I just thought I'd mention this here, as it seems to be a revolutionary concept for some folks.
Is Amends some kind of pie, I like pie.
Is Amends some kind of pie, I like pie.
No, that's almonds - it's "Make Almonds".
It seems I'm always making amends whether or not it's my fault.
I just thought I'd mention this here, as it seems to be a revolutionary concept for some folks.
Way to lead by example.
A-mends!
Don't you dare guilt me. DON'T YOU DARE!
I just thought I'd mention this here, as it seems to be a revolutionary concept for some folks.
What's this all about? You're not thinking life is too short and precious to waste on grudges, are you? Or that fantasy games and interweb forums are silly things to get upset about? Or even that people can take the high road, set aside hard feelings, and reach out to others to make up? Danged hippie.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.... mwahauh? I'm awake...
I don't think it worked.
*Comes in dragging chalkboard*
8leaves*
*Reenters with piece of chalk*
*Starts writing "I will not smurfspam a Civil Religious Discussion" fifty times*
::Erases "nots" from KC's smurfy chalkboard.
Well, when dealing with women; if you a guy your always wrong; so best to just suck it up and say your sorry even if your not sure what your supposed to be sorry about; make amends and be sincere about it or they tend to nag you to death; so do it soon as and save yourself some grief. Dont worry none about right and wrong or any of that; just listen empathically; make amends and get on with living; fail in this; and you will be living alone; your choice. Mine; make amends soon as.
Well, when dealing with women; if you a guy your always wrong; so best to just suck it up and say your sorry even if your not sure what your supposed to be sorry about; make amends and be sincere about it or they tend to nag you to death; so do it soon as and save yourself some grief. Dont worry none about right and wrong or any of that; just listen empathically; make amends and get on with living; fail in this; and you will be living alone; your choice. Mine; make amends soon as.
See, I just can't buy into this. It could be that I just had an argument with my wife that I'm a little prickly, but she refuses to apologize for anything- why should I?
I think in your spell components of needle and thread; the needle has to be real iron and the thread, dried catguy; try that...
I don't think it worked.
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Well, when dealing with women; if you a guy your always wrong; so best to just suck it up and say your sorry even if your not sure what your supposed to be sorry about; make amends and be sincere about it or they tend to nag you to death; so do it soon as and save yourself some grief. Dont worry none about right and wrong or any of that; just listen empathically; make amends and get on with living; fail in this; and you will be living alone; your choice. Mine; make amends soon as.See, I just can't buy into this. It could be that I just had an argument with my wife that I'm a little prickly, but she refuses to apologize for anything- why should I?
To stay married. ;)
well; Freehold and anyone else.; it is simple; do you want peace; a hug and kiss or not? The thing here is that what you think is the issue and what she thinks is the issue are more than likely way off; we guys think completely different than women and about completely different things; so what she and you are sharing an arguement about; you might think is as simple as not taking the trash out even though its overflowing; well; some people lump all their pent up issues all into one arguement so your dealing with feelings and emotions and resonance of anger from things you had no idea you were discussing. Women are multitaskers; and multitasking emotions; well, we guys just dont do that much; we have feelings sure; but usually one or two at a time and we pretty much do one or two task type thoughts at a time; so basically; you probably, like me, and like most guys; have no idea what your significant other is really argueing about.
So why do it when the other person will not. You basically have two choices. Keep throwing comments on each other until your both so emotionally pent up and exhausted you cant look at each other or even want to; which I refer to as "juicing it" after all; arguements are genearly about payoff; so since each of you has a hurt feeling; you feel the other should do X to make amends. Yet your caring and concern; empathy and love has been wounded; so this becomes really hard to do. It is all Ego; there is what you want; and what you have. you can stay with what you have and all the hurt and discontent therein; or decide to choose to create what you want. I pretty sure what we all want is peace and love and caring and like that. The only way to get there is make amends. So how do you do that when you Ego is telling you things of entitlement; ie; you deserve to be treated like x or require x to do y. Best I can suggest about making amends is that the other person really does care about you; after all; if they didnt care; why would they even be there or even spend the energy to argue with you. So; we all; guys and girls; gotta battle are ego and stop getting so inflamed and try to become less agressive communicators; that will take a lot of anger and rejection out of the arguement and make it a lot easier to learn what the other is feeling and make amends.
We basically want to all be heard; loved; respected. I suggest one of the best ways to make amends is to never speak to your significant other using the word You. That word is almost always in a the formula You equals X; thus; You are mean; You dont care; you label label label; which just gets everyone angry as they get spit back and forth. Choose a time and let her talk about her feelings; dont talk about any of your feelings during this time; dont let it become a competition. Just focus on her. You can set up a time for yourself later; separated by many hours or a day or so.
So; if you wife says something like: you dont listen, instead of getting inflamed because of the agressive language; ask sincere questions; after all; this is your loved one; you do care; you love that person; so ask; something in a nuetral tone; caring tone if you can manage it; say something like:
My beloved, I hear you say I dont listen; what do you need from me to feel heard. Now; she may say things you find insulting; no biggie; dont listen for that; try to crack the code; listen for things you can do something about; like; you walk away from me when I am talking to you; you just stand their and look at me like I am stupid; you dont take me seriously. Each of these have a root cause; so for the first one; you can just say and do: ok; I hear you; I will try to do better and stop what I am doing and come closer with better focus so I can see and hear you without distraction. Heck we would all like that right; so give that respect. For the second; rather than getting upset; look into it; I hear that you dont think I am listening; I will do my best to nod; and give you positive feedback that I am getting what your saying and ask simple questions if I get lost; this is my gift to you my love. For the third; hmm; you need more information; say, I hear that you dont feel I take you seriously; (this wording is critical; always talk about a feeling; not a judgement;) Dont say; I feel I do take you seriously; this wont help; this starts a competition; and you know you do take her seriously; she just doesnt know it; so try: I am not sure what I am doing that give you feelings of not being taken seriously and I dont want that to continue; could you please tell me what I can do better about this?
Pretty much all arguements have patterns; if you having pattern behaviour; try to look for it.
Why make amends; you will live longer and more joyfully without all the stress. I am not saying I am an expert on any of this; am just trying to help; been studying this for a few years and this is some of what I have learned and it really seems to be helping in my relationships.
seems to be; just dont know why; seems like any normal person would realize that continued pestering, nagging; complaining doesnt fix anything and certainly makes things much worse.
seems to be; just dont know why; seems like any normal person would realize that continued pestering, nagging; complaining doesnt fix anything and certainly makes things much worse.
You obviously do not follow american politics.
Valegrim, thank you so much for your thoughts. The argument is over for now, but I'm still a little miffed. What you said made sense, and while I love studying interpersonal relations, its hard to apply what one learns to oneself when emotions are getting heated.
I just thought I'd mention this here, as it seems to be a revolutionary concept for some folks.What's this all about? You're not thinking life is too short and precious to waste on grudges, are you? Or that fantasy games and interweb forums are silly things to get upset about? Or even that people can take the high road, set aside hard feelings, and reach out to others to make up? Danged hippie.
If you knew him in real life Hippie would never cross your mind. Ever.
If you knew him in real life Hippie would never cross your mind. Ever.I just thought I'd mention this here, as it seems to be a revolutionary concept for some folks.What's this all about? You're not thinking life is too short and precious to waste on grudges, are you? Or that fantasy games and interweb forums are silly things to get upset about? Or even that people can take the high road, set aside hard feelings, and reach out to others to make up? Danged hippie.
I have relatives who became hippies and raised a whole tribe. Does that count? : )
Is Amends some kind of pie, I like pie.No, that's almonds - it's "Make Almonds".
There is another??? Another Fishy to bring the awesomeness of Fishyness to the Airbreathing Surface Dwelling Scum.
Fishy brother raise your fin in rage, that the airbreathers may known fear.
>lifts fin< Fishys of the forum unite, TIER FISHY!!!
To stay married. ;)Well, when dealing with women; if you a guy your always wrong; so best to just suck it up and say your sorry even if your not sure what your supposed to be sorry about; make amends and be sincere about it or they tend to nag you to death; so do it soon as and save yourself some grief. Dont worry none about right and wrong or any of that; just listen empathically; make amends and get on with living; fail in this; and you will be living alone; your choice. Mine; make amends soon as.See, I just can't buy into this. It could be that I just had an argument with my wife that I'm a little prickly, but she refuses to apologize for anything- why should I?
TO STAY MARRIED!!! What kind of sick monkey are you?!? Mr. Fishy wouldn't stop dieing to stay married. Mr. Fishy has told is Trollop more than once,
>fade to black, lights come up on Mr. Fishy's oldest guppy<
DaDa was like a wild beast kept to long, freedom, long unremembered dream was at last his."
>Mr. Fishy swimming like the Gulf Stream<
Mr. Fishy is of the school of though of Mr. Fishy is bigger and meaner than you. Plus he can go longer without food, sleep, or air.
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To stay married. ;)Well, when dealing with women; if you a guy your always wrong; so best to just suck it up and say your sorry even if your not sure what your supposed to be sorry about; make amends and be sincere about it or they tend to nag you to death; so do it soon as and save yourself some grief. Dont worry none about right and wrong or any of that; just listen empathically; make amends and get on with living; fail in this; and you will be living alone; your choice. Mine; make amends soon as.See, I just can't buy into this. It could be that I just had an argument with my wife that I'm a little prickly, but she refuses to apologize for anything- why should I?TO STAY MARRIED!!! What kind of sick monkey are you?!? Mr. Fishy wouldn't stop dieing to stay married. Mr. Fishy has told is Trollop more than once,
>fade to black, lights come up on Mr. Fishy's oldest guppy<
DaDa was like a wild beast kept to long, freedom, long unremembered dream was at last his.">Mr. Fishy swimming like the Gulf Stream<
Mr. Fishy is of the school of though of Mr. Fishy is bigger and meaner than you. Plus he can go longer without food, sleep, or air.
With all the oil in the gulf right now this not the best analogy Mr Fishy.