She finds the ship, stomps up the ramp and announces to the first poor sailor she sees, "Me Brugga. Brugga want passage on ship. Give Brugga fair price."
Brugga is a tall, tough woman of the far north. What she could be doing in this part of the world you have no idea. She wears a suit of sweaty, smelly hide armour and precious little else, save various leather straps designed to keep her greataxe, huge spear, and smaller throwing spears lashed to her back. A white fox walks at her heels.

Tranz Strurgoth |

Walking leisurely through the city, the Gnome gentleman and author known as Tranz Strurgoth strolls towards the dock, his trusty walking stick helping him along. The scholar loses his balance as one of his 'companions' suddenly knocks his stick away. Sighing heavily and adjusting his fine robes, the Gnome stoops to pick it up once more, ignoring the curious looks of the traffic.
Taking a breather and a seat on a nearby bench, Tranz pulls out his most prized possession- a small, bright red quill made from the feather of a Phoenix.
Dipping the quill carefully into an inkpot and pulling out a fresh sheet of parchment, the author continues to work on his latest novel, a mixture of a journal and a guide to living with the Bleaching disease. He had started this novel only in the last few months, after discovering with some distaste how little-known the disease is among humans and their ilk. It was called 'Prolonging the Inevitable; A Gnome's Struggle and Strife'. Tranz wasn't sure about the title yet, but he could always change that later. Pausing contemplatively to gather his thoughts, Tranz then began to write the latest chapter.
Coming to the cesspit hive known as Blood Cove was an unpleasant experience. I have sampled the foulest tasting ales, gambled away the remainder of the earnings from my last book, and learnt many things about the human physiology that I did not wish to know from buxom tavern wenches.
Still, new experiences are always to be savoured from a sufferer of the Bleaching. As my dear readers will know, my true calling is Lore- Ancient tomes, artifacts, history, geography, magic... And unfortunately I found little of interest in my passion in the rather small Pathfinder lodge located in Blood Cove.
And now I say farewell to this flea sty; for Tranz Strurgoth never rests too long in one place. I sail to Sargava; a distant colony on the Western Edge of Garundi on a fine Taldane ship known as 'The Jenever', no doubt a fine Taldane vessel. To get to Sargava we will need to pass near the Eye of Absalom and sail through Shackle's Pirate territory- two exiting prospects. I am a-shiver with trepidation, i've always been fascinated by pirates...
Putting away his book after hitting writer's block, Tranz continues his slow sojourn towards the Jenever, eventually finding the vessel. Looking around for someone to speak to about transport, Tranz spots a Kellid woman in the garbs of a barbarian. As she demands passage onto the ship, Tranz clears his throat and bows before her, and then speaks.
Tranz Strurgoth at your service my Lady, I am also seeking passage upon this vessel; perhaps you could negotiate on my behalf?

N'goka of Omekai |

Earlier,
N'goka tried, and tried again, to leave Redstripe behind on the ship, but he refused to cooperate, and even when he did stay, he was trembling on the edge of the railing, staring at her and hopping from leg to leg, bursting with an urgent need to come with her. Finally, as always, she caved to the impetuous creatures pleas and motioned for it to come with her into the city. Racing down the gangplank with ridiculously unsafe speed, it was nestled up against her leg and clucking to itself happily as she made her way into the reeking city.
There was no notion of burying one's waste beyond the edges of the community, or sending it downriver. Instead, reeking buckets of human excrement lay next to buildings, or even flowed openly in the streets, all eventually leading to the waters of the bay, explaining the terrible stench at the docks, as if even Great Mother Ocean could not wash away the stink of so many people.
All too aware of the nature of such places, after her experiences in Katapesh and beyond, how cities too followed the ways of the jungle, with predators and prey, she moved with easy confidence, giving a challenging hauty glare to anyone who looked at her as if she was a 'mark.' She kept her shield readied, club at her side, and her other hand free to pat the head of Redstripe whenever he seemed likely to chase off after some small animal or scrap of something that could be eaten.
This town was unlike anywhere she had been since Katapesh, and the assorted slouching sailors, worn out looking women and children with too-measuring glances didn't seem as surprised to see a tall dark woman with a small dinosaur at her side, as they were in 'worldlier' ports like Cassomir. Either that, or they, too, knew that to stare overlong at a passerby was an invitation for violence.
She finally found the fishhooks and line she sought, having been frustrated by the loss of her previous hooks and line to various and sundry encounters too much for the line to bear, and stopped only to avail herself of some sort of heavily-spiced 'meat pie' from a street vendor, as well as some seasoned flatbread, goat cheese and dubious looking turnips. All but the greasy meat pie went into her pack, and Redstripe was very attentive on the steaming pastry in her free hand as they travelled back to the ship.
Catching up now,
Atop the gangplank, a tall warrior-woman stood, with a prodigious greataxe slung over her back, loudly calling something about booking passage, and a tiny little man, like a child in adult's clothing, complete with tiny fitted backpack, came up alongside her. N'goka had seen plenty of halflings since leaving home, and come to understand that they were not merely short men, but an entire people of their own, but she still found the sight of them amusing, and had learned the hard way not to mention this...
Boarding the ship behind the newcomers, she suddenly feels a sense of dangerous curiosity from Redstripe, and says quickly, No! before he launches himself at the small fox he's just noticed. She takes the meat pie and waves it in front of him and sets it down on the opposite side of the ship from the newcomers and their strange little dog, to keep him distracted, while she produces a turnip for her own breakfast, calling upon the tiny spirit within the sad and tired-looking vegetable, and refreshing it with a surge of vital energy, causing the bruised vegetable to firm up and become fresh again, before taking a crunchy bite from it.
purify food & drink
Redstripe's attention diverted, she turns to the newcomers, The captain may be ashore, purchasing ale or something. If you seek passage, perhaps you should wait here.
Remembering what little manners she has, I am N'goka, of the Okeno. I am also a passenger on this ship. She nods brusquely, but does not offer a hand, continuing to eat her turnip, while shrugging her shield and backpack off.

Tariro |

So that was the ship. Taking position among a pile of crates Tariro watched the ship from her concealed position. She saw the woman leave the ship with the dangerous Raptor in tow. She had heard of people who made friends of animals, and her best friend was her toad, but to make friends with such a dangerous creature. Her spirit must be strong indeed.
She had to find a way to get on board this vessel. It was much too dangerous here. Only this morning she had been nearly Shanghaied aboard that Orc piloted vessel that pulled out earlier. They said I would be a cook...right probably they meant cooked. A quick taste of flame put them off though. She was also down to only a few coins, though she didn't completely understand their value. But they were much easier to use to buy things than the small sack of pretty stones she had traded for them. And though she didn't mind sneaking around for warm places to sleep, keeping her pony stabled was costing her a fortune.
So how to get the ship to take her aboard, along with a Pony? Just as she was ready to approach the ship to try and bargain or beg herself aboard, she saw a large pale skinned woman approach the ship, and begin booming out demands. Then she saw a small being approach her leaning on a stick for support. "I think I've seen him before" she thinks to herself. "He walks about the city, and scratches on some funny paper with a beautiful red firebird feather".
Maybe I'll watch for a while and see what happens.

Gareth Marcavius |

99 goblin raiders in the town, 99 goblin raiders. Cut one down, kick it around, 98 goblin raiders in the town...
...
...
sigh...this sucks...
The half-orc sat, like he did every day, waiting for them to have him do some labor intensive or humiliating task. He couldn't wait for the ship to sail again, then he would be able to lose himself in the work. The abuse from the crew didn't bother him that much (heck he was used it) but sitting chained up having a staring contest with the hull, that is maddening. He stared down at his bindings, each day more tempting than the last to attempt to break free. Assuming he even could escape his bonds all it would lead to was more trouble.
He leaned back against the bulkhead and closed his eyes, hoping that this time he would be able to get some sleep before a crew member woke him up. Man was he hungry.
Then he remembered the nice lady that snuck him food. The one with the what-zit-saur and the hard to pronounce name. Was it Enghoqa? Weird... Maybe she could help him? The crew seemed to respect and possibly even fear her. Maybe she could talk to the captain and work something out for him? Next time she saw him, he'd muster up the courage to talk to her. Plead his case, beg even...
...heh
What a great adventurer you have become Gareth! A slave whom is forced to beg a strange woman to free him. Your mother would be proud!
and with that, Gareth adjusted himself into a bit less uncomfortable position and nodded off.

N'goka of Omekai |

Ignore any previous references to her tribe as 'the Okeno.' I just found out it was the name of some town in Katapesh. So now it's the 'Omekai.' Translation error. Darn polyglot. :)
Taking advantage of the distraction provided by the tall woman and the short man, N'goka finishes takes another bite from her turnip and quietly walks down the stairs out of sight, producing her second and third turnips, as well as the bread, from her pack, and bringing them to the half-orc in the hold.
She sings softly to the spirits, freshening up the sorry-looking turnips, and then hands them to the captive without a comment, after making sure that none of the crew are present to see.
Hesitating for a moment, she turns to leave, concerned that Redstripe will finish his meat pie and do something impulsive, perhaps to that small dog-creature, if she leaves him alone too long, although she can sense through the mental link that he hasn't finished yet...

N'goka of Omekai |

Checking that the unlucky crewman who didn't get to go ashore is still distracted by the newcomers, she regards the half-orc, Do you need something? We will be in town for at least another hour or so, I can go and aquire something for you. She glances around, more for show than anything else, since she knows they are alone. A lockpick, perhaps...

DM Wellard |

Above Decks...
The sun continues to rise towards it's zenith the day grows hotter and Vix seeks the shelter of whatever shade is afforded by the goods stacked on the dock.
Various members of the crew make their way back to the ship over the next hour or so..some obviously drunk..others less so one or two carried by two or theee companions. Some but not all wave goodbye to giggling whores of all sorts before making their way up the gangplank and back on board

Tranz Strurgoth |

Brugga loosens pieces of her hide armour, oblivious to the lack of modesty this shows, as she seeks to escape some of the heat. How some place so alien could exist in the same world as her home continues to amaze her.
Tranz clears his throat loudly, clearly offended that the lady had not deigned to answer him.

Brugga of Slothjaw |

Brugga of Slothjaw wrote:Brugga loosens pieces of her hide armour, oblivious to the lack of modesty this shows, as she seeks to escape some of the heat. How some place so alien could exist in the same world as her home continues to amaze her.Tranz clears his throat loudly, clearly offended that the lady had not deigned to answer him.
Gosh, sorry that wasn't intended. Brugga isn't like that at all, I just didn't see that little tail on your post.
Brugga would have tagged something like, "and fair price for little man here too" with her initial request, and then something like, "Come little man, we sit on dock, wait for captain to come."

Tranz Strurgoth |

Tranz Strurgoth wrote:Brugga of Slothjaw wrote:Brugga loosens pieces of her hide armour, oblivious to the lack of modesty this shows, as she seeks to escape some of the heat. How some place so alien could exist in the same world as her home continues to amaze her.Tranz clears his throat loudly, clearly offended that the lady had not deigned to answer him.Gosh, sorry that wasn't intended. Brugga isn't like that at all, I just didn't see that little tail on your post.
Brugga would have tagged something like, "and fair price for little man here too" with her initial request, and then something like, "Come little man, we sit on dock, wait for captain to come."
No worries I suspected that might be the case, but thought id keep it IC
The distinguished little Gnome smiles and replies
Very well my lady.
The Gnome pulls out a small book, and sighs in disgust as an invisible force knocks it from his grasp. Stooping to pick it up, Tranz finds a seat with Brugga and says-
Please my lady, address me as Tranz. What shall I call you, oh boon companion?
Glancing at the woman but with no judgement in his eyes Tranz smiles softly and says in a soft voice
Dare I ask? Your clothes and bearing speak of many tales. As an author, I would be eager to hear these tales and to record them.
Tranz pulls out a fresh sheet of parchment and a beautiful red gold feather quill, and eagerly awaits Brugga's tales. He clearly assumes she will regale her tales to him, and his voice speaks of authority and being accustomed to others indulging him.

Tariro |

Tariro, not really understanding how this whole thing works, simply joins one of the returning bands of sailors, and walks alongside them onto the ship.
It appears to her that if you want to go on-board you simply do so. The only thing unusual about her approach is the fact she is leading a small grey pony behind her.

Gareth Marcavius |

Do you need something? We will be in town for at least another hour or so, I can go and aquire something for you. She glances around, more for show than anything else, since she knows they are alone. A lockpick, perhaps...
Ahh... Well umm... I-I'm not sure if I would be able to lock the pick... Gareth looks down at at his bindings. B-but maybe if you can get a guard to give up a key... O-or to talk to the captain... Con-convince him...or something....sigh. He hangs his head in frustration.

Gareth Marcavius |

Checking that the unlucky crewman who didn't get to go ashore is still distracted by the newcomers, she regards the half-orc, Do you need something? We will be in town for at least another hour or so, I can go and aquire something for you. She glances around, more for show than anything else, since she knows they are alone. A lockpick, perhaps...
Ahh... Umm... I-I'm not sure I'd be able to lock the pick... Gareth looks down at his bindings. Bu-But if you could get a key from the crew... O-or talk to the Captain... Con-convince him... or something...sigh. He hangs his head in frustration.
Do you think if I were to attempt to force my way free, would it make matters worse...
How do Gareth's binding work exactly? In-case he does decide to attempt to break out.

N'goka of Omekai |

I will arrange something. Do not despair, and do not do anything to provoke them. N'goka says, hearing the sounds of the crew returning, she places her hand on the half-orcs cheek and leans close to whisper, Once we are at sea, and their food and water supplies are subject to my witchery, then I may be in a better position to barter for your freedom.
Louder she says, Eat quickly now, the crew returns.
And she heads back topside, making sure that Redstripe has not gotten himself into any trouble in her absence (although she likely would have sensed it through her link, if he had), standing in the doorway to the hold, apparently 'unintentionally' blocking access for a time, so that the prisoner can wolf down the food she has brought him.
Redstripe has finished the meat-pie, and is making a strange sound halfway between a cluck and a honk at the small dog, although he remains at the opposite side of the ship, as if either attempting to talk to it, or simply trying to provoke or intimidate it for his own strange entertainment...

DM Wellard |

Gareth..you are collared and shackled to the bulkhead by a chain that gives you enough space to reach a slop bucket(about 4 feet of chain)
Tariro..Your pony balks a little as you head up the gangplank. You pass the loud woman and the tiny man as he pulls another sheet of skin from his pouch.
"'Ere 'ere..ya caint brang that baste on boord Mizz" one of the sailors sputters in an accent you can barely understand "we 'baint got no room fer horses"
You spot a largish Lizard lying on the deck eating something that looks like a pie. It eyes your pony malevolently.

Joao Marcos |
When his fitful doze was interrupted yet again by sound of yet another heavy thump and some scuffling, Joao sighed quietly and rose, collecting his items without preamble. If it was not scuffles in midday, it was the screeching of the whores at night. Morning brought its own set of noises, all of them seemingly timed to prevent any decent span of rest, which was aided by the heat. The heat was a wet, sticky thing that rose, just barely, with the sun, but couldn't be bothered to fully evaporate. Through it all were the insects.. Large, varied, and inevitably hungry. Never before had he needed to resort to stabbing an insect, and never before had he seen one big enough to require the point of a dagger to hasten its demise!
He had come here by another ship, the stories of shaman and their abilities having caught his interest, but this was their only port before returning. It should have been easy enough to find another ship headed south, but by virtue of the town itself probably, it had been several days before he had word. In this case, he would make an exception. This one was just as good as the other.
Joao stuffed his cloak into his pack, the weather too hot for leather and yet another drape of cloth, settling for the hat to keep the sun out of his eyes. Everything secured, he vacated the inn, making his way towards the docks. On the way, he purchased a large gourd of a variety of mixed juices from a merchant, one of the few redeeming things about this place in his eyes.
It was not hard to find the ship, and from the looks of it, it was getting ready to leave fairly soon.. Well, as soon as the captain showed. It looked like he was not present yet.

DM Wellard |

Joao...A number of Vignettes catch your eye as you approach the ship. A Tall Blonde woman wearing not much more than a suit of somewhat revealing hide armour with a dark furred fox lying at her feet is talking to a well dressed gnome on the dockside. A dark skinned Halfling woman stands at the top of the gangplank her hand holding the halter of a pony.
You barely have time to take in the scene when a Man who appears to be the captain appears. He doesn't look the happiest man in the world.
Everyone...
"Get the ship ready to sail." he snaps at the crewmen. "We leave on the evening tide and I want to be as far as I can from this sinkhole in the Morning"
He chucks a bundle of cloth at one of the sailors.."Run that up the foremast halliards..it's our safe passage and it cost me more than I liked..buit at least the Brotherhood won't be bothering us"
He looks around at each off you.
"If you want to take passage to Sargava the charge is 10 gold..12 if you want me to feed you on the voyage."
He looks at Tariro's pony.."We haven't got any feed for horses onboard but if you can get enough for a weeks feed in three hours then I'll take it otherwise it stays behind..and you pay 5 gold for the hold space and are responsible for cleaning up after it"

Tranz Strurgoth |

My good Captain, I have only three gold pieces to my name; but in exchange for passage at this reduced price, I will endeavour to present both your fine self and your beautiful ship in the best possible light in my newest novel. In addition to this, I can pay you the remaining 7 gold pieces once I receive my next commission from the Pathfinder society.
1d20 + 4 ⇒ (20) + 4 = 24 Diplomacy Check

DM Wellard |

The Captain considers Tranz's offer then hands him a rolled up sheet of parchment
"A Pathfinder ar you, can you read this chart?..I'm short handed and a second navigator would be useful especially in these waters. If you can then I'll give you free passage ..the same goes for all off you if you have skills I can use I'll sign you on as ships company until we get to Sargava and discount your wages against your fare"
I did some working out and it would take just under 5 days to get to Eledor( the capital of Sargava) from Bloodcove given perfect conditions... This means the captain would reckon on 6 to 8 day

DM Wellard |

The Captain nods and turns to a burly man who stands at the bottom of the stairs leading up to the quarterdeck "Mr Tranter..have this gentleman signed on the books..rate him as Masters Mate"
Hids lips purse as he seems to come to a decision.."Dammit" he snaps "I'll take you if all you can do is pull on a rope..free passage to anyone prepared to work for it"

Tariro |

It was only 5 gold for the pony..but the captain will send someone ashore to buy food for it now..and he'll still make a profitwhich being Taldane is what he's most concerned with
"You're hired..see Mr Tranter to sign on" the Captain says.
The 10 gp was for Tariro's passage. She was doing healing to pay for the pony...but I guess it really doesn't matter either way

Joao Marcos |
With a pair of daggers on his belt, two more strapped across his chest with different color hilts, a crossbow hanging from one side of his pack, and the hilt of a bar mace showing over his shoulder, he may have been a bit imposing. If he adopted a couple of bad habits, he might even qualify as an "unsavory" sort of fellow.. However, Joao was prepared to pay, currently curious at the minor menagerie of creatures that came with this assortment of travelers.
That is, he was, until the captain made his declaration, then he stepped up to the captain and offered a hand to shake in greeting, though he skipped the smile. This was business. "Joao", he said by way of introduction, his Varisian accent coloring his Common. "I can aid the Halfling with healing, provide knowledges that the Pathfinder may not, else pull ropes with the rest."

DM Wellard |

Gareth...
Two crewmen carrying come into the hold.One has a belaying pin and the other a loaded crossbow As you have come to expect, they unlock the collar and motion you above.
"Remember, Orcy boy" one mumbles through a mouthful of rotten teeth "We'm be watching you, one step outer place and you'm be going ter th' seabed".

Gareth Marcavius |

Gareth...
Two crewmen carrying come into the hold.One has a belaying pin and the other a loaded crossbow As you have come to expect, they unlock the collar and motion you above.
"Remember, Orcy boy" one mumbles through a mouthful of rotten teeth "We'm be watching you, one step outer place and you'm be going ter th' seabed".
Finally..."Understood."
Gareth lets them lead him above deck...

Gareth Marcavius |

Gareth Squints his eyes due to the blaring sun, which he has not seen since the ship docked here.
Finally, fresh air and able to move around!
He looks around, taking in all of his surroundings, and sees a strange group of people along with the captain walking onto the ship.
Could that be a group of adventurers? They remind me of that group that came through my hometown that one time...They even have a gnom...
Gareth's thoughts are cut off as the sailor yanks on the chain around his neck (oww...)and leads him away to his work.

DM Wellard |

The Captain nods and tells you all to get signed on the books which the mate,Tranter, does. The next 3-4 hours are full off confusion as the crew load the remaining cargo winch Tariro'somewhat perplexed pony down into the hold and, amidst a flurry of strange sounding and seemingly contradictory orders, finally set sail..the ship moves slowly away from the dock under topsails only and then as it clears land into the main channel of the harbour the order comes to "Let fall the main courses". With a crack of canvas the sails fill and you are properly under way

Brugga of Slothjaw |

Brugga was not lying when she said she was a hard worker. Alas, the ocean breeze does little to ease the oppressive heat she's feeling, and she soon doffs her hide armour, which leaves her little more than a loin cloth about her waist. Her nakedness doesn't seem to bother her and it exposes a torso complete with many scars.
She is very disparaging of any of the men folk who act like they've never seen a woman before.

Gareth Marcavius |

Ahh the sea breeze, a lot better than being cooped up in the hold. Now if only I could do something about these...
Gareth looked sadly at his bindings.
As Gareth constantly worked hard on the ship, he used what little free time he had to observe these people he assumed to be adventurers. However, the one that seemed to catch his eye the most, was the half naked female, who was working harder than any crewman on the ship. Besides that fact that she was a woman and naked, which was a huge contributing factor to Gareth's observation, The fact that this did not seem to be bothered by her nakedness amazed Gareth.
How can she act so natural when she is n-naked like that? Hell, I'm embarrassed when people look at me fully clothed!
He felt the scar on his face...
...What would it be like to have scars I could be proud of...

Joao Marcos |
Once they got out of the harbor, Joao removes his armor and shirt, much in the manner of Brugga, as if doing so was going to help relieve the heat any. He was thankful that he did not have as much body hair as some of his cousins. If that were the case, he likely would have been hesitant to venture this far south. Stowing his equipment in whatever space was available for him, there was no hesitation in working shoulder to shoulder with Brugga, giving her a hand. He was far more focused on the work, having seen work performed on a ship, but not having been close enough --or required, in this case-- to learn.
He did envy her the loincloth. Thanks to his breeches, he was probably going to have to pour the sweat out of his boots when the shift was done.

N'goka of Omekai |

N'goka grabs a cup and brings water to those working, while also pitching in a hand. As each person drinks, she holds her hand over the cup and a cloud forms, raining fresh water into the cup over and over, so that it never runs dry, no matter how thirsty the crew, even the ones who insist on splashing it on their face.
She laughs as Slugga asks why Gareth is in chains. His name is Gareth, and the little men are afraid of his strength.

Gareth Marcavius |

Gareth's Greenish gray skin turns beet red.
Umm...ahhh...I ah...
...
...Th-thank you Engoka...Umm... I-I was wrongfa-fully accused o-of staring a b-bar fight a-and the jailer il-illegally s-sold me to the ca-captain as a s-slave...C-could you p-p-please stop doing that...Its...Di-distracting...
...and embarrassing...